Chapter 11: Finding out myself.

It's been about 2 months since my death. It's weird knowing that you've died and come back to life. I guess life is not very predictable as I used to think it was. But than again when your world turns upside down, I guess your views change as well.

I never thought that I'd fall in love with Sesshomaru. Sure he was hot and caught my attention but I didn't think I'd fall for him. There's a difference between attraction and love. I feel close to him, I feel that I always need to be beside him. I'd be confused, maybe lost without him. And I know he's quiet…but that doesn't bother me. I can feel he trusts me and I know he cares for me. Even if he doesn't show it. There's just something in him that lets me know…he does.

But what happens if he doesn't feel the same way I do? Will he get angry at me? Will he throw me out of the group? Will he kill me? Will he make me cry? My heart would be broken…Sesshomaru would be farther from me, more distant. He would destroy me. He would crush me into a million pieces and I know it. What if he loves someone else? What if he actually hates me? What if how I think he cares for me and how I think he trusts me…he actually doesn't?

I looked up at the moonlit sky and frowned. I looked back down to the group to see everyone sleeping. Rin laid on the ground beside the fire. Jaken leaned up against Ah-Un. Sesshomaru was actually sleeping against a tree…He looked peaceful…

What the hell is wrong with me! Shouldn't I be happy about falling in love with him! How come there is so much doubt and worry in my heart. Before I would be okay asking someone out but now I just can't. Something about him makes me feel like I have to wait. I can't even begin to understand any of this confusion going on in my head. I can't even begin…

The worst part is that even if we do end up together…will we make it as far as I wish to. Will we stay together or will he dump me? Will he break my heart or will he take care of it? Will he leave me alone or give me all the company in the world? Will his love fade or will it be everlasting? Will he cheat or be faithful? Will I have to replace him or will he be irreplaceable? Will all these questions make me crazy or am I already crazy?

I can't take this much more. The suspense of it. Just not being able to know if he cares. Not being able to know what it's like to feel his love. Man, now I know how Kagome feels. She must feel worse with this Kikyo chick around. And if Inuyasha does care for, which I'm 100% sure he does, he must feel worse with Koga around.

Just than I heard something move in the woods behind me. I quickly stood up and grabbed my sword handle. I cautiously walked into the forest. I kept my eye out and continuously looked around. Than I stopped when I saw a beautiful women standing next to a tree.

She had long beautiful black hair that was tied into a low ponytail. She had two bangs that went around her face and rested on her shoulders but went back into the ponytail. She had light brown eyes and a sad look on her face. She wore a white priestess kimono top, just like the one I wore. She wore red priestess pants and brown sandals. On her right shoulder was a quiver, kind of like the one Kagome had. Also she had a red bow in her left hand. Though her scent was disgusting, it almost made me want to puke.

Around her was glowing orbs…spirits I think. Also these greenish demons were surrounding her as well. Some of them were trying to grab the spirits that were floating around her.

I stood there in shock…What was this woman doing here? Did she want something…Or was she just passing through. Just than her brown eyes drifted to me. I stayed silent but she eventually spoke up.

"You are a demon?" She asked me

"Yes what about it?" I asked her as she smiled

"…I was curious…You look troubled."

"I may be…"

"What about?"

"…It's none of your concern woman."

"…Do you not wish to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not burden you with my problems…"

"I insist."

"…Look lady, I just feel in love with some guy and I'm all confused about it."

"…Don't be confused. Just follow what your heart is saying."

"M-My heart?"

"That's right…what is it saying?"

"That I should…wait it out. See what may happen. I feel like it all might just fall into place."

"…See? Follow your heart. Do not let your mind pull you out of it."

"…Well what about you? Why are you so sad?"

"Now that is none of your concern."

"…Come on, I told you."
"…I wish I could have stayed dead."

"…Dead? You mean you were brought back to life?"

"Yes…"

"…I'm sorry. That must suck if you were resting in peace."

"…I was."

And with that she was beginning to walk off…but I had a feeling that I knew this women's name…That I knew all along who she was and I wasn't exactly happy with her.

"…Excuse me…what's your name?" I asked her as she turned to me

"…Kikyo." She replied as I gasped.

"Kikyo!"

"…What?"

"Y-You…Kagome's your incarnation."

"…I know. You are friends with Kagome?"

"You bet I am…Look Kikyo I do thank you for helping me with my troubles and all…But…you…"

I looked away and gritted my teeth. After all she did help me clear my mind a bit…Should I really tell her how I feel about her. How can I tell her that I need her to stay away from Inuyasha. After all she was his last girlfriend…But she did help me…

When I looked back up at the tree she was gone. Just like that.

"…Stay away from her…She deserves a chance at him, just as you did." I muttered to myself finishing the sentence I couldn't say to her.

I walked to the tree and sighed. So, follow my heart…huh? Okay...I guess I'll take her advice. Perhaps it will work out. Perhaps it will fall into place. Time will tell me just how right or wrong I am.

I smiled and walked back to the camp fire. And now I am happy, to be in love.