A\N: Sorry I haven't been able to update in a while, but updates should be often from now on! :)

Camp Revenge Season 2

Chapter 11: "Gay Incest Dogs"

So, uh, I was in Boston, right? And I saw this couple. Gay couple. Nothing wrong with gay people. Except, I noticed the two looked exactly the same - as in twins. As in brothers. As in family. So, they were holding hands. Maybe it was just brotherly love. Until they started making out. Then I knew it wasn't brotherly love. And that means incest. Gay insect. I have nothing against gay people, but when you get into the whole incest thing, it makes me shudder.

"Ugh," I moaned as I tried to sit up. I was still wearing my dirty, dirty, stripper outfit and I looked over and saw Jason sitting over by me, still as wasted as hell. I saw Mitchie sitting over on my bed, typing on her laptop.

She looked over at me. "Hi dirty, dirty, stripper,"

"Ugh," I groaned again and stood up. "What happened? All I remember is going to the bar and then Jason gave me some pills and that was it,"

"He gave you pills?!" she screamed.

I nodded. "Ritalin. If you don't actually have ADD, it makes you high,"

Mitchie sighed. "Oh my God," She came over to me and pulled be back up to my feet. "Look that way," she pointed to the left.

"Why?" I asked, turning my head.

"Because you're about to throw up and I don't want it on me," she told me.

Then, I barfed on the floor. "Ew…" I muttered.

Mitchie nodded. "That's pretty gross," She wrinkled her nose. "Something smells bad – I can't decide if it's the barf that's on the floor or you,"

"It's me… my pores are leaking out alcohol," I said and went over to my bed. I plopped down and then buried my face into my pillow. I moaned and Mitchie put a blanket over me.

I fumbled with trying to unhook the lacy bra, but I couldn't. "Help…" I pathetically cried out. Mitchie came over and unhooked the bra. I slid it off of me and then threw it on the floor. "Why do you girls wear those things? They're so uncomfortable!"

"Call us crazy…" she muttered.

I fell asleep.

X X X

I woke up to barking… What the hell? I flipped over and sat up. Mitchie was sitting on the floor, playing with two dogs. "What's with the dogs?" I asked.

Mitchie smiled. "Your uncle got us puppies!"

"What?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. "Am I hallucinating?"

She shook her head. "Nope," She pointed to a black Labrador. "This is your puppy," The dog barked and then jumped out of her hands and onto my bed, licking my face.

I pushed the dog away. "Don't lick me; I don't know where your tongue has been, and if you just so happened to lick yourself in inappropriate places, I don't want it on me,"

Mitchie sighed. "I miss dirty, dirty, stripper Shane. He was fun and less angry,"

The dog barked.

"See? Your dog agrees," she laughed.

I picked up the puppy and held him close to my face. "You… are not my friend," I told it and pushed him away.

The puppy whimpered and then jumped off my bed and into Mitchie's lap. "Aww, you made him sad," she said and scratched the dog behind its ears.

I rolled my eyes. "Like I care,"

She stood up and shoved the puppy at me. "Be nice to your puppy,"

"What's his name?" I asked, looking into the dog's brown eyes.

Mitchie shrugged. "I named mine Prince,"

"Then mine is Princess," I said, taking the dog from her.

"But your dog's a boy…" she said.

I shrugged. "He can be a cross-dresser,"

"That works too," she muttered. "Now get up and take Princess for a walk. You've been asleep for a whole day,"

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Seriously," she confirmed.

I got out of bed and saw that I was still wearing Mitchie's mum's hooker panties. I went into my bathroom and changed into some real clothes.

When I got back into my cabin, Mitchie handed me a leash. I took it and put it on Princess's collar. "Let's go," I said.

We walked our dogs out of my cabin and up in the woods. I carried her across the make-shift bridge Denny, Jason, Nate, and I built. I let her down and then we continued walking. After a while, we stopped to take a rest and we tied our dogs to the trees. We started talking about our dogs and stuff and then I looked over at our dogs only to see my dog humping Mitchie's dog.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed looking at the dogs.

Mitchie turned her head and looked at the dogs. Her jaw dropped. "EW!"

"OUR DOGS ARE GAY?!" I yelled.

Mitchie nodded. "Not just gay – incest. They're brothers,"

"THEY'RE BROTHERS?!" I screamed. "WE HAVE GAY INCEST DOGS?!'

I ran over to the dogs and pulled Princess off of Prince. "No!" I scolded. "No gay incest!"

Princess barked and then jumped out of my hands, humping Prince again. "STOP! STOP!" I yelled and grabbed my dog. "Oh my God. My dog is so horny!" I took Princess and then ran over to another tree, I tied him up and then he started whining and whimpering.

Mitchie walked over to me. "No – you can't stop true love, Shane,"

"But that's sick! And twisted! And wrong – they're brothers!" I defended.

She untied her dog and put her dog next to my dog. Prince licked Princess and then they started humping each other again.

I sat down and buried my face in my hands. "Oh God… Why did we have to get gay incest dogs?"

Mitchie shrugged. "Like I would know,"

"That's pretty gross," I said. "We're like their parents… Oh God! Mitchie! Did we raise them wrong? Are we bad parents?"

She patted me on the back. "No. We did everything we could – they're in love. True love can sometimes be sick and twisted. There was no way we could have stopped this,"

Am I seriously talking about my dog like it's my kid?

I stood up and went over to the dogs. I picked up Prince off of Princess. "Ok, ok. Enough sex, you two," I set Prince down and then picked up my dog. I untied him and I held him out as far as I could away from me. Mitchie put her dog on its leash and then we walked back to camp.

I went into Uncle Brown's cabin. "Our dogs just committed a sin," I told him.

He turned away from his computer and looked at me. "What?"

I nodded. "Gay insect. Our dogs. Are gay. And brothers. And had sex. Before marriage… Oh my God! They committed like three sins right there!"

My uncle rolled his eyes. "They're dogs. Get over it,"

I shrugged and went out of his cabin, still holding my dog three feet away from me. I put him down on the ground and he and Prince cuddled together.

"Three sins," I said to Mitchie. "Our dogs are sinners. Shun them! SEND THEM TO HELL!" I joked.

Mitchie rolled her eyes. "I thought you weren't Christian,"

"I'm not. Did you not catch the sarcasm in my voice?"

She shrugged. "So our dogs are sinners, eh?"

"Yup," I made a popping noise with my mouth.

"You know how we could relieve them of one sin? Maybe God will forgive them," she laughed.

"What?" I asked.

She pointed to them. "If they got married – a doggie wedding,"

I laughed. "Doggy wedding?"

Mitchie nodded. "Why not?"

"Isn't gay marriage still illegal in all states except California?"

"So let's go to California!"

"Umm… no?"

"Shane – they're dogs. Those rules don't apply," She grabbed my hand. "Come on!"

"Where are we going?" I asked and grabbed our dogs' leashes.

"To plan a wedding!" she laughed, running into my cabin.

Well if my dogs are gonna be sinners, I'll have to get used to the whole incest thing. Do they have Gay Incest Parades? I don't think so... should I petition for one? I petitioned for Burro Racing to be the official sport of Colorado... and guess what? We won! It's now officially the official sport!