Chapter 8: Tricks of the Mind

Nothing much to say here other than ENJOY!

"And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very, very
Mad world"

-Mad World by Gary Jules

"Cause when you cry
All your tears I will wipe away
And when you laugh
Who you think got you that way?
When you dream big
When you wake up
Is it me you wanna see?"

-Look at Me by Keri Noble

Harry's POV:

I should have held him while I had the chance. Tears fell down my cheek, and dripped onto the floor. I had been so absorbed in trying to stop Bellatrix, I hadn't let myself just calm down, and hold Tom like I used to. And now he lay before me, his chest unmoving. There was no pulse left in his body, and the blood around him was a pure, glittery crimson, just like the glazed over eyes he had. His cold, pale skin was nothing but an empty shell; there was nothing inside it left. I couldn't believe it all. My mind refused to wrap around it, because if it was true, my life was as good as over. I would have no reason to get out of bed every morning, or even wake up. What would I do?

Nothing. This wasn't real. It was just a terrible, horrible nightmare. I couldn't bear losing Tom, and so my mind was showing me how awful it would be. But I wasn't waking up. I laid my head down on his cold chest, and tried to hear even the smallest beat of a heart. I wasn't waking up. I placed my hands on his limp ones and pulled them up to meet my lips. I wasn't waking up. Tears poured from my eyes and my sobs over took my breathing. Why wasn't I waking up? Every moment seemed to become more real, I could see that. And soon, it was plain this was no dream. I buried my face in his chest. My whole world was crashing down around me. This was my fault. All my fault…

Then someone's arms wrapped around me, and my eyes opened into the familiar darkness that was my room. Bloody fucking hell, I thought. My breathing was shaky, and tears streaked my cheeks. It had been a nightmare after all. It didn't matter if I had known it was one; my evil mind could always convince me otherwise. I hated how real it became, and how much pain I still felt, even after waking up. I turned around in Tom's arms and put my lips to his. I loved him so much. I never wanted to lose him, even in my dreams.

'You are alright now, love. I am here.'

I forced myself to calm. Everything was alright now, and it was nothing real. I always found it so odd how years could pass in dreams, even if only a few hours passed. In my nightmare, a full 4 years had passed, and I felt every single thing that had happened like it had been real. Nanda had been a great student at Hogwarts, but he did get into trouble (I passed on my cloak and map after his first year). Bellatrix and her gang had attacked us several times, trying to get revenge. She had taken Nanda during his fifth year, and placed him under imperious. Tom, Snape, and I had a plan to get him (by breaking into their lair using Snape as a spy), but not only were we caught, but Tom was taken prisoner. I then went on a solo mission to get him back. I fought for a long while with Bellatrix before finally killing her, only to find that she had already done the same to Tom.

Merlin, that was a horribly realistic dream…

Tom wrapped his arms around me, and I sighed at the warm embrace. It was so different from the cold shivers I had let come over my body before. It had actually been a while since my last nightmare. They usually came around every so often, just when I was really stressed. Obviously, I was a bit tense about this new threat those ex-Death Eaters posed. It was more than enough reason to be stressed, but did it really call for such vivid (and just plain awful) dreams?

'Well, I suppose we should get up then? No point in sleeping for only a few minutes.'

I broke our embrace to look at my clock. 6:54. Alright then. I stretched my arms up and then crawled over to the edge of the bed (after which, the time was 6:56). I stood carefully and rubbed my forehead, almost tripping over the bird that was pecking at the carpet. "Bloody hell!" The bird squawked and hopped backwards. Tom, now behind me, laughed quietly. I groaned and pulled the note from its leg (and receiving a bite for my clumsiness). The words were so blurred, I could hardly make anything out. "My glasses" I mumbled. After a moment, I realized they wouldn't come until I said the magic words. "Accio glasses." They finally made their way to my hand, and I put them on. "Oh, it's from Nanda."

Dear Papa and Dad,

I know I've only been gone a few hours, but so much has happened. I've made friends. On the train I met twins, Lysander and Lorcan, who told me they are the sons of Papa's friend. They are a bit weird, but they are smart and resourceful. I also met a girl named Marcie. She's such a Gryffindor. Of course, I also met two guys who I'm rooming with, Grant and Vanan. Grant likes birds and he cares for them. Vanan likes to read books. I've been sorted into Ravenclaw. It's been really fun so far.

Love Your Pup,
Nanda

P.S. If you could feed Sparo a rat, he would be very happy. He's been hungry, and I haven't had time to let him outside to eat.

I smiled to myself. I was so glad he was having a good time at school, and making friends.

"What does it say?" Tom asked, looking over my shoulder.

"Looks like we both lost the bet. He's a Ravenclaw." I joked.

"Well at least he is not going to be stupidly brave."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Or royally insidious."

"Touché."

I put the note down to look at Sparo. "We have to feed him a rat." I said to Tom.

"No problem. We have plenty. I am positive Nagini wouldn't mind sharing."

I sighed again. "Alright then. Come along." I crouched down and Sparo hopped onto my outstretched arm.

3rd Person POV:

School started the next day. All the students reported to their designated classes, and the professors began their introductory lessons. Nanda had Potions class first, with Professor Zabini, and then Defense Against the Dark Arts, with a new professor, since the one they had last year had some family across the pond that were having troubles, and needed to help them, and so keeping the job was "out of the question". It had been an easy first day. There wasn't much to learn, just a few simple things, like ingredients and some potions they would make throughout the year, or a simple introduction into what exactly we would learn to defend ourselves against, accompanied with a chapter to read for homework. It was all so interesting to Nanda. He took the liberty to ask his professors questions about things he had wondered about during class, or how well his dads had been in the subject. His potions teacher didn't know anything about his dad, but he was sure his papa hadn't done too well in the subject. His Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher had no clue about either of them, but did give him a lovely story about his school days, and how, in his third year, he turned a boggart (which had started as a person gushing blood) into a sprinkler, and how the teacher let them all run through it afterwards. Nanda liked the story, and looked forward to the rest of the year.

During lunch, he had sat next to Grant and Vanan, as well as Lysander and Lorcan. They ate, and laughed at Vanan, who said his food smelled like a book he once got for Christmas that was about Dinosaurs, and put his nose into his potatoes on accident. Then they all talked about their classes. Grant apparently didn't like the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Nanda told him about the conversation they had, and that he was scared of a body that was gushing blood. Grant smiled and joked about playing a prank on him. No one was serious about anything, and that was the fun of it. Even the twins showed some expression for once, and they joined in on the conversation when they could. Nanda was having a brilliant day, and he hoped all his school days would be like this.

He was heading back to the Ravenclaw tower, all his lunch mates with him, when someone stopped him from going onward. Nanda stopped mid-sentence and looked to Scorpius Malfoy. He sighed to himself and prepared himself for something awful. "Yes, Scorpius, may I help you?"

Scorpius grinned like he had just won the house cup. "I see you know who your superiors are then."

Nanda stared at him a moment before replying sarcastically, "Oh yes, sir. Is there anything I can get you, sir? Anything for you, sir." Grant snickered behind him. Lysander and Lorcan merely gave him an uncomfortable blank stare. Vanan looked between them, placing what they had previously told him in their room about Scorpius, and then looked around hoping they weren't doing anything against the rules.

Scorpius' smiled faltered, but didn't quite disappear. He looked around Nanda, seeing the group of people around him made him so jealous, he was almost going to give up entirely on this little mission of his.

"Where's your friends, Scorpius?" Nanda asked seriously. He wasn't trying to sound mean, or anything; he was truly curious. It was unusual for bullies to travel alone.

He scoffed. "Those two goons aren't really my friends. They just follow me around everywhere. It's sad really. I told them to go off and do something on their own for once." In all truth, one had gone off to talk to his older brother, and the other had followed after, obviously not wanting to be around Malfoy alone. He had pretended to be alright with it, but he was rather saddened that even they didn't want to be around him. But, of course, he wouldn't tell them that.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" Grant asked. "Because we were on our way to our rooms. Please, just hurry on with whatever nonsense you have to say."

Scorpius was a bit frightened by that boy, but didn't care to show a hint of such. How dare he insult him! He really had good intentions; he just had to get past himself a moment…

"I wanted to talk to Nanda alone. If you wouldn't mind leaving a moment." There wasn't an ounce of sincerity in his voice, and he felt awful for it, but he really just wanted to talk to Nanda. He didn't intend to cause any harm. But he dragged it with him wherever he went, and after a few generations of Malfoys, others were sick of it.

Vanan shook his head. "Oh no. I don't think that would be a good idea." Grant nodded in agreement, and the twins stared. Scorpius was rather pressured under such a stare.

He looked to Nanda, hoping he conveyed even the smallest bit of sincerity, but he was sure his father had beaten any such thing out of him. Or so said the scars on his back and upper arms. But he still felt it.

Nanda sighed. "What harm could it do? I'll just be a moment. Go on, I'll catch up." He hoped Scorpius wouldn't do anything awful, but he had his doubts. Any kindness Malfoy was trying to convey was lost long ago, but Nanda couldn't think of a single situation where he would be in any danger around Scorpius. He was just another first year, after all. His friends left hesitantly, especially the twins, but they continued on, and soon, Nanda and Scorpius were at the side of the hallway, away from where others would care about what they were talking of (unintentionally, of course. They hadn't moved or anything. That is just where they happened to stop).

Scorpius glanced around them and then back to Nanda, who was awaiting some sort of verbal harassment, but got nothing but silence. "What did you want to talk about?" He was suddenly curious of the strange reason that was causing this annoying boy to be quiet. Certainly it was something he wouldn't expect.

In a slit-second decision, Scorpius finally decided to say something. "I'm sorry."

Nanda blinked a few times. He hadn't expected that at all. Even if someone had told him that would happen, he wouldn't have expected it. A Malfoy apologizing? That alone was unbelievable. "O…kay…I forgive you."

Scorpius sighed. "You don't understand how awful I feel about it. I hadn't realized that you wouldn't care to pick a last name because you were more focused on just having a family. I…I'm sorry."

Nanda was rather shocked at Scorpius (anyone would have been), but he couldn't help but smile. "I already forgave you. There's nothing to worry about."

"Alright…" Scorpius bit his lip. Now was the hard part. "There's one thing I wanted to ask you for. If you don't mind, of course." He added.

A Malfoy needed something from him? This was getting more peculiar by the second. "Sure."

Of course, if Scorpius said this last part, he would have to explain his reason for such a thing, and then Nanda would know something about him he would rather not share with anyone. Not even himself, sometimes. He didn't really want to trust such a thing to him, but what other options did he have? "I want you to have better grades than me."

Yep. Nanda thought to himself. I'm definitely in another dimension. There is no way this would be happening otherwise. But the odd thing was that this was the same dimension he had always been in. "What?" was the first thing that would come out of his mouth, though his mind was screaming why?

"I want your grades to be higher than mine." He looked around to the now almost empty hallway. "My father would hate if you had better grades than me."

Nanda just stared. "So…you want your father to be angry with you? Why would your father be angry with you?"

Scorpius clenched his fists and relayed the information. "He expects me to have the best grades out of everyone else in our year. I want to have good grades, but it's too much to have the best."

It was all so confusing, but Nanda guessed there was something in this subject he shouldn't touch. There was something sensitive about it, and he wasn't one to push on wounds. "Alright. I'll try and be smarter than you, then." He wasn't quite sure how to reply, but he tried his best.

Taking this chance, Scorpius nodded and said a small thanks before leaving, his face red. Nanda was utterly stumped as to why anyone would want to anger their father, but figured he never wanted to find out. He loved his dads, and would try his hardest to please them. He smiled to himself. Surely being the smartest in my year would be a way to make up for being a Ravenclaw. With his hopes renewed about his dads, he started for Ravenclaw tower again.

Thoughts of Scorpius filled his mind. His odd actions towards him, and his request. Maybe he wasn't who I thought he was. Don't judge a book by its cover, was the saying. It was easier said than done, of course. But there were those who could manage it. Of course, there were other methods to judging a book, like Vanan's method of smelling it. He wouldn't smell Scorpius (that was just plain weird); the metaphor wasn't literal. He would let his previous thoughts of him be wiped away and let them start on a new slate, for now. He didn't expect it to stay that way, but he would, nonetheless, give him the chance to be different in Nanda's mind. Possibly, even a friend. It was too soon to tell exactly what would happen, but he was sure things would get better.

Scorpius Malfoy's POV:

Now that that's over with… I walked the opposite way that Nanda was headed, to the dungeons. I was so exhausted, since I had lost so much sleep last night. It was difficult to fall asleep knowing that would wake in the morning and my life would be the same, if not worse. I had little fantasies of how much better everyone would be without me. My dad needed an heir, but I wasn't going to be the one to take that on, so if I was gone, he would be able to have another, who would be twice as great as I could even dream of being. And he wouldn't be so frightened of the odd people that dad invited to the house. In fact, he would probably be friends with them himself. And he would naturally be the smartest on in his year, without even studying. My dad would have the perfect child to show off. And I would be free of his constricting expectations.

The door to the dungeons was before me now. "Slytherins are superior" I said, and the door swung open to reveal the common room. People were chatting away to others, sitting on the couch, or at the table, even the floor. I could care less about whoever they were, and so I walked right past them all to get to my room. When I arrived, my roommates were not there. I sighed and lay on my bed. What was there to do now? My homework, of course. I grabbed a book and opened it up to the chapter I had to read.

That night, I lay awake in bed. Just exactly like the night before. What was the point of sleeping if nothing would change overnight? I wasn't eagerly awaiting tomorrow's events, not that I knew what they were exactly, other than classes. I desperately needed something more to life than school and being a Malfoy. Was there something I could do to make it more worthwhile? No I thought. I'm stuck in this miserable little rut. All I have is my name and my schoolwork. Nothing else really mattered. Sure, I had a bunch of things others didn't, like fancy clothes and toys, expensive supplies and even a broom. I should be the spoiled brat every Malfoy heir before me was, but I didn't much care for fancy stuff. If only I didn't have to be a Malfoy. I didn't want to fit the mold they had set up for me. I wanted to be myself, but I wasn't even sure what that was anymore.

There was always the glorious bliss of leaving this world; if I could watch everything from a ghost's perspective. My father would get his perfect son, and maybe Nanda and his friends wouldn't need to worry about me. Plus the added fact of being relieved of such a duty. I came to a great conclusion: I wasn't cut out to be a Malfoy. But of course, there was nothing I could do to fix that.

I went through the next few days in a blur, barely even going through the motions of school and homework and meals. I don't remember ever sleeping, but I must have slept sometime, because I was never really tired. There was nothing exciting or different about these days at all, except for the growing oddity of Nanda. He would say hello as he passed me in the halls, and smile. One day, he asked me how classes were going, and I told him they were fine. Then he went along his way. It was so weird, I thought I might be imagining things.

"Hi, Scorpius." Nanda waved as he passed.

"Hi." I barely said before he was behind me. I turned back to him and watched as his friends looked at him and questioned what he had done. He shrugged and said something. I shook my head and turned back to head to my next class, which was…I couldn't remember, but my feet took me there. Potions, of course.

I sat, not really paying attention until my name was called to answer a question, which I would always answer correctly. I had spent the time from receiving my letter to the start of school reading my potions book. It had been so fascinating then, but now it was as grey as my eyes, just like the rest of my life. There was nothing I could think of that would help me fix this.

Of course!

There was nothing I could think of, but maybe someone else could think of something. But what exactly was I trying to accomplish? I want to be rid of these guidelines my father insisted I live by. How could I do that? Two ways. Dying (out of the question) or being disowned. And how could I be disowned? That was the question… And I knew just the person to talk to.

"Mr. Malfoy, what happens if the porcupine quills are added before the cauldron is taken off the fire?"

I looked to the board, on which was written "Boil Curing". "Green smoke is released. The potion made will melt the pot and burn any skin it comes into contact with."

The professor smiled. "Correct." His smile wasn't a happy one exactly, but more of a proud one. He was the head of Slytherin, of course. "Five points to Slytherin." I didn't much like him, even if I was one of his favorite students.

And I had the rest of class to sit through. It was so much longer than it should have been.

When it was finally over, I sighed and made my way down the hallway once more. I had no idea where my feet were taking me, but it definitely wasn't the dungeons, where my bed would be. I focused my eyes, and noticed I was surrounded by a crowd of students, all who were entering the Great Hall. Lunch. I walked over to the Slytherin table and sat myself next to my two goons. I ate in silence. No one bothered to even acknowledge my presence, and I was alright with that. I mostly poked at my food with my fork, but I forced a few bites in. It was something pretty tasteless and mushy. And soon enough, lunch was over.

I walked back out through the doors of the Great Hall and someone poked my arm. I looked to see who else but Nanda. "Hi, Scorpius."

I almost stopped in my tracks, but my feet kept pulling me to my next class. "Hi, Nanda. Could I tell you something?"

Nanda's happy face went serious for a moment, and he reminded me of a wolf, with his brown hair and earthy eyes. "Sure."

We walked with the crowd until we almost passed an empty classroom. I opened the door, and stepped inside, Nanda closing the door behind him. I turned to him, not quite sure of how to say it other than to just spit it out. "I need your help with something."

:) This chapter didn't take too long to write. And I have another one already done coming right after it. I've been writing when I really should be doing something else. Hahaha, HAPPY LABOR DAY!