Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
Thanks to my beta, icrodriguez. She really came through for me with this chapter. You rock, babe. ;)
Chapter 8 - Confessions of the Heart
A growl from behind him had Edward whipping around and turning toward his brother, who looked feral and wild, his eyes ablaze with need. He was like a beast ready to attack. Crouched low to the dirt, Jasper bared his teeth, his lips curling up as his tongue swept across his incisors. His eyes were no longer the amber they were just a moment ago, but coal black. His nostrils twitched as the scent of a human filled his lungs, and his eyes widened for only a split second before they began to search for his prey; for the source of the tantalizing scent.
"Run, Bella! Run now!" Edward bellowed as his brother leapt from his predatory crouch and into the air.
Without a second thought, Edward launched himself at his brother. His body collided with Jasper's and the resounding crash echoed through the forest. They both crashed into a nearby tree, splitting it in two, and tumbled to the ground with the raining debris.
Edward's instincts sharpened as they both hit the dirt, his brother struggling against his hold. He could hear the critters of the forest scurry away with the sound of the crash, and the birds fly off into the distance, squawking as their nimble wings pulled them to safety. The earth beneath them rumbled with the force of their violent fall. Leaves fell all around them, a cacophony of colors in a peaceful dance raining down upon their vicious struggle. Jasper snarled and snapped his jaws, his teeth just inches away from his face, the venom dripping from the ends; a true sign of his thirst.
Bella's scent still lingered in the open air around them. Was she still there? Edward couldn't be sure, but he called out to her anyway. "Please, Bella. Go! Now!"
Edward summoned all the strength he had in him to restrain Jasper from taking from him the only thing he ever cared about. He put all his weight onto him, pinning his arms and legs with his body as Jasper writhed underneath him, almost as if he were in pain.
And he was in pain. For that was what it felt like for one of their kind. When their true nature called for them to take what they so desperately wanted, it was a like a burning inferno, a throbbing ache within them to do all in their power to take what they desired. He knew that if Jasper gained even the slightest edge over him, he could do nothing to stop him from taking what he wanted; what in Jasper's mind he so desperately needed to quench his thirst.
A trickling thought appeared out of nowhere. In the back of Edward's mind a small voice reasoned that Jasper couldn't hurt Bella, that it was impossible. It took some time before Edward realized it was Alice's thoughts screaming at him from somewhere out in the forest.
Just keep him contained. We'll be there shortly. He can't hurt her, remember?
Edward's fear that something might happen to Bella had clouded his ability to think rationally. He had nearly forgotten that Jasper could not attack Bella even if he was able to locate where she was. All logic had gone out the window for Edward. And as he looked down at his brother, seeing the pure and unadulterated need burning in Jasper's eyes, it frightened Edward more than anything he had ever seen. It had been such a long time since he had seen that hunger in his eyes, and it terrified Edward even more to realize that it was his Bella that he so longed to feed from. Even if Jasper was no threat to her, his instinct was clearly to harm Edward's mate, and Edward's instinct was to protect her at all costs.
Edward could smell Bella's scent beginning to fade away, the smell of freesias and strawberries no longer pulsing in the air around them, but the hunger in Jasper didn't recede in the slightest. Edward was grateful that she had heeded his warning. Even if she was safe from harm's way, he had feared she might stay to satisfy her curiosity.
Edward wondered briefly if Bella had followed them. He didn't think she would do that just to find some answers to her questions. Did she miss him that much that she decided to tag along? He knew that was impossible. He and Jasper were far to fast for her to have followed. So, how was it that she happened upon them, and at the exact wrong moment?
She must be terrified and worry consumed Edward over her current emotional state. He wished he could follow after her, but knew he needed to wait for his siblings to come to his aid before doing so. Everything inside him screamed for him to go after her. Edward needed to make certain she was alright. He needed to be sure that things hadn't changed between them. This was not the way he wanted her to find out.
Edward continued to fight Jasper, the bloodlust consuming his entire being as he struggled to free himself from Edward's grasp. Edward didn't know how much longer he could sustain is hold over him, and he only hoped that Jasper would soon come back to his senses. He needed to him calm down.
It was no more than a second later when Alice, Emmett and Rosalie came to his side. They broke through the bushes faster than he had ever witnessed them move before. All three of them fell to the ground beside him, each taking hold of Jasper.
"Go find Bella," Alice ordered. "We have him. He'll relax soon."
Edward looked to his brother one last time, a shiver running down his spine as he thought about what had just happened. It made him realize that a human life is fleeting, and Bella's more so than anyone. He could not lose her. Not now. Not ever. Bella's life was fading fast, faster than Edward liked, and something needed to be done to stop it.
With a nod to his sister, he sped off through the forest in search of his angel. Blurry images of the trees around him whipped by, the sharp branches and thorns making no mark as they bit at his unyielding skin. He breathed in repeatedly, hoping to latch onto Bella's scent, but he only caught the faintest whiff. He eventually broke through the edge of the forest, landing in Bella's backyard, her aroma the strongest there.
It was foolish of him to have hunted so close to her home. But he was hoping to get to Bella as fast as possible after feeding and that was why he chose the woods close by. He cursed himself for this lapse in judgment.
A lone light shone on the top floor of her home, and Edward silently made his way to the back door of Bella's house. He knocked lightly, but no one answered. He knocked again, but still no one came to the door. The little hope that Edward had held onto at the possibility that Bella could ever love a creature like him was slowly dying away. Dejectedly he walked around the house to the lit window, deciding to scale the tree just outside it. He needed to speak to her one last time; to explain everything before he walked away.
As he perched on the branch, Edward knocked lightly on the window. He heard her heartbeat pick up as the indentation on the bed lifted and footsteps came closer to the window. Bella slowly lifted the window, a ragged breath leaving her as she did so. The look on his face had her heart breaking. He looked lost and scared. She was scared too.
Edward jumped through the window with ease and landed on the wooden floor beside her. He reached out a hand in search of her and she flinched slightly as his fingers made contact with her delicate skin. He grimaced at her reaction, fearing that this was the end of them.
"Bella, what were you doing in the woods by yourself?" Edward asked. Had she followed him?
"I was taking a walk. I do it all the time when I don't like being alone in the house." She took in an unsteady breath. "But the better question is; what the hell happened out there? What are you, Edward?" she demanded, a noticeable tremor in her voice.
Edward closed his eyes and sighed heavily, the air leaving him on an unsteady breath. He was such an idiot; a God damn fool. Had he known that she did that often, especially in the woods, he definitely would not have hunted so close to her home. He found Bella's hand, and this time she did not shy away. He led her to the bed, pulling her down gently as he sat. If he was going to tell her everything, she needed to be seated if he did so.
She followed his lead easily, and as she settled in next to him, he could feel the warmth of her skin. He refused to let go of her hand, knowing that it might possibly be the last time he would have it in his own.
"Bella," he began slowly. "My biggest fear in all of this is that you will leave me once you find out my secret."
He felt her other hand brush the back of his and heard it as she breathed deeply through her nose. "Edward, I'm not going anywhere. I just want to know the truth." She paused briefly. "What happened back there with Jasper?"
Edward looked away and focused his eyes on a painting on the wall - A Starry Night, by Van Gogh. "Bella, do you feel any fear when you're around me; any unnecessary anxiety that you could not explain?"
She did not hesitate in her answer. "No."
Edward's head snapped back to Bella and he gawked at her in surprise. "You don't?" He was stunned.
"No. Not once. Why?" she answered softly.
Edward raked a hand through his hair, tugging lightly on the ends in frustration. "Generally, those that come into contact with us feel some form of fear or a natural desire to flee our presence. Though most humans who meet us are initially attracted to us, their fear is the most prominent emotion. It's the natural reaction to our kind."
"Humans? Your kind? What are you talking about?" Edward could sense Bella's impatience, but prolonging the inevitable was paramount in order to spend as much time with her as possible before she banished him from her life for good.
Edward slowly removed his hand from Bella's and placed both of his hands in his lap, twiddling his thumbs in his nervousness.
"We are very beautiful to those we meet. We are alluring; a quality that provides us with the ability to survive." Bella was quiet beside him and so he ventured on. "But we do not use this trait for its main purpose. My family and I live a different way of life than those like us; a way that is unheard of almost entirely. But being inhumanly beautiful comes in handy when we need to sway someone our way."
Edward felt a light touch on his shoulder and he turned his eyes to Bella. Was he looking into her eyes? He didn't know. "Why do I feel like you're avoiding the subject?" she asked.
A contrived smirk touched Edward's lips, a small laugh leaving him. He supposed he had to tell her now. There would be no more avoiding the subject. She was onto him and his games.
"Bella, I'm not like you."
She snorted and scoffed. "No kidding, Edward. No one's like me."
He cringed slightly, realizing his blunder and shook his head. "That's not what I meant, love." Bella's pulse quickened with his new name for her, and it made him smile. Almost gave him hope.
"What is it you mean, then?" she inquired further, her voice on the edge of pleading.
"Before I tell you, I just want to say one thing."
"Alright."
He smiled and touched his hand to her cheek, cupping the soft skin in his stone-like hand. "I will understand if you do not want to see me after this. I won't hold it against you if you want me out of your life forever."
He could feel it as Bella's face fell. She was confused. She did not understand the meaning of his words.
"Bella, I am a vampire."
All the air left his lungs as the words fell from his lips. They were released and there was no taking them back. He had never told anyone his secret before, but now it was out there for Bella to use as she saw fit. She could either accept him for what he was or destroy his very soul by denying him the one thing he wanted…her.
Bella rose off the bed and began to pace back and forth. The floorboards creaked beneath her soft footsteps. Her breathing picked up every so often, and low mumbles tumbled from her lips. He could hear her teeth scrape against the beds of her nails as she gnawed on her fingers in thought.
After several long minutes of this without a word from her, Edward walked to the window in defeat, letting the knowledge pour over him that he had lost the only thing in his life that ever truly had meaning. As he reached the window, her pacing stopped.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" she demanded. "You're leaving?"
Edward turned to her, a look of utter bewilderment on his face. "I assumed from your silence that you wanted me gone."
Bella sighed in frustration and stepped closer to Edward. "I was thinking, Edward. If I wanted you gone I would have asked you to leave."
She gingerly took his hand in her own and pulled him away from the window. Edward reveled in the fact that she was not running away; that she seemed to be accepting him so quickly.
"'I have to say," she began, laughing softly either in amusement or uneasiness. "I definitely did not expect you to say that you're a vampire, but I guess I'm not entirely surprised, either."
Edward scrunched his brow. "You're not?"
She shook her head unsurely. "No. Vampire may not have been my first guess, but I knew that you and you're family were different. Vampire just wouldn't have been the first thing I went to as an answer." She paused a moment longer and Edward wished he were able to read her thoughts. He needed desperately to know what she was thinking. "Back there in the woods," she began. "Did Jasper want to drink from me?"
Edward nodded silently and took in a shuddering breath. The thought alone pierced Edward's heart. "Yes, he did," he answered truthfully.
Bella trembled at the thought. "Is that what happens when you…feed?" She could barely get the words out. Bella didn't know what to think. She had seen Jasper take down that deer just before he launched himself at her, and that was terrifying enough. But he had nearly attacked her, or tried to. Did they feed from humans too?
An uneasy noise left Edward's lips and he ran his hands through is hair. "We don't feed off humans, Bella." It was like he read her thoughts. "Well, some of us have, in the past, but my family and I, we try to live as normal a life as possible. And that includes abstaining from human blood and trying our best to sustain ourselves on the blood of animals so that we can acclimate ourselves to normal life."
"If you don't feed on humans, then why did Japer try to attack me?"
"Because, when we hunt, we lose ourselves in the hunt. We become predators. We lose sight of all reason and we lose control over ourselves. He was in a kind of frenzy when you arrived, already in the midst of a kill." Edward wiped a rough hand over his face. "His mind was only on one thing…blood. And human blood is the most appealing to our kind."
"So, when your family said they could smell me, they meant my blood?" It was all starting to make sense now.
Edward nodded dejectedly.
"Why do you try to deny what you are?" she asked thoughtfully. "It must be difficult trying to fight it."
"It is difficult. It's a struggle everyday to fight what's natural to us." A whimper escaped Edward and he shook his head in disgust. "We don't like what we are, Bella. But we do what we can to survive with our souls intact."
She was silent. "And what is it you think you are?" she asked gently.
Edward closed his eyes and sighed. "Monsters."
Bella placed a gentle and on Edward's shoulder and he looked up at her. "You're not a monster, Edward."
"How can you say that? Look at what you just saw. Aren't you afraid?" he asked. "Doesn't knowing what I am frighten you?"
Bella smiled. She knew her answer, but took the time to think over the question regardless. It was a very reasonable one he posed. She probably should have been afraid of him, and had she been any normal teenage girl in Forks, she very well might have. But knowing who Edward was - having spent so much time in his company - she could never truly bring herself to fear him. He had not once done anything to illicit that sort of reaction from her. He had been nothing but kind and gentle, and most importantly, loving.
In all her years alive, Bella had never felt cared for, never felt loved, at least not in the way Edward made her feel. Being with Edward, even during the small amount of time they had known each other, she knew that this was what being truly loved felt like.
How could she fear that?
"No," she finally answered him. "I'm not afraid. What happened in the forest with Jasper…that scared me, as it would any normal person. But I'm not afraid of you, and I never could be. What you are does not change how I feel about you. It doesn't change who you are."
Edward shook his head in disbelief. "But how can it not?"
Bella bit her lip before answering but knew with absolute certainty that she was going to say the next words whether he said them back or not. She had to let him know.
"Because I love you, Edward."
Edward's head snapped up to her and the astonishment was written all over his face. He looked at where he knew Bella to be sitting and just stared in wonder. He was absolutely flabbergasted. He didn't think he heard her correctly, but the sudden quickness of her breathing told him she did indeed tell him she loved him.
In all his years, he never thought he'd hear those words from anyone other than his family. He never thought he'd ever have the pleasure of knowing what it truly felt like for someone to love him so completely and unconditionally. He always feared he would spend eternity alone, but that one simple sentence changed his fate forever. It absolutely altered the course that his life had been on. And he couldn't have been happier about that.
Bella's breathing picked up even more and the uptick in her heart rate told Edward that she was suddenly very nervous. The mattress beside him moved as Bella left the bed and he heard her feet begin moving toward the door. This time it was she who was walking away from him. And it shattered his heart. Why was she walking away? Had he done something wrong?
"Where are you going?" he asked quickly. "You tell me you love me and then you walk away?"
Bella's footfalls stopped abruptly. "I just thought that….that you…." Her voice trailed off and Edward was in front of her in a flash.
"That I what?"
He heard her swallow softly and lick her lips. "I thought perhaps I spoke out of turn. You didn't say anything, so I figured-"
Edward wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, pulling her close. "You figured I didn't feel the same way," he breathed. Edward hadn't realized his speechlessness had caused her to think the worst, but apparently it had. "Bella," he said gently, her name rolling off his tongue. "How could I not be in love with you?"
Bella gasped softly and her previously tense muscles relaxed, allowing her to fall into Edward's chest. "Don't say it because you feel you have to," she whispered. But she knew without a shadow of a doubt that the words he spoke were the truth. She could feel it.
"We're soul mates, remember, Bella?" he teased, dipping down and trailing his nose along her jaw line.
Her heart stuttered and her eyes closed. Her breath quickened with Edward's movements. He felt her pulse beneath his lips as he brushed them along her skin.
"Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to love me," she answered breathlessly.
He laughed softly against her neck. "Silly girl. I've been falling in love with you since the moment we touched."
Edward tightened his hold around Bella and hoisted her from the floor. Her sweet breath ghosted gently across his face, her natural scent licking his skin. Without a word he pressed his lips to hers. She moaned instantly and drove her fingers into his hair, pulling him closer. As her lips parted, Edward slipped his tongue inside, and groaned loudly. He instantly deepened the kiss, his hands trailing across the small of her back and over her hips. She felt so good beneath his hands.
As he pulled away he drew his lips across her chin and to just below her ear. "I love you so much it hurts," he whispered. "It scares me to imagine even one second without you. I never want to let you go."
She breathed in a sigh of relief as he nuzzled his face into her neck. She clung to him desperately and suddenly, out of nowhere, she began to sob.
Edward pulled back and touched his hand to her face. "Why are you crying?" he asked worriedly. "Please don't cry, love." Staring at nothing, Edward wondered how much longer he would have to go without seeing her face. Would she want the life that he offered? Could he ask that of her? He closed his eyes and pictured her eyes, her lips, her rosy cheeks.
"I'm sorry. I'm just so happy," she finally managed to say through her tears.
He smiled in relief. "So am I, love. So am I."
Edward wrapped Bella in his arms and brought her to the bed, laying her down gently and settling in next to her. They spent some time kissing and talking about their pasts. Perhaps a bit more time was spent kissing than talking, and Edward answered any questions that she had about their kind.
Edward didn't know if it was the smartest thing to do, but he spoke openly with her about his time away from his family, and the things that he had done. He wanted her to know everything; the good and the bad. He wanted her to love him for who he really was, just as he loved her. It amazed Edward how understanding she was about his dark days. The fact that someone as good and innocent as Bella could see past the monster that he was gave Edward faith, not only in himself, but in their future.
When he had spoken of the abilities that some vampires acquire after the change, he had mentioned his little gift to her. To his surprise she was not the least bit horrified by the fact that he may have heard her inner most thoughts. Instead she was extremely intrigued by it and immediately asked him to tell her what she was thinking. When he explained that she seemed to be the only exception, and that he was glad for this since it offered him rare moments of silence, this pleased her greatly.
Edward had gone onto dispel the myths of today's society regarding vampires. She figured that much of them weren't true considering he and his family could go out in the sun. She was beyond excited when he explained the effects the sun did have on them and he promised that he would soon show her. And with every secret he told, every door that he opened into his world, she had questions that needed answering. And he was there to offer those answers.
Edward was brutally honest with Bella, knowing he owed her at least that much, but he had yet to delve into the finer points of the change, a discussion he was somewhat frightened to have with her. He hadn't even had the courage to ask her if she wanted this life, let alone bring up the agonies of the transformation.
"So, you really don't sleep, either?" she asked curiously. It was just one of her many questions and Edward was happy to oblige. He nodded. "It's awful, isn't it? I miss sleep." She sighed wistfully. "I miss dreaming. There's just too much time to fill during the night hours."
Edward nodded, his head resting against the pillow beside her. "I agree. I miss dreaming as well. I think if I could, I'd dream of nothing but you."
Bella blushed as he placed a light kiss to her neck, and she sighed serenely. She shifted a little closer to Edward, her fingers playing with the front of his shirt. "So, how old are you, exactly?" His age did not matter to her, but she was still curious.
Edward pulled back and gave her a teasing look. "I'm seventeen." He hoped his mocking tone could hide the anxiety he felt about revealing his true age to her.
Bella rolled her eyes to herself and shook her head. "No, I'm seventeen, clearly you're not."
Edward arched an eyebrow. "And how do you know that I'm not seventeen."
"It's the way you speak and the way you act. Your speech is more sophisticated – you don't always speak with contractions, which is very odd - and your actions are much more gentlemanly than anyone I've ever seen. It's like you were raised in a completely different time." She pushed lightly on his arm with her fingers. "So come on. How old are you?"
Edward released a breath. "Alright," he conceded. "I'm not seventeen." He looked at Bella nervously. "Technically my body is still seventeen, because that's when I was changed, but in actuality…I'm 110 years-old."
Bella was silent as Edward held his breath. It felt like an eternity before she finally reacted. "That's amazing! You must have seen so much." She shook her head. "What was it like, living through so many eras?"
"Lonely," Edward said without thinking. Edward hadn't meant to say that, but it was the truth. He had seen so much, lived through so many wars, seen countless presidents come ago, and he never realized how truly lonely he felt until now. He had his family, but that was never enough. Nothing was ever enough…..until Bella.
Bella touched a caring hand to Edward's cheek, the look on his face tearing her heart in two. She knew how he felt, knew what that look meant. She never wanted to see it on his face again. He was no longer alone. He never would be again, because he had her now.
"Never again, Edward," she breathed softly, pressing her lips to his. He sighed against her lips and nodded. She caressed his face lovingly. "It's so strange, isn't?"
"What?' he asked, his eyes closed, his hands splayed out across her back.
"So many years spent alone, and it only takes one day to fall in love." Edward could hear the smile in her voice and his lips pulled up as well. True, it was so odd how quickly it all happened - finding Bella, falling in love - but Edward wouldn't have it any other way. It was miraculous.
They lay on her bed for hours afterward just holding each other and stealing kisses. There was no talking, no words passing between them, just long looks and soft lips. It was like they were making up for all the time they spent alone, all the years they spent without each other. They were like teenagers in love.
"So, I guess one theory is true, huh?" she said suddenly. Edward looked at her confused. "Your skin," she laughed, pressing her palm to his chest. "It's cold."
Edward nodded as he pulled his body away from her. "Does it bother you?"
Bella was quick to banish his worries. "Not at all." She grabbed his hands and pulled him closer to her. "It's actually quite nice. I like how you feel."
Edward smiled lazily but didn't know what to say. She liked how he felt. He felt giddy from the compliment. As Bella hooked her leg around Edward's hip and drew her body closer into his, her fingers tickled the skin of his neck, her finger rubbing a freckle below his ear. The rhythm of her heart was calming to Edward's ears, and he placed his head against her chest, listening to the beat.
Bella's hands rubbed soothing circles all over his body. Anywhere she could get to she touched, setting Edward's body on fire with the slightest of brushes. Her touches were soft caresses, caring and gentle, and they brought a sigh to Edward's lips. It was just before sunrise, as Edward could smell the sunshine as it first began to break the horizon, when Bella spoke the words that would change their lives forever.
"Make me one of you, Edward."
Edward's reply caught in his throat and he looked at Bella with wide eyes. He had expected to discuss this with her at some point, but never did he imagine that she would be the one to bring it up. Nor that she would do it so quickly.
"What?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly.
Bella touched her hand to Edward's chin, bringing it up to her face to better gauge his reaction. She knew without a doubt that she was meant to be with Edward, and if becoming what he was meant that they could have eternity together, then there was no other possible choice for her. The answer was obvious. They both knew it.
"Make me a vampire," she said with ease. Edward tried to speak, but Bella continued. "You and I both know that me becoming one of you is inevitable. Jasper said it's the only way to undo what has happened to me."
"Bella I….."
"Edward, please don't try and talk me out of it. I want this. I want us. I want you." She kissed him and his breath caught in his throat. There was a needy passion behind her kiss, a desperate plea for him to give in. She leaned back and looked into his eyes. "There's no point in waiting. We don't even know how much longer I have before my body finally gives out on me." They both winced at the words and Bella quickly wrapped herself around Edward, needing the comfort his body provided. She didn't want to lose this, lose him; lose what they had. She wanted it forever. And Edward could that for her. She smiled, pressing her forehead to his. "We're soul mates…..remember?"
Edward sighed and held onto her. He dipped his head to her neck and breathed in. Her skin was warm, her breath against the back of his neck hot. They were soul mates. And there was no denying they were meant to be together. Edward could have this forever. Have Bella.
"I love you so much," he said, his voice desperate. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want this for you, because the truth is, I want it more than anything." He brushed his lips across hers, lingering there for a moment. "I want to spend this endless life with you by my side. I want to pass our days talking about anything and everything, and our nights with more….intimate activities."
An impish smile spread across his face and he raised a suggestive eyebrow at her. Bella giggled softly, her entire body blushing in anticipation. She realized she was only slightly embarrassed by his insinuation, because truthfully, Bella had been thinking about Edward in that way as well.
"I'd like that too," she whispered. She didn't think her voice could go any louder than that at the moment.
He brushed his fingers through her hair and kissed her. A thousand thoughts tumbled through his head. Could he really do this? Edward hesitated before he spoke. "Are you sure this is what you want? Are you absolutely certain?" He didn't want her to have any doubts.
"More than anything."
Edward could hear the sincerity ringing in her voice and it warmed his heart to hear Bella say those words. "If you're sure this is what you want, then I'll gladly do it." It surprised Edward more than he could say how much he wanted this, wanted Bella to be a vampire. It was selfish, but god damn it, his heart wanted it more than anything.
Bella smiled widely to herself and kissed his lips softly. "Do it now, then."
Edward's eyes shot open and he could barely get the words out to speak. "Now?" he questioned.
"Why not now?" Bella asked. "What's there to wait for?"
Edward shook his head vigorously in thought. "Bella, you don't know what the change is like. You'll need to prepare. It's very painful; the most painful thing you'll ever have to endure."
"More painful than being alone all your life?" Her words were dripping with sadness and he could detect the small tremor in her voice as she spoke.
Edward knew what it was like to go through the change into a vampire, but he also knew what it was like to be alone. True, Edward had had a loving and caring family in his human life and after, but he was truly alone without a mate. He only just realized this after meeting Bella. But Bella had never had anyone to care for her as she should be cared for and he couldn't deny that suffering the agony of the transformation was worth it now that he had found her.
"But what about my family? They should be here. If I can't stop once I bite you, I could accidentally drain you." His voice cracked. "I could lose you forever and I…I just couldn't bear that, Bella." It was agony for him to even imagine a world without her in it. This woman had changed his life forever and it had only been less than 24 hours.
"I trust you, Edward."
"But, for my kind, once we begin to feed, it's near impossible to let go until we've drained our prey. And I haven't tasted human blood in decades. I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself once I start." Edward's voice was frantic with worry, and Bella rushed to reassure him that he could do it without the aid of his family.
"You'll be fine, Edward. I have faith that everything will be okay."
The phone in Edward's pocket rang then and he answered it slowly, the repercussions of his possible actions weighing on his mind as he looked to Bella.
Edward put the phone to his ear. "She's right, Edward," Alice assured him on the other end of the line. "You can do this. It'll all work out." She took a breath and Edward could hear the wind whipping by the phone on her end. "Besides, Carlisle and I will be there in two minutes. If you do it now we'll be there once the venom sets in."
Edward closed his phone and tossed it on the desk beside him. He closed his eyes and tightened his hold around Bella's waist. He pressed his lips to hers one more time. He would do this.
"I love you, Isabella Swan."
Her arms encased him lovingly. "I love you too, Edward," she murmured.
He dragged his lips over her chin and down the column of her neck until he found the spot that he was looking for. Her pulse beat madly under her skin as he parted his lips, baring his teeth. He hesitated only a moment, thinking of what their future held, and it gave him the strength to move forward. He finally sunk his razor sharp teeth into her delicate flesh, cutting through her neck like warm butter.
A small whimper escaped Bella at the initial bite and Edward was momentarily dazed by the first taste of human blood that he had had in decades. And it was the most delicious blood he had ever tasted. The taste of freesias filled his senses as he took a long pull of her life's essence. The warm liquid poured down his throat like the sweetest chocolate known to man and he involuntarily moaned at the overwhelming flavor filling his mouth.
He was surely in heaven.
Her taste was simply delicious, unlike anything he had ever consumed. He could feel himself drowning in her, losing himself to the need quickly and without qualms. But as Edward took another pull of Bella's blood she sobbed again, this time at the sting of venom releasing into her bloodstream. The desperate noise called Edward back to the present and his eyes shot open as he realized his error. He had nearly lost himself completely, and as he fought to regain his control, he let the siren call of her blood fade to a whispering tune, focusing on Bella and the life they would have together.
Days, weeks, years. Time would be never-ending for them.
He felt Bella tremble under him, and that small action sharpened his attention even more. She did not try to pull away from his predatory hold on her, even as he tried to pull away from her, to give himself the tiniest bit of distance from her body as he continue to lap at her. She simply trailed her hand up his back and into the hair at the nape of his neck, stroking the spot softly as her body drew closer to his.
She was letting go to him; giving herself to him.
It was evident Bella had the utmost faith in him. It was faith that he would not lose himself to the lure of her most tantalizing blood, that he would stand strong as he performed the one task that would save her, that would save them. She had complete and total trust in him - trust he did not deserve - and he had nearly let himself fall over the edge and be consumed by his desire to steal from her what was not his to take.
Edward grasped her hand that lay at her side, her hand balled into the tightest fist. He stroked the back of it gently, beckoning her to release her grasp. As she opened up to him he slipped his hand inside hers and twined their fingers together. It was his anchor. He would let it hold him to reality, to her, to what needed to be done.
He let the venom gather in his mouth before slowly beginning to release the poisonous liquid into the wound at her neck. As her body jerked and a small cry escaped her, Edward knew that the deed was done and that he had fulfilled her wish. There was no going back now.
He drew his lips away from her throat, his eyes resting on the spot in which he was just attached to. He was startled by what he saw. A small pooling of blood gathered in two crescent shaped marks, but they were all he saw. The venom had already begun to do its work. It was healing the damage done. It was reforming her body; beginning at the source.
But could it heal everything? Was Jasper certain it would work this time? Before he could let the nagging thoughts consume him, a gust of wind whipped through the room. He looked over his shoulder at the bedroom window. His sister was perched on the sill.
"Is she alright?" Worry creased her brow as she stepped into the room. Emmett was right behind her. Both of their eyes widened at the scent of blood. They had both been so good, Alice never tasting human blood, and Emmett having maintained his control ever since his slip-up nearly twenty years ago. Edward was frightened, not sure if they could control themselves in Bella's presence.
Damn, Emmett thought. Her scent is so strong.
He clasped a hand around his mouth and nose and turned away. Alice stopped breathing all together.
"Emmett, don't breathe. Control yourself," Edward ordered. He looked to Alice. "You two are going to be okay, aren't you?"
She nodded and placed herself at a distance, dragging Emmett farther away with her towards the closet door. "We're going to be fine. In a few minutes the venom will have taken over enough of her blood to dull the appeal. It will be mostly dead soon."
Edward wasn't entirely convinced. "Do I need to worry about you or not?" He wasn't taking any chances where Bella was concerned. "If it's going to be too much for you, I would rather you wait outside."
She shook her head. "You know I wouldn't lie to you, Edward. I've seen this. Everything will be fine." Alice still wasn't breathing.
She was right. She wouldn't lie to him. He could see the vision in her mind. They'd be fine once the venom settled in.
"Where's Carlisle?" Edward asked agitatedly. He thought he'd be with them.
She didn't answer, just nodded to the window. His father stepped through then. "I'm here, son."
Edward sighed in relief. He knew there was nothing Carlisle could do for either of them in that moment, but knowing that he was there made the moment a little bit easier to bear. The support of his family was appreciated, especially his father's.
Bella screamed and her body jerked in Edward's arms. He held her tightly and whispered soothing words in her ear. They were only a minor comfort to her as the fire engulfed her body. It was as if liquid lava was pouring through her veins, devouring her from the inside out. Her body was so consumed with pain that she couldn't think clearly. Her mind was a blurry haze of images of Edward.
She tried to hold onto the thought of him, tried to remember his face, his eyes, his touch, the feel of his lips. She kept her eyes closed, listening to his words, feeling his lips against her ear. As the pain overwhelmed her, she held onto the vision of Edward. When she finally opened her eyes to look at him, his face was contorted in pain. He looked like he was on the verge of crying. She touched a shaky hand to his face and he closed his eyes.
"I love you," she whispered.
Next chapter will be the last. Let me know what you think. :D