On the Road Again….

After traveling for about ninety minutes and vainly struggling to see fifty feet in front of the car, Karl's driving skills had significantly degraded. He was continuously jerking the wheel in an effort to keep it between the ditches. His head kept bobbing up and down as he struggled to stay awake. The monotonous hum of the car engine, along with its gentle motion, was like a cradle rocking him to sleep. He did not want to think about how well he would fare if they happened to meet someone traveling in the opposite direction. Luckily they seemed to be the only ones on the road tonight. He drove on hoping some suicidal tree did not suddenly jump out in front of them.

"I think we need to pull over for a minute and take a break," Hogan said breaking the silence that had enveloped the car.

"But we just started," complained Schultz.

"I got to go, Schultzie," replied LeBeau.

"You should have done that before we left."

Karl didn't wait for the debate to conclude. He turned off the road and pulled over to the side of a little dirt road that was about as wide as a pig trail.

Turning off the engine, he put his forehead on the steering wheel, closed his eyes and listened to the argument going on in the back seat. He barely heard the car doors open and close. He thought it was a dream, Hogan's soothing voice whispering in his ear, saying it was alright to take break. The imaginary voice promised they would not go anywhere. That's fine, was the only thought that entered Karl's head before Morpheus laid claim to him.

While he lay in the arms of the Oneiroi, Karl thought he heard snatches of conversation but was unable to understand what exactly he was hearing. His sleepy mind told him it wasn't important anyway.

"….hurry…"

"Why….general's uniform?"

"….taking chances…."

"….orders…."

"Klink…glasses….together…..put it on."

"…..It's beautiful, I made it…."

"…..Russian Front…"

And then Karl slipped deep into oblivion. The next sensation Karl had was of the car moving. Carefully opening his eyes he immediately realized two things. One it was light outside and two, he was in the passenger's seat. Ah that's nice, he thought to himself, Schultz is driving for me.

He was about to thank Schultz for his generosity when the noticed the third thing. There was loud snoring coming from the back seat. A sense of dread washed over Karl as he reluctantly turned his head to see who was driving. Karl cringed when he saw it was Oberst Hogan. He quickly turned and looked into the backseat, only to see Schultz and LeBeau leaning on each other and fast asleep. Both men were snoring in concert with each other. Turning back to Hogan, Karl swallowed hard and wiped his now sweaty hands on his pants.

The ghost of a smile was back on Hogan's face and Karl had the distinct impression that the Oberst was doing everything he could not to laugh at the dumbstruck Gefreiter.

"I wondered when you were going to wake up," replied Hogan, never taking is eyes off the road.

"What is going on? Why are you driving?" asked a flabbergasted Langenscheidt.

"Someone had to and you were out like a light. Besides it was my turn."

"We will get in trouble. If we are stopped…."

"Don't worry, I have a map with all the check points," Hogan said, tapping the map on the seat between them. "I'll stop in plenty of time to have you take the wheel."

"And if there is a checkpoint not on the map?"

"Oh I have confidence you'll think of something."

"Gee thanks," Karl said. "Do I want to know how you got a map with all the checkpoints on it?"

"No."

"I didn't think so."

"Cheer up, there's some sandwiches in the Brotbeutel," said Hogan pointing to the canvas bag at Karl's feet. Karl picked up the bag and began looking through it.

"Hand me one, will you? It's almost 0800 hours and I haven't had anything since lunch yesterday," Hogan asked.

Karl handed Hogan a sandwich and then took another one out, as he set the bag back down on the floor board. After discarding the paper his sandwich was wrapped in, he took a bite. He slowly chewed while he quietly regarded his sandwich.

"This is roast beef."

"Hmm, I believe it is," replied Hogan as he took a bite.

"Should I ask where you got it since it is almost impossible to even obtain horse meat?"

"No."

"And the fact Oberfeldwebel Schultz is wearing a General's uniform, does that also fall under the heading of the sandwiches and map?"

"Yes but if you're really itching to know…"

"No," Karl replied quickly, "I'm beginning to know nothing."

Hogan smiled, "Just checking."

Karl and Hogan ate their sandwiches in silence. Suddenly there was a rumble and a shifting of bodies in the backseat.

"Get off me you big tub of lard," cried LeBeau.

"Tub of lard? This is all muscle," replied an outraged Schultz.

"Muscle made out of my Himmel und Ääd, you mean," LeBeau retorted.

"Zwerg!" roared Schultz

"Verrat!" LeBeau shot back.

"Now children," Hogan said, "behave or there'll be no sweets before bed."

"Are we there yet?" Schultz asked.

"No not yet," replied Hogan.

"I'm hungry," groused Schultz.

"Give him a sandwich Langenscheidt."

Karl dug two sandwiches out of the bag and passed them to men in the backseat.

Wiping the sleep from his eyes and munching on his sandwich, LeBeau leaned forward, "How much further mon Colonel?"

"We're about to pass through Verdun, so I figure another three hours before we get to Paris."

"I have to pee," Schultz called from the back seat.

Turning to Langenscheidt, Hogan asked in an exasperated tone, "Mother would you like to help me out here?"

An evil smile crossed Karl's lips, "No papa, you are doing just fine."

A/n:

Re Title: For some reason Willie Nelson was singing in my ear as I wrote this chapter.

Morpheus is the Greek god of dreams. The Oneiroi, which Morpheus leads, are the three brothers who control mortal dreams. Each rules his own aspect of the dream world.

Brotbeutel: Or Bread Bag is the canvas bag you see hanging from the guards uniforms next to the canteen. The German soldiers used it to carry the day's meal, gun cleaning kit and other things they would need during the day. In the series it is a khaki color but in the Luftwaffe it would have been the same color as their uniforms.

Himmel und Ääd: Literally 'Heaven and Earth': Mashed potatoes with stewed apples and fried blood pudding.

Zwerg: German for midget

Verrat: French for hog.

The three hour to Paris estimate was based on it (by my best calculations) being 397 miles or 725 km. In "German Bridge is Fallen Down", Hogan notes that rear echelon drivers can't exceed 40 miles per hour or 64 km. Without stops that would make it take approx. 11.5 hours to drive to Paris. I added two hours for "rest" breaks, Schultz's uniform change and check points, making the entire trip 13.5 hours. They left at 2200 hours and traveled an hour and a half, changed clothes and got back on the road within 30 minutes and if Karl wakes up at 0800, they have been traveling for 10 hours, putting everyone approx. 3 hours away from Paris. Do not tell me my math is wrong. I suck at math and freely admit it. Don't tell me they would not pass through Verdun as I am using a map and making a best guess. Don't tell me it would be daybreak or completely dark at 8am in Germany in the winter time. Hell, I have lived in Georgia all my life and can't tell you if it's light or dark at 8am in the winter time. I barely know if it was light or dark at 8am today.