And on we go with our House-less section. So I suppose you could say I do own everything here, except for possibly a brief mention of House here. ;)

# # #

It's significantly colder tonight than it was Monday night, and I find myself in front of the running store again, bouncing from one foot to the other in a futile attempt to stay warm.

This was a foolish idea, I know that now. Not only am I fuzzy from lack of sleep the night before, but it's been ages since my last cold weather run. I had forgotten how miserable they can be at the beginning. Besides, I don't see Sean anywhere around.

"There you are!" Sean's cheerful voice pipes up to my right. "How are your knees?"

"Better, thank you." I smile a little in response, ignoring the fluttering in my chest. I'm nearly fifty years old. I'm too old for a silly crush on a younger man. "Although it's a good thing I needed to wear long pants tonight."

Sean laughs, rubbing his gloved hands together. "It is a chilly one, isn't it? That coffee is going to taste extra good tonight."

We start our run in silence, Sean's steps light and quick compared to my own heavier, lumbering steps. Still, we settle into an easy rhythm, making occasional small talk as we go. Well, Sean makes most of the small talk while I try not to pass out from the exertion.

Just after the halfway point, I finally feel as if all my aging body parts are starting to work together. I haven't felt so relaxed in a long time, and I almost forget that Sean is still trotting easily next to me.

"We could go for another loop if you want." Sean offers, startling me out of my zone.

I shake my head. "No, I think I'd best quit while I'm ahead. Go on without me."

"Don't be silly." Sean smiles. "I already did five this morning. Three'll do it for me."

"Good Lord." I glance over in surprise. "Why come back for another round?"

Sean gives me a baffled look. "Isn't it obvious?"

I don't dare entertain the thought. "Other than being a glutton for punishment…"

"I wanted to run with you." Sean blurts out.

We stop just in front of the running store, and I lean over to rest my hands on my knees. "My God, why? Surely there are others you could run with who wouldn't slow you down."

"You don't get it, do you?" Sean answers, bending over himself so that his head is level with mine.

I shake my head, and Sean continues, his hand reaching out to touch my shoulder. "You seem like this really sweet, kind hearted man. I like that about you. I just want to get to know you."

"You're making a mistake." I answer quietly, painfully aware of the growing warmth of his hand. "This isn't going to go anywhere."

"I'm not concerned about that right now." Sean replies.

I rise, letting his hand drift off my shoulder, suddenly missing the warm touch. "You will be before long. When you realize that you're just dealing with an old man and his issues, you'll move on, and rightfully so."

Sean surprises me by leaning forward and planting a brief kiss on my forehead. "Don't be so sure." He tells me softly. In a slightly different tone he says, "So, how about that coffee? I could use a warm up."

I nod, even as I'm still alternately startled and thrilled by his move. I swear the spot on my forehead burns, obvious to everyone who walks by. Strangely enough, no one notices as we make our way up to the counter and order our coffees before finding an open booth in the back corner.

Sean studies me with those soft eyes as he leans his chin against his hand, a thoughtful expression on his face. My discomfort at such intense attention grows as I sip at my coffee.

Finally I huff irritably and set down my cup. "You're staring."

"I know." Sean sighs and shakes his head. "I don't mean to, really. I'm just trying to figure out why you seem to think your age makes you unattractive."

I shrug and shift slightly, wrapping my hands around my cup. "It's not just my age. I…kind of let myself go for a while. I'm well aware that I'm hardly the most attractive man out there."

"I disagree." Sean counters. "I find you very attractive."

"Oh, you are silly." I shake my head at the idea.

"Why?" Sean tilts his head. "Think about it. Sean Connery, Patrick Stewart, Mark Harmon, Hugh Laurie. All those men have something in common."

I laugh. "Yes, they're all older than dirt."

Sean leans in, a mischievous expression on his face. "And they're all still hot as hell."

"Oh, my goodness." I can't help but laugh at that. "Surely you're not putting me in the same category as them."

"I am." Sean tells me firmly.

"Then you aren't just silly." I answer. "You're crazy."

Sean tilts his head at me. "Do you honestly believe you're that unattractive?"

I'm not sure what to say to that. I glance down and fiddle with my coffee cup. "I honestly don't know what to think. It's been a very long time since I've been on the market." I take a deep breath. "I suppose I don't feel attractive right now. It's been a rough last few months."

For some unknown reason, I start telling the story of Kenneth's last months of life, the pain of his loss spilling out of me, and I'm aware of his hand reaching across the table to cover mine, his thumb lightly stroking the back of my hand. It's comforting and a little thrilling at the same time, and I force myself to check any thoughts of disloyalty to Kenneth's memory.

We sit in silence after I've spilled my guts, his hands clasping mine softly across the table, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I was right. You're everything I thought you were and more."

I laugh a little, absentmindedly playing with his hands. "Don't nominate me for sainthood just yet. There were more than a few times when I wished he would just die already and get it over with."

"I'm sure." Sean nods. "But you stuck with him until the end. That's what really matters. A lesser man wouldn't have."

I shake my head. "I'm not so sure about that. But at any rate, surely now you understand why this won't go anywhere."

Sean lets out a little sigh, still caressing my hands. "And we're back to that, are we?"

"It's only logical." I argue. "Surely you want something out of this."

Sean leans in a little closer, his voice dropping. "Let me tell you something. If all I wanted was to get laid, I'd be anywhere but here."

"And you will want that, eventually." I tell him, still resisting. "I don't think I'll be able to give that to you."

He squeezes my hands. "Why don't we cross that bridge if we get to it, okay? You won't get any pressure from me."

If only I could believe that might be true. I'm still having trouble wrapping my brain around the idea that this beautiful young man could ever want anything to do with me.

I don't tell him any of this, of course. Instead I simply nod, tired of arguing. "Sure."

Sean smiles gently at me. "I know you don't believe me, but that's okay. We'll just play it by ear and see what happens."

I nod and smile a little, shifting to leave my seat. "And on that note, I should go."

"Right." Sean nods in response, leaving his seat as well. "Me, too. I've got to get up early if I'm going to squeeze in a few miles before work."

We leave the coffee shop, and Sean follows me back to my car, watching as I fumble with my keys in search of the right one. I gesture triumphantly when I find it, and he lets out a little laugh.

"So, are we on for dinner tomorrow?" He asks innocently.

I debate briefly with myself before nodding. "I believe so."

"Excellent." His face lights in a broad smile. "I even have tickets for a show at The Ark. Perhaps we could do that first, then have a late dinner, if that's okay with you."

"I don't see why not." The words fall out before I can stop them.

"Good." He nods. "Would you like to drive, or shall I?"

"We could meet at The Ark." I offer.

"Even better." He leans in, bracing himself against my car on either side of my shoulders, and even though I know damn well what he has in mind, my heart still beats hard and fast in my chest. Whether it's from panic or excitement, I can't quite tell.

Sean's lips touch mine before I have too much time to analyze things, and I almost instinctively reach up to curl my hand around the back of his neck, where his hair has curled softly from sweat. The kiss deepens, and I feel Sean's tongue slip into my mouth, but I can't find a reason to object.

He pulls away slowly, a sheepish expression on his face, and his hand rests lightly against my cheek. "Sorry about that. I have terrible impulse control."

"Don't you dare apologize." I tell him firmly, my hand still wrapped around his neck, my thumb stroking his jaw.

A slow smile curves over his face, and he leans in for one more quick kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow. Don't be late."

He leaves then, making his way across the parking lot to his own vehicle. I lean against my car, warm inside despite the chilly night, and I can't help the silly smile I know is plastered across my face.

I snap myself out of my reverie and climb into my car for the short drive home, letting myself into the quiet house and making my way upstairs for a quick shower before going to bed.

As I close my eyes, my mind keeps replaying the kiss, and I can't help but feel a tiny bit disloyal. I sigh, a little pang of sadness going through me.

"He kissed me, honey." I tell the darkness. "He kissed me, and I liked it. I might have even kissed him back a little."

Silence is the only reply, and I turn over and curl myself under the blankets, reaching out to rub the spot where Kenneth used to lie. "He's definitely not you. No one ever will be."

My last thought remains unspoken. No, Sean will never compare to Kenneth. No one ever could. But maybe, just maybe, in time, something could develop. Perhaps it's time for me to find out.

# # #

The next evening finds me staring into my closet in search of something decent to wear that doesn't resemble my work clothes. Nothing seems to be working, and out of desperation, I've called in Jordan to help.

"What about this?" He pulls out a dark blue shirt. "It's a beautiful color for you."

Something stabs at me at the sight, and I let out a sigh. "It's not mine."

"Oh." Jordan looks uncomfortable for a moment before pulling himself together, holding the shirt out to me. "Try it on anyway."

I glare at him and snatch the shirt out of his hands. "I'll have you know, this is more than a little creepy."

"It's just a shirt, Julian." Jordan snaps. "Quit being such a drama queen."

I pull it on, half convinced that it's not going to fit anyway as I start to button it and tuck it into my pants.

"No, no, sweetie." Jordan fusses. "Leave it untucked. And for crying out loud, get out of those dress pants. You're not going to a formal event. Don't you own a nice pair of dark wash jeans?"

I have never been a fashion plate, even when I was younger. I manage to pull it together enough for work, but for anything else, I'm at a loss. I start searching through drawers, coming up with a pair of jeans I can't remember seeing before. "You mean like these?"

Jordan sighs and rolls his eyes. "You, my dear, are long overdue for a shopping trip." Finally he nods. "Yes, they'll do, if you don't mind looking like an old man."

"I am an old man." I remind him.

"That doesn't mean you have to dress like one." Jordan scolds me.

He fusses with my collar and my shirttails, backing away and sizing me up, finally nodding firmly. "You'll do for tonight. But we are definitely going shopping before your next date with this man."

"It's not a date." I protest. "We're just going out as friends."

"Mm-hm." Jordan responds skeptically. "And if you keep dressing like that, that's all you're ever going to be."

I huff irritably and fold my arms over my chest, and Jordan lets out a sigh before wrapping his arms around me. "Look, I know you're not used to this. The fact that you're going out with someone at all is a big step. Just relax and have fun, okay?"

I unfold my arms and hug him in return. "I'll try. And thank you for helping me out. I know you mean well."

"Of course." Jordan answers. "But we're still going shopping. Don't think you're getting out of that so easily."

I can't help laughing. "Fine. You can take me shopping. But right now I've got to go. I'll be late."

Jordan smiles widely. "Yes, late for your date."

"Right." I wave my hand almost dismissively as we head down the stairs and out of the house, separating at our cars.

"Call me and tell me how it went." He calls out. "If you make it home, that is."

"Good bye, Jordan." I call back, climbing into my car for the drive to The Ark, shaking my head. Clearly Jordan is thinking too far ahead. There's no way this night will end in any sort of romp. I know I'm nowhere near ready for that.

I find a parking place and start toward The Ark. Sean is waiting out front, dressed in a leather jacket over a dark shirt and dark jeans. He does look incredible, and I suddenly feel a bit out of my element.

He smiles when he spots me, greeting me with a touch on the shoulder and a quick kiss on the cheek. His scent, something subtle and a little spicy, washes over me, and I have to take a quick breath to calm myself. This isn't a date, I have to remind myself. Never mind that his kiss is still on my mind, his slightly rough lips, his soft tongue. We merely agreed to go out as friends, nothing more.

The music's good, and I find myself relaxing into my seat, barely noticing that Sean's hand has found its way onto my knee, stroking lightly with his thumb. I glance over at him briefly, and he flashes me a quick smile in the darkened theater. Friends indeed. He's being more than a little friendly right now, and I can't find any reason to object. That surprises me.

As the concert progresses, I find myself absentmindedly covering Sean's hand with my own, oddly fascinated by the prominent knuckles and the long, bony fingers. I check the thought that flashes through my mind of what those fingers could do, quickly shifting and releasing his hand.

I can feel Sean's hand brush my knee as he pulls away, and I'm oddly disappointed at the loss of contact. Not enough to reach out myself, certainly. I don't want to send any more mixed messages.

The concert ends and the lights go up in the theater. I make my way out, Sean not far behind me as we join the crowd spilling out into the lobby and outside. His hand lands on my shoulder as the cool night air hits me, sending a little shiver through me.

"So, dinner?" He asks cheerfully. "There's a brewpub nearby that I've heard has some decent food."

"That sounds good." I nod, and he leads us down the street and around the corner to said brewpub. Being Friday night, it's crowded and noisy, and I find myself oddly disappointed. The environment is hardly conducive to good conversation.

The hostess seats us, and we each peruse the menu. It's a simple menu, but I still find myself debating over what I want. Now that I'm back into running, it only makes sense to attempt to rein in my eating habits as well.

"So I'm thinking we could split a plate of nachos to start." Sean throws out casually. "Seems like the perfect thing to go with a beer."

I let out a short laugh. "And here I was trying to watch my girlish figure."

Sean's eyes crinkle up as he laughs a little in response. "Throw caution to the wind, Julian. It's Friday night. Get back on the wagon tomorrow."

"Easy for you to say." I counter. "You're the one piling on the miles right now. I'm barely getting started."

Sean's eyes meet mine over the menu, a serious expression suddenly taking over his face. "You'll get there again. I'm sure of it. And even if you don't…" He shrugs. "Who cares? It's just food. And damn good food at that. Might as well enjoy it."

He spouts a philosophy I can get behind, certainly. The waitress shows up to take our order, and Sean places our order for the blackened chicken nachos in addition to a beer for each of us.

We spend the next few minutes perusing the dinner menu and falling into casual conversation, and I finally find myself relaxing somewhat. Somehow I think it has very little to do with the beer and everything to do with Sean's exceedingly pleasant company.

As the evening wears on, we relax even more around each other, and I find my already strong attraction to this man growing. My determination to remain just friends with him is starting to crumble. Based on the kiss from the other night, I suspect Sean feels the same way.

The waitress brings over the check, and both of us go for our wallets. I can't help letting out a slightly nervous chuckle.

"I'll cover it." I tell Sean.

He looks amused as he slowly slides his wallet back in his pocket. "This doesn't mean I have to put out, does it?"

"Of course not." I laugh a little in response. "I wouldn't do that to a friend."

"Good to know." Sean's smile fades just a little, and I wonder if I've said something wrong. No matter, I decide. We started this evening as friends, and friends we'll remain.

With the bill taken care of, we fall into step with each other leaving the brewpub, making our way back the way we came.

"So…" Sean ventures. "Where are you parked?"

I gesture toward the parking garage. "Over that way. It's not far."

"I'll walk with you, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

It's a quiet walk back to the parking garage, almost as if we've managed to run out of subjects to talk about. Heaven knows we covered enough of them in the brewpub. I can't help feeling a little edgy as we approach my car, my thoughts jumbling up as I fumble with my keys.

Sean's hand lands gently between my shoulder blades and starts smoothing down my back as I hit the button on my key fob, startling me slightly. I turn to face him, my heart already pounding in my chest at the thought of what might happen next.

"Not a word." He tells me firmly, capturing my lips and curling a hand around my neck before I can react.

I could tell myself I don't want this. I could push him away, remind him that we're just friends.

But I would be lying to myself. This fine young man's tongue is sliding around in my mouth, his large hand warm around my neck, and I can't find it in me to resist him anymore.

One hand still clutches my keys while the other slides along his cheek, the roughness of his light stubble scraping against my palm on its way into his soft hair. I can hear him sigh a little into my mouth as he draws in closer, pressing my body up against my car.

I press back almost instinctively, slipping my tongue into Sean's mouth to tangle with his, and I find myself wondering why I resisted this in the first place. His attention feels good, even if it's only for a little while.

The thought fills me with sadness, the idea that I'll go home alone after this. But part of me still insists that it's necessary, that it's just short of insane to pursue things further.

I break off the kiss with every intention of turning around, climbing into my car, and getting out of here as fast as I possibly can. "I should go." I blurt out.

"Are you sure?" Sean suddenly sounds tentative, unsure.

"No." I let out a short sigh, letting my hand drop, staring down at the keys in my hand. "I'm not sure of anything right now."

"And I'm not helping." Sean tells me, his thumb stroking my jaw almost absently.

"Not a bit." I laugh shortly.

Sean smiles at that, pulling back slightly, never breaking contact. "I'll let you go, if that's what you want. But…if you want…more…" He leans in and kisses me lightly. "…I'd be totally okay with that."

I do burst out laughing at that, covering my face with my hand. Shortly I sigh and look up at him, shaking my head. "I'm too old for this. What is wrong with me?"

Sean arches an eyebrow, appraising me with an amused expression. "Not a damn thing, as far as I can tell."

"Oh, you are out of your mind." I chide him, reaching up to brush at a few hairs that have fallen in his face.

"Maybe." He shrugs casually, tilting his head at me. "So, my place, your place, or none of the above?"

It should be an easy decision, really. For most people it wouldn't even be a question, I know that. But for me, it feels as if there's so much at stake, so much to lose, so much to leave behind.

I close my eyes and nod firmly. "Your place."

A wide smile creeps across Sean's face as he takes my face in his hands and kisses me hard, his tongue sliding in again briefly before he pulls away.

"You won't regret this." He tells me. "I promise."

It feels like a bigger promise than he has any right to make, and I'm already questioning my decision as I hand him my phone so he can type in his address.

He gives me a quick look as he hands it back to me. "Just promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"If, for some odd reason, you flip out on the way and decide not to come, call me, okay?" Sean suddenly looks a little concerned. "I won't be mad. No matter what, we're friends first. Everything else comes second."

"I'll show." I tell him firmly. "I can't promise anything else beyond that."

"Good enough." He smiles and brushes one more kiss to my lips. "I'll see you in a few, then."

I smile a little to myself as he strides away, the excitement and nerves bubbling up in me. I'm still doubtful that I'll follow through on anything, but it's a step in the right direction. For now, that's good enough.

# # #

You know what to do. Read and review.