I wake up with a woman I don't know lying next to me.
That happens a lot.
I blink, and stare at her as she comes into focus. I don't remember her. My head pounds as I get out of bed. I have to stop drinking so much.
"Richard," the girl says, following me out of my room, into the kitchen.
I turn around, annoyed. Why is she still here?
"What?" I ask in a tired voice.
She frowns, looking confused.
"Well-" she starts, but I cut her off.
"Are you leaving now?" I ask irritably.
She gasps.
"Do you even remember my name?" she asks angrily.
I frown. Marlene? Maureen? Marla?
"Yeah, it's…it's Marlene," I guess.
She stares at me in disgust, slaps me right across the face, and storms to the door.
"It's Andrea," she says angrily, before slamming the door.
Jackson watches her go with mild interest, and then laughs at me. I touch my hand to my stinging face, scowling.
"Who was she?" I ask Jackson.
He shrugs.
"Never seen her before," he says.
Me neither.
Three hours later, I'm sitting in the prison interrogation room with Gallaso.
"I already told you," Gallaso murmurs sadly. "I just wanted to help the guy. He was dying."
"But how did you help him?" I ask.
"I asked him not to go."
"You asked him not to go? You must've done something else."
"Reiben… I asked him to stay, that's all."
"We shot him twice," I whisper angrily. "Twice. He was bleeding to death. You leaned down and you did something, and then he just got up and walked away."
"I asked him if he would stay," Gallaso says stubbornly.
I sigh, frustrated, but Gallaso still won't talk. I run my hand through my hair, and decide to take a different approach. I'll just start from the beginning.
"He stopped bleeding because you asked him to stay. Fine. But how did you escape?"
"Escape?" he asks, as if he doesn't remember doing it.
"How did you get out of your cell, Gallaso?"
He looks at me in bewilderment.
"It wasn't locked," he said simply.
I freeze. This changes things. Now the question isn't how he got out… it's who let him out.
"We locked all the cells before we left. Did the night guard let you out? Was it Mikowski?"
"No. It wasn't locked. It just slid open."
"That's not possible."
"How do you know that?"
"Because I locked your cell before I left!" I say angrily. "There's no way you could've gotten out unless someone opened the door for you. Who opened it, Gallaso? Who opened your cell?"
Gallaso just stares at me.
"Was it Mikowski?" I ask. He shakes his head.
"Was it a night guard?"
He shakes his head again. And slowly it starts to make sense to me. It wasn't a night guard. There's only two Q-tier day guards. And I didn't let Gallaso out.
"Did Jackson let you out?" I ask quietly.
But Gallaso just shakes his head again. Jackson comes into the room, glaring at me.
"Then who let you out?" I ask angrily. I've been sitting in this interrogation room for an hour, and I still have no idea what happened the other night.
"Reiben… you did."
My world stops. Gallaso moves, Jackson shouts something, there's a gunshot, but it just floats by me slowly. Because I let a murderer out of his cell.
A third man enters the room, holding a gun, but I can only focus on one important fact. I don't remember opening the cell. Which either means that I didn't let Gallaso out… or I tricked myself into thinking that I hadn't opened the cell. And if I let a murderer run out into the streets of New York, what else could I have done?
"Reiben!" Jackson shouts.
I snap back to the present, and suddenly everything registers. I stand up and edge over to the back wall, where Jackson's standing. Gallaso stands at the door, facing a man with a gun. I feel the blood drain from my face. This is the end. He'll shoot Gallaso, then us. I can't breathe.
"Where's the boy?" the man shouts.
No one answers.
"Where's the boy?" he shouts again.
"What boy?" I ask hoarsely.
"Fletcher! Where's Fletcher?"
Fletcher. My heart skips a beat, but then I remember. Fletcher boy. Not Elizabeth Fletcher.
"…Which Fletcher?" I ask.
The man crosses the room to stand directly in front of me and presses his gun into my chest.
"You know who I am?" he asks me quietly.
The fear is gone now, replaced with survival instincts, and a lifetime of watching gang murders tells me that this man is an assassin.
That means two things. First, that he's not after any of us. If he was, we'd already be dead. And second, he's not afraid to get his hands dirty. Which means that if he doesn't think he needs us, he'll kill the three of us right now. Assassins don't like witnesses. So we have to make him think he can't find Fletcher without us.
"You're a hit man," I say calmly.
"Now, I'm gonna ask you again. Where's Fletcher?"
"…I know a lot of Fletchers," I say slowly.
He shoves his pistol harder against my chest.
"Russell Fletcher," he hisses. "Sixteen. Tall. Blond. Blue eyes. Ring a bell?"
Before I can stop myself, my mouth opens slightly in surprise. Russell is Elizabeth's cousin. I snap my mouth shut again, but it's too late.
"Where is he?" the man snaps. "You hiding him somewhere?"
And just like that, I'm trapped. Honestly, I have no idea where the hell Russell might be. I looked, when we first got back to New York. For the first few months, every blond haired kid looked like Elizabeth or Russell to me. But I never found them. And eventually I started asking myself why I even wanted to find them. They left, both of them. Left us to die. And I never want to see them again. So, finally, I stopped looking. And I just gave up.
But if I don't tell this guy where Russell is, he'll shoot me. And if I make up a place, he'll go there, realize I'm lying, then come back and shoot me.
I'm trying to decide what to do, when Gallaso does that thing with his eyes again, and I can't look away.
"Pennsylvania," Gallaso says. "Russell Fletcher's in Pennsylvania."
"And his accomplice?" the man with the gun asks.
"Accomplice?"
"The girl," the man with the gun says impatiently. "Fifteen? Blond?"
That could be anyone. I don't know exactly how old Elizabeth is. I don't know if Elizabeth and Russell are still accomplices. It could be anyone. Anyone.
"She's a real pain in the ass," the guy says. "Never shuts up."
Yeah, that's Elizabeth.
"Pennsylvania," Gallaso says again. "They're both in Pennsylvania."
"Where?"
"Indian Head. Indian Head, Pennsylvania. I don't have an address."
Another man walks in the door holding a gun.
"Don't shoot them," he says to the first man. "We don't want to leave a blood trail. By the time they get to the cops, Fletcher will already be dead."
The first man reluctantly follows the second guy through the door. The outer door of the prison slams and a car pulls away.
"Are they really in Pennsylvania?" Jackson asks quietly.
Gallaso nods.
"How the hell do you know that?" I ask Gallaso angrily.
"The other one told me," he says.
"The other one? The other Fletcher?"
Gallaso shakes his head.
"The other one," he repeats. "That assassin's already on his way to Pennsylvania. Someone hired him. Someone who told him that you would know where the Fletchers were. And he's not working alone. The second those guys find the Fletchers, Russell and Elizabeth are dead. They won't stand a chance."
"Then why'd you tell him where they were?"
"I didn't give them the address. I'm gonna give the address to you, so you'll be able to get to the Fletchers first."
I narrow my eyes.
"I'm not going to Pennsylvania."
"If you don't go, they'll die."
"And that's too bad for the police, but that's not my job. I'm a prison guard. I guard the murderers, not the victims."
"A soldier protects people, Reiben."
I pause. That stung. Because, once again, I'm reminded that the world would've been better off if I'd died instead of Captain Miller.
Or Wade.
"Then maybe you should go find one," I say coldly, walking away.
"I've seen the way he kills people, Reiben."
I stop walking, and slowly turn around to face him. Because Gallaso's voice sounds pained, almost haunted.
"He does it slowly. He taunts you. Sings a little lullaby. Then he stabs you, right in the stomach. And he twists the blade around. Then he blows you a kiss, and leaves you to die."
"…How do you know that?"
"Because I watched him kill a little girl, Reiben. And I couldn't save her."
I step back. Gallaso's trying to confuse me, I know that. Prisoners do it all the time, make you think they're innocent so you'll slip them a little extra food. Maybe a few cigarettes. Except Gallaso doesn't want cigarettes. He wants me to let him out.
And if he's telling the truth, then this wouldn't be the first time I fell for it.
"You killed her," I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
"I tried to help her. But she died anyway. She wanted to go."
"Go where?"
Gallaso just stares at me for a minute, then seems to forget that we were talking about him.
"They need you, Reiben. If you don't go, then it'll be your fault when they get hurt. And you don't need any more blood on your hands, do you?"
I knew it. Gallaso knows what we did. Gallaso turns to Jackson.
"You're the one who let her go. Don't you want to take back what you said to her? Or do you want 'I hate you' to be the last thing she ever hears from you?"
Jackson reaches for the pistol on his belt, but freezes at the last second. He knows how to control his anger. Not me.
I'm like Elizabeth, I guess.
Jackson looks at Gallaso, then at me. He seems to think something over, then he handcuffs Gallaso and takes him back to his cell.
"What did he mean, you're the one who let her go?" I ask Jackson when he gets back.
Jackson waits a minute before answering, thinking everything over.
"Remember the night she left?" he asks slowly.
"There's gonna be a big battle," Miller said. "And I need to know that everyone here is on my side, and that no one's gonna switch sides."
He glanced at Elizabeth. She looked at the ground.
"Are you on our side?" Miller asked her quietly.
"What happens after?" She asked.
"After what?"
"You know…after. After this. If I live. Then what happens? Do I go to jail?"
Miller looked out the window of the church, into the darkness of the night.
"…I don't think they'll send you to jail if you help us," he said hesitantly.
"Then what happens to me?"
"You go home."
She glanced away.
"And what happens if…if I don't have anywhere to go?"
"What do you mean?"
"You won't let them take me to a group home, right?" She whispered, trying to choke back tears.
Miller's face softened.
"I'm sure it won't be that bad…" he started.
But I knew it would be. The kids in the group homes, most of them end up in gangs. At least in New York group homes. And it had been so hard for her to get herself out of the gang. To make herself a good person again. If she went to a group home, she'd slip right back into being bad.
"You can't send me there," she choked out. "Please."
Miller glanced around at the squad.
"Then I guess this is a good time to decide who's gonna watch after you," he said quietly.
Elizabeth's head snapped up.
"What do you mean?" She asked hesitantly.
"I mean if I die…who's gonna watch her back?"
I looked around at the squad. Who was left? Miller, Horvath, Upham, Mellish, Jackson, and me.
"I'll do it," I said quietly.
Why did I offer to? Because I trusted her. What a mistake.
Everyone stared at me.
"Wade asked me to," I said defensively. "That's all."
"And if Reiben dies?"
I cringed. I'd thought about dying, sure. But I'd never put it in words before.
"I'll do it," Jackson said. "If Reiben…I'll do it."
I guess Jackson couldn't say it either.
"Then who?" Miller asked.
And it went like that, until we had a list. Miller, then me, Jackson, Upham, Horvath, and Mellish.
That was it. The deciding moment. The moment I chose to trust Elizabeth to stay on our side. The moment I actually believed that she cared about us.
I couldn't have been more wrong about what was happening.
My mom used to say, get out while the getting's good. That's what she did, I guess. Left when everything was perfect. Before we hurt each other again.
Because it seems to me that we were always hurting each other. When Elizabeth finally trusted me, I didn't trust her. And when I was finally ready to trust her, she didn't trust me.
"So, you're on our side now, right?" Miller asked Elizabeth. "No matter what?"
Something changed in Elizabeth's eyes. She went from looking happy, to looking hurt. I couldn't understand it, but now I guess that was the first warning sign that something was wrong.
Miller started talking to us about the battle plan, and Elizabeth pulled Russell over to a corner of the church. How could I have known she was making her own plan? And that it would end so badly?
It was around midnight when Jackson, who'd been keeping guard outside, came running in the church.
"What is it?" Miller asked, reaching for his weapon.
"They left," Jackson said.
"Who?"
"Russell and Elizabeth. They left."
We all got up, grabbed our weapons, and ran through the woods looking for them. If our plan was going to work, we needed someone who knew the Five Points gang. Our whole plan depended on Elizabeth and Russell's inside information. They knew that. And they still left.
As far as I knew, none of us even caught sight of Russell and Elizabeth. They were just too fast.
But that's how I'd always felt. That Elizabeth was too fast, always one step ahead of us. That's why I couldn't trust her, because she'd sense danger before we did, and leave us behind. And she did.
"We couldn't find them," I say.
"…That's not exactly what happened," Jackson mutters.
"What do you mean?" I ask suspiciously.
And he tells me something about that night I would've rather not known.
It was lucky Jackson was on guard when they left, because if it had been anyone one else, they would've snuck right by them. But Jackson heard them rustling through the leaves.
"Where are you going?" Jackson asked from behind them.
They slowly turned around to face him.
"Are you gonna shoot us?" Elizabeth asked quietly.
He shook his head.
"I didn't think so."
She turned and started walking away again.
"Elizabeth. What are you doing?"
She spun around.
"I'm leaving," she said.
"What?"
"I'm leaving! L-E-A-V-I-N-G."
She said it with a fake southern accent. She used her regular Brooklyn voice to say the next part.
"I hate you, you stupid farm boy!"
Then she turned around and ran as fast as she could, Russell following behind her. Jackson just stood there, stunned, for a few seconds. Then he went back and woke up Captain Miller, and the rest of us came running outside looking for them.
But they were too fast and they got away.
At least, I thought they did.
Apparently a hand reached out and covered Elizabeth's mouth, and someone dragged her backwards.
"Where are you going, little girl?" a voice growled in her ear.
She tried to scream, but it was muffled by his hand.
"I don't have to kill you," the voice said. "We could make a deal, you know. Where are your army friends hiding, huh? What kind of weapons do they have? How about planes? Are we looking at an aerial attack here, or what?"
She shook her head. Would she tell? All the plans we'd made, all the promises. Would She really just hand them over to the enemy? Or would Elizabeth Fletcher finally stop running, turn around, and face the gun, if it meant keeping us, the squad, safe?
Jackson came up behind the man and shot him with his pistol. Jackson stared at Elizabeth for a second, breathing heavily, before he spoke.
"Get out of here," he said, his voice cracking. "Just go…worthless."
Elizabeth stepped back as if he'd slapped her. She didn't move. For the first time in her life, she stood her ground. She didn't run away.
What does that mean? That she trusted Jackson? Even when she didn't trust the rest of us?
"I hate you," Jackson hissed.
She took a few steps backward, looking disoriented. Then she turned and ran as fast as she could.
At least, that's how Jackson said it happened.
"Did you mean it?" I ask Jackson quietly.
He shakes his head.
"She wanted to leave, Reiben," he says, his voice sounding pained. "She was scared. She would've died if she'd stayed, you know that. I thought…I thought if I told her I hated her, she'd just keep running."
"Well, you were right," I say bitterly.
Because this is a whole new kind of betrayal. Elizabeth, of course, is the traitor, not Jackson. But Jackson let her go.
So, what does that mean?
"I didn't do it to save her," Jackson says softly. "I did it to save us."
I run my hand through my hair, sick and tired of figuring all this shit out.
He did it to save us. And how, exactly, do you think Jackson worked that one out? Getting rid of our inside information to save us. It doesn't add up.
"The way her eyes always flicked around," Jackson says. "Looking for an escape route. And her finger twitched on that M-1 Garand. She knew everything that was happening, Reiben. She wasn't half as dumb as we thought."
Yeah, I guess Jackson would've seen something like that. I never looked closely enough to see her finger twitching on the gun, or her eyes surveying the room. But I did notice the way she listened.
She'd sit there, fiddling with something, looking completely disinterested in the conversation, but her eyes would slide over to whoever was talking. She heard every word we said. So, I guess Jackson's right, she wasn't half as dumb as we thought she was. But why does it matter?
"If she knew what was going on, what was stopping her from making her own plan?" Jackson asks me.
"Nothing," I say quietly, because now it's all coming together.
"And someone like Elizabeth would make a backup plan, in case we caught her. Right?"
I nod.
"Then what was her plan?" I ask.
He shrugs.
"Could've been anything. Which is why I let her go."
I think about it. If I'd been smart enough to notice those little details like Jackson had, would I have let her go, too?
No. I'd never let her go. Because I can't let things go. I would've dragged her back to the church, let the bullets take her the next morning. She tricked me. She tricked all of us.
Who cares if she dies?
"I'm not saving her," I say. "Not again."
I walk out of the interrogation room. When there's an intruder in the prison, I'm supposed to call the police, issue a lockdown, and afterwards, I have to file a report. But this is different. They weren't trying to free prisoners, or anything. Besides, calling the police would only make those hitmen angrier, and could end up getting me killed. And what could the police do, really? Nothing.
As I pass by Gallaso's cell, he calls out to me.
"Reiben," he says. "I need to talk to you."
"Not now, Gallaso," I mutter.
"It's real important."
I sigh, but backtrack to his cell.
"What do you want?" I ask.
"You know how I said you let me out?"
I nod.
"You didn't open my cell. You just let me out."
I shake my head, because I don't understand.
"You needed my help. I could feel you hurting. So I came, to help you."
I stare at Gallaso, unsure of what to say. I still can't figure out how he got out of his cell.
"Thank you," I eventually mutter.
"If you won't go to Pennsylvania for the Fletchers, do it for yourself," he says.
"I'm not going to Pennsylvania," I say, turning to walk away.
"They'll kill you, you know," he says.
I pause, turning around to look at him.
"What's going on?" I ask quietly.
"Elizabeth and Russell Fletcher left the Five Points gang. No one leaves a gang. Now all those kids who've been ordered around, beaten up, and forced into working for those gangs…they're looking at Elizabeth and Russell and wishing they could be like them. You know, leave the gang and start over. Be good guys."
"Elizabeth Fletcher isn't a good guy," I say angrily.
"Them gang kids think the Fletchers are good guys. And they want to be good, too. They're rioting, Reiben. Rebelling. And the only way to stop it is by killing Elizabeth and Russell. But it's a tricky situation, see? The gang kills the Fletchers, and they're just giving the rebels an incentive. A reason to act more drastically. But the police catch the Fletchers, bring them to you, you electrocute them on Old Sparky…that's called an example. And that'll end these riots. At least, that's what the cops seem to think."
"Where do I fit into this?"
"That hitman? He's the key. The cops and the gang are working together on this one. Cops don't like gangs, but rioting gangs are even worse. And maybe New York cops are a little corrupt, too, but either way they want these riots to stop. Innocent people are dying, Reiben. They're falling hard and fast. The gangs want the riots to stop because nothing good can come out of this. Those rebels don't understand. You can never get rid of a gang. Because gangs are made from underdogs, and there's always gonna be more underdogs in this world. It's a cycle that never stops, and it's gotta be that way. It'd be like a puppet show rebellion. Those puppets finally free themselves from the hands that control 'em, and now they can't move, can they? They're just limp fabric. That's why this has gotta end."
I nod. Gang dynamics are complicated, but if you think about, the need for a gang is pretty simple to understand. You've got all these poor kids in a gang, all their dads are in gangs, and that's how they eat. They get money through these bad deeds, and they eat, and they live. But if they overthrow that gang, everything goes into chaos. There aren't enough jobs in the world for all the gang members to have one. With no money for food, and no money to pay rent, they'd end up on the street. And then what would happen? They'd start pickpocketing a bit. Pretty quickly, they'd turn to guns. They'd get a little organized and out of that would come a new gang.
You can't get rid of a gang, because it's made from underdogs and if there's something this world has more than enough of, it's underdogs.
"Everyone wants this rebellion to end," Gallaso says. "The Five Points gang is the only force that can catch the Fletchers. You've seen the police, they barely stop crime in their own state. Elizabeth Fletcher crossed the border into Pennsylvania, and now this is a federal crime. They'll never catch her without the gang's help. Which is why they sent the hitman. But that's more than a little corrupt, don't you think? Which is why no one can know the cops are paying gang members to do their dirty work for them. Imagine that. What would happen if everyone found out that the cops can't do the job right, so they hire criminals to do it for them? That wouldn't blow over so well, so no one can know. Except…now you know. So they'll have to come back and kill you once they kill the Fletchers."
"What do I do?"
"If you don't want to save Elizabeth, then at least save yourself. If you and Jackson go down to Pennsylvania and kill Elizabeth and Russell Fletcher, what does that show the rebels? That an unknown force killed the face of their rebellion. The cops didn't do it, the gang didn't do it. Someone else killed the Fletchers, because they couldn't survive without the gang. With the Fletchers dead, there'd be no reason for the gang to invest time and money tracking you down. Because they'd know that if you talked, told everyone the police hired the gang members, you'd have to admit you killed the Fletchers. And then you'd end up right here, in a cell on death row for murder."
"So, you're saying I have to go to Pennsylvania and kill Elizabeth and Russell Fletcher?"
"No, you gotta kill the whole family. Witnesses who could link you to the murders."
I shake my head. No way am I killing a family.
"Think about it, Reiben. Elizabeth would've told her family what happened to her, don't you think? She never shut up, ever. And it does make a nice story. She would've told them how she'd run away because she didn't trust you. How she left you to die. Betrayed you. And now, if one day she turns up dead, who's the first suspect her family's gonna point to?"
"How the hell do you know about Elizabeth?"
"The other one told me."
"The other Fletcher?"
"No, the other one."
He jerks his head in Jackson's direction.
"Jackson told you?"
"The other one told me," Gallaso says calmly.
"The other one? What kind of a riddle is that?
"So, you're saying Jackson and I have to go down to Pennsylvania and kill the Fletchers? All of them?"
"You don't think you can do it?"
I hesitate. Should I show weakness to a murderer? Then I shake my head. I can't do it.
"Go to Pennsylvania. Take the Fletchers, all of them, and leave a trail for the hitmen to follow. Maybe if you're with the Fletchers long enough, you'll realize you can kill them. And if you can't kill them, then when the hitmen finally catch up to you…you can die with them."
That's a horrible idea.
"What do you mean a trail?"
"You can't run away from them, Reiben. They'll find you, no matter where you go. So leave a trail that they can follow. So they can watch you, chase you down."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you're not going down without a fight, that's why. If you wait here, and let them kill the Fletchers, they'll march right in the prison door and mow you down with machine guns. You won't stand a chance. Or, you could go out and have one last adventure. And maybe, if you play your cards right, one of those little kids will live."
"What little kids?"
"You know why Elizabeth went into that gang? Because they wanted to take her little cousin, Rory. And she put up a big fight over it, and the gang decided to take her instead. She did it to save Rory. He's eleven now, I think. And maybe if you do this thing right, Elizabeth won't have been bad for nothing."
She did it to save her cousin.
She never told me that.
"So, what I'm saying is," Gallaso continues. "You can die here for nothing, or you can go lead the hitmen on a trail, and you can die to save a little boy. And I think you should go save that boy. Because…because I tried to save that little girl, Reiben, and I couldn't."
He starts crying softly.
"And I don't want you to have to feel the way I felt. Knowing you let that little kid die."
"…I already tried to save Elizabeth," I say, my voice cracking. "But I couldn't."
Because she wasn't worth saving.
"It's too late for Elizabeth," Gallaso says. "Save Rory. Please…save Rory."
Eleven, huh? I think of myself at eleven. I didn't have someone watching out for me. Rory would've been in the gang if it hadn't been for Elizabeth.
Well, a lot of things would've happened if it hadn't been for Elizabeth.
I stare at Gallaso for a long time before nodding.
"Okay," I say hoarsely. "I'll try."
I wait until I'm back in the interrogation room, alone, before I sink to the floor.
I'm going to die.
I drop my head in my hands, because it can't end like this. Of all the ways I could've died…I mean, I'm too young.
It's not fair.
Then I wonder, is this how Elizabeth felt when she found out Rory would be in a gang? But how did Elizabeth, of all people, turn that unfairness into hope for Rory? How is it that that horrible girl saved her cousin?
Could it be, maybe, that she's not horrible? Is that it?
No. She left us to die.
Jackson comes up behind me and kneels down next to me.
"I'm going to Pennsylvania," he says quietly. "You coming?"
"Yeah," I say.
Not for Gallaso. Not for Rory.
For me. Because Richard Reiben will not be shot down in a prison. He won't stand here and wait for someone to come and kill him, at their own convenience.
No. I'm gonna be difficult. I'm gonna make those bastards chase me all over the country, and then I'm gonna take their kill from them. Because if I can mess up their plan and save Rory, then I'll die, in my own small way, undefeated.
And then I think, maybe that's how Elizabeth felt. That she'd be difficult. She wouldn't hand herself over to the gang. She'd run away, as fast as she could, and make them chase her. Maybe running away wasn't a flaw of hers. Maybe it was just her own way of dying undefeated.
I stand up. No, Elizabeth wasn't running away to die undefeated, she was running away so she would live. She'd be a coward, but she'd live.
I follow Jackson back to Gallaso's cell.
"What kind of a trail are you talking about?" Jackson asks him.
"It has to have a purpose," Gallaso says. "A final destination. But the hitmen have to be able to follow it. Go to your families."
"You want me to lead a hitman to my family?" Jackson asks, and I can just tell he'd never do it.
"They won't touch your families. You heard them, they don't want to leave a blood trail. They just want the Fletchers, and any witnesses. Your families aren't witnesses. Go find the Fletchers, and then all of you go visit Ms. Fletcher."
"Where is she?" Jackson asks.
"Prison. Then you'll come back here, and you'll go visit Reiben's mother. Then you'll go to Tennessee, and you'll visit your family, Jackson. Then you'll go into the woods, and you'll wait."
"Why are we watin' in the woods?"
"So the hitmen will find you. You'll have a gunfight, and they'll kill you. But it'll be in the woods. That's a good place to die in."
Die.
That's a word that sucks all the other words out of me. There are no soft edges to it. There's no way to pretend it means something else.
"Is that all?" I ask hoarsely.
"Reiben," Gallaso says. "Don't let go too soon, but don't hang on too long, okay?"
I nod, not understanding what he means at all.
"And don't let Elizabeth get mad, because if she gets mad, then it's gonna get really ugly. And just remember, it's better to have someone you love kill you, than have a stranger do it. It's better to die by love Reiben, it's always better. And one more thing…the light within. Just remember that, okay? For me?"
I nod, still confused.
"And you tell Rory, when the time is right, tell him- tomorrow's gonna be better. Tomorrow's gonna be more hopeful than this awful piece of time we call today."
I nod again. I don't care about this fortune cookie crap, I just want him to tell me how to survive.
"And think about this, Reiben. How did Elizabeth get out of France? She's sturdily built, but she's not powerful enough to physically take out an enemy. She's not the kind of person someone takes pity on, and she's not the kind of person who makes allies. So how did she survive?"
I shake my head slowly. I don't know. She used us for protection, that's how.
"She outsmarted them. She even outsmarted you, in the end. She thinks like a thief, that's why she left. Remember that. She thinks like a thief, and sometimes, it takes a thief."
Suddenly, Upham's voice echoes in my head.
"That really bright one is called Arcturus," he said, pointing out stars to Elizabeth and Russell.
It was a few days after Wade died. Elizabeth was…different. Quieter. She didn't joke. She just…well, it wasn't really her.
We were all lying in the grass, looking up at the stars. I don't remember why. Miller and Horvath were in a barn in the field we were lying in. They were planning something, I guess. I don't really remember that, either.
"It's not even forty light-years away," Upham continued.
"What's a light-year?" Elizabeth asked.
"Six million million miles," Upham answered.
"Why is it miles if its years?"
"It's too complicated," I said. "You wouldn't understand."
"Because that's how far a ray of light can travel in one year," Upham said.
"Oh," Elizabeth said.
She was quiet for a moment.
"How many light-years is it to heaven?"
I felt heat wash over me and flashed a look at Jackson.
"Heaven's closer than you think," Jackson said softly.
Elizabeth nodded. That's why she trusted Jackson.
But now I'm realizing that the real reason she trusted Jackson was because he was the first person to ever see something redeemable in her. He was the first person who believed in her.
If Heaven is closer than we think, then…is it possible that miracles are closer than we think? Could Gallaso actually be a miracle worker?
No. He's a murderer.
"There's something I need to show you, Reiben," Gallaso says.
He reaches his hand between the bars of his cell and grabs my wrist. I try to pull away, but now I can't Gallaso anymore. The prison is gone, and I'm standing in a field.
Elizabeth is in front of me, pointing a pistol at a boy not much older than her. The boy is in the Five Points gang. He's our enemy.
I realize this must be right after Elizabeth ran away from us. I glance around, but Russell's not here, which is weird. That almost never happens.
"Please don't kill me," the boy begs quietly.
"I want you to live, rat," Elizabeth says disgustedly. "I want you to live long enough to be ashamed. It's what you deserve. Maybe you've been tricked and misguided, but there's something wrong with New York kids like you- and me- that we fall for these things. Capone visits with you in his fancy hideout, tells you how great you are to his mission, and you're willing to die for that. What's wrong with you? Do you have any idea?"
I watch in disbelief. This was the person I'd wanted Elizabeth to be. This is who Jackson always believed Elizabeth was, but I wouldn't listen.
And now I realize, this is the girl I miss. This is the Elizabeth I want to see. The one who allows people to help her, to protect her.
But when Elizabeth left, when she ran away like that, I thought she had changed. I thought she had truly become the villain of our story. And I didn't miss the person she left as, I missed the immature, sad little girl who only wanted to be a good person.
"Give me that," Elizabeth says, pointing to the backpack the boy's wearing.
He throws it at her. Suddenly, she grabs his shirt and pulls him right into her face.
"Listen," she hisses. "I made a mistake. Don't do what I did. Trust the American army, not Capone. Don't shoot the Americans. Got it?"
The boy nods quickly.
"And don't run away, all right?" she says shakily. "And if you see a group of soldiers, could you…could you tell them I'm sorry? Please?"
The boy nods again, slower this time.
"Captain Miller and his squad," Elizabeth says, her voice cracking. "Tell them I'm sorry."
She lets the boy go, and he scrambles across the field, into the woods. Elizabeth falls to her knees, dropping her head into her hands.
"Help me," she sobs, raising her head to the sky. "I need help. I don't know what to do."
I wait, and she waits, but nothing happens. Then I hear my voice.
"If God's on our side, who the hell could be on theirs?"
Elizabeth glances at the woods, in the direction my voice came from.
"If God be for us, who could be against us?" comes Upham's voice.
Elizabeth stands up slowly, and then heads off in the direction of the voices.
"Under better circumstances, she could've been a better person," Gallaso says, and I'm back in the prison again.
"How come she heard my voice?" I demand.
I never said that in the woods, only in the church. So how could she have heard me in the woods?
"It was a message," Gallaso says calmly. "That God was on your side. That was the moment Elizabeth really decided…she was on your side, too."
"Well, it was a little late for that," I say bitterly.
"Under better circumstances, she could've been a better person," Gallaso repeats. "And all that stuff she said…that was brave, and you know it."
"That wasn't brave," I say angrily. "She was running away!"
"Everything she told that boy was exactly the way she felt, Reiben. Didn't you hear her? She said the boy deserved to feel ashamed. How did she know that? Because she felt ashamed, and she deserved it. She didn't run away from the guilty feelings, Reiben. She accepted them. And that was brave."
"That's not the kind of brave that counts."
"Just remember that, Reiben. She wanted to be a better person. And she tried."
Who the hell cares if she tried? She left us to die, and that's the only part of the story that counts.
I look over at Jackson.
"She did it, Reiben," Jackson says. "She did what we wanted her to."
"She didn't do anything," I say.
"She followed your voice," he says. "You and Upham's. Because she trusted you."
I pause for a moment, thinking it over. Did she really trust me?
No. Forget it. If she trusted us, she wouldn't have left.
"Remember that stuff I told you," Gallaso says.
I frown, trying to remember what he said, but it was too much information, to fast.
"Don't worry," Gallaso says. "You'll remember it when you need to."
I nod, because that's what he wants me to do, but it's not like I'll actually remember all that stuff.
"You have to hurry," Gallaso says. "You have to get there before the hitmen. Call Colby."
"Colby?"
"Elizabeth's sister. Call her, tell her it's Reiben, she'll know who you are, and tell her it's really important that she and her family come with you. All the Fletchers live with Colby."
"Why do they live with Colby?"
"They lived with Elizabeth's mom, but she's in jail."
"How do you know that?"
"I talked to the other one."
I hesitate, but allow Gallaso to give me Colby's phone number. I go to the prison phone and call, feeling nervous. What if Elizabeth told her something bad about me? Or, worse, what if Elizabeth told her the truth? That Jackson and I are the reason Elizabeth is blind in one eye, that I left Elizabeth in a river to drown, and that Jackson told Elizabeth he hated her? And then Colby's just supposed to pack up and take her whole family with us?
My hands shake as I wait for someone to pick up the phone.
"Hello?" a young boy answers.
I freeze, for once in my life, all words failing me. Do I have the wrong phone number? Because that's not Russell's voice.
"I'm Richard Reiben," I manage to get out. "Uh…I'm looking for Colby Fletcher?"
"COLBY!" the boy shouts.
I wince, but at least it's the right phone number.
"What, Rory?" I hear a woman ask.
Rory. So, that's the kid I'm supposed to save.
"There's a guy on the phone," Rory says. "Says his name is Richard Reuben, like the sandwich."
Reuben? Like the sandwich? I rub my forehead, because I feel a headache coming on. This is not going well.
"Hello?" Colby says. "Mr. Reuben?"
"I'm Richard Reiben," I say.
Colby laughs. She has a nice laugh.
"Sorry about that," she says. "Rory likes to try and scare people away."
I'd bet he only does that with men. He's trying to keep away any potential boyfriends of Colby, his cousin. How do I know? I used to do the same thing to my mom.
"It's fine," I say. "I…there's something…important…that I have to-"
"Did you say your name's Reiben?" she asks suddenly. "As in Private Reiben?"
"Yeah," I say, worried.
She knows my name. That means Elizabeth told her something about me.
"You're the one who…helped Elizabeth?"
Why did she hesitate on "helped"? Was it because she doesn't think I actually helped Elizabeth?
Did I?
"Umm…sort of," I say.
Colby's silent for a minute, and I wonder if I said the wrong thing. But when she does speak, the words throw me off.
"Thank you for saving my sister," she says softly.
And the weirdest thing is…she sounds sincere.
What did Elizabeth tell her?
"Well, I didn't really…I mean, I didn't save her," I say slowly.
"Yes, you did," she says. "Thank you."
Great. Now she sounds like she's gonna cry.
"Is she…is she okay?" I ask, unsure if I even want to know.
"Elizabeth?" Colby says softly. "…I think she's doing fine."
"What about Russell?"
"He…he's great, actually."
Russell seemed like the kind of person who would let go and move on. I don't know about Elizabeth.
"The reason I'm calling is because…is because of Elizabeth and Russell," I start. "There's something happening here that…that kind of…involves them."
"What's going on?" Colby asks, worry in her voice. "Is everything okay? Are you okay?"
Hearing her, this woman I've never met, ask me if I'm okay, as if she actually cares about me, makes me tell her the whole thing. I start with Gallaso. I tell her everything. Even the parts I still don't understand, like how Gallaso healed that dying man.
Then I regret it, because now she'll think I'm crazy, or I'm drunk.
But I keep taking anyways, and I tell her about the hitmen, and Gallaso's plan. Except I leave out the part about everyone dying. I tell her Jackson and I have to kill the hitmen. I don't tell her the hitmen will kill all of us.
When I'm finished, I wonder again what the point of going to all this trouble is. Then I remember.
Rory.
I brace myself, waiting for Colby to hang up, or suggest I need help.
"So…they're coming to kill us?" Colby asks quietly.
"Yes," I say. "But we can lead them somewhere else, and Jackson and I can kill them."
Again, I leave out the part where we all die.
"…Can you tell all that to Todd?" Colby asks, worried.
Todd. Elizabeth and Colby's cousin. He's the same age as Colby, but I guess Colby looks to Todd for protection.
Just like Elizabeth looks to Russell for protection.
Just like Rory must look to Elizabeth for protection.
Colby knows that Todd will understand what's happening better than she does. Todd was a Navajo code talker, and he helped us for a while. Even when Elizabeth and Russell ran away, Todd stayed.
And if I have to tell Todd the plan, I'm telling him the truth. Colby never would've agreed to us all dying to save Rory, she'd think there was another way out. But Todd will understand.
"Sure," I say.
"Todd," Colby says. "It's Reiben. It's really important."
"Reiben?" a girl says. "He's on the phone?"
I'd recognize that voice anywhere, and it's not Todd's.
"Elizabeth," Colby says. "Just give me a minute, okay? He needs to talk to Todd."
"Give me the phone!" Elizabeth shouts.
"No," Colby says. "Not now."
"Colby!" Elizabeth shouts. "Give me the phone!"
"Don't put her on," I say quietly.
I need to talk to Todd. If I have to talk to Elizabeth, I want to do it in person.
"Give me the phone, Colby!"
"He doesn't want to talk to you!" Colby snaps at her.
I cringe. That's not exactly how I wanted her to phrase that.
"Hello?" Todd comes on the phone.
I tell him the whole story. The true whole story. He just listens, doesn't say anything the whole time. When I'm finished, he doesn't talk for a minute, thinking things over.
"I think that's probably the best thing to do," he says finally. "When will you be here?"
"Tonight," I say.
"Good," he says, and gives me their address.
We hang up, and that's when I realize Elizabeth stopped asking for the phone after Colby told her I didn't want to talk to her.
Great. Now she probably thinks I'm mad at her.
Well, she should. Yeah, let her think I'm mad at her. I am. She left us to die out there.
I'm very mad.
Jackson and I walk back to Gallaso's cell. There's no going back now.
"One last mission," Gallaso says softly. "Then you're free."
Free as in dead? I nod silently.
Mikowski and the other night guard come in, laughing and joking.
"Mikowksi," I say. "We need you to cover for us."
"What?" Mikowski asks.
"This is really important."
"How am I supposed to cover for you?"
"We just need a few days. Your cousin doesn't have a job, just bring him here. No one will ever know the difference. Please, Mikowski."
"Well, what are you doing? It's not illegal, is it?"
I glance sideways at Jackson.
"Jackson's dad is in the hospital," I say quickly. "We're driving down to Tennessee so he can take care of his mom."
"…Why do you need to go with him?"
"…We're half-brothers. She's my mom, too."
"I've met your mom, Reiben. She doesn't live in Tennessee."
I sigh, but it's too late now. If I want him to cover for us, I'm gonna have to tell him the truth.
"We're going to Pennsylvania to find a girl who hates us so that her cousin won't get killed."
Mikowski blinks.
"Will there be any marijuana involved?" he asks.
"No."
"Gunfights?"
"Possibly."
"Is this girl hot?"
"She's fifteen."
"Does she have a sister?"
"Yes."
"Is she hot?"
"I don't know."
"She's beautiful," Gallaso says.
"Will she be coming back with you?" Mikowski asks.
"I don't know," I say.
I don't know if we're coming back at all.
"Can I come with you?"
I freeze. This wasn't part of my plan.
"How are you gonna cover for us if you're with us?"
"I've got it covered," he says, then leans closer to us and lowers his voice. "My cousin's basically a lawyer. He can take care of it."
"You're cousin's a conman."
"…Like I said, he's got it covered."
I look at Mikowski. I've known him since high school. He's just looking for adventure, I know that. Maybe he even wants to help. And it couldn't hurt, having him along. I've met his cousin, and he's the kinda guy you want on your side. Plus, an extra guy means extra backup, and I trust Mikowski.
But if he comes with us, he'll die. Unless…unless he comes with us to Pennsylvania, and we leave him here when we come see my mom. Yeah, that'd work.
"Fine," I say. "If your cousin covers for us, then you can come."
He grins, then walks over to the beat-up prison telephone and makes a call. He talks for a while and hangs up, still grinning.
His cousin comes about fifteen minutes later, surrounded by three tall, strong men.
Before I leave, I go back to Gallaso's cell.
"What if we can't save Rory?" Jackson asks him.
"Everything is possible for him who believes," he says calmly.
I can't be sure, but I think…I think that's from the Bible.
Jackson nods.
"We'll meet you in the car," Jackson says to me.
He and Mikowski go out the door, leaving me alone with Gallaso. I stare at him, unable to find the words I need.
"People hurt the ones they love," Gallaso says sadly. "That's how it is, all over the world."
People hurt the ones they love.
I found the words I need.
"What if…what if you lost the one person who needed you the most?" I ask Gallaso, my voice cracking.
"What if you'd just been stupid enough to let her slip away?" Gallaso says softly.
Slip away. That's exactly what happened. I let her slip away.
And if I let her slip away…then I have to go find her again.
I'd never admit it in front of Jackson, but I miss Elizabeth. Not Elizabeth the coward, who ran away. But Elizabeth the Brave Thief, who was loyal. If you forget about the horrible way it ended, then you might get the impression Elizabeth wasn't the villain after all.
And you might be right. I haven't decided yet.
"Thanks," I say to Gallaso. "…For everything."
He smiles and nods.
Convinced everything might go the way I want it to, I head to my car. Jackson and I get in the front, and Mikowski slides into the back.
"Look," I say to Mikowski. "There's gonna be hitmen chasing us. Two of 'em. You okay with that?"
Mikowski nodded.
"I don't think they'll kill you," I say casually, turning the car on.
I hesitate, and then turn the car off.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I ask Jackson.
"Be strong and courageous," Jackson says softly, in the same voice he used to pray when he was sniping. "Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Normally, that would make me mad. I'm about to go risk my life and Jackson's throwing Bible quotes at me. But today, right now, it seems to fit.
I say it over and over to myself as we drive to Pennsylvania. I like it. I've said a lot of lies in my life, a lot of deceptive, shitty lies, and I know what they sound like.
But what Jackson just said doesn't sound like a lie at all.
All the way to Pennsylvania, I hold onto the words Gallaso gave me. The words that I need to remember.
And then I remember something else. Something I'd completely forgotten until now. I promised Wade.
It flashes before my eyes. I see Wade dying again, laying there, bleeding to death. And I see him weakly mouth those words that have haunted me for so long.
Save her.
That's what I'm doing, Wade. I didn't do a very good job the first time, but now I'm gonna save her for real. By saving her cousin, who she threw her life away to protect. I'll save Elizabeth by saving Rory. And by doing that, I can redeem myself.
I'm getting a second chance at this, which is a miracle in itself, really. A second chance to redeem myself.
Is it possible that...like light-years and Heaven, miracles are closer than we think?
Please review!