Warnings: Yaoi, possible OOC, probable cursing, possible violence…maybe
Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man…if I did…well, let's just say Allen and Kanda would be together with children by now…yeah, that's right: children. I don't know how it would happen, but it would! Muahahahahaha! :D
Thanks for all the reviews and everything; I really appreciate it~! :)
For the next week, Lavi insisted on walking Allen home from work. He paid no heed to Allen's protests, despite the fact that the strange man hadn't even been seen anywhere on Allen's normal route home. Allen continually tried to convince Lavi that he was fine on his own, and he figured one more try couldn't hurt.
"Really, Lavi," started Allen, "I'll be fine on my own." The poor white haired boy was really regretting telling Lavi about his 'stalker.'
"I'm not taking that chance," stated Lavi with finality. Allen groaned in exasperation.
"I'm nineteen years old, Lavi. I can take care of myself, so I don't need anyone to walk me home at night!"
"But what if something happens?" whined Lavi.
"Nothing will happen!" Allen reassured him. "I will be perfectly safe, and I will call you when I get home. If I don't call, I give you full permission to walk me home for a month."
Lavi stared at him for a moment then sighed. "I guess I'll let you," he said regretfully. "But if you get scared, call me and I'll meet you," he told Allen seriously.
"Alright, alright. I promise. Now, goodbye."
"Bye, Allen." Lavi watched as Allen walked down the sidewalk in the direction of his and Kanda's home.
Allen sighed as he walked home in the artificial light of the street lamps. Lavi could worry a little too much sometimes. They hadn't even seen the guy for a week now. They were both probably just overreact—Nope! The guy was standing in the same spot he had been before Lavi had started walking Allen home. Oh boy. Well he sure as hell wasn't going to call Lavi; the orange haired man would insist on walking him everywhere for the rest of his life! He would never have another moment of freedom!
So Allen did what he had done every other time: he kept walking. This time, however, something different happened. This time the man crossed the street and started walking toward Allen. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Allen, looking calm and composed (which was the complete opposite of what he was feeling on the inside), kept walking and nonchalantly pulled out his cell phone, pretending to dial a number.
As the man walked past him, they bumped shoulders, which caused Allen to look up. He audibly gasped and dropped his phone. He could see the sharp edge of the knife. He could feel the same pain he had felt those years ago. The man looked at him, smiled a large, knowing smile, and started to walk away, pleased with himself.
Allen dropped to his knees on the sidewalk and sat there for almost ten minutes, lost in memories of the past, shocked to the core. When he finally came to his senses, he grabbed his phone from the sidewalk and tried to stand up. His breathing was ragged, and his legs were shaking badly; therefore, this was a futile attempt. He spent another five minutes trying to calm himself down before trying to get up again. This time his attempt was successful, and he started to slowly make his way home, keeping his eyes on his feet.
When he got there, he went straight to the living room and collapsed on the nearest sofa after turning on the light and locking the door. He didn't want to be alone waiting for Kanda to come home, but he didn't want to worry Lavi either. Lavi didn't know about Allen's past either, and Allen would rather keep it that way. In the end, not wanting to explain to Lavi outweighed being alone for an while in Allen's mind. Allen called Lavi like he said he would and told him he got home okay.
"Why did it take so long for you to call me?" Lavi asked with a hint of suspicion in his voice.
"I just forgot," Allen stated simply, trying to sound normal. Lavi might not believe him, but he doubted the man would challenge his answer.
"Are you sure you're okay, Allen?" asked Lavi worriedly.
"Yes, I'm fine," Allen reassured him. "I promise."
"Well, if you're sure," said Lavi, unconvinced. "I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."
"Alright," Allen agreed. "Bye."
"Bye." Allen ended the call just as Kanda walked through the front door. Allen heard Kanda step into the living room and then stop. He looked up.
"What the hell happened to you?" Kanda questioned. "You look even paler than you usually do."
"Nothing happened. I'm fine," Allen told him quietly with a small smile.
"Whatever," Kanda said dismissively. "It's not like I care."
Allen looked at him sadly. "Do you honestly hate me? Do you like me at all? Even just a little?" he asked quietly.
"Who could even like someone like you? You're a whiny little kiss-ass who won't leave me the hell alone. Just get away from me; it makes me sick to have to look at your scar and your hideous arm!"
Allen looked up at Kanda, thoroughly shocked, before jumping off the couch and running out of the living room with his head down. He went straight to his bedroom and stayed there the rest of the night.
When Kanda walked past later, feeling that strange emotion called guilt, he could hear quiet sobbing coming from inside. Kanda had never heard Allen cry before; not once in all the years they had known each other nor in the year that they had lived together. Allen just didn't cry. Not even when Kanda had said or done something horrible. Not one time—except now.
For the first time in seven years, Allen was crying. He hadn't cried since Mana had died in that alleyway, and he had gotten the ugly scar on his face. He didn't even know exactly why he was crying. It was probably the fact that Kanda had said what Allen was always thinking: no one would ever even like him. His arm repulsed people when they found out—that was the reason he was an orphan. His parents had abandoned him after seeing the arm he was born with, which caused him to grow up on the streets. Of course, most people didn't know about his arm because he kept it hidden, but if they did find out, they were disgusted. Also, Allen's scar and white hair caused most people to avoid him or look at him weirdly.
Allen guessed that it was all of that, coupled with the fact that he had seen the man that had given him said scar and helped to cause his hair to turn white. (1) It also didn't help that Kanda had basically reiterated what that no good, debt collecting, womanizing, drunk, abusive man had told him continuously for the five and a half years Allen had lived with him.
Allen hoped that Kanda hadn't meant anything that he had said, but the white haired boy had no doubt in his mind that Kanda had been telling him exactly what he thought of him. With that thought, Allen started crying even harder, and he eventually cried himself into a restless and nightmarish sleep.
Allen was as wrong as he could be concerning Kanda's feelings for him, but, sadly, there was no one to tell him otherwise. Kanda was about as emotionally aware of his feelings as a teacup…in other words: not at all aware.
(1) In the canon story line, Allen's hair turned white from the stress and trauma of turning Mana into an akuma and then his hand killing Mana. I've seen online that a person's hair can turn white from stress and trauma, but that it takes a long time to turn completely white. I don't really know what's true or not, so I'm saying his hair turned white from the trauma of seeing his foster father murdered in front of him, being (basically) tortured, and then being taken in by that womanizing, drunkard and being forced to take care of his debts…If you don't know who that is…well, I honestly don't know why you are reading a D. Gray-Man fic!