For so long I'd gone without any affection or love, not counting Lissa, and now I can't see how I ever lived without it. The entire time Dimitri held me and we kissed I realized for the first time I'd been missing something, I'd been missing out on all of this and the good feelings that came with.
Large gaps and painful holes in my memories were filled with all of the affection, adoration and warmth in the world and all of the emotion that Dimitri held in his eyes when he looked at me.
He'd pull away for a moment as if taking me in and then he'd just kiss me.
I pulled my arms free from his grasp and wrapped them around his neck, locking my hands in his hair. I ran my fingers through its softness, savoring the feel for later.
I couldn't believe he was mine right now,
That someone so wonderful could want me in return.
The very thought of it only made my heart grow warm all over until I thought I'd explode.
DPOVRose looked at me as if she was making sure I was really there.
I gave a small moan of protest when she'd freed her hands from my own but relaxed when I realized she was only trying to hold me closer.
Her eyes held my own, taking in every possible detail and feature like she was trying to keep the memory of right now close to her, pocketing it for later.
From the bright look in her eyes I'd have guessed she thought she was dreaming and that none of this was real.
I moved one of my hands from behind her and held it firm behind her like, wrapping it around me, to prove her otherwise.
The loose skirt she was wearing fell, exposing her leg.
I leaned down and kissed her again.
"This isn't real," she murmured, her lips brushing against my lips.
Her hands, so small, caressed the side of my face and pulled me closer.
I smiled against her hand.
"I thought you'd say that."
Her lips parted in a smile of their own.
"Dimitri Belikov you make me feel…" she sighed unsure of how to finish the sentence. "I just feel like you can make me do anything."
I pecked her on the lips, stifling her talking.
"Especially when you do that," she added, her breath taken away.
I smiled down at her.
She parted her lips to speak again but closed it, at a loss for words.
"What?" I asked still smiling, curious.
I don't think I'd ever grinned so much or been so happy. At least I don't think I showed it as much as I did around Rose.
"What I want to say might be too…intense for our first….what is this? A make out session?"
I laughed at that.
"Let's call it our first intimate indiscretion," I suggested.
"O…kay. A little formal," she smiled.
"Tell me what you were going to say."
She took in a breath.
"It's going to sound silly outside of my head," she giggled self-conscious.
"Rose, after everything we've been through, everything we know about each other, you can tell me anything," I told her tugging at a strand of her thick hair.
She waited a moment before saying anything.
"It's just…this is going to sound like me unloading my entire life story on you but…I've never had someone who's taken enough time to care about me or kissed me for that matter and this all just makes me feel like I'm the safest person in the world and I feel good that I finally have someone who's there. Oh my gosh, that all sounded better in my head," she added averting her eyes away from mine.
I tilted her chin up"
"It was sweet Rose and it was true. I care about you and I really like you," I told her. She lifted her face, it brightening a little.
I sat up and she did the same leaning on her elbows.
She moved and leaned against me resting her chin on my shoulder.
"This entire…situation of me and you being together wasn't a good idea before because it could put the entire case in jeopardy and every one involved would be in danger and I wanted to do anything to keep you out of harms way, even if it meant pushing you away as long as I knew you were safe. Now, it all seems so minimal. We're in danger no matter what, especially now and screw the case," I monologued. "Right now the most important thing to me is you," I told her, resting my hand on her thigh.
She smiled at me, her long eyelashes casting shadows on her high cheeks and brushing along my cheek.
"This is all heavy stuff for our first intimate indiscretion," she said using my earlier term.
"I know," I said moving my hand along her skin. I couldn't stop touching or holding her now that I was able to and everything was out in the open.
"We've had more than a few dates though. Not officially but they were still dates so now we're at the confessing our feelings stage."
We laughed together at that.
She extended her leg across my lap and rested against me, pushing my hair back behind my ear.
"So are we like…an item now?"
"An item?" I asked, unsure of the word.
"Like, a couple?"
"I think we've been a couple all this time. We just didn't know or acknowledge it."
"And we had our first fight."
"Yep."
"What other first do couples have?"
"Why do you think I know?"
"Because I know you've had more experience than my seventeen years."
I smiled, ruefully. "Not many. I think you're the first woman I've taken seriously."
"Woman. You make me feel so mature," she giggled.
I couldn't keep from smiling at her irresistible laughter.
"Couples have first dates, first kiss," I said answering her before question.
"We've done those. What else?"
"I don't know. This is something a girl asks another girl. Only women keep track of these things."
"Yeah but you're a sentimentalist; the type of guy who celebrates a six month anniversary or something. Besides you grew up with all women. This is something you should know."
I laughed, an idea, another 'first' popping into my head.
"Couples also meet the other's family for the first time," I told her.
"Well you met my family and they loved you," she joked, monotone.
"I meant you meeting my family. We could drive out to see them."
She looked nervous, touching her stomach for the butterflies that were no doubt building up in there.
"Suddenly I feel the same way I did when I went to school as the only one wearing clothes from the goodwill."
"You'll be fine," I reassured her. "And I'm sure you still looked beautiful no matter what you were wearing."
She tried to smile at my attempts to comfort her. "I didn't feel beautiful. I thought everyone would notice how crappily I was dressed and it wasn't even because my family didn't have the money. My father just wanted to humiliate me," she muttered hiding her face behind her hand.
I pulled her arm down to look at her.
"My family will love you. They'll take you in as one of their own. I already consider you family."
"Does your family kiss each other on the lips or is that all Russian families?" she asked raising a brow.
I smiled.
"It's neither. I meant that we're close enough now to refer to each other as family."
She sat and thought about it.
"You are my only family, besides Lissa," she realized.
"And I want you to meet the rest of the Belikov clan. They aren't as charming as me but you'll like them any way," I joked.
She laughed softly and leaned on me again.
"Okay. I'm still nervous though."
No matter what I said, there wasn't enough reassurance in the world to relax Rose's nerves.
"Going undercover was nothing but meeting my family is the most frightening thing in the world to you?"
"The only two families I really know are crime families with mob ties. Going undercover is easy but this is like going to war," she exaggerated.
I pulled her all the way onto my lap and held her tight wrapping my arms around her.
"Besides. Maybe I'm only scared of meeting other Belikov who could be just like you," she teased poking me.
I turned her over and tickled her until she pleaded for me to stop.
I pecked her on the cheek.
"You'll be fine and it'll be fun. A sort of getaway from all of these troubles."
"Remember what happened on our last getaway. You want a repeat of that."
"It'll be fine."
I believed the words as much as Rose did.