It was late enough to almost be early when the pair finally left Urahara's. Ichigo had wanted Rukia to stay there for the rest of the night and be cared for but Rukia had put an end to that "Let's go home" she had said, and so they had. Now they walked down the sidewalk together but both lost in their thoughts, and trying not to be.
Rukia's scars itched somehow. She could swear to herself that she could feel each precise cut as an invasion of her body, and even if she knew they were healed, she was constantly aware of them and of the reminder they served an the message they were intended to convey. She wasn't sure if Ichigo had known before he saw her, cleaned and dressed again in her uniform, which Nova had fetched, exactly what was carved into her flesh so many times. She hadn't known. And although his hands had held the knife, from his look of shock and self- loathing when he saw her, she doubted that he had known.
She was glad that at least most of it was covered. There was the mark on her face, of course, and those on her arms and hands, but even in this torn uniform she was mostly covered. She hoped that Orihime would be able to remove them.
There had been a fair amount of blood. She had washed off at Urahara's and been startled by the redness of the water. The hundreds of precise markings carved into her flesh had each wept red tears for the corruptions of her skin. And the initial battle wounds of course, but those seemed distant somehow.
Ichigo finally drew her out of her thoughts. He was a bundle of nervous energy beside her, obviously itching to say something but unwilling to break the fragile silence and the façade of normality it created. Rukia stopped walking, turned to face him, and put her hand on his arm. Ichigo's eyes widened at the contact, and then grew serious, beseeching.
"Rukia I swear…"
"Don't."
"What?" He was startled. He believed he owed her a vow, a promise, a thousand apologies, something to at least begin to atone.
"Don't make me a promise you can't keep." Rukia was stoic. Her face had gone stony.
"I can control him. It won't happen again. I'm so sorry Rukia . I…" it came out in a jumble, his words tripping over one another.
"Stop it" she ordered harshly. Without conscious thought she drew back her hand and slapped his face. Both were still and silent. Rukia had punched, and kicked, and attacked Ichigo many times before, and he had responded in kind, but this slap was heart-breakingly different, because they were different now.
Rukia stumbled over her words, trying to break the suddenly oppressive silence. "Don't lie to me. Don't ever lie to me. Don't ever hide it from me and don't try to make it less of a problem than it is" she bit out harshly, but there were tears in her eyes. "That's how we got in this mess in the first place. If you had just told me, told somebody…"
"What? What would you have done? What was I supposed to say? That I have a hollow running around in my head? That he says terrible awful things? That sometimes I think he's controlling me when I sleep? What was I supposed to say?" Ichigo's voice was almost breaking. They were tense, tired, and overwhelmed.
Rukia looked away, studying the darkness, bleached with the smallest hint of the approaching dawn. "Why do you call It a 'he'? Why do you personify It?" she asked, almost calmly, her sudden change in attitude was so surprising, that it took Ichigo a moment to catch up.
Ichigo swallowed. He didn't want to talk about the hollow or his unwilling relationship with it. "That's just how he is to me, I guess," he said, searching for words to explain. "I hate him, I hate that he's there, but he is always there, and in a horrible way he's part of me."
Rukia stared up at Ichigo, her heart reflected in the swirling emotions in her eyes. Ichigo wished desperately that it was brighter so that he could more fully decipher those changing emotions, but after a moment, she looked away again. "Let's go home," said Rukia.
As they walked, closer together now, drawing an odd kind of strength from one another, their hands brushed once, twice, and then Rukia grabbed Ichigo's hand. His heart stopped for a second, expecting violence or rejection, but then she just held it lightly and kept walking.
They reached the Kurosaki clinic quickly despite their shared weariness. From the yard it was a well-practiced move to return to Ichigo's bedroom where their bodies were lying peacefully where they had left them, as though asleep. Ichigo's body was stretched out on the bed, and Rukia's sat at the desk with her head cradled in her arms, as though she'd dozed off reading.
They returned to their bodies, another well-practiced move. Rukia's scars immediately transferred themselves to her gigai.
Ichigo was sitting on the edge of the bed, when Rukia stood up from the desk. "If you're quiet you should be able to sneak back in the girls room" suggested Ichigo, suddenly uncomfortable. The room suddenly seemed smaller than it ever had before.
"I'd like to stay here" said Rukia quietly.
"Of course" said Ichigo, covering his surprise and awkwardness by being far too cheerful. "I'll just sleep on the floor and…"
"No" said Rukia, quietly, but firmly. "We'll share the bed"
Ichigo was suddenly so red he didn't know where to look "Ummmm….well….I…" he was desperately trying to look anywhere but at the petite Shinigami as she walked closer to him.
"Ichigo" she interrupted, placing her hand against his cheek. She spoke with the same quiet, calm, firmness she had used before, trapping her eyes with hers, "I'm scared."
After that, embarrassment didn't matter although for Ichigo, finding a way to sleep comfortably with a tiny woman snuggled up beside him was a whole new world of awkwardness and confusion. They lay, fully clothed, with Ichigo protecting the dark-haired beauty in his arms.
Just as Ichigo finally managed to allow sleep to overcome all considerations, Rukia broke the silence. "Ichigo… I'm sorry for what will come."
Ichigo felt suddenly chilled and widely awake. "What do you…" he trailed off, "I deserve whatever I get," he said roughly.
"I won't let them hurt you. I've already decided. Yoruichi knows."
"What are you talking about?" asked Ichigo finally, after an endless moment of silence.
"I'm a noblewoman. I was…chaste."
"Rukia I'm so damn sorry…"
"You understand then?"
Ichigo didn't understand anything, but was almost afraid to ask. "No." he replied simply.
"We'll have to marry."
Ichigo felt an absurd urge to laugh, as well as an incredible sense of relief. That was it. He was going crazy. Maybe if he was very lucky, none of this night was real. He closed his eyes and surreptitiously pinched himself. But when he opened them again, he was still lying in the darkness with Rukia in his arms. He said the only thing that came to mind, which was probably not the best thing to say when a beautiful girl mentions marriage: " Oh crap."
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Authors note: I'm so sorry for the delay. To make up for it, and for all the hurt I've put Rukia through, I wanted to share a fanart I drew of Rukia… asserting herself . Unfortunately I can't post links here, but if you go to deviantart and type "Love by:yafromuk" in the search bar it will come up.
Thanks for all the reviews and support, please keep them coming.