Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

A/N: This story should be finished this week. I'm hoping to have the next chapter up by Thursday. Friday I have a wedding to go to so I won't have much time to do anything for this story. This weekend should be the epilgue. :D

Thanks to my beta icrodriguez. :D

Chapter 7 - Fear and Loathing

Soul mates.

It was what Edward had been searching for. Whether he knew it or not, it was something he had been looking for his entire life, even during all the years that he refused to even acknowledge women in that way. There had always been something deep inside him that had been keeping a look out for that one person who would make everything fall into place. He was searching for Bella…..and he had finally found her.

As Edward sat with Bella in his room, he let his thoughts take over. True, there had been many times when Edward had cursed this life he led, wishing that Carlisle had just let him die with his parents, but as he thought about eternity with Bella by his side, the vampire life became more bearable; it became worth living. Had he not been turned, Bella would not be in his life now. And knowing this how could he ever truly hate what he was?

With Bella he would no longer be alone. He would no longer be the unmated Cullen. No longer would he have to endure the sympathetic glances from his mother whenever his family members would pair off. And, more importantly, he would no longer have to hear Alice chide him for not giving other women a chance.

He wouldn't have to spend his days feeling sorry for himself in the company of so many mated vampires, nor would he spend his nights alone in his room, or in the den playing the piano to ease the solitude. He would no longer have to avoid the raucous activities of his family late in the evening by leaving the house. He would finally have someone to share those moments with, to create memories with; to destroy his own furniture with.

The last thought caught Edward entirely off guard. He had never let his thoughts runaway with him like that before, nor had he thought he ever would. He was slightly ashamed of himself that he let his desires for Bella cloud his mind with inappropriate thoughts of them tangled together beneath the sheets, her arms embracing him as they united so intimately as one, in a way that he had never had the pleasure of knowing. Though there was no real face to the picture of her in his mind, it did not matter. He saw Bella for who she truly was deep inside her soul, and that made her the most beautiful creature in the world to him.

As ashamed of himself as Edward was with these sudden urges he was feeling for the woman that he was currently alone with in his room, he couldn't help but enjoy the new and sudden desires that she stirred within him. He felt almost like a teenager again. It excited him.

Edward was fearful that the notion of soul mates would frighten Bella. After all, they had known each other less than a day and his family was already speaking of such things. He was afraid it would scare her off, that she wouldn't be so receptive of such an idea. But the moment they were alone in his room, Bella startled Edward by jumping into his arms and crashing her lips to his.

She had asked if what Jasper had said was true, if they really were intended to be together. All Edward could do was nod, a crooked smile lifting up one side of his mouth as his mind became dizzy with her touch, the feel of her lips; the warmth of her body. It warmed his heart to realize that Bella was just as excited about the idea as he was. For Edward, the idea of soul mates wasn't preposterous. In fact, knowing that Bella was intended to be his forever - that she had been made for him - caused butterflies to erupt in his stomach.

When he had asked if the idea of being soul mates bothered her, she told him absolutely not. That she knew that it must be true because nothing had ever felt so right before. Bella had said that she never really felt alive until now. She finally felt like her life had a purpose, that it held meaning when it never had before. Bella no longer had anything to be frightened of.

Edward smiled to himself as he breathed in Bella's overwhelming scent, replaying in his mind the needy kisses she peppered all over his face when they were finally away from his family. The memory of her excited touches and gentle kisses caused a fire to ignite in the pit of his stomach. His mind began to wander to their future together; the things that they would finally have. The prospect of a life with a never-ending love was exhilarating to Edward. His heart was lighter than it had ever been and he owed it all to Bella.

Edward's eyes scanned the room until he located his angel. He knew that she was leaving him to his own thoughts to think things through as she flitted about his room. He was thankful that she allowed him the time in his own head to figure out how he was going to best explain things to her.

He watched with a joyous smile as his CD's moved in and out of their spots on the bookcase, along with a few choice books that Bella had found interesting. She flipped through the pages casually one by one, occasionally stopping to read something that had piqued her interest.

He did not tell her what 'becoming one of them' meant, even when she persisted once they were alone in his room. But when she saw the look on his face, she quieted down and left him to his own devices. He knew that he would need to tell Bella soon enough of this imminent and unavoidable plan, but he was fearful of how she would react to such news. He was well aware that she was more open-minded to the idea of the supernatural than any other ordinary teenager would be - and that she was beyond ecstatic about being soul mates - but he also knew that the news would be more than a little alarming.

Would she be appalled? Would it disgust her that the source of sustenance for him was blood? Would she think him a monster? Would the thought of him feeding off another living thing repulse her to the point where she would want nothing to do with him?

Edward couldn't think such things. He shook his head, trying his best to think happy thoughts. Bella had said nothing would scare her, that she didn't care what he was. She told him she could never be afraid of him. Edward could only hope that were true.

With the thought of blood, Edward touched his throat, only just realizing how truly thirsty he was. Thinking of feeding reminded him of his actual need to feed. Being in Bella's presence truly kept him preoccupied and he had not thought about blood all day.

You need to hunt, Edward, Jasper thought to him worriedly. I'll go with you.

Edward looked over to his desk and watched as page after page of Romeo & Juliet flipped over as if on its own.

Would she really choose him?

"Bella," Edward said softly, ignoring the nagging thoughts running rampant through his mind.

He watched as the chair at his desk shifted. "Yes?"

"Would you mind if I dropped you off at home? There's something I must do."

He could almost detect the frown that was sure to be on her face at this very moment. "Can't I go with you?"

Edward couldn't help the smile from breaking out across his face. He loved that she wanted to stay with him. He had spent so many nights alone, so many years wandering through this existence without a mate, the mere fact that she wanted to remain in his presence had him leaping for joy on the inside. He hated that he had to leave her - even if it was only for an hour - but it was unavoidable.

He left his spot on his leather sofa, the only other place to sit in his room aside from his desk chair, and walked over to her. He had no bed in his room, as there was no need for one, and luckily Bella had only once made mention of that fact. A fact he promised to explain later.

He knelt before her and found her hands lying gingering on her thighs. "I wish you could, love. But I'm afraid I can't take you with me. I promise I'll be back before you know it, though." He smiled up at her, hoping to alleviate any fear that he was sure she was feeling at the prospect of being alone.

She breathed a sigh and immediately he felt her fingers in his hair, brushing the haphazard locks of bronze back and forth, twirling them between her fingers gently.

"Will you be long? I just…..I hate the thought of being without you. I've been alone for so long. I really don't want to spend another minute without you now that I've found you."

Edward shook his head and smiled. They were two peas in a pod, he and Bella; so completely perfect for each other. "An hour at the most. And before you know it, I'll be at your doorstep, ready to tell you everything you want to know."

"Really? Everything? No more putting it off?" He didn't have to be a vampire to detect the note of disbelief in her voice. He was sure Bella was aware of the strange behavior of his family members, not to mention his lack of a bed, but he also knew that she truly didn't expect him to tell her everything so soon. But he would. He needed to. And more importantly, he realized that he wanted to.

"No. No more putting it off. I promise I will tell you everything when I return." He took a deep breath. "You need to know everything, Bella. It looks like our way of life is the only way to save you." With those words he cupped her cheek in his hand and felt her lean into his touch. "It wouldn't be my first choice for you, but there seems to be no other way around it."

He felt her nod against his hand. He leaned up and touched his lips to hers, a content sigh leaving her. Soon, all would be revealed.

As Edward ran through the darkening forest all he could think about was getting back to Bella. Though, if he was being perfectly honest with himself, a part of him feared it as well. He knew there was no other option than to tell her what he was, to explain to her the truth about his family, but he couldn't help the thoughts that ran through his head of what she might do, how she might react.

Edward's nerves had affected him so much that just one deer was enough to fill him. He spent the rest of the hunt watching Jasper, unable to drink another drop. His brother pounced on another mountain lion as Edward let possible scenarios race through his head as to how Bella might respond to the news.

Jasper bled the animal dry quickly and cleanly and discarded its remains underneath a nearby boulder. He looked up at Edward with an odd expression on his face as he brushed his hands together to remove the excess dirt.

"What has you so upset?" he asked. "I can feel your anxiety. It's rather strong." He came to sit beside him on the fallen log, waiting for Edward to find his words. Jasper could practically see him rummaging through his thoughts.

Edward ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. "It's Bella."

Jasper frowned. "Aside from the obvious, is anything else wrong with her?"

"No, she's fine," Edward answered quickly, not meaning to alarm Jasper. "It's just…I'm afraid to tell her what I am – what we are." He waved a hand between the two of them. "What if she wants nothing to do with me after she finds out?"

Edward could hear Jasper's thoughts as he decided what to say next. He knew his concerns were valid, that there was an excellent possibility that Edward would scare Bella away, but he didn't want to come outright and say it.

"You don't have to say anything, you know. I can hear everything you don't want to say."

Jasper heaved a sigh and looked up at his brother. "You know, this mind reading thing gets really annoying."

Edward nodded and looked away. "Yes, it does."

"Edward, I can't lie to you and tell you that everything will be alright. All I can say is, if it's meant to be, things will work out as they should. There's a strong chance this will push her away. She may choose a life without you, but there's also the distinct possibility that she just won't care."

Edward grunted as he looked down. "Can't give me any guarantees, huh?"

Jasper shook his head and laughed as he patted Edward on the back. "Sorry, man, life has no guarantees. All you can do is hope for the best."

He nodded, but wasn't entirely reassured. Hope for the best, huh? Edward never had much use for hope before now.

"You want that?" Jasper asked, pointing ahead of them.

Edward looked up at the deer about thirty yards away from where the two of them sat. It was grazing in a small patch of grass past the trees, completely oblivious to the predators so nearby. Edward shook his head.

"I'm full. She's all yours."

Jasper shrugged and rose to his feet. He made his way over to the doe and began circling it a few times before slowly and silently inching his way in for the kill. The serene animal only heard him coming just as he was already on top of her. The animal didn't even stand a chance as he pounced on her within the second, latching his razor sharp teeth onto its neck, gulping wildly as the blood flowed from its veins.

Edward could hear the deer's heart begin to slow as Jasper sucked the life from it. Her tiny eyes widened with each gulp he took, her hooves beating uselessly against the ground and her attacker. It was a sad sight to witness, but a necessity in their life. It had taken Edward years to get accustomed to the killing aspect of the hunt.

Edward began to think briefly on how Bella would react to seeing him doing something like this. Would she see him as a monster? To Edward, this was their way of life, but he could understand the repulsion that one might feel at the sight of such an atrocious killing.

Edward's nose twitched as he suddenly caught wind of a scent. Fear tore through him at the familiarity of it. It was a scent that would normally have sent tingles of pleasure down his spine; would have caused his mind to race and his dead heart to flutter. But smelling it now, here, filled him with such dread he was frozen to his spot.

Before he even had the chance to locate the origin of that tantalizing aroma, he heard a faint gasp from behind him, followed by a small snap of a twig. He quickly turned to the source of the noise and, as he expected, found no one there.

"Bella!"

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