This chappie is brought to you by the wonderful idea of the lovely siler02, who suggested a "Wrong number booty call, and Bones picks up, giving suggestions Booth takes to heart."

Haha! (warning…crude language ahead!)

-b&b-

The phone rang, and Booth pressed a pillow over his ears. He knew damn well it wasn't morning, but he also damn well knew that murder never slept. Which meant homicide detectives and world renowned forensic anthropologists sometimes didn't get to sleep either. Brennan moved an arm to her nightstand, and she pressed some button.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sexy," a man's voice purred through the speaker. Booth's brow furrowed, and he turned toward his partner.

"What?" Brennan was staring at the phone, not quite even realizing she'd put it on speakerphone.

"Look, baby," the man crooned. "I know it's kinda late, and it's been awhile since I called, and I swear to God, baby, I meant to call after the last time, but you know how it is, aw, yeah," he laughed. "But um, I need it, though, real bad. I need you, gorgeous. Remember how I sucked your tits all nice, and you said you kinda liked that? And then you was under me, and I was real deep inside you? You touching yourself, thinking about the Big Dog? Mmmm, yeah, come on, please? Can I come over, Mandy?" The last word was asked in such a pitiful tone that Booth almost laughed.

"What the hell is this, Bones," he muttered and sat up in bed. "How'd this guy get your number?"

She shrugged.

"Bones?" the man on the phone asked. "Mandy? You got another man there?"

Brennan eyed Booth for a moment, and he could have sworn her lips curved up. "This is not Mandy," she advised. "This is Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian Institute."

"Yeah, like this douchebag is gonna know what that is, Bones," Booth murmured, a smile creeping up one side of his mouth.

"Oh," the other man said. "Well, look…I'm real sorry. I guess I dialed the wrong number, and-"

"Big Dog?" Brennan asked. "Is that what you said your name was?"

"Uh…" the caller paused. "Well, yeah…I mean, that's what the ladies call me. Some of them, anyway…if I ask 'em to, and stuff." He cleared his throat. "But um, my name is Dwayne."

"Right, Dwayne," Brennan began, and Booth noticed the way her voice had gone all "I've got a lesson to teach", and he smiled, for once loving that he was woken up in the middle of the night by a prank call.

He'd made a few booty calls in his life, though none to Bones, thank God, and he figured this asshole on the other line had no idea what he'd gotten himself into when he'd dialed the wrong number. And he was totally happy to watch it. There were few things in life he liked more than when Temperance Brennan was being a real ballbuster—when it wasn't happening to him, that is.

"Can I offer some suggestions, Dwayne?" Brennan asked, and Booth laughed to himself. "While personally, I'm not offended by the word tits, and I can appreciate the appeal of the word used in certain sexual scenarios…"

Booth's eyebrows arched at that…he did not know that. Hmmm, interesting, Bones.

"Most women do in fact find that word offensive. Certainly, I would never use the word to encourage a woman to have intercourse with you. It should be saved for once she already is having sex with you. Do you see the difference?"

"Oh," Dwayne murmured. "Yeah, I guess."

"However, many women do prefer to hear dirty talk, as it's called. I don't know if you are fond of using the word 'cunt', but I can tell you that the word 'pussy' is more socially acceptable and pleasing to the ear."

Booth nearly choked at her words, and he could just imagine the poor sap listening in.

"Right," Dwayne sputtered a bit. "Okay…um, thanks."

"Certainly," Brennan nodded to herself as if patting herself on the back for another educational job well done.

"Oh, I just remembered," she continued. "You mentioned that your occasional partner…Mandy, was it? That you would engage in sex using the missionary position, and you also added that you were nice and deep inside of her? Actually, it is harder to achieve deep penetration in that position. You would be more successful at helping your partner reach orgasm if you penetrated her from behind." She paused. "I believe in the vernacular, it's referred to as doggie-style? Do you understand what I mean by that term?"

Booth stifled a laugh and then leaned over and pressed a kiss on her arm. If he didn't know any better, he'd swear she was torturing this asshole on purpose. But he knew she wasn't being deliberate—she was just sharing her knowledge. Knowledge that he would do well to remember.

"No shit, wow," Dwayne answered. "Hey, um…you seem to be a woman who knows a lot about this kind of stuff. Can I ask you a couple of questions? You seem pretty honest."

Brennan shot Booth a surprised glance, but when he shrugged and motioned to her in a 'go ahead' gesture, she nodded, and then answered in the affirmative. "Yes, you can ask me a question."

"Right," Dwayne began. "See, here's the thing. It's about blow jobs…you know when a woman goes down on you?"

"Fellatio," Brennan replied. "Yes, go on."

"Fellatio," Dwayne cleared his throat. "Right. God, you're like a health class textbook, you know that?"

"Thank you," Brennan beamed at the non-compliment, and Booth laughed again, moving closer to her and stretching out in beside her. He ran a hand up her thigh as she put the phone between them.

"So when that's happening, it's awkward, kinda, you know? Like…do I pull out, do I just finish off myself, or…"

"I see," Brennan murmured sympathetically. "I suppose that would be something to consider. What do your regular sexual partners say about that when you ask them?"

"When I ask them?"

"Well, yes," her voice was breathy in the way it got when she spoke about clear facts and processes. "It's always good to ask a sexual partner what his or her preference is, and I assume that in that case, you should do the same. I could only speak to my own experience, and therefore would not be much use to you."

"Right," Dwayne seemed to be considering her words. "Okay, here's another question. Do you ladies really fake your orgasms? Cause…I hear the facts, but I mean…there's no way, right? Women just lie all of the time?"

"Based on tried research, it is certainly common for women to fake orgasms, however, I do not lie about anything, so I find it best to be upfront with a sexual partner."

Booth grinned and let his hand move up her leg until his fingertips reached the edge of her underwear beneath her nightgown. She tried to slap his hand away, but he was firm, and he edged her panties aside and started stroking her creamy flesh.

"If a partner," she continued, her voice a little more breathy than normal. "Cannot read the true signs of his lover, he should perhaps get more education… oh, fuck," she panted in a soft breath and sent Booth a warning look as he slid his finger deep into her tight body

He just laughed and shook his head, moving up on one elbow so he could whisper in her ear. "You like my finger in your…pussy?" he murmured the word she'd claimed to be 'pleasing to the ear'.

Brennan groaned, and stifled the sound with a hand over her mouth.

"Hey," Dwayne was saying over the phone. "You sound like you're getting a little excited. Maybe," his voice grew cocky again. "Maybe I should forget Mandy and come over there, yeah?"

"I don't think so, pal," Booth picked up the phone, slammed it shut and tossed it off the bed before grabbing Brennan by the hips and pulling her beneath him.

He laughed and pressed his mouth to hers for a second before rising up and pistoning his finger into her sheath in quick strokes. "Nobody gets to hear you get off but me, Bones," he insisted, and her eyebrow quirked.

"Is that what is happening?" she taunted, even as her legs fell open and she slid down the mattress in surrender.

"Yep," Booth grinned and added a second finger, flipping them so they rubbed against the top of her walls with each stroke. "Know how I know, baby?" He bragged. "Cause you never lie, right?"

"Correct," she panted, and Booth laughed again. He stripped her nightgown over her head and then pulled her underwear off, throwing it in the same direction as the phone. Then he grabbed her hips again and flipped her over, quickly straddling her and pulling her hips up to meet his. He ran one finger over her folds, "Oh yeah, you're soaked," he groaned. "It's gonna feel so good when I ride you. Nice and deep," he promised and sank inside.

They both groaned, and Brennan arched up beneath him. She planted her hands and knees on the mattress below her and rocked back into his hips. Booth rose to his knees so he could use his hands to roam all over the front of her body. His long fingers caressed her breasts, and he squeezed her nipples gently before adding more pressure, just like he knew she liked. "You like this, right, baby?"

"Yes," she moaned. "Harder, faster…deeper," she demanded, and he captured her hips in his and started stroking for all he was worth.

Her earlier words ricocheted in his mind, and he leaned forward, whispering in her ear. "You like it when I fuck you, Bones? When I get really deep in your hot little cunt? You like it when I touch you here, on your gorgeous tits? Fuck, Bones," he moaned, scraping his thumbnails against her tight nipples. "I know you like it when I talk dirty, but I had no idea just how dirty you liked it."

"Oh," she clenched around him and seemed to suck him into her body with every slide. He loved the feel of her, but at the end of the day, he wanted to be able to stare into her eyes as he made her come.

He pulled out and smiled at the needy moan she gave him. Then he flipped her onto her back and slid between her thighs, hooking them in his hands and lifting them up and over his shoulders. "I know it's not as deep, but," he stopped talking when her fingernails clenched on his biceps and she came all around him, so tight he thought he might come diamonds.

Soon, he was coming inside her before he collapsed onto her and rolled to his side. Booth groaned and tried to breathe as he tugged her close, kissing the exposed column of her neck. "That was incredible," he whispered, and she murmured her agreement, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Booth took a lot of pride in making this incredible woman very sexually satisfied. But more than that, he was just proud she was in his bed, night after night, no matter what.

-b&b-

Thanks to pal Sleepless for the dirty talk suggestions! :)