A/N: Bet you weren't expecting this, huh? Sorry I stopped for a while. I plan to keep doing it, though there might be another long wait afterwards because I'll be working on NaNoWriMo. There are 10 extras to this one, which will also be true for the next chapter (Matt) because they're my favorites!
How to Annoy Mello
1. Break his rosary.
2. Cut off his chocolate supply.
3. Accuse him of stealing Misa's clothes.
4. Refer to him as 'she', 'her', or 'that girl'
5. According to the fangirls, L is a panda, Near is a sheep, Matt is a puppy, so what does that make him?
6. Use the phonetic pronunciation of his last name (Key-hell)
7. Tell him facial scars are soooooooo last season
8. Write MelloXNear fanfiction. And read it to him.
9. Tell him Matt got them matching goggles.
10. Turn him in to the police.
11. Tell him that today is Judgment Day.
12. Throw Bibles at him.
13. Cut his hair.
14. Ask him if he wears make-up.
15. Flip through the pages of Death Note: Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases and tell him not to quit his day job.
16. Make him a Facebook page using his real name.
17. Hang the "Leather Pride Flag" (the symbol of BDSM) on his motorcycle.
18. Point out that in most fan arts, Matt is drawn as the seme and he as the uke.
19. Make him use a swear jar (he'll be broke in an hour).
20. Tell him Near and Misa are getting married and want him to be the priest.
21. Tell him Near is in love with him despite his engagement and is full of inner turmoil about what to do.
22. Tell him L picked a successor- "well, kind of- he just said 'anyone but that blonde psycho…'".
23. Send him to anger management class.
24. Go to the bookstore with a pen and write the ending of Another Note on the first page of every copy, ruining his surprise ending for everyone.
25. Replace all his weapons with water pistols and those guns that shoot marshmallows.
26. Call him 'MarshMello'.
27. Admit that you were wrong it comparing L to Harry Potter, because in the end, Mello's the one with the scar.
28. Constantly remind him to stop playing with matches.
29. Point out every single way that Near has beaten him, from grades at Wammy's to the number of requests for him in this very fic.
30. Ask if he can pop a wheelie on his motorcycle.
31. Tell him Matt's straight.
32. "Hey, think of it this way- first is worst, second is best, right?"
33. Remind him to wear his helmet on the motorcycle, because he's already blonde so it's not like he can afford to lose brain cells.
34. Tell him that he's in a coma and this is all a dream.
35. Ask if he got a motorcycle just so it would feel like people were hugging him when he gave them rides.
36. Write an essay on how Death Note is prejudiced and stereotypical, because there are only two major characters that are blonde, both of whom are dumb sluts.
37. Find out just how many people he had to sleep with to get his position in the Mafia. Pass this information on to Matt.
38. Email him every article and statistic you can find about how bad chocolate is for his health.
39. Start a rumor that he's intersexual, hence his feminine appearance.
40. Figure out a way to put Hershey's out of business.
41. Braid his hair in his sleep, preferably right before he has some sort of meeting with his Mafia thugs.
42. Every time he goes out, roll your eyes and say, "Fine. But if anything happens, remember stop, drop, and roll this time, okay?"
43. Crash his motorcycle.
44. Tell him that he doesn't have to worry about dying, because Sidoh's fallen in love with him.
45. Ask him to star in your Mafia movie.
46. Ask him to star in porn.
47. Tie him up and lock him in a room with Near.
48. Hack into Matt's email account and send him fake Dear John letters.
49. Hum "Barbie Girl" whenever he walks by you.
And…
50. Kill Matt.
Flutter: Mello, look what I just finished!
Mello: Oh great… Why would you publish this? You already do all this to me…
Flutter: Not all. I'd never kill Matt!
Mello: Whatever.
Flutter: Wouldn't turn you into the police either. They'd take you away from me D:
Mello: And that would be just terrible…
Flutter: Sarcasm not appreciated. Review!