So I felt really bad about not updating,so I decided to write a few chapters before I updated again.
I hope you like this story so far.
It has taken a few unexpected turns, but I think you will like them.
Please review, thanks.
I took a few deep breaths before making up my mind. Everything that I have done in this life has been for nothing. I have been selfish and frankly I was
tired of it. It only led to hurt or heart ache or pain. Why on earth would I ever want that? And why in the name of sanity would I ever think that it was ok…
It's not, and it will never be ok. I was tired of games. This twisted game with no winners. It was time to start facing the music, or whatever…I just wanted
this to end.
"Mel?"
"Yeah?"
"I want to tell you what happened." I said, displaying a look of complete determination.
"I just want you to know the truth about…just listen."
I began to recall the events from the night before, going into great detail about everything that had transpired between me and Carly and Freddie. It was
painful to revisit it.
"…and then I just went straight home and I haven't spoken to either of them since." I finished, wiping my eyes on my pillow once more. It felt good to get
that out, but painful non-the-less. There was a long pause as she processed the information. I waited patiently and after a moment she spoke.
"Do you love him?" she said seriously.
"Yes!" I said without hesitating and actually surprising myself. I paused and gasped as I felt my heart pounding in my ears.
"Yes…I do…" I clutched my stomach as I felt the muscles tighten.
"So m-much." I gasped, my throat sore.
"And I just want things…I want to fix this!" I whimpered, tears falling again.
I heard a soft "ok" from the other end; like she was sorting things into organized piles and now she was trying to figure out what came next.
"Sam, I know you want this to end but things aren't going to get better if you ignore them. There are some things that need dealt with." She said
knowingly, but lovingly. I sat up and prepared myself to listen to what she had to say.
"Alright Sam, I think the first thing you should do is apologize to Carly. I know you feel bad for yelling and I know that you realize that she was only trying to
help." She said.
"I know." I muttered, a bit ashamed. I knew I had been really horrible to Carly and only because I was upset and embarrassed. I was just beginning to
think about how I would apologize, when Melanie continued.
"And, you should speak with Freddie." I knew this was coming. How could I think I could avoid it? Like I could just sweep it under the rug and forget about
it. But as tempting as that sounded, it wasn't realistic. Eventually, at some point, someone would trip over the rug and once again it would be entirely my
fault. I wasn't going to let that happen.
"I know, but…I'm not sure what to-" I began, but she cut me off.
"That's why it is important for you to speak with Carly first. She's your best friend and Freddie's best friend as well. If anyone could help you with this in the
best way, it's Carly." She said reassuringly. She was right, as always. I smiled to myself again.
"Thanks Mel."
"No problem, little sis."
"You know, Mel, you're pretty smart."
"So are you Sam, and don't let anyone tell you differently." She commanded. I smiled.
"Ok, Mel. Well I guess I should call Carly."
"Alright. And if you need anything else, just call, ok."
"Definitely." I said warmly.
"Love you, Sam."
"Love you, Mel."
I smiled and ended the call. I closed my eyes and sat in silence for awhile, listening to my thoughts and the previous conversation replaying in my head.
Melanie was right. And I knew it. Carly didn't deserve the way I treated her. I've always been close to Carly; she's my best friend. But I think I'm her worst
best friend.
The scene in the hall kept flashing in my mind, and the way I saw myself screaming at her, the look on her terrified face…
I let out a sigh and covered my face with my hands. It was like someone had drug me into a room, tied me to a chair, and put a movie on showing all the
times I had been horrible to Carly. All the times that we ever argued and fought… I knew that we always made up, but…
My heart sank, Melanie was right, again. I am loved by so many people, but why? I always go back to my needs, my wants. I never put others first, but why
not? What was keeping me from putting the people I cared about before myself?
I opened my eyes, picked up my phone and dialed Carly's number. I sat waiting, listening to it ring, but as I did, I became nervous. What if she didn't forgive
me? What if this was the end of our friendship? I know that we have argued and declared that we would never be friends again in the past, but we always
made up…and now…
"Sam?" Carly's small voice echoed in my ear. Immediately my heart jumped to my throat; the sound of her voice shocking me back into reality. I took a sharp
intake of air and then answered timidly.
"C-Carly?" there was a pause and all we could hear was each other's breathing, but then…
"I'M SO SORRY,CARLS! I DIDN'T MEAN TO-"
"SAM, I'M SO SORRY! I KNOW I WAS-"
We both stopped. But before Carly could speak again I jumped in.
"Carls please, let me!" I began again.
"I'm so sorry. I know that you were just concerned for me and Freddie, and I shouldn't have yelled at you. It was wrong and I'm sorry, Carly. I r-r-really
am!" I finished, my eyes stinging with tears.
"Sam…" she began thickly. "Sam don't…I'm the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn't have been spying on you and you totally had the right to become
angry over that. I was just…look Sam, I'm sorry. Please forgive me." she said all this as if she was on the verge of tears. I closed my eyes as she spoke.
Carly was so selfless, a true friend.
"Carls…please…it wasn't right of me to-"
"No Sam! I was wrong. Please Sam, I'm sorry!"
"OK, ok, I forgive you, but it isn't right that I screamed at you, and I promise that I will never yell at you like that ever again. I don't want to fight anymore.
I…I'm just…so…" but she gently cut me off.
"Sam, of course I forgive you. You are my best friend and I don't like it when we fight either. But I do want to apologize for trying to get you and Brad
together. You were right, it was just a dumb APP and it doesn't even mean anything." I bit my lip at her last words. The APP wasn't inaccurate in the
slightest. I cleared my throat.
"Carls, I forgive you for meddling. It's ok, really. It's just…um…"
"What is it, Sam?"
"Look Carls, that APP wasn't wrong." I confessed, my face suddenly becoming really warm.
"What do you mean?
I screwed up my face, trying to keep myself from crying, but failed miserably.
"I like…Freddie." The words seemed to form like a foreign language in my mouth. I heard Carly let out a low breath.
"Sam…that's…great!
I stopped and opened my eyes. Did she just say that is was great that I liked Freddie? I cleared my throat.
"R-really?"
"Yes! Sam this is so exciting! I mean, I had no idea that you…but…wow! Sam, when did this happen?" she sounded very Carly-ish, getting excited to talk
about boys. I wanted to cry but a smile spread across my face, I couldn't help it.
"I…uh…for awhile, I guess, but…um…I thought..." I didn't really know what to say. I hadn't really thought about it but a sudden fear crossed my mind, and I
wasn't sure if maybe Carly was just being selfless again…
"Carls, I thought that...do you…still..." I paused.
"Do I still what, Sam?" she asked, warmly. I took a deep breath and just let the words fall out.
"Carly…I just thought that, maybe…you still had feelings for Freddie." I held my breath. There was a pause, the silence ringing in my ears, but then she
spoke with a soft voice.
"Sam, why would you think that?"
"I don't know! I guess…because you two dated before." I held my breath again, waiting for the answer.
"Sam." She laughed a little. "I don't have feelings for Freddie. I thought I did, but that was just because he saved me from getting run over. I love Freddie,
as a friend. That's it. I promise." I smiled when she finished but then concern pulled the corners of my mouth back down.
"Carls, I think I messed everything up." My abrupt change of mood startled her.
"W-what do you mean? What, you mean last night?
"Yeah. I-I…after we argued I went out to the breezeway, ya know, and I was sitting there and Freddie came out. He started saying that you were right
about not being afraid of my feelings. And he started talking about how everyone feels scared to make a move…from what you had told me, and from what
Freddie was telling me, I don't know, I just...kissed him." I said this all very fast without breathing. I took a few deep breaths as the memory once again
rose up fresh in my mind. I continued.
"And then…he…walked away." I still couldn't get used to saying that; it tore through me like a jagged knife.
"Did he say anything?" she asked softly.
"NO!" I wailed. "Well, when I pulled away he looked…upset." I said the last word like it was forbidden. "And I was just so embarrassed; I had no idea what
to say, so I just said sorry and all he said was 'It's cool.'" I gasped, shaking slightly. She was silent for a minute and I could tell she was trying to come up
with a reasonable explanation of why Freddie acted the way he did. Finally she spoke.
"Sam, I'm not sure what Freddie thought, but when I was in his room that day, and I kissed him, I mean, yes he kissed me back, but…look, that was almost
two years ago; Freddie still thought he liked me, it's what he always wanted, but I think he's grown up since then. And look Sam, maybe you are just being
too hard on yourself. What if, maybe, the reason for him leaving so suddenly was because he was confused, ya know? Maybe he has feelings too."
What? He has feelings for…me. No. That can't be true, he would have told me. I shook the thought from my head.
"Are you sure, Carls? I mean, he didn't seem like he-"
"Think about it! If he didn't like you he would have said so. You guys are best friends, he would have said it, but maybe he wasn't sure and that is why he
left, ya know, to have some time to think." She concluded, excitedly.
Wow. I guess I never thought about it that way. But still, I wasn't going to put all my hope in the small chance he possibly had feelings for me. I seriously
doubt he left because he needed time to think. If anything he probably went home to sanitize his mouth.
"Look Carls, that is great that you think positively, but realistically, I seriously doubt it. Besides, it's not just that anyway; it's my whole life. I just want to
stop all of it."
"What do you mean, Sam? Do you want me to help you again, like with Pete?"
"No! See, that's just it. My whole life I've only ever cared about what people saw on the outside of me; that I was tough or strong or whatever. But I know
now that it takes much more to be a good person or a good friend; it starts on the inside." I choked this all out, my voice feeling strained.
"Sam, how can you say that? That is not true! You are a loving person-"
"No Carls! See, even you don't see it. I've only been nice if it benefits me! I'm just a terrible person Carls!" she began to speak but I cut her off, "Don't
argue! You know that I am, but…I-I want to change!" I felt a little light-headed after my speech, but I didn't care; everything I said was true. It was time to
stop acting like a child. I sat in silence until Carly's soft voice broke it.
"Sam…Sam you are an amazing person, you know that? And I'm so proud of you, but this 'new you' is going to take some time."
"I know, Carls, I do. But I don't care how long it takes, I'm done being this selfish, viper that I am."
"Sam that is great, it really is, but what I'm saying is that you can't do this alone. You need help and I want to help you." she said matter-of-factly. I closed
my eyes to her words. There I go again, being loved when I don't deserve it.
"Carls, I…" but she cut me off.
"You know, I've been thinking. I know you say that you are a terrible person but you have done good things, too, Sam. I hope you know that." she said. I
screwed up my face, trying to think of a time whenever I was truly nice to someone, but nothing came to me.
"I don't know, I can't think of anything and I-"I began.
"Hey! Yes you have. I know for a fact that when we were trapped on the window washer platform, last year, and I was about to fall, you pulled me up!" she
exclaimed.
"Ok, but that's because you were going to die! I wasn't going to let you fall!"
"Well, there you go! You've been going on like you don't have a soul, but you do, Sam. You do care and there is good inside you. Stop being so hard on
yourself! I know you want to stop being selfish, I get that, but you're not the only one; I can be selfish too. So don't act like you are the worst person alive,
because there are way worse people out there-" I had to stop her here.
"Wait, Carls! I get what you're saying, but it shouldn't matter what everyone else is like. I want to change because I know, deep down that it is the right
thing to do, not because there are other people out there better or worse than me." I took a deep breath.
"Look, there have been way too many times to count where I would be really rude, or mean, or just horrible to someone and afterwards I would feel bad
about what I did, and I know that I could have handled things differently." My mind lingered on Freddie and hot tears stung my eyes. "I think I am starting
to understand the meaning of 'you reap what you sew.'" There was a moment where we didn't speak, making the words I just spoke hammer hard against
my brain.
"Yes Sam, you are right. We can all be selfish; we aren't perfect, so let's help each other, ok. And earlier I was only saying that you aren't as bad as you
make yourself out to be. You are not a complete monster." She said reassuringly. I smiled at the fact that she was so willing to help me and be here for me.
Carly truly was a sister in my eyes. We fought and argued and yelled but when things got serious she stuck with me…
A sudden, horrifying feeling seared my chest. It coursed through me like acid, burning from the inside out. Something Carly had just said; something really
important. She had said that I wasn't as bad as I thought I was and…and…
"C-Carly! What did you just say! Just a second ago!" she seemed bewildered by my sudden shouting.
"What! Um, I don't know! Um, that you aren't that bad of a person and that we can all be selfish sometimes!"
"Yes, I know, but after that! You said that I…"
"Oh. I said that you aren't a complete-"
"Monster." I finished the sentence for her, saying it more to myself than aloud. My mind began to race. And it wasn't long before a familiar nightmarish image
crept its way into my mind…
I was sitting in a dark room surrounded by nothing except complete blackness. I was seated in what looked like school desk, its rickety legs creaking with the
slightest movement. I placed my right palm down on the smooth wooden surface; it felt cold to the touch. I slid my hand across the glossy top until my hand came
in contact with a large ceramic bowl. It was as if the bowl had just appeared there. I leaned forward to view the contents of the bowl. It was chicken noodle soup.
I raised my eyebrows and felt my stomach growl. I looked around but there was no one there. I bit my lip. Should I eat it? I didn't see a spoon anywhere; my
stomach growled again. Well, since no one was around, I guess it was for me. I placed both hands on each side of the bowl and began to lift it to my mouth. I was
just about to take a sip when I heard another growl.
I stopped.
That wasn't my stomach. I raised my eyes slightly and saw a figure just visible in the darkness. I squinted, lowering the bowl back down and setting it back on the
desk top.
"H-hello?" I spoke hoarsely. The figure didn't move. Small beads of sweat began to accumulate on my forehead and upper lip.
"I'm Sam." I said, a bit louder then before. The figure shifted slightly in my direction, like it was facing me now. I felt goose bumps raise on my arms. I didn't know
what to do next. Run? Where could I run too? Maybe if I was just polite. Who knows? Maybe this person is friendly. I stood up and began to make my way over to
the mysterious figure, but as I got closer, the figure stepped out of the shadows.
My heart almost stopped.
It stood about eight feet tall with a grotesque body structure. He(for I assumed it was a male) had no hair on his head or body, only scaly, dark green skin stretched
over his misshapen skeleton. Where his eyes should have been, there was only flesh that looked burned and scarred. Along with his eyes, his nose was also
missing. And where his mouth should have been, there were two large fangs, but like the kind tarantulas have.
Suddenly his fangs spread apart and an unearthly shriek pierced through me, echoing into the black void surrounding us. Eyes wide and trembling from head to
foot, I tried to scream but no sound escaped my lips. I felt weak and stiff, making it difficult to move. But before I even had time to move, the monster ran at me
with tremendous speed. He grabbed my shirt front and lifted me up off the ground with ease. Now I was facing him. I couldn't even blink I was so terrified. He
opened his fangs again and shrieked so loudly that my right ear drum burst. Suddenly he flung me aside where I smashed into the ground, skipping across it like a
rag doll and didn't stop until I smacked my head hard against it. I lay there for awhile, too dazed to realize where I was or what had happened. Finally I got control of
my senses. My body felt like I had been beaten with a baseball bat. I sat up. The room was spinning. I reached up and felt the wound on my head. It seared with
pain when I touched it and when I pulled my hand away it was warm and sticky with dark crimson blood. I felt hot tears falling down my cheeks as I looked over at
the monster.
He had approached the desk that I had been sitting in and his gaze found the bowl of soup that I had left there. He picked up the soup, tilted his head back, and,
opening his fangs, poured the contents into the gaping dark hole that was his throat. Half the soup didn't even make it into his mouth but slopped down his front
and onto the floor. He tossed the bowl aside and proceeded in searching the desk, I assumed for more soup, until he had shredded it into nothing but splinters of
wood. He shrieked in rage and made his way over to the pitiful heap that was me, sprawled on the floor, clutching my mangled head.
In a flash he made it over to me and lifted me up off the floor once again. I struggled against his grip; I even managed to get a few kicks in, but they didn't even
phase him. He finally brought me back over to where the desk was and, with-out warning, slammed me against the ground, hard. I felt all the air in my lungs get
knocked out of me. I tried to inhale but couldn't, and choking, I vomited. I took a stabbing intake of air; it felt like my chest had been run over by a truck. I turned
my gaze back up to see the monster looming over me. He hunched down, grabbed my shirt front again and lifted me up slightly. I was much to weak and my head
lulled back, but he shook me violently and I summoned my remaining strength and lifted my head up to look at him. But as soon as I did he punched me hard in
the face. I felt my body smack against the hard ground as the force of his punch pushed me down. The wind was knocked out of me again, but he didn't give me
time to recover. He grabbed me once again and punched me so hard that, when my body hit the ground, my teeth clicked together and chipped. I turned my head
and spit up pieces of teeth and blood. I couldn't tell where he was or when he would strike next. He repeated this until my face was bloody and swollen, my body
broken. Just when I thought he was finished, I turned my head to see him getting ready to strike again.
"No…" I breathed through battered, swollen lips and broken teeth. I felt the massive hand strike me again and the back of my skull crack against the ground. I felt a
pool of warm blood begin to accumulate under my head. This was hopeless. He was going to kill me; I was no match. I couldn't take this anymore. I was tired of the
pain. I was tired of the suffering. I might as well give in…
I let my arms fall limply at my sides, landing in puddles of blood and vomit. I turned my head, exposing my neck. I heard the monster give a sickening laugh. I
closed my eyes. I was ready for what was to come. It would all be over soon.
I felt him hunch over me, his head getting closer to my neck. I could smell his putrid breath, feel the heat of it waft over me. He opened his fangs, ready to strike. I
could feel the fibrous hairs brushing my jaw, I felt the thick strings of venom drip down onto my skin…
Suddenly he attacked. I let out a sharp gasp as the fangs sank into my jugular like hot knives through butter. My body stiffened as his fangs sank deeper into my
neck, the force of his grasp crushing my windpipe. I choked as I gasped for air and my body shook violently as the venom coursed through my veins. Just when I
thought the pain would never end, a numbness spread through me and my body relaxed. I turned my eyes upward toward the light and watched it flicker, my
eyesight failing. And just as everything was going dark, I closed my eyes and let the monster consume me…
My mind went blank for a moment as the familiar nightmare came and went. But there was something else, something looming under its surface that, until
now, I had forgotten, or maybe I didn't want to remember…
I screamed loudly.
"SAM!" Carly shrieked, alarmed. "Sam! What's wrong!"
"I…I don't…" I mumbled weakly. I didn't know where to begin. All this time. All these years and the answer was right in front of me, looming over me in the
form of a scaly, green monster. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Carly?"
"Yeah, Sam?"
"Did I ever tell you about my dad?"