(AN): Heh, heh, heh, Hey. Um, been a while, hasn't it? Sorry? Have you ever had a TON of fanfiction ideas, and you kinda start some of 'em on paper, but nothing gets typed up or posted and even some really good ideas don't get touched? Yeah, that's how it's been. But I'm determined to start some MAJOR updating! I figured I'd start here, 'cause I don't want to neglect it for too long. This chapter is How to Annoy Light. I know number 5 is commonly known, but I couldn't resist throwing it in there anyway! This chapter is for my friend BeyondBirthday13BB. Love you!
How to Annoy Light
1. During a Task Force meeting, yell across the room, "Hey, KIRA! Where do you want me to hide the DEATH NOTE? You know, that you use to KILL PEOPLE?"
2. Lock him, Misa, and Takada in a room together.
3. Kill every single girl in the world EXCEPT FOR MISA.
4. Tell him that L is more ninja-tastic than he is.
5. Constantly point out that his last name spelled backwards is "I'm a gay".
6. Replace all his shoes with fish.
7. Style his hair into a bad likeness of L's.
8. If he's ranting to you about his Godly ideals, pretend to be completely interested. When he's done, say something totally irrelevant (i.e. "Can cockroaches get rabies?").
9. Everywhere he goes, walk in front of him saying, "Come on people, move it or lose it, God of the New World coming through..."
10. Use an alias.
11. Call him "Dark".
12. When he tells you his job is to eliminate people who have done evil, look frightened and say "Um... define 'evil'".
13. Compare him and L to Voldemort and Harry.
14. Kidnap him. Allow him to keep the Death Note... BUT take away anything he could write with!
15. When he's "helping" L plot ways to catch Kira, look confused and say, "But Light, you ARE Kira..."
16. Make a huge banner that says "I'm a gay X Queer Near FOREVER"
17. Kidnap Sayu (again...)
18. Use a "Life Note" to start bringing all the criminals he kills back to life.
19. When he says he's undefeatable, say "Oh, I don't know," then point to Near, wink, and stage-whisper "It's always the quiet ones."
20. Join an anti-death penalty organization ((A/N: They exist. I Google'd it.))
21. Handcuff him to Misa instead of L.
22. Tell him he looks like Zac Efron.
23. While he and Ryuk are walking down the street, run around whacking random passerby with the Death Note, so that they can see Ryuk, too.
24. Say that by not having an 'addiction' (L's cake, Ryuk's apples, Mello's chocolate, Matt's video games, Near's toys) he is severely lacking in character depth and is not fit to be the main character.
25. "Accidently" destroy the Death Note.
26. Write "Hi, Kira," all over his wall on Facebook.
27. Pay a hobo to push him down the stairs.
28. Comment that writing someone's name in huge letters with your hand flying off the page isn't exactly inconspicuos.
29. Ask him how it feels to get shot four times and then die of a heart attack.
30. Look up "Death Note characters" on Wikipedia and ask why there's way more info on Matt, who was only in the anime for like 10 seconds, than there is on him ((Because Matt's the coolest thing since squirtable cheese! Sorry, I'm pretty much Matt's #1 fan. And someone's gonna do the whole "No, I am!" review thing, but I honestly don't care.))
31. Doodle hearts and flowers in the Death Note.
32. Hack into the grading system and fail him in every class.
33. Point out that L comes before Light alphabetically.
34. Refer to writing utensils as "instruments of death and justice".
35. Tackle him in the street after he specifically tells you to stay away from him until further notice (like Misa did).
36. After finding out that he can neither go to heaven or hell, scream "ZOMBIE!" and start hitting him over the head with a two-by-four.
37. Join Team L, because "L is backed by 3 really cool geniuses, wheras you have 2 jealous whores and an insane lawyer".
38. Ask him to kill a taco vender so that you may have free tacos to your heart's content.
39. Ask him if he chokes on his own spit when he does one of his evil laughs.
And finally...
40. Replace his Death Note with a copy, leading to his ultimate downfall.
(A/N): This took me FOREVER! So I hope it's okay, I tried not to put in anything to lame. Next up is Misa, and at the ABSOLUTE LATEST I will update June 1st. Yeah, I actually made a schedule for my fanfiction. Expect two one-shots this weekend ;). Review, pretty please with sugar on top. And if you want to waste my time with a stupid "No, I'M Matt's biggest fan!" thing, it's fine with me, just don't expect a reply. Because you will not get one. Even if you put something else in there. That being said, LOVE YOU GUYS!