Hi guys. So this is chapter 5.
I had a ton of fun working on this.
So I hope you have a great time reading it.
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Thanks again, everyone.
I ended up staying much longer than I expected. I had planned to go home that morning. But morning turned to evening. And then evening to night. Then
another day. And another. I don't think Carly minded; she knew me too well, in fact. On day one she went to my house without me knowing and got some
clothes and things for me to stay for a few days. How she had managed this I have no idea, and I didn't question it. Besides, I had other things on my mind.
I couldn't get the overwhelming feeling that I was nothing but a time bomb ready to go off. The monster still had me in his grasp. I might have been able to
keep him at bay before, but there was no telling when he would immerge and how ferocious he would be. I had always been able to keep him at bay
whenever Carly was around but all the recent revisits to my past had me on an emotional rollercoaster, and I was unstable. I feared for Carly's safety. I
feared for Spencer's safety. No one was safe and there was no telling what I might do. I had to let Carly know. I didn't care if she thought I was crazy.
Maybe I was a little crazy.
We were upstairs in her room and she was going over some school work on her computer( I had skipped the past few days because…I'm lazy.) I cleared my
throat and got ready to speak when suddenly she gasped. I turned quickly in her direction to find her frozen, staring at an email on her wall-monitor.
"What is it?" I asked, getting up and making my way over to her. She looked at me with worry and then pointed at the screen. I looked at the screen and
began to read.
Carly, I just wanted to tell you that I will be leaving tonight to go on a Tech Club trip. I wont be back until Saturday. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier but I've
been visiting a friend out of town since Sunday. I already talked to Gibby and he agreed he would operate the camera for iCarly. See you in a few days.
So, he had been out of town since Sunday. My heart began to beat fast against my ribs. He must've left right after we, I mean, I…
No! I can't think about that right now. I had other things going on and I needed to deal with that first. I took a deep breath and listened to Carly
complaining about him telling her so late in the week.
"Why is he gone? I don't understand? He just decides to leave without telling us and then right when we are half way through a script, we have to change
it!" she yelled, throwing her hands in all directions. I decided to just let her vent. Plus it was kind of amusing. I knew Carly couldn't really stay mad at
anyone. I knew that she would forgive Freddie in about five minutes and be her happy self again.
Five minute later…
"I guess its ok that he left. I mean, he probably had something important to take care of and he will learn a lot of great things on his tech club trip." She
explained cheerily. I just laughed to myself. Carly was so predictable. But my laughter was short lived.
Why are you laughing?
Oh no.
You should be angry. He left without saying anything. Why would he leave the day after you kissed him? Why would he run? Like a coward.
Please, stop.
Why did he leave, Sam? Is it because he has someone that he is seeing?
Stop.
He said a friend. Maybe a girlfriend?
I know what you're trying to do. You are trying to get me angry. Well, its not going to happen. I have control of you! You can't make me do anything...
Why would I do that, Sam? Its not like Carly is stealing Freddie from you.
Carly wouldn't do that! She's my best friend! She loves me!
But she already has!
No she hasn't! She doesn't have feelings for him. She told me…
You don't see it? Why would he write to her and not to both of you, like he usually does?
I…I don't know…
Because, they have been talking…talking behind your back. She still has feelings for him. Don't act like you don't know…
I don't believe you…
But he was gone. I didn't believe it. Why would I believe him now. He was nothing but a liar. He was only trying to control me but I would never let that
happen again. I looked over at Carly who was reading out of a school text book. Why on earth would Carly try to be with Freddie? She doesn't even like
him. I laughed to myself. I can't believe I even considered there to be any truth to that. But as I walked down stairs to get something to drink, I couldn't
help but think about how the email was directed to only her.
Stop it! Why am I letting it get to me? I shook my self a little and got some grape juice and bottled water for Carly. I rolled my eyes. Why was I getting so
paranoid? Look at how much I have progressed in such a short amount of time. And Carly was helping me, not trying to do something to hurt me. I felt
ashamed. No more. I'm done with this whole thing about Carly. She is my best friend and loves me. It was like Melanie said; I am loved by so many and
what more could I want. I began up the stairs with a much more upbeat attitude. But when I approached the door to Carly's room I heard her talking on the
phone and I caught the tail end of her conversation…
"Ok. Yes I will remember. Gosh! Yes! Ok…Love you, bye." She said, smiling. Right as she ended the call, I walked in, and, seeing me she quickly put the
phone back in her purse and gave me a big, fake smile. I stopped, eyeballing her suspiciously. My heart was pounding. Who had she been talking to? She
said she loved them?
"Who was that?" I asked before I could stop myself. Her eyes got really big but then she walked over and sat back down at her computer to finish her
homework. Was she ignoring me? I felt a pang of anger.
"Carly?" I said again. She turned around, but looked much more relaxed, looking at me as if I had just entered the room.
"Huh? Oh, that was just my granddad." She said casually. And she turned back around and continued what she was doing. I just continued to stare. What
was going on? Was she…lying?
Wait, stop. This isn't right. It really wasn't any of my business who she was talking to and I had no right to get angry. But I felt another pang of anger
bubble up, making my face warm.
But…there is no way that she was talking to her granddad. She was being flirty and…
I felt my hands shaking. Oh no! I cant give in! I can't! I had to get out of here. I had to get away before I did something I was going to regret…
The only thing you will regret is not teaching Carly that she doesn't lie to you.
Carly is my friend. I will never hurt her. Even if she is…
Talking to Freddie behind your back. The boy you love! And then lying about it to your face…
She…she…
See I told you they didn't care about you. They all smile at you through their teeth and tell you you're pretty and smart and that you can do anything if you put your
mind to it. But they are all a bunch of liars.
Why…would she…lie to me? She's my friend. She knows that I…love him…
Don't worry, Sam. You will get him. But you need to work quickly. Look at her, Sam. Look how fragile she is. How…breakable. You could break her. You could pound
that pretty little face into nothing. Then what would Freddie want with her? That's all they ever see, is beauty. But what they want is strength. You have strength,
Sam. Do what you know you have to.
NO! I can't…
You have to! Do you want to always live in the shadow of her? Watching her with Freddie? Watching the way they look at each other? Laughing with each other?
Holding each other close? Kissing?
NO! no…I will…check her phone…I will find proof first.
I came out of my trance. I was sweating and shaking. Carly was still sitting with her back to me. I looked at her with a furrowed brow. I would have to check
it when she went down stairs, but I had to make sure she didn't delete anything first. But that was easier said than done.
For the rest of the evening, no matter where she went, she had her phone right next to her. Even when she got ready for bed, she took her phone out of
her jeans pocket, where she usually leaves it and carried it with her to bed. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. But she was definitely hiding
something. We had refrained from talking with each other most of the night. And when we climbed into bed, she turned her back toward me. I just glared at
her. Fine. If she wanted to be that way…
I had a plan. I was going to lay awake and wait for her to fall asleep. Then when she was totally asleep, I would reach over and take it, hoping that she
hadn't already deleted anything. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep. I was pretending to sleep, listening, until her soft breathing slowly turned to gentle
snoring.
Finally…
I opened my eyes to pitch blackness. It took a while for them to adjust, my pupils expanding to receive even the tiniest ray of light. Slowly Carly's silhouette
started to appear. I slowly began to move, shifting my weight so that I didn't wake her. It took 15 minutes just to move my body so that I was able to see
the other side of her. To my disappointment, the phone was nowhere to be found. But then I noticed that her right hand was tucked underneath her pillow.
That had to be it. I gently began to slip my hand under the pillow, being careful not to touch her arm. Suddenly I felt the cold plastic of her Pearphone. I
gently grabbed it and pulled it out from under the pillow. Then, just as gently, I lowered myself back to my side of the bed. Finally, I got it. I very quietly got
out of bed and made my way out of Carly's room, down the hall and to the bathroom at the end of it.
I felt like a little boy with a dirty magazine. I slipped into the bathroom, shut the door gently and locked it. Carly's bathroom had the kind of light that
dimmed, so I only turned it on halfway. I quickly walked over and sat down on the edge of the tub. I turned on the phone and found her recent calls list, but
what I saw was…nothing. She had deleted it! I couldn't believe it. No, I could believe it. I knew this was going to happen. But this proved that she was lying.
But it didn't prove that she was talking to Freddie. But who else could she be talking too? If she had a boyfriend I would know about him.
What was I doing? Why was I doing this? She could have been talking to anyone and maybe she was talking to Freddie and maybe she wasn't. And just
because she said she loved him doesn't mean that she has feelings for him, right? I let out a long sigh. Maybe I should just ask her about it. Maybe I could
make up some excuse about being emotionally unstable and demand that she tell me…that was just it, though. I was unstable. I didn't know when the
anger would come up and take over.
I decided to just ask. What was the harm in that? If she got mad, well…but what if it is Freddie, then what? What if she's been secretly dating him? And she
just wants to keep it a secret. So she is just going to lie to me, to keep me happy. And Freddie, if we ever talk again, will just toy with me. And tell me that
the kiss meant nothing to him and that he just wants to stay friends. But we will never stay friends. How can we? It will forever be awkward around him…
But what about changing? What about trying to be a better person? Because I know deep down, blah, blah, blah. This was all a joke. I kissed Freddie
because I'm in love with him. Plain and simple. But he hates me because of how I've treated him over the years. And now, even if I tried to change and be
kind to him, like Carly is to him…
I let my head hit my knees, my tears falling silently to the floor…
What was the point? He would never forgive me. He would never love me the way I love him. Why did I have to tease him all those years? Abuse him?
Because I thought it was funny?
It made you stronger.
How? And for what reason? Yeah I didn't think you had an answer.
They are nothing compared to me. They just want to live out their lives, happy, not a care in the world, but they are mistaken. They will know suffering. The way I
know it. And you will show them. Won't you, Sam?
I didn't know what to say. Carly was talking to Freddie behind my back…
Wait. NO! NO SHE IS NOT! WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TRICK ME? STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD AND LEAVE. ME. ALONE!
That was it. I was done with this. I stood up, unlocked the door and marched down the hall back towards Carly's room. I didn't care if I woke her up. I was
telling her that I had looked through her phone. She was my best friend and even though I was her worst best friend, she still needed to know the truth.
And she needed to know that I trusted her, even if she may never trust me again. I stopped just outside the room and took a deep breath. Ok, here I go.
I gently stepped into the dark room. I could see Carly still and silent. Should I turn on the light? Maybe I should. I flicked the light on, but she didn't wake.
"Carly?" I said, just above a whisper. But she didn't stir.
"Carly?" I said again, louder this time but she still didn't wake. "Carly." I said in a normal voice, but she didn't move a muscle. Gosh this girl is a heavy
sleeper. I walked right over to her and nudged her shoulder.
"Carly!" I said quite loudly. "Wake up. I need to tell you something." I practically screamed. What is wrong with her? I grabbed her shoulder and rolled her
over to face me.
"Carly, what is the matter…" I started, but as I turned her over, my body went cold.
Carly was dead.
She had what looked like a bloody handle of a knife sticking out of her chest, and the bed was covered in blood. I backed away. I couldn't tell if I was
screaming or moaning or crying. I felt dizzy. The room was spinning. I collapsed on the floor. Why…I don't understand…
Why don't you understand? Don't you remember? You did this.
What…no…I couldn't. I…was in…the…bathroom…oh my God! How did this HAPPEN!
Sam, you didn't go to the bathroom. You thought you did, but you stayed here. You hid that knife under your pillow, Sam.
No…no…
Yes, Sam. You pretended you were asleep. You waited for her to fall asleep. And when she was, you pulled the knife from under your pillow and you plunged it into
her heart.
No…I…I was getting her phone…
It was only a trick of the mind, Sam. See, you were angry, Sam. You were angry because Carly was keeping secrets. But now we know what happens to those who
lie, don't we, Sam? Now we know what happens to those who make us angry.
I gasped and squirmed on the floor of Carly's bedroom. How could this…how was this possible? I don't even remember doing any of it…I felt cold and
clammy. My stomach gave a horrible retching movement and I vomited.
Don't feel bad, Sam. You don't realize it but you are capable of extraordinary things! With me, you can do whatever you want. Go wherever you want. Be whoever
you want. And…have power over those who get in your way.
I will...NEVER be like you!
Oh, Sam. But you are like me. See, we are one and the same. Without me, you would be nothing. Without me, you would die.
Then I would rather die.
I stood up and looked around; I was suddenly full of energy. I was shaking from head to foot.
"DID YOU HEAR ME? I WOULD RATHER DIE!" And rushing forward I ran head-on toward the window, I needed to end this pitiful life before I was consumed. I
was almost there, but right before I got there someone grabbed me and spun me around. It was him! It was the monster. His scaly green hand wrapped
around my throat, lifting me up off the floor.
Now, Sam. I can't have you doing that. That would ruin everything." He said through his fangs. And he threw me down on the hardwood floor.
"Ow. Uh…" I opened my eyes to find myself in pitch darkness. I tried to open my eyes as wide as I could, looking for the monster. Maybe I went blind? And
now he was about to attack at any moment...but then I heard a soft sound somewhere to my right. A girl. A very familiar brunette girl.
Carly
It was just a nightmare. I took a huge gulp of air, panting. It was just a dream…I threw my face into my hands and wept silently. Suddenly the lights came
on.
"Sam, did you fall out of bed again?" she said in a soft, tired voice. I pulled my hands away to see her standing there, squinting. She was perfectly alive. No
knife. No blood. I wiped my eyes hastily and stood up.
"Yeah…I did." I said in a small voice. "Carly, I'm sorry."
"For what?" she said softly. Why was she so amazing?
"For getting mad at you. You probably don't know it, but I got angry at you earlier."
"How come?"
"Because…I thought that you were talking to Freddie on the phone when I walked in, and I heard you say that you loved him. But I really don't know who
you were talking to, and I really don't care. And, also I had this plan to take your phone and see if you had called him." I finished, looking into her eyes.
She looked down at the floor and then back up. She seemed much more awake now.
"I forgive you, Sam. You have every right to be angry. I should have told you…I've been keeping a secret from you." She said, her voice becoming strained.
My heart started to pound. What was she saying? Was she saying, what I think she was saying? That she is dating Freddie and that she did lie to me? I
watched her numbly as she walked over to her pillow, reached under it and pulled out her phone. Then she walked back around until she was just a foot
away from me and handed me the phone, with a slightly trembling hand.
I slowly looked from her to the pear-shaped device in my hand. I pulled up her contacts list, and looked at the name at the top. My breath caught in my
lungs and my heart dropped. The name "Freddie Benson" was listed there. I couldn't believe it. I tried with all my might to keep the tears from falling and
barely succeeded. Carly reached over and grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand, the one holding the phone, over towards her.
"It's not what you think." She said softly. "You see, Freddie doesn't have his phone." I looked at her in confusion. She elaborated.
"Freddie didn't really need his phone this week because he had the tech trip thing. That is why he left an email. He lent his phone to someone else,
someone whose phone is being repaired, a good friend of his…
"Who was the friend?" I asked, my heart beating fast again. She looked at me, but then grabbed the phone again. Shuffling through it, she landed on what
she was looking for and, turning it around, handed it back to me. I took it from her and held it up so I could read a new list of names. They were all the
same. Different times they had called or texted. The name "Gibby Gibson" filled the tiny screen.