Yay, the next chapter. I've been watching Columbo. It's very fun. Although I feel bad for poor Columbo. No one likes him, but he's just trying to do his job. Um…yeah. I'd like to thank my reviewers for continuing to read…and let me know they're reading…which basically keeps this story going. I mean, besides my nimble fingers and quirky mind. Okay, enough rambling. On with the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of the Abyss, although, legally…I really, really don't own Tales of the Abyss. The end. Wow! It's Comcastic!

Chapter Summary: Whimsical events ensue as Florian (aka Little Lady) and the newest recruit take on the high seas. Land ho!

Boy, was Florian lucky that the fall didn't break his skinny little neck. Unfortunately, the person who had cushioned his fall didn't feel quite as lucky.

"For someone so scrawny, you really do come down with a tremendous weight, don't you?" sighed the speaker; Florian couldn't really see who it was, considering he was sitting smack dab on top of the poor guy.

Before Florian had the chance to respond, Bilbo came bounding through the crowd.

"Good job, swabbie!" cried Bilbo, smacking poor Florian on the shoulder, which nearly dislocated it. "You caught the demon what was tryin' to board our beautiful ship!"

The "demon what was trying to board our beautiful ship" coughed. "Excuse me, but I object to being portrayed in such an idiotic way."

Bilbo snarled and yanked Florian up by his wee little arm. Still holding onto Florian's arm, he began to wave his arms emphatically.

"Get up, ye bilge rat!" screamed Bilbo, as Florian flopped about. "I don't know who you think you are, insulting the Face Breaker like that!"

The stranger, still looking quite together despite his previously having been smushed on the ground, sat up and yawned.

"My, my, I'm a bit surprised you actually realized I was insulting this piece of driftwood," he said mildly, pushing his glasses back into their proper place.

Florian, being shaken around as he was, squinted, trying to focus on the gentleman sitting casually on the deck of the Face Breaker. He looked very familiar, but Florian had seen so many new people in such a short amount of time, he didn't quite remember them all. Plus, his eyeballs were being thrown around in his skull.

Fortunately, the newcomer spoke up before Florian had to hurt himself thinking.

"Why, hello, Florian, how…nice…to see you here," he said casually. "Anise has been worried about you, and I believe I have specific orders to tell you hello, should I see you."

Oh, yes! That was it! It was the funny man Anise was always with. What was his name?

"Jade!" wailed Florian, remembering the name. "Heeeelp meeee."

Colonel Jade Curtiss of Malkuth reluctantly stood up and brushed off his clothes. "Oh, very well. I suppose Anise would have my hide if I allowed your head to pop off."

Florian's eyes widened. Would his head pop off?

"Oh, don't worry, your head won't really pop off. Probably." Jade shrugged. "With these things, it can be hard to tell."

Bilbo stared. "Why the heck are you talking like I'm not here, scurvy dog?"

"Well, you see," said Jade, turning to Bilbo, "It's because, as far as I'm concerned, you're not."

The crew let out a collective "OH NO HE DI'IN'T."

But he did. Oh yes he did.

"Bilbo," cried Bilby, "Are you going to take that from a four-eyed old man?"

Bilbo raised his fists in the air, still, unfortunately, clutching Florian. "Of course not, yargh! I must fight for my honor!"

"Honor!" cried the crew.

"My arm!" cried Florian.

Jade shrugged. "I suppose we can fight for honor if we must. But first, allow me to retrieve my poor little friend, whose shoulder is probably irreparably dislocated by now."

Florian's eyes widened even father. He wasn't sure what "irreparably dislocated" meant, but it sure didn't sound good. Plus, his shoulder was beginning to pop…and snap…

Suddenly, Florian's arm was released, and he hit the ground with a huge thunk. Sprawled on the deck, Florian was absolutely certain he was quite bruised, but at least his head hadn't popped off. Or had it? He frantically attempted to grab his head and, with relief, found it was still there.

Jade clapped once. "Good, good. Now, what was it you were saying about honor, gentlemen?"

Oh, he had done it now. If there was one thing the pirates of the Face Breaker hated, it was being called "gentlemen". In fact, 93 of the crew had been gentlemen who'd run away from home in a desperate attempt to escape frilly collars and shiny shoes. The other 7 included various reasons for escape, one running from a stalker, another having gotten lost on his way to the grocery store.

"Argh!" cried Gold Teeth. "How dare ye, scurvy dog!"

"We won't stand for such insults!" yelled Peg Legs.

Jade raised an eyebrow. "Well, I was meaning to insult you with sarcasm, but apparently you…well, you defeated the whole purpose of my using sarcasm. That works too, though."

Bilbo, overcome with rage, drew his…wooden sword. The pirates had lost their real swords during a battle with a large, magnetized beast. A battle that they had, by the way, lost.

Jade sighed. He really, really didn't feel like getting his hands dirty. Today was not going well, and he just wasn't in the mood. It had all started at the beach…well, enough of that. Jade didn't want to relive painful memories any more than he had to. Not to worry, though. Jade had plenty of tricks up his sleeve.

While Jade was standing there contemplating, Florian watching Bilbo swing his sword with fascination. Sure, Florian had seen swords before--Anise's friends had them all the time--but…a wooden one! And the way Bilbo swung it around and around like that…it was so exciting!

Suddenly, Jade snapped his fingers, causing Florian, and the rest of the crew, to look his way. Even Bilbo stopped swinging his sword momentarily, although he resumed again after 4.5 seconds.

"Well, Captain Bilbo, was it?" said Jade clasping his hands behind his back in a businesslike manner. "You see, I was thinking of something a bit different than a duel."

"I'm going to slit your throat!" Bilbo screamed. "And then Little Lady will clean up the guts I spill!"

Florian gasped. He didn't want Jade's throat to be slit, and he didn't want to clean up any spilled guts. The mere thought frightened him.

Jade glanced at Florian. "…Little Lady?"

"Yes, Little Lady," said Bilby. "Our new swabbie! That's his job! Swabbing stuff!"

Coughing in order to suppress a laugh, Jade shook his head. "It's absolutely fine by me if you slit my throat. I'm an old man and close to death, anyway. But first, I propose a duel."

Bilbo looked at Jade with squinted eyes. "Didn't you just say-"

"Yes, I did," said Jade. "Are you deaf? I'm not talking about a duel of weapons. More of a duel of…oh, you'll see. Little Lady, come over here, will you?"

Florian, although frustrated at being called "Little Lady", scurried to comply. To his surprise, Jade slipped him a small, rectangular device.

"What is it?" asked Florian in fascination. He was seeing so many new things, he was nearly unable to comprehend anything else!

"This," said Jade, "Is a very specific type of fon machine. It captures certain sounds and allows them to be replayed any time the user wishes."

Florian stared, eyes wide. Again. Really, he might as well just keep them wide. Not that they aren't already.

"Now, Florian, when I tell you, push the button with the triangle. Yes, that one, right there."

Bilbo and Bilby looked at each other quizzically. They had absolutely no idea what this strange man was up to, but a small rectangle was no match for the might of their wooden swords.

Florian looked up at Jade, eyes big and full of wonder. "Can I press it? Now?"

Jade nodded. "Go ahead.

And so Florian pressed it.

From out of the rectangle flowed the most amazing, whimsical, euphoric music known to…well, anyone. It was happy, it was addicting, and it was sickeningly cute.

That's right, my friends. It was the one and only…Caramelldansen.

Florian couldn't help but shake his head to the beat.

And then…Jade began to dance.

"Yargh!" cried Bilbo. "What trickery is this?"

"No trickery," said Jade, Caramell-dancing. Boing-boing, went the music, and boing-boing went Jade. He was not worried about his dignity; he had been associated with Dist for far too long to worry about something as trivial as that. Besides, all that time spent with Luke had damaged things further.

Suddenly, Bilby let out an ear-splitting scream. "Cap'n! You can't face that! You can't, you can't!"

The group agreed loudly, but Bilbo was not to be swayed. Putting away his sword, he reluctantly, and horribly, began to bob. Caramelldansen.

And that's it for this chapter. Was it long? Was it short? Was it medium? I don't know. For all of you who supposed it was Jade…you were right. Sorry, I just had to add him. What's a funny story without Jade? And my Caramelldansen binge has carried over onto this. Ah, yes. The wonders of Youtube and DeviantArt. I suppose I should add, I don't own the idea for Caramelldansen or the music. I couldn't add this at the beginning…it would've given everything away.

Anyway, review, and tell me how you liked it. And remember, I'm always open to ideas. :3 And thank you, thank you to my reviewers. Parsuugi, Stitch Phantom, Aemiz, and KamaraKitsuia, this is a shout out to youuuuuu. I hope I spelled those right…