Hope you guys are enjoying the story.
I know I am having a great time writing it.
Ok well here is chapter 4.
Please Review. Thanks.
Carly had told me to come over. She said that she hated talking on the phone about important subjects. I agreed, but not before grabbing something that I
had kept hidden for a long time. It was a photo of my dad. I didn't look at it but I knew what it was. I stuffed it in my jeans pocket and left.
It was a 45 minute walk to Carly's. I usually hated walking to Carly's; I hated any kind of physical activity. But this time it was different. It was refreshing. It
gave me time to think. But I couldn't think. Was it bad that I couldn't think right now? Was it bad that, until now, everything in my life was just a sick puppet
show. Where I was some kind of marionette being pulled about by this scaly green puppet master. Even now I could feel his grip on me. Even now I could
see the memory of how he used me, played me, kept me for his bidding. It was suffocating me.
I stopped walking and gripped the fence that was surrounding a nearby park. Everything was spinning. Everything was…
I fell to my knees, my breathing heavy. I couldn't go on...
Give in. You know you can't fight me. You know you can't win.
"You're right. I can't win." I said aloud. "Why would I ever think that I could possibly change. I can't…"
That's right. You can't and you never will. This is who you are. Would you forsake who you are, who you were born to be?
"What about Melanie? Carly? My friends and family?" I choked. "What about the ones who believe in me?"
They don't believe in you! They are just telling you what they think is best. They don't care about you. But you don't need them. You only need them to fear you.
"NO! I know that I can do this. I can change! I know that there is good inside me!" I shouted. I could feel him slipping away. I stood up. "I know I will
change, because there is more to me than this! Now leave me ALONE!" I felt him leave but something told me he wasn't gone forever.
I stood there, my hand still on the fence and my other wiping my eyes. I just needed to get to Carly's. I continued walking. The rest of the walk went by
pretty quickly and when I finally reached Bushwell Plaza, I was actually feeling really upbeat. But when I entered the building, I remembered who else lived
here. I decided to take the private elevator to Carly's apartment. When the elevator finally stopped on the 8th floor and the elevator doors opened, I was
immediately greeted by Carly. I stepped out and entered the apartment. I loved it here. This was like my home away from home. Carly smiled and I returned
it and she pulled me into a hug.
"Hey guess what?" she said cheerily after our embrace ended.
"What?" I said, smiling. Her happiness was surprisingly contagious. She grabbed my hand and led me into the kitchen where there was a big silver tray that
was covered. I just laughed. She walked over to the tray and placed her hand on the cover, ready to pull it off.
"I have a surprise for you! Now close your eyes." She said grinning from ear to ear. I laughed again and did as she said. I heard the metal cling as she
pulled the lid off and an amazing aroma filled my nose.
"Can I open my eyes now?" I said, already knowing what it was.
"Yes! Open them!" I opened them to find that the surprise was a massive pile of bacon! My mouth suddenly began to water. I didn't even wait for her to tell
me to dig in, I just ran forward and helped myself. It was the best bacon I had ever tasted. This must have been the fancy bacon that Spencer was hiding,
but I guess Carly found it.
"Carly I can't believe you did this. This is the best surprise yet." I said through a mouth full of bacon. She just laughed and sat down in front of me.
"Aren't you going to have any?" I said. She nodded and grabbed a small piece and began to nibble on it. I just rolled my eyes. Carly was such a girl. After all
the bacon was gone-28 pieces for me and two for her- she got up, took the tray and put it in the sink and washed it. After that was done she walked over
to the fridge and started rummaging inside it.
"And for dessert…" she said, and turning she pulled out a tray of red-velvet cupcakes.
"Whoa, Carls! You have definitely outdone yourself!" I said excitedly as I got up and hovered over the cupcakes, breathing in the sweet aroma of the cream
cheese frosting and filling.
"Want some milk?" she asked. I nodded and she poured us two glasses of ice cold milk. We both grabbed a cupcake and took a bite. We recited our
mmmm's simultaneously. By the end we had consumed three cupcakes each. I drained the last of my milk and was now feeling so full I might burst. Carly put
the rest of the cupcakes back in the fridge.
"Thanks Carls." I said as I made my way over to the couch and sat down on it, getting comfortable.
"Yep. It was all for you, Sam." She said, smiling across the room at me. I smiled to myself, but again felt the pang of guilt crash through me. Why could it not
have been me who bought cupcakes for her? Why didn't I think of those things? All the happiness seemed to drain out of me. Carly seemed to notice as she
made her way over to me and sat down.
"What's wrong? You were all smiley like five seconds ago." She asked. I looked at her with furrowed brow. How could I explain to her of the complex and
screwed up life that I have lived? How could she possibly understand?
Wait, what am I saying? This is Carly. My best friend. If I couldn't talk to her about my problems or my past then who could I talk to. I took a deep breath.
"Carly, I don't want to ignore why I came here." She looked at me, her smile fading.
"I know, Sam. I'm not trying to ignore it. You asked me if you ever told me about your dad. I said that you did, but it was just that he left when you were
really young. I'm not ignoring it Sam, I just didn't want to rush you into something that you might not be comfortable talking about yet." She said warmly. I
thought about her words. Was I comfortable talking about this piece of my past? A piece that I didn't even want to remember? I didn't even know if I could
remember it; it was so long ago. It felt more like a dream than a memory, like it was slipping away from me now that I tried to remember it. I pulled the
picture that I had hastily grabbed before I left. It was folded in half. I looked down at it but didn't open it. Instead I handed it to Carly. She took it from me
gently and opened it. She reacted exactly how I thought she would. She gasped and then smiled. My expression stayed the same.
"Sam! This is amazing. I had no idea you had this. I mean, I know that you would never have…but you look so much like him!" she said, raising her head and
looking at me and then back at the picture, comparing us. I looked down at my folded hands. Even though I hadn't seen that picture in years, I knew when
it was taken. It was taken just a few weeks before…
"It was awhile ago, maybe…twelve years ago." I began, Carly looked up from the photo. I continued. "We were all living together; Mom, Dad, Melanie and
me, just the four of us."
"Every Friday we would all go to the park for hours; just running in the warm breeze, wrestling in the grass, chasing fireflies at night. Laughing. Not caring.
Just being a family. Those were the best times I can remember."
"He used to drink. Not much, maybe a few beers two or three times a week. He never drank until he was drunk. At the time, I really didn't understand, but I
knew when mom was upset. I guess my dad was having trouble at work and he lost his job. I really didn't understand the seriousness of the situation. All I
knew was that things started to change. We were struggling to keep bills paid and our electric was turned off more than once. Then, one day, things really
started getting bad."
"My dad started drinking more every week. He would be gone all day and come home really late. Some nights, he would come home so drunk he could
barely make it into the house; he would crash on the couch or pass out somewhere on the floor. Then one day…" I took a deep breath as the memory
crashed over me like a tidal wave.
"My mom had just put us to bed. Melanie had already fallen asleep when I heard him stumble through the front door. I don't even remember what they
were arguing about, but...they…they…w-were screaming and…and…"I paused, tears falling. "I got out of bed to see what was going on. I remember shaking
violently as I walked down the hall. When I finally came into the living room, they were about a foot apart and were both screaming at the top of their lungs.
I didn't even recognize him. Then he…he hit her." I breathed through hot tears. I looked up at Carly and saw tears falling down her face. I continued with
difficulty.
"Then all that I remember doing is screaming. He hadn't even noticed I was there. Mom was on the floor holding her face. I tried to get to her, but then he
grabbed my arm. I couldn't get my arm free he was squeezing it so hard. I started to cry. He kept telling me to go back to bed but I wouldn't listen. Finally
mom had got up, she had a big bruise on her face. She just told him to let go or she would call the police. He did as she said, but the neighbors had already
called them and they arrived. My mom could have had him arrested but she didn't."
"They didn't talk about it after that day, but I could tell that things were different between them. Then a few weeks later, my mom had to take Melanie to
dance lessons. I was in the kitchen having lunch. I thought my dad was working on something out in the garage. I guess my mom thought so too. But as I
was sitting there, he came stumbling out of his room. I could tell he was drunk just from looking at him, but as he got closer he smelled like beer and sweat.
All I remember doing was staring at him, frozen in my seat. He staggered past me and started looking through the fridge."
My voice started to shake a little as I recalled the memory in perfect detail…
"I thought…I…bought…" he mumbled under his breath. He slammed the door shut and started looking around; his eyes were bloodshot and unfocused. I was still
frozen, terrified he would see me. Why had he been drinking? Why didn't mom know? I tried to hold my breath, but as he turned towards me, I gasped. He looked
down, a little confused.
"Sham…what..?" he slurred. "Where's yur mother?" he asked, looking around the kitchen. But he didn't seem to care. He went back to the fridge and opened it. He
closed it again and stared at me.
"I thought I asked you a question, young lady?" he asked, still looking at me with an unfocused glare. I didn't know what to say. I wished that mom would just
come walking in. Suddenly he rushed over to me and got right in my face, his rancid breath wafting over me like car exhaust.
"Answer me when I'M TALKING TO YOU!" he screamed right in my face. I started to cry.
"Hey!" he yelled, grabbing my arm. "Stop that!" he yelled again, but he let go and went back over to the fridge. I slumped back against my chair, still crying and
holding my sore arm.
"Ain't there anything to eat in this hellhole." He mumbled to himself, slamming the door for the third time. He straightened up and his eyes fell on my bowl of soup
that I was eating. He reached over, picked up the bowl and slurped it down. Half of the soup didn't even make it into his mouth, but slopped down his front and onto
the floor. He threw the bowl on the counter roughly and then turned back to me, where I was still crying.
"You better stop that right now!" he said in a threatening voice. I just continued to cry.
"STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" he yelled, grabbing my shirt front roughly. This made me cry even harder. He became angrier and picked me up off my chair, holding me
above the floor. His grip was squeezing my arms so hard it was cutting of circulation. I shrieked in pain and struggled against him.
"OW! DADDY! Y-YOUR HURTING ME!" I screamed through my tears.
"I AM NOT HURTING YOU; SHUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW!" He shouted. I only screamed louder. He started to shake me. I continued to struggle, my feet kicking
wildly, when suddenly I felt my foot make contact with his stomach. He let me go as he doubled over and I dropped to the floor, sobbing and trembling. He grabbed
me by the hair and flung me across the room and I felt my head hit the side of the counter. Red hot pain seared across my scalp; my body seized up and slumped
to the floor. Before I could even move, he picked me up again, carried me over to the table and slammed me down on top of it. I felt something sharp penetrate my
back and I screamed in pain. He raised his hand in the air, ready to strike, when suddenly I heard a scream fill the kitchen. I turned my head to the left to see mom
standing there in shock.
"MARK! MARK!" Her voice pierced right through me. She sounded like she was dying.
"LET HER GO, MARK!" She screamed. Suddenly he let go and backed away from me towards the sink. I took a huge intake of air; I hadn't realized it, but he had
been choking me.
"Sam! Honey! Come here!" she shouted toward me but I couldn't move. I heard Melanie's terrified voice float in from outside. "Melanie, sweetie, stay in the car,
ok!" she shouted outside. She started making her way towards me. I was still sprawled across the table, too weak to move, but I felt her arms reach under me and
myself being lifted off the table. The next thing I knew I was waking up in a hospital…
I finished my memory with a long exhale of breath. The memory seared my brain like a hot iron. After a moment I dried my eyes and continued.
"It wasn't long after that that he was arrested and put in jail. My mom divorced him and we moved to Seattle. All I know is that after that day, everything
changed. My mom was never the same again and she slowly became the person she is today. Sometimes I still see the woman I used to know." I paused.
Listening to Carly's whimpering. It all seemed so clear now. All this time I had been holding it in…
"I guess now I know why I am the way I am." I said with an air of revelation. " After that day…I was justso angry. I was angry because (I looked at Carly)
I…couldn't stop him. I couldn't fight back. I didn't want that to ever happen again. So I locked those hurt feelings inside and…held on." I started to sob
uncontrollably…
"WHY DID HE…WHY COULDN'T HE JUST…just" I gasped through my sobs. I felt Carly grab me and wrap her arms around me, cradling me and sobbing. I cried
and cried. I don't know how I long I did, but I just did. It felt like hours that I laid there in Carly's arms. She didn't say anything. She just held on.
We must have fallen asleep because I awoke on the couch alone. It was morning and I could hear movement in the kitchen. I turned and stretched,
yawning loudly. I sat up and looked over towards the sound of voices. Carly was sitting at the table talking to Spencer. I couldn't tell what she was saying
but I guessed Carly was explaining why I had spent the night. Carly turned and saw that I was awake and smiled. Spencer also turned and smiled his usual
goofy grin.
"Morning, Sam." He said, holding up a cup of coffee. I groggily smiled and waved back. I wonder what Carly had told him? I didn't think that she would have
told him about everything that me and her had talked about. But then again, Carly and Spencer were really close. I didn't really care. I just knew that
everything that was said needed to me let out. I had been holding all that in for so long.
Suddenly Carly got up and made her way over to me. She was still wearing what she had on yesterday so I guessed that she had just woken up. I watched
her walk over and sit down next to me, turning to look at me.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Better." I said, honestly. She smiled.
"I'm so proud of you Sam. I know that must have been hard for you."
"Thanks Carls, but I really don't need congratulations. I still have a lot of stuff I'm dealing with and… look, let's not talk about it right now. Ok." I said
warmly. She didn't seem offended and gave me a look of understanding.
"So, what do you want for breakfast?" she asked, jumping up off the couch. I smiled to myself as I got up off the couch and followed her into the kitchen. It
took all my strength to not cry as I walked in and she sat me down and started preparing my favorite foods for breakfast.
"Have you had breakfast yet?" I asked her, my voice strained.
"Huh, oh, I'm making us both breakfast." She said cheerily, getting out a frying pan. I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath. Why was everyone
so good to me? Why was I loved by so many, when I never did anything in return? I didn't get it.
"Carls, please, stop." I said abruptly. She was in the middle of humming a song but stopped.
"What, you don't like that song? I thought you liked that song?" she said with a confused look on her face.
"No…not the song. Let me cook breakfast. It's the least I can do. You've done so much for me. And I don't deserve any of it. Please, let me." She looked at
me with soft eyes during my speech, but then smiled.
"Sam, you know I love you to death. But I'm not doing this because I want something in return. I do it because I care about you. Love isn't selfish." She said
simply. I was so startled by her answer that I didn't even know what to say. I just sat in silence as she went back to cooking, and humming.