"... Happy birthday!
What have you done that matters?
Happy birthday!
Your starting to get fatter!
Happy birthday!
Its downhill from now on,
try not to remind yourself your best years are all gone!"
The BLU team sung to their medic, Conrad, a birthday song that the scout had taught them. The scout sung the main bits while everyone else sung the chorus. The engineer played the tune of the song on his guitar. Although the song was a bit offensive, Conrad knew it was just a little joke and once it was over, he laughed lightly and allowed the heavy to give him a hug.
"Happy birthday, docktor!" The heavy said, his loud voice echoing through the base. Everyone agreed with a round of laughter and a toast to the medic. This was his 40th birthday, a sign to him that he was getting old. Another sign had to be the fact he had nearly forgotten it was his birthday. Ether that, or it was the mental problems he had. The BLU medic smiled and took another drink from his bottle of beer.
"Ja, zhank you all for making zhis zuch a vonderful night!" he said. The scout patted him roughly on the back.
"No prob', doc'! You've been doin'a great job with the healin' and stuff! Ya' deserve a good time!" he said. The group continued the little party and drank more when suddenly they heard a loud thud from the doorway that led into the courtyard. They all turned to stare at what it was.
The BLU pyro stood there, the Backscratcher in it's hand. The body of a RED spy lay sprawled on the floor. His suit was dark with bloodstains and teared in the back, revealing deeps, red lines. The pyro pointed at the spy, muttering.
"Mmf." It said. The group stared until finally the soldier started yelling.
"A GOD DAMN SPY IN MY BASE? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I WANT THIS DISGUSTING SCUM OUT! NOW, NOW, NOW!" he shouted, reaching behind his back to grab his shovel. The demoman smacked the back of his head with a hand.
"Now hold on, boy'o! Maybe we could use him..." the demoman told the soldier. The heavy walked over to the spy's body and carefully nudged his head with one of his boots. The spy moaned and tried to push it away.
"Doktor! Leetle spy is still alive!" The heavy exclaimed. Conrad rushed over and pulled the heavy away.
"Careful, Vadik! You don't vant to hurt him anymore. I zhink Herr pyro has already done enough." Conrad said, kneeling down next to spy. He tried to turn him onto his side, but the spy resisted.
"Don't touch me!" he moaned, trying to sit up. But he just managed to prop himself up a bit with his elbows. The soldier started yelling again and jumped over to the spy, smashing his shovel over his head. The spy's face hit the floor and he stopped moving.
"Solly! What in tar'nation are ya' doin'?" the engineer gasped, helping the demoman pull the soldier away.
"YOU SAW HIM! HE WAS RESISTING! AN ENEMY THAT CAN STILL MOVE IS STILL LETHAL, MEN!" the soldier hollered.
"Stop it, J.D.! Leave the poor man alone! Doc', is he gonna' be okay?" the engineer asked the medic. Conrad took the grabbed the spy's wrist and checked his pulse.
"Vell, zhe man is ztill alive. Do you vant me to treat him?" he asked.
"Aye, keep him alive, doc'. Maybe could get some useful stuff outta' him." the demoman said. The medic nodded and turned towards the pyro.
"Bring zhe spy and follow me, pyro. Ve vill take him down to the medical room." he told it. The pyro snickered a bit and leaned down to pick up the motionless body when the BLU sniper stopped him for a second.
"Hey, wait, mate! You get his knife?" he asked. The pyro snickered some more and took out a switchknife with a long blade. There was some tape in the middle of it with a small amount of blood. It handed it to the sniper, who examined it closely.
"What ya' need the guy's knife for?" the scout questioned the sniper. He smiled and slipped the switchblade in his belt.
"I keep a collection of spy knives in my van. Got fifty-four now." he laughed evilly. Conrad and the scout laughed awkwardly with him. Then the medic motioned for the pyro to follow him down to hallway to the very downstairs, leaving his little party.
"Hm, zo much for my night. How about you, pyro?" the medic asked halfway down.
"Mmf mff." it replied. Even though Conrad couldn't understand him, he nodded in agreement.
"Ja."
The medic instructed the pyro to lay the spy on the table and take his clothes off, sparing the underwear. He looked through his medical cabinets and pulled out bandages, syringes, and medicine that would put the spy to sleep in case he stirred when the medic was trying to patch up his wounds. After the pyro had taken off what was left of the suit, Conrad told him to hold the spy up a bit so he could wrap up the cuts to his body. The pryo mumbled in a questioning tone.
"Mff mmf mm mmfmmf?" it said, pointing to some bullet holes in the spy's abdomen.
"Zhe Medigun vill take care of all of zhose zhings." The medic said. While he wasn't paying attention, the spy began to move. He reached out a hand and grasped the medics shoulder, coughing up a bit of blood. The medic panicked and tried his best to hold the spy still, "Don't move, dummkopf, I need to finish wrapping you up."
"W... who are...?" the spy tried to speak, but more blood just came out. It dripped off his chin and into his lap.
"Hold on, I'll get zhe Medigun started." Conrad said, letting go of the spy and pulling the Medigun down a bit, aiming it at the table. He flipped the switch and it hummed to life. A ray of sweet-smelling blue came out of it and drifted around the spy's body. It absorbed into the spy and he gasped, able to breath now without more blood coming out. The pyro let go of the spy now that he could hold himself up.
"Ah... much better..." the spy muttered. Conrad grabbed the spy's chin and examined his face.
"Hm, he looks fine for now. Tell me, spy, do you feel as bad as before?" he asked. The spy's eyes widened and he pulled the medic's hand off.
"Wha-? Where am I? You aren't our medic!" he snarled. Conrad was taken back.
"Now hold on, bitte! You need to relax! If it wasn't for me, you vould be dead right now!" the medic said, pushing the spy down on the table with the help of the pyro.
"Ah! Get away from me!" the spy said, struggling against the two BLU's.
"I vas afraid of zhis. Hold him still, pyro." Conrad said, grabbing a syringe and the bottle of medicine. The spy really began to panic when he saw the medic filling the syringe.
"No! Don't you dare inject me with anything, you crazy man!" he shouted. Conrad smiled and grabbed one of the spy's arms, ready to put the needle in. The pyro held the spy as still as it could.
"Don't worry, dummkopf, zhis vill only hurt a bit." the medic said, shoving the needle into the other man's arms. The spy cried out and shouted more before quickly drifting off.
"Mmmf mmmf!" the pyro said. Conrad shook his head.
"He just needs more sleep, zhats all." he said, running a finger along the spy's jaw, "Zhe real fun starts tomorrow..."
Both of them shared a laugh before leaving the room.