And we're back over to this universe. We're mostly House-free for a few more chapters...how many I haven't completely decided yet. So yes, I do own everyone in this chapter with the exception of the brief mention of House and Cuddy. (And no, I don't mean like THAT. You all know me better than that, dear readers. :P)

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I'm busy putting the finishing touches on my spaghetti dinner on Wednesday night when I hear the knock at the door.

"It's open!" I yell across the space.

The door opens to reveal Eric and his partner Jordan. "Smells good, honey." Eric calls out, holding up a bottle of wine.

"I hope it tastes good." I answer with a small laugh. "My cooking skills have gotten a little rusty."

"We're just glad to see you getting out again." Jordan tells me firmly, enveloping me in a crushing hug. "We've missed you."

"I've missed you guys, too." I reply, returning the hug with almost equal force.

Eric opens up the bottle of wine and gestures to me for glasses. "Anyone else coming tonight?"

"Sherrie and Dave thought they might, if they could get a sitter." I answer. "Kevin and Michael for sure. They should be here in a few minutes."

No sooner do the words leave my mouth than the door opens, bringing in Kevin and Michael. "The party's here!" Kevin crows, all but dragging Michael by the hand.

I shake my head at Kevin's antics. How someone like that managed to snag someone as shy and quiet as Michael I'll never know. They seem happy, however, if the slight smile on Michael's face is any indication.

I drain the pasta and throw it into the pot to mix it up with the spaghetti sauce. Wednesday night spaghetti has been a tradition almost as long as Kenneth and I had been together. Sometimes we had as many as twenty people or as few as four, but it was always a welcome break in our week, a chance to catch up with each other and maintain our connections.

For now it's the six of us gathered around the table dishing up food and gossip. I've put this on hold for months, ever since Kenneth's condition started to take more and more of my time and attention. I would never have started it up again if Eric hadn't called, mock whining about how much he missed my spaghetti.

Jordan finishes the ridiculous story about his rehearsal with the local civic theater the night before. "The egos!" He huffs irritably. "You'd think they were all Broadway stars, the way they act. Of course, if they had any real talent, they'd be in New York, not Ann Arbor."

A murmur of agreement goes around the table before Jordan turns to me. "And how about you, Julian? How was that conference?"

"Good." I swallow a mouthful of garlic bread and continue. "Beautiful location, interesting speakers…"

I trail off, not wanting to think about my aborted encounter with Greg. Eric gives me a suspicious look. "Something you're not telling us, Jules?"

"Not much to tell." I shrug and take a sip of my wine. "I talked to the Dean of Medicine from Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Seems they might be looking for a new head of orthopedics sometime soon."

"Princeton?" Kevin jumps in. "Isn't that in New Jersey? Why the hell would you want to move there?"

Michael gives him a death glare, and I arch an eyebrow at Kevin. "She hasn't offered me a job. It was just a conversation."

"Honey." Jordan reaches across the table. "We know you're hurting, but that's no reason to leave the great state of Michigan."

"Indeed." Eric nods in agreement. "If you are going to leave, you could do better than New Jersey. At least get out of the cold."

A round of laughter goes around the table at that, and I merely shake my head. "Well, I don't think anyone has anything to worry about. I doubt I'll do anything about it."

"That's good." Kevin replies. "We've already lost Kenneth. We'd hate to lose you, too."

The table falls uncomfortably silent at Kevin's slightly tactless remark. I wave it off with a flick of my hand. "It's okay. Really. I think we all miss Kenneth."

"Some of us more than others." Jordan agrees, moving his wineglass to the center of the table. "To our friend, our lover, our partner. Wherever he is, may he be resting in peace."

I swallow the lump in my throat and nod as we clink our glasses together. A sadness comes over me, mixed with nostalgia.

After some throat clearing and wiping of eyes on everyone's parts, Kevin speaks up again. "I couldn't help but notice those new running shoes by the door, Julian. Please tell me you're putting them to good use."

"I'm trying." I answer with a chuckle. "Running Fit has a couple of group runs during the week. I went to my first one last night."

"That's good!" Kevin's face lights in a smile. "You always looked so hot when you were running regularly."

I feel myself blush at Kevin's remark. He's never been one to hold back on much of anything. "Well, I don't know about that, but I mostly enjoyed it…until I tripped and almost fell on my face."

The group makes sympathetic noises as I show the scrapes on my hands. Eric takes my hand and examines it closely. "Looks like someone took good care of that for you."

I jerk my hand away and return to my meal, my face growing warmer. Eric immediately picks up on my discomfort. "A…special someone?"

"No, no one special." I snap. "It's a bit soon for that, don't you think?"

"Honey." Eric tells me firmly. "It doesn't have to be romantic for it to be special. Now spill it, otherwise you know Kevin's just going to torture you for the rest of the night."

"He's right, you know." Kevin speaks up cheerfully. "So tell us. Is he cute?"

I groan and put my face in my hands. There's no point holding back. My nonexistent love life has now become the focus of the table. Might as well tell the whole story.

"He's the manager at the running store." I start. "I bought my shoes there yesterday, he told me about the group runs, and we ran together last night. And yes, Kevin, he is absolutely adorable." I sigh and look down at my plate. "And I feel absolutely horrible for thinking so."

Jordan reaches across the table and takes my hand as Michael loops an arm around my shoulders. "Nobody expects you to jump right in with someone else." Jordan tells me. "You loved Kenneth to pieces. We all know that. But it's okay to get out there and meet people, too."

"And even admire them." Kevin adds. "I mean, you are a man, right?"

"Right." I smile a little and dare to look up.

"Well there you go." Kevin replies triumphantly, as if he's made some great point. "So does this fine man have a name?"

"Sean." I answer. "He's…nice, I suppose. He invited me out for dinner on Friday. As friends, of course. I don't know if I want to go."

Kevin looks at me as if I've lost my mind. "Seriously? When was the last time you did anything aside from work? You'd damn well better go."

"Now, wait a minute." Eric interjects. "If Julian isn't entirely comfortable with the idea, maybe he shouldn't go." He turns to me. "Maybe you two could do lunch. Less pressure that way."

I huff irritably. "For crying out loud, it's not a date. I told him I wasn't looking for anyone. He's okay with that."

"Then there's no problem." Kevin tells me firmly. "Just go, have a nice time, maybe get laid."

"Kevin!" Eric and Jordan chorus as Michael shakes his head.

"What?" Kevin looks innocent. "There's nothing wrong with the whole friends with benefits thing."

"I don't think that's what Julian wants." Jordan tells him.

Michael squeezes my shoulder. "Here's a thought." He casually tosses out. "Why don't we just let Julian make up his own mind about this Sean fellow?"

"Thank you." I pat Michael's hand, and he nods before pulling back. "You all seem to forget that I'm an adult. I'm perfectly capable of managing...whatever this is."

"We're just looking out for you." Eric assures me.

"I know." I answer quietly. "And don't think for a moment that I don't appreciate it." I look around the table. "I really do love you guys. I wouldn't have made it this far without you."

"And we love you too." Kevin replies, reaching across Michael to squeeze my hand.

"Even if some of us are absolutely terrible at showing it." Jordan gives Kevin a death glare, and Kevin responds by sticking out his tongue. The two of them bicker briefly before we settle back down to our meal.

The conversation flows a bit more freely after that, and we soon finish, taking dishes into the kitchen and cleaning up. It's always a noisy, chaotic affair, but I enjoy it. I realize that I've isolated myself for far too long, and I vow to not let myself do that again.

"Are you okay?" Michael nudges me as we wash dishes side by side. He's always been a quiet guy, much like me. Somehow during these gatherings we always find each other, an oasis of quiet among the chaos.

"I'm fine. Thank you." I assure him.

He looks thoughtful as he rinses and dries. "Kevin's not exactly the most tactful man I know."

"Oh, I know." I laugh. "I've known him longer than you have, remember?"

He smiles. "Yeah, I know. But maybe he has a point."

"About what?"

"About the whole…friends with benefits thing."

I dread what might come next. "You'll have to explain that."

Michael frowns before explaining. "I'm not saying you guys should have sex right away, but maybe it would be good for you to…see someone."

"You two are talking about two completely different things." I argue. "You're talking about dating. Kevin's talking about…something I'm not comfortable with."

"It's not the same as a one-night stand, Julian." Michael counters. "You'll get to know each other a little bit, maybe develop a little attraction. Maybe from there things get a little…more than friendly." He winks at me. "And let's face it, it probably wouldn't kill you to get a little something-something. Might do wonders for your ego."

I can't help laughing, flicking soap suds at Michael. "I do believe Kevin's rubbing off on you."

He shrugs and smiles at me. "No one says this guy has to be the next great love of your life. He can be a transitional guy. Nothing wrong with that."

"I'm sorry, but that just feels wrong." I shake my head. "Why see someone if you have no intention of having a relationship?"

Michael leans over and whispers in my ear. "How do you think Kevin and I started out?"

I never considered that. Prior to meeting Michael, Kevin was the very definition of a man-slut. Something shifted over the time they were together, and now you could barely pry Kevin from Michael's side. Michael was different, too, still quiet and shy, but less reserved than he used to be. It was good for both of them.

"Well, we'll see what happens." I tell him firmly, trying to convince him as much as I'm trying to convince myself.

"Either way it goes, it'll be okay." Michael tells me, drying off his hands and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "When the time's right, you'll know."

"Hey, are you two almost done?" Kevin comes in from the dining room, grabbing Michael around the waist and planting a noisy kiss on his neck. "I'm ready for some dessert."

"It's on the island." I tell him. "Go ahead and start plating."

"No, my dessert is right here." Kevin teases, nuzzling Michael affectionately. Michael merely smiles a little and rolls his eyes.

It hurts to watch the affectionate display between them. I feel more like a third wheel than ever.

Kevin seems to sense my mood, and he playfully wraps his arms around me and blows a raspberry on my neck. It's not the same, certainly, but it does keep me from diving too deeply into a funk.

"Go on with you." I laugh and elbow him. "Dish up the cheesecake."

I start a pot of coffee, and we gather in the living room to have dessert and coffee, falling into idle chat that lingers well into the night. Finally I kick everyone out, momentarily savoring the silence before finishing the dishes for the night and heading upstairs to bed.

Once in bed, it's a little too quiet, a little too empty. I wonder if there will ever be a time when this bed won't be so lonely. The idea of having another person here is almost more than I can bear to think about.

I finally close my eyes and start to drift off, half imagining long arms and legs wrapped around me. The faces keep changing, from Kenneth to Greg to Sean and back again. It's unsettling at best.

My eyes pop open involuntarily, and I already know I'm in for a long night. If this keeps up, I might just skip the group run tomorrow. I'll figure out what to do about dinner with Sean later.

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