Hey everyone. So this is Chapter 6.
I hope everyone is enjoying this.
I just want to thank SavySoCool for showing particular interest in this story.
I think I'm a little more than half way done. But I'm not entirely sure.
Read and Review. Thanks.
I read the name again, letting the reality of it collide with my brain like a truck. I looked at Carly's artificially illuminated face. I saw the lines there wrinkle on
the forehead and the brow furrow. I followed them until they became tears, which clung to her lashes, but then slid gently down her cheeks and fell to the
floor.
She just stood there, crying silently, ashamed. Why in the world was Carly the most selfless person to ever live? Just spending more than three minutes
with her could have you questioning your very existence. I decided not to ask her anything right now. All I wanted to do was let her know that I wasn't
judging her. I walked over and put my arms around her, pulling her close. It only took that bit of comfort to let her know that I wasn't mad at her for keeping
this a secret.
I told her I didn't want to talk about it and that I just wanted to get some rest. She seemed grateful and soon we were sleeping peacefully. I awoke early,
not a good thing, but I got up anyway. Maybe it was just everything that had been going on, or maybe it was just because I never got up early, but I really
felt like getting some fresh air. I got out of bed and made my way across the room to the fire escape. I unlatched the window as quietly as I possibly could
and stepped out into the cool morning air.
It was amazing up here. I couldn't believe that I didn't do this every time I was over at Carly's. The cool, crisp air blowing gently against my skin made me
feel relaxed. Which was definitely welcomed. I leaned over the metal railing, looking down at the cars below. Everyone had there life. Everyone was going
somewhere or doing something. But what was I doing? I looked down at my hands. How much hurt had I caused people with them? Is that who I was?
"Would you forsake who you are, who you were born to be?" I quoted into the morning breeze.
Was he right? Had he been right all along? Was I just to be a fighter? To just live a life that made everyone fear me? I looked back down at my hands and
balled them into fists. And what about last night? What about the nightmare? What if the nightmare became real? I shuddered as the images of Carly's
lifeless form flashed through my mind. What if I lost control? What if…next time it's not a dream? And I don't wake up…
"I can't keep doing this." I whispered as tears began to fall down my face. I held on to the railing, trying to keep my self from crumbling to the metal
underneath. I stood there for a while, just letting the tears fall, when suddenly I heard movement behind me.
"Sam? What are you doing out here?" she said in a sleepy voice. I jumped when she spoke and quickly turned around. Ok, no more messing around. I had
to tell her.
"Come back inside, it's really cold out here." She said, drawing her arms around herself.
"I can't." I choked out. She looked at me, confused.
"What do you mean? Of course you can, you just…"
"No!" I took a deep breath. "Carly, I have to leave. I can't stay here anymore, it's not safe." I said with a shaky voice.
"Sam, what do you mean? What's going on?" she said, seriousness in her voice now. I looked away. Fresh tears started to fall. I hastily wiped them away.
"Sam…" she started to walk toward me but I backed away.
"NO!" I yelped, my heart pounding. "Don't…don't touch me!" I backed further away, leaning against the metal of the fire escape. I wasn't looking at her, but
I could feel her eyes boring into me.
"Please, Sam. What's wrong?" she asked again in a soft voice. I gripped the railing. She didn't know. But she had to know. No…no she didn't. But I don't
want to hurt her. I had to…end this. I gripped the railing even harder, peering over the edge at the street below.
Sam? What are you doing, Sam?
"I'm gonna kill myself." I said, shaking from head to foot.
"W-what?" Carly asked behind me.
Now why would you want to do that?
"I'm done with you. I'm tired of letting you use me."
Oh, Sam. When have I ever used you? You make it sound like I'm some kind of bad guy. I am merely an…encourager.
"Sam…Sam…p-please come back inside…" Carly said, terror in her voice. It shot through me like a knife.
"If I live, you are in control. And if you control me, then I will end up doing something that I will regret. I can't take that chance."
You aren't looking at the big picture, Sam. You can have everything you ever wanted. But you need me to do it. Without me, you are weak.
I took a deep breath. If I lived, I would never find peace. I would never have the love that I wanted. I would be forever running. Forever tired of trying to
control the beast inside. I swung my leg over the railing, letting my foot rest on the few inches of metal on the outer part of the fire escape. I heard Carly
scream behind me. I heard her begging, pleading for me to come back. But I didn't listen. I couldn't…I had to save her.
"Sam! Oh my…God…SAM!" Carly wailed. Her pleading was ripping right through my chest. My head started to spin.
Sam…think about what you will be missing out on. Your friends, your family…Freddie. Don't throw that away because you think that this is some selfless way to
save them. You have control over me. I give you that power, Sam. You don't have to live in fear, but accept that I am part of you. Accept me, and you can have the
life you dream of…a life with Freddie.
"Why are you telling me this now? You never did anything but twist me around. I used to believe in you…I used to think that it was better to be feared than
loved. But now I know…love isn't selfish. I have to die, so that the ones I love will be safe…"
They say that when you are about to die, you see your whole life flash before your eyes…I guess that would have happened, if I had a life. All sound was
gone. Carly's sobs became muffled. The street below muted. All I could hear was a ringing silence. I let my fingers weaken and slip off the railing. I felt
gravity begin to pull me forward. The last thing I would see in this life would be the gray pavement of the…
"CARLY, CALL THE POLICE!" I heard Spencer scream in my ear. I heard Carly's muffled response, but could not make out what she had said.
"YES, YOU CAN DO IT! YOU HAVE TO!"
I was being drug through what might have been the Shay's living room. I was thrashing wildly in Spencer's arms but I didn't know why. I knew I had to get
somewhere but it was unclear exactly where that was. I tried to ask what was going on, but when I spoke it was incoherent, like someone moaning and
crying at the same time. It hadn't occurred to me, but I was, in fact, crying.
"Carly! You have to! I can't hold her and…"
"I-I c-can't! I'm sh-shaking." She said through her sobs. Spencer continued to struggle to hold me.
"THEN GO GET MRS. BENSON!" Spencer shouted, panic in his voice. I heard Carly stumble across the room and through the door, sobbing the entire time. It
didn't take long for Mrs. Benson to get there.
"What happened!"
"She tried to kill herself!" Spencer answered, his voice breaking. I heard Carly sob even harder, and Mrs. Benson gasp.
"Oh my goodness! I have a trauma kit next door. Has anyone called 911!"
"No, not yet!"
It all seemed pretty choppy after that. I remember Mrs. Benson doing something that seemed to put me to sleep. I remember a lot of flashing lights, blurry
people walking around, talking, my head hurting so bad I thought I was going to die, and then, black.
"Sam, Sam. Wake up." I heard Carly hovering over me. I stirred but was still really stiff and sore. She continued.
"Sam! Please, wake up!" she said again cheerily. I smiled at her voice and slowly opened my eyes to see her face just inches from mine. I jumped in surprise
and she laughed.
"How are you feeling? She said, smiling and flashing her dazzling teeth.
"Really good, actually. I can't believe…WHOA!" I had just realized that I was laying on the couch in the Shay's living room.
"How did I get here?"
"What do you mean?" she said, her smile faltering a little. I looked around the room and then back at her.
"Uh, well, I just thought that I would be in a hospital bed, for one thing." I began.
"Sam, shh, shh. Don't. Please. I don't want to hear about it. You're safe now. Here. With me." She said, placing her hand on the side of my face, caressing
my cheek.
"But I don't understand, usually when people try to kill…"
"NOPE! NO! STOP!" she shouted. I fell silent.
"Ok, ok. I'm sorry. I won't talk about it. But…can I at least apologize?" I said. She smiled again and shifted her body so she was practically laying on top of
me, resting her head on my chest.
"Oh, Sam. You don't need to apologize. I heard everything you said. You said that you would die for the ones you love. I know you were talking about me."
She said softly, her warm breath tickling my neck.
"Carly…" I began, but she stopped me by placing a finger over my lips.
"Shh. Don't speak…don't speak." She whispered. And lifting her head to mine, she pulled her finger away from my lips and replaced it with hers. My heart
jumped to my throat. I immediately pushed her off me.
"Whoa! Carly!" I shouted. She looked at me with a serious glare and then looked away, her eyes glossy with tears. What in the world was going on?
"I know what you're thinking." She said, turning back to me." Well, don't worry. I'm not." She stood up and walked over to me, reaching down and putting
her hand on my face. "You're just so darn cute! How could I resist?" She said, laughing a laugh that didn't suit her at all. I continued to stare at her. Who
was this girl standing in front of me?
"Oh, by-the-way, I broke up with Gibby." She said, walking across the room, her back facing me.
"I think I should go." I said, starting to get up.
"Please stay, Sam. Freddie will be here soon. Don't you want to see him?" she said, turning around and sounding like her old self again. Wait, Freddie? I
thought he didn't come back until Saturday.
"He's coming? When?" but as soon as I asked the question, the front door opened and in stepped Freddie. He looked older, stronger…different. He wasn't
his nerdy self anymore. He seemed, just…different. He looked over at me and flicked his head at me, the way "cool guys" would in school.
"Hey, Sam." He said, with a low, smooth voice. I hadn't even begun to say hi when he had already looked away from me, and walked over to Carly. I starred
in disbelief as Carly pranced up to him and threw her arms around his neck, laughing and giggling.
"Hey, baby." He said, giving her a long kiss on the lips. My jaw dropped. My heart stopped. What was happening? How long had I been out for: weeks,
months, or was it years. Or how about I was sucked into a different dimension, because that made a lot more sense then what I had just experienced in
the past few minutes.
"We are being rude, babe." Carly said, pointing her head toward me. Freddie looked back over at me and smiled.
"Sorry, Sam. Did you want a turn? There is plenty to go around." I didn't think my jaw could drop any lower, but it did. What did he just say?
"Oooo! I already took care of that. Right before you got here me and Sam, uh…" Carly said.
"Whoa! Hot!" Freddie laughed, obnoxiously.
"What is wrong with you two?" I shouted, jumping up off the couch. "Why are you doing this? Why are you acting this way?"
"How are we acting, Sam?" Carly said, starting to walk towards me. "Are we supposed to act a certain way? Because that wouldn't make you a very good
friend, if you didn't accept our differences. People change, Sam." She said, sounding angrier and getting closer with every word.
"I only meant…"
"You only meant, what? That we are just going to stay the pathetic little pushovers that we've always been? While we let you push us around? Well, guess
what? I'm sick and tired of you and you thinking you can just do whatever you want with me! I'm in control now!" she screamed and before I could even
react she pushed me down to the floor. I landed hard, hurting my wrist as I landed.
She just stood there, looking smug, a big smirk on her face. Freddie was laughing behind her. What was going on? She actually thought that she could hurt
me? She was mistaken. I got up fast and made my way over to her, but as soon as I got close enough, she punched me hard in the stomach, knocking the
wind out of me. I doubled over, gasping for air. How did she do that? I tried to stand, but she raised her fist again and brought it down on my left
cheekbone. The force of it landed me facedown on the floor. My whole face was throbbing and starting to swell. That was it! I was done with this! I jumped
up, ready to show her how hard I could punch. But as soon as I got to my feet, her fist was connecting with my jaw. I staggered backward and landed on
the couch. I heard her and Freddie laughing again, as I lay there clutching my bruised face.
"Sam, why can't you just realize that you're not as big as you thought you were. Stop pretending." She knelt down in front of me, as I viewed her through
tear filled eyes. She smiled to reveal a set of razor sharp teeth.
"You really should just give in." And she gave a horrible growl as she sunk her teeth into my neck, ripping through flesh and veins…
I jerked awake to the sound of hospital monitors and the smell of metal and air that was too clean to breath. I was sweating. I reached up and wiped
sweat from my face and neck, but then let my hand fall back down. I felt horrible. I had never ran a marathon, but I'm pretty sure that this is what you
would feel like after you did. I felt completely worn out. Every muscle in my body was stiff and felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. I just laid there, still as
the walls around me.
"What are you doing to me?" I whispered.
I'm only trying to show you that without me, you will have no future. And killing yourself isn't the answer.
"Killing myself is the only solution. I can't keep guessing when I might slip next. And I can't keep treating my friends like they are just nothing."
They are nothing. You think so highly of her. Why? She is weak. She doesn't have the power to put fear into the hearts of her enemies.
"Why would she need to! Carly has done more than you will ever do, and she did it through love. Something that you will never understand."
Love. It is a crutch. People don't need love. They don't want it. They only want to control each other with the delusion of self righteousness. They think that they
can make people see them as something bigger than what they really are. But I know what they are. Pretenders. Every last one of them. Anyone can smile through
their teeth and tell you what you want to hear.
"You're wrong. Love isn't selfish. I learned that from someone who knows true love. Who has shown me true love. She would never give up on me. Even if I
hated her…"
You waste your time on her. She will give up on you, eventually. They all will. Just like your mother did… and your father…
"I HATE YOU!"I roared. I was surging with so much anger and adrenaline that it was actually painful. I began to shake.
Sam…Sam…don't you see? You don't need them. You only need your anger. Your strength. And me…with me you…
"SHUT UP! YOU ONLY WANT ME TO SUFFER! YOU ONLY WANT ME TO LOSE FAITH IN EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH!" I screamed, thrashing
around in my bed. I had to leave. I had to…
"Sam! What's wrong, Sam?" It was Carly. I didn't even see her come in. She was standing in a shadowy corner of the room. I could barely see her shape in
the dim room.
"Carly! How are you here? I mean, when did you get here?" I asked, calming down. She started to walk along the wall.
"I need your help. I don't know what to do about this."
"About what?" I asked, for some reason she was scaring me. She continued to walk along the edge of the wall, staying in the shadows.
"I didn't know who else to turn to. I just really need my best friend to…" she paused.
"To what?" I asked, but then she stepped out of the shadows.
"To explain why she killed me." She said, and as she stepped out into the light, my mouth opened in horror. Her entire front was drenched in dark red blood.
It was pouring out of a long horizontal gash across her neck. In her right hand, she held a kitchen knife that was covered in the same shade of crimson. I
couldn't speak. She began to walk toward me. I tried to back away but I was frozen in place. Soon she was right in front of me, her breathing was heavy
and her skin was white.
"Why did you do it! Why did you kill yourself, I cared about you, Sam. I believed in you. Look what you made me do!" she sobbed, thick strings of blood
pouring onto my bed and over my arm. I screamed in horror, closing my eyes. But as soon as I did, I felt alone. I opened them again to find no one in the
room.
My body went limp and I clutched my stomach, trying hard not to vomit. How long was this going to go on? I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I couldn't do
anything anymore. I couldn't even give up…
He wouldn't let me…
He never would…
And I would never be free…
"Oh, I think she is waking up."
"Ok, now don't startle her. The doctor said that she could still be a little jumpy."
"I don't see how Sam could ever be jumpy?"
I heard small chuckles as I started to wake. I kept my eyes closed for a few minutes, trying to figure out who was in the room. I thought I recognized most
of them? I opened my eyes slowly to see a group of people surrounding my bed. Carly, Gibby, Spencer, my mom, and Freddie, were all looking at me. I took
a deep breath and glanced at each of them; they all had their own expression. Carly looked worried but grateful to see me, Spencer had a goofy smile but
seriousness in his eyes, Gibby looked like he usually did: easily amused. My mom, well, she looked like she uneasy around my friends. The one I was most
worried about, he was not looking at me at all. Instead he was examining something at his feet. I felt my face get really warm, but I realized that I couldn't
hide. My mom, surprisingly, was the first to approach me.
"Sam. How are you feeling, sweetie?" she said softly, sitting down on the bed and putting a hand on my arm.
"I'm fine, Mom." I lied. I knew that explaining anything to her would have been pointless. She smiled gently and kissed my forehead. When she pulled away,
she had tears in her eyes.
"It's really great to see you, Sam." Came Spencer's voice from behind Carly. I looked up to see him smiling. I smiled weakly.
"Good to see you too, Spencer." I was genuinely grateful. He had saved my life. It hadn't really occurred to me until now, but I owed Spencer my life. I held
my arms out in front of me and he made his way over, giving my a big hug. I wanted to scream and cry, but somehow I couldn't. He stood up and walked
back over to where he was. Now Gibby stepped forward, pulling something out of his pocket and holding it out for me to take.
"Here ya go, Sam." He said, smiling. "I think you will really like that."
"Thanks, Gib." I said, smiling back and looking down at the card that he handed me. I looked back up to see him still standing there, standing there with a
goofy grin. I stared back up at him, my smile faltering.
"What?" I said.
"Aren't you going to open it?" he asked.
"Uh, later I was going to…"
"Open it now!" he shouted.
"Ok! Geesh!" I opened the card to see one word there in big, bold lettering.
GIBBY.
"Wow. Uh…I…love it." I said. He smiled.
"YES! I worked a really long time on that." He said, and went back to his spot beside Carly. I set the card on the table next to me and watched as Carly now
came forward. She didn't say anything, she just fell on top of me, wrapping her arms around me with all her strength, like she was afraid to let go. I felt her
body shake with the sobbing that she was doing. She was crying so much she was leaving a stain on my gown. I weakly held on to her. I tried to hold on
tighter, but my body just wouldn't do it. And I wanted to cry as hard as she was, but no tears fell. It took a few minutes but she finally straitened up, her
cheeks stained and her eyes red and puffy.
"I…I'm sorry" she choked out, fresh tears falling.
"Carly, no…please." I said weakly, covering my face with my hands.
"Oh, Sam…" and she put a hand on my shoulder, I also felt another hand on my other shoulder and then another, and another. They were here for me…I
pulled my hands away to see them all surrounding me, then suddenly everyone wrapped their arms around me. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't say
anything. I looked up to see that one person hadn't joined in to the group hug. He was still standing over at the end of my bed, looking down without an
expression. Suddenly he looked over in my direction, his eyes met mine. We stared for what seemed like forever, but it was only for a few seconds. He made
a movement, like he was going to join in, but then he suddenly rushed out of the room. I wonder…if you don't have a heart, can it still break?
The tears fell.