RPOV
I couldn't imagine things getting any better.
Dimitri and I were like two love birds in those corny romantic movies Lissa used to force me to go see.
He worked mostly from home, communicating with Kirova on what was going on with the case, since he wasn't needed as much with the trial and he needed to keep me safe while my father was still on the loose.
Whenever he wasn't working he was reading to me out on the patio or we would cook together in the kitchen. Sometimes, on the best days, we'd just stay in bed all day doing everything except sleeping. I couldn't have imagined that I, Rose Mazur, would have a love life, even more so, a sex life.
And a good one too.
A few days after our bliss filled night and many wonderful nights that followed, I started to worry.
Dimitri and I consummated our relationship, our love for each other, and just wanted to be as close as any two people could be. What neither of us had thought about during out passion filled evening was protection.
I found this a little funny considering Dimitri was technically an adult and I was a few days away from being an adult and responsibility and remembering to use protecting was a major part of adult hood.
It hadn't really occurred to me until a few days after when I was getting dressed after showering in the bathroom and notices the tampons and pads I kept under the sink. Like I'd said before, I never had a boyfriend so birth control was really a non-issue in the past unlike with Lissa.
Right then, holding a box of Kotex, I wish I had a free philandering love life like Liss because at least I would have been more careful my first time.
"Oh no," I had thought still holding the box of Kotex.
Dimitri had come in to put some of the laundry in the wash.
"No matter how often we do laundry there always seems to be more dirty clothes lying around," he joked picking up wet towels.
Noticing I hadn't moved or said anything he stopped filling his arms with piles of clothes and stared down at me.
"Rose?"
I heard the clothes drop at my feet and he came around to get a good look at me.
He saw the box in my hand and smiled one sided.
"Out of…lady products? I can get some more, although that lady down at the thrift store is starting to give me weird looks and getting the wrong idea."
I shook my head and leaned against the counter.
It took several moments, nearly minutes, to pass and a handful of times that Dimitri looked from my stunned expression to the box of kotex and back again.
I could practically see the change in his face.
"Please tell me that box is empty and you need me to get some more."
I shook my head slightly. Coming out of my stunned state I slapped my hand to my forehead and dropped the kotex on the counter.
"How could we be so stupid? I mean you and me, everything we've been through, every life lesson and police code in the world and we couldn't remember to use a condom?"
He stepped back and sighed, leaning against the wall.
We relaxed and breathed for a second.
"Look, we don't know anything for sure. This is going to sound like a really immature teenage excuse, no offence-"
"None taken," I answered mindlessly.
He continued. "But we were so caught up in the moment and just let all of this terrible crap around us build up and we let our feelings and all of it out…without being safe."
"That does sound like a teenage excuse. It's true though," I sighed lulling my head back. "Despite this immediate fear, I don't regret that night," I told him, meeting his eyes directly.
"Neither do I."
"What I do regret is being such a stupid teenager," I muttered picking the box back up and fiddling with its contents. I, like almost every other woman on earth, hated the inconvenience and uncomfortable-ness of my monthly cycle but I'd do anything for Mother Nature to kick in right about now.
Dimitri laid his hand on my shoulder and smiled, again, one sided.
"Hey, don't take all of the blame. It usually takes two," he tried to joke.
I couldn't help smiling but that faded at the thought of a baby.
Even the word it self made me cringe.
"What do we do?" I muttered, shoving the box under the sink.
He held me firm by the shoulders and looked me lovingly in the eyes, as he had always done: when we first kissed, the night he save me from Mikhail despite how angry I was, the night I woke up with scars all over my face and especially our first night together.
Dimitri was trustworthy and dependable and I'd always have him.
He was there for me to lean on and made me feel safe.
So many reasons why I loved him.
"We'll buy a pregnancy test-"
"Two to be sure," I interrupted.
He smiled at that. "Okay, two pregnancy test and we'll see what they say," he proposed.
"What if one says positive and one says negative?" I asked, my voice sounding small even to my own ears.
He looked at me like I was the only possibly pregnant woman in the world who had this worry.
"Maybe we should buy three test," I suggested. "Although with my luck, the results will be positive, negative, and an in between/inconclusive."
He laughed softly and pulled me to him.
I snuggled close to his chest and he held me tightly.
"Maybe it'll be easier if we just have you checked out by a doctor," he laughed. I could feel his lips brush the top of my hair as he planted a soft kiss and spoke.
I stiffened in his arms.
"I don't like doctors. People on see them when something's wrong."
"That's usually the way it works," he laughed. "We'll go tomorrow."
I nodded reluctantly; aware of the idealist possibility of me being a teenager mother and Dimitri a father was playing out in both of our heads.
The next day, after spending our first night not sleeping together, Dimitri and I headed one city over to avoid the usual trouble we ran into at home.
On the way there I noticed he kept glancing over and looking at me, checking me out.
"What?" I asked after the hundredth glance.
"You're not feeling nauseous are you? Car sick?"
He was so serious, with his quirked brow and deep voice that I couldn't help laughing into the sleeve of my sweater.
"No, I feel fine."
He sighed, stifling a smile of his own.
"I remember those symptoms when Karolina and Sonya were first pregnant."
"Shouldn't you learn something like that I high school. I learned that before I dropped out, when I had sex-ed."
"So did I, but having two pregnant sisters has taught me a little bit more than a grown man, or any one or the species, more than I needed to know about giving birth and pregnancies," he admitted chuckling.
I giggled.
"Just be thankful that your sisters weren't pregnant together. And besides, Sonya's not pregnant any more remember," I reminded him.
Sonya had given birth to her baby a while ago, a week over due. Dimitri and I weren't able to visit with how bad the weather was but we'd called and promised to visit soon much to the excitement of everyone else.
"I forget I'm an uncle again, to another new being in this world."
"Imagine what it'll feel like if you're a father," I couldn't help but mutter.
He looked side ways at me as he drove and held my hand a little bit tighter.
In an attempt to avoid delving deeper into that conversation I switched back to the previous subject.
"when are we going to see your family again?"
"Soon. The weather is still blocking the only road that leads to their house. And remember their your family too," he added, kissing the back of my hand.
"Really?"
"Of course! My sisters, my mother, grandmother, and nieces and nephews love you. Even our family friends liked you," he told me like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I don't think they'll feel the same way after they find out about this," I muttered looking out the window.
"They've all been in the same predicament, except Victoria of course, so if you want to, think of it as keeping with family traditions," he joked.
I smiled, a little amused.
His face sobered and he put his finger under my chin so that I'd face him as we sat in the parking lot of the hospital and we grew more serious than we had been about all of this.
"What's going between you and I right now is personal and is between us. My family doesn't judge and we don't have to tell them anything if the test turns out to be negative."
I nodded in agreement and he leaned forward across the seat and kissed me softly on the lips, slow to pull away.
When we got out of the car and started walking into the hospital he added, laughing, "But if the test is positive I think we might have to tell them. It would be pretty obvious."
I smiled and leaned into him, grateful he was there and that he was mine.
We sat and waited in the waiting room of an office full of pregnant mom's to be, woman who weren't showing at all and, most noticeably, toddlers and kids of all ages running around screaming and playing.
The room wasn't emotional appealing to me but Dimitri was amused.
As Dimitri spoke to the nurse behind the counter I noticed and watched the squawking kids who were at an almost even level with the floor staring up at Dimitri with his great height and the young ladies and few fathers who were staring at me…disappointedly? I wasn't sure.
It was either that or they thought I was an abused girlfriend who'd gotten her self knocked up by the look of my scars.
I ignored them and kept close to Dimitri, hiding in the side of his coat, an old duster he'd pull out of the closet and decided to wear on a whim.
"It's lucky for me," he had told me pulling it on.
"Aren't we trying to not, get lucky," I had replied.
He'd only rolled his eyes.
We sat down in the far corner of the room watching the scene before us.
Dimitri was filling out my information sheet for me and as I stared in space, scared of the thought of becoming like one of these mothers, of being responsible for bringing and raising a new being in the world. What also scared me was the traditional thought of being pregnant and unmarried like most women thereby classifying me under the typical teen-with-a-crappy-childhood stereotype.
It was all too much, kids.
The idea of diapers and baby food and toys and school and college was overwhelming.
And I wasn't even sure I was pregnant.
It was only appealing in the smallest of ways.
The idea of Dimitri and I bringing a little person into the world who was our own, that I'd give the most love and all of the care in the world to that I never received as a child.
We'd be a little family.
It was only a small appeal though.
These crazy kids were diminishing my fantasy by the second.
We were finally called and went into one of the hospital rooms, escorted by an old nurse who looked like she hated her job and everyone one associated with her job.
"The doctor will be in shortly," she barked, her voice gruff.
She shut the door behind her and I tried to relax but ended up fidgeting and squirming on top of the hospital bed, the paper rustling beneath me and twirling the necklace around my neck that Dimitri had bought for me and matched the one he was wearing.
It was like a promise necklace.
I kept fidgeting and twitching.
Dimitri watched me, clearly amused, for an entire five minutes before he started with the reassurances.
"We don't know anything for sure and even if it's positive there are always options."
"Options?" I asked sounding so naïve and oblivious.
"Keeping the baby, adoption…abortion."
I whipped my head up and met his eyes directly.
"I would never that. I could never do that. It'd only make me like my parents," I muttered.
We held hands, him sitting beside the bed and me swinging my feet nervously.
"We'll figure this out if your pregnant."
I nodded.
The doctor came in a few minutes later, an older woman, her hair pulled back in a tight bun.
She introduced her self as Dr. Odenlenski.
"You must be Rose and you must be…" she asked shaking hands with Dimitri.
"I'm Dimitri, Rose's legal guardian," he told her without hesitation.
It wasn't technically a lie.
It was more of a stretch on the truth a very fun play on words and an inside joke between Dimitri and I.
"Alright. Let's see what's brought you in today," she said looking down at my information sheet on her clipboard. "It says here that you need your physical and that you want us to test you for a possible pregnancy."
It took all of my strength to not look over at Dimitri.
"Yes," I answered my voice shaky.
Looking down at my sheet again and writing, she said with a knowing smile, "It's a scary situation, yes, but we're all in this together," she said reassuringly. This doctor was definitely changing my idea about doctors. "You're close to your birthday," she noted.
I nodded.
"That's good. Most girls that come in here are much younger so if you want to look at the positives of this situation that would be one of them," she smiled.
I definitely like her.
"We'll just take your blood, a few samples, check you out a bit and then you'll be good to go," she said smiling, her laugh lines wide across her cheeks.
"How long will the test results take?" Dimitri asked.
"Normally, a few weeks but we have more people in here with colds because of this freaky weather and don't need as many blood test so maybe a few days, a week at most."
I sighed wishing it were sooner.
We went home after the check up and tried to act as normal as possible, living as if nothing had changed. Our sex life was altered a bit, with a vow to remain celibate until eh test results came back, but it didn't affect our always-happy carefree attitude.
Besides that one-day and the doctor's appointment that followed after, things were simply bliss and happiness.
The only rain to fall upon our happy parade, besides the anticipation of my test results and the scary thought of them being positive, was my father and whatever he was doing next.
There was absolutely nothing on where he was or where he might be and nothing to bring the FBI closer into arresting him. They had evidence, despite the refusal to testify against Eric Dragomir and my father from Mikhail, Andre and Adrian. They were being arraigned on a book's worth of crimes and wouldn't see the light of day for the rest of their lives.
For this I was thankful.
What didn't exactly make the bright spot on my day was what happened a month after they were arrested and a week after I'd gone to the doctor.
I had been practicing swift kicks, with my invisible opponents, Dimitri taught me, stretching out on the patio when Dimitri came out, leaning against the door, watching me.
"Like how I move?" I asked smiling.
He attempted a smile but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
Something was wrong.
Instead of telling me what was going on, Dimitri said, "I thought we agreed that you shouldn't move around as much and practice fighting until the doctor called?"
I punched and kicked in air in a one two-step combo and faced him with a twirl.
"We did but I've felt fine. None of the usual sickness and nausea that I heard about so much," I told him kicking the air again.
It was true.
I felt…fine.
Normal.
The way I should.
My only real problem was the idea of it all. I couldn't see my self as a…mom.
I shuddered at the word.
But if it came down to it, I'd be a better mother than my own mother was, no matter what. My thoughts and ideas seemed to always end this way when I focused on my possible expectancy too much or for too long. I end up day dreaming what it would be like and then I think back to what it was like for me.
I shook my head, shaking the thoughts away, returning to the present.
"That doesn't mean you shouldn't take it easy," he said, voice grim.
"Oh gosh, you're one of those doting boyfriend/father's to be, aren't you?"
His smile at that didn't meet his brown eyes again.
"Just looking out for you," he muttered.
"Well, there's no need. I'm fine," I told him coming before him and leaning up on my toes to peck him on the lips. He barely reacted and pulled away too quickly.
"What is it?"
Dimitri sighed and pulled me aside to the swinging seat, rocking on the patio.
"Lissa's mother is dead."
I wasn't sure how to react to this.
Mrs. Dragomir only saw her daughter and me as a nuisance. Before getting into the life of crime her self, she used to blame my father for bring her Eric and Andre into all of this and she'd take it out on me when I was around, punishing me like I was her own and made Lissa watch to show her what happened to terrible little girls like my self.
I hated her.
No, I take that back. As with my father, I felt nothing. She was a big blank nothing to me.
Just another painful childhood reminder.
Subconsciously, I rested my hand against my stomach.
"Rose?" Dimitri asked waiting for a response and a reaction.
"Yeah, I just…I don't really know what to say to that."
His face grim, aged a lot more than usual and tired. He spoke to Kirova a lot more now discussing the case, dictating Natasha, a college and old friend he'd told me, on what to do since she worked as the in between and it was taking a toll on him. This possible bundle of joy wasn't helping any either.
"What it means is…if Mrs. Dragomir is dead, that means that Abe is trying to cut off all of his ties, anything to save him self, to prevent him from being arrested which means eventually…"
"My mother," he let me fill in my self.
"Yes. We've have trusted officers out all over town searching for them but there's no sign but her blood was found at the crime scene but no body. Only Mrs. Dragomir's."
My mother.
One of world's worst mother's.
She was a…not a monster like my father but just a hurtful person who inflicted pain upon me like I had asked to be born and ruin her perfect life.
Unlike my father though, I didn't not feel anything toward her.
I hated her.
A small part of me cared about what happened and I didn't know why and I couldn't ignore it.
"Was it a lot? Of my mother's blood?" I reluctantly asked.
"It was enough blood loss to kill her but there's a chance she could be alive," he told me honestly. One thing I never had to worry about was Dimitri not telling me the truth.
"How did Mrs. Dragomir die?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
"Blade, straight all of the way around the neck. We think it was one of their stakes."
"Most likely Victor's. Eric Dragomir is a bad man but…he wouldn't kill his wife. At least I don't think so."
"I think he would if you're father asked," Dimitri said.
That was a possibility.
My father was a mob/cult leader to most. If he told someone to jump, they'd find the nearest cliff. If he said run, they'd find ways to run across the oceans. If he said hide, they'd complete disappear becoming invisible. If he said kill…
I hadn't realized I started rubbing and patting my stomach until I broke out of my daze and followed Dimitri's gaze, down to where my hand was at my stomach. His face was expressionless.
After a few moments had passed, he slowly reached his hand out and rested it over my own.
It was so much of a warm and tender gesture I thought I'd burst.
The news he had just told me was clear in my head though and kept me from exploding.
"Does Lissa know?"
"Yeah. Christian's been working from home too and we've manage to keep in contact via video chat and when Kirova told us, Lissa was behind him and she heard."
I closed my eyes, fighting the tears for Lissa from falling.
"How awful. I bet anything that she'd thinking that could be her."
"Probably. Christian had to give her a sedative to calm her down and she'd sleeping on and off."
"I wish I could see her. Despite everything," I added feeling like the bigger better person all of a sudden.
"You will. It's just not safe yet."
I nodded understanding.
I shifted so that I could sit in Dimitri's lap and I could feel him tight around me, secure. Nothing in the world could touch me if Dimitri was around me.
Only the worries that were forever plaguing my mind…
I just hope she's okay, I thought leaning against him.
He kissed me repeatedly, his hand still over my own at my stomach, and I couldn't help wondering if I was referring to Lissa or my mother…
DPOV
It seemed that anytime we felt we were safe and happy, something seemed to pull us back.
Was it too much to ask for all of this to completely end?
For Rose and I to just enjoy each other?
To be able to have weekends off and normal family cook outs with my family?
To spend as much time and the rest of my life with Rose as possible?
Apparently, it was too much to ask.
We were happy.
We had each other.
Despite obstacles and everything in our way, we were together as a couple and nothing could change that. Not even when we first suspected Rose might be pregnant.
I was with her all of the way.
After all, it was possibly my baby too.
I think Rose was even growing used to the idea of motherhood and having a complete family set.
Today, after I'd told her about Mrs. Dragomir, we'd held on to each other until the sun started to set behind the clouds and it was too cold to sit out side any more, we weren't talking, just thinking and taking everything in. We were processing as we always had after something bad like this happened.
We went inside, into our bedroom (Rose had long ago vacated Victoria's room), and collapsed onto the bed. We didn't turn the TV on or the radio on. The lamps stayed off, my books we untouched on the nightstand table. The comforter lay untouched beneath us.
We curled together and melded into one underneath a flannel afghan, Rose's head snuggled into my neck, mostly thinking about Lissa and Janine Mazur, and my arms draped tightly around her waist.
We stared up at the ceiling and out the window at the tall lush trees and heavy blue skies.
The phone rang and I jumped up, worried it was Kirova or Natasha so soon with another call about finding Janine's body.
Rose sat up with me, clinging to my side.
I read the caller-I.D. but it was neither Natasha nor Kirova whose names were programmed in my phone.
It was a hospital number.
Rose, reading the number over my shoulder, reached for the phone. She took it, her hands shaking. I wasn't sure I could have handled the phone call any better.
I sat up; watching as Rose put the phone to her ear.
I watched her face, looking for changes in her expression as she listened but, Rose her face so easily readable to me, it was unreadable this once.
I waited focusing on the walls around us looking everywhere but at her.
What was it like to possibly be a father?
Frightening, life altering.
I didn't dwell on what it would be like to be a parent as much as I'm sure Rose did but I kept the idea in mind; the excitement on my mother's face of becoming a grandmother again by her only son. Sometimes I'd think about my sister's baby sitting for me as I Rose and went out or Rose and I watching over a baby crib as our potential child slept.
But like I said I didn't dwell on these thought's in case…
"Okay, thank you…bye," was farewell-ed, her voice going a bit more hoarse than usual.
She clicked the phone off and tossed it onto the edge of the bed. The anticipation was killing me.
I suddenly wished mind reading were a possibility.
Her hair hung long and loose hiding most of her face.
"What did the doctor say?"
It took a moment for Rose to gather her voice and answer.
"We have nothing to worry about. I'm not pregnant."
I pulled her unmoving frame into me and she fell against my chest.
"I'm sorry Rose."
"Why? We wanted this. Having a baby could have ruined-"
"It wouldn't have ruined anything," I whispered to her. She sniffled, not actually crying. "I don't even know why I'm upset. This is a good thing. I guess it's just I was sort of getting used to the idea of it all and I'm a little disappointed."
"That's okay. It's normal," I told her. I pressed my lips to her for a long meaningful lingering kiss and she kissed me back and then hugged me tight, locking her arms over my shoulders.
"You should be happy. This would have looked pretty bad if I was suddenly pregnant after living with you."
"I'm not happy as long as you're unhappy."
She breathed into the sweater I was wearing and buried her face into my shoulder blade. She was like a little koala burrowing into me.
"It would have been nice but I think for now…it'll be okay just you and me."
"Me too," she said, her voice muffled. She leaned away from me and tried to move out of my grasp but I help onto her figure, wiping tears from her cheeks and running a finger along the longest, most distinct scar on her face. "I'm glad I have you."
I smiled and leaned down to kiss her again. "I'm glad I have you too," I murmured, my lips tickling against hers. "Always," I whispered.
"Forever."
She twirled the necklaces we'd bought at the fair and attached them together playing with them.
"We learned a little something from this though. We definitely have to be more careful," I sighed.
"Definitely. I don't ever want to go through or feel like this again," she croaked.
"Me either and I don't want to see you hurt like this again."
"There's always something," she murmured. "No matter how happy I am, there' always something."
"I know but we have each other and one day, when we're ready…"
"When we're ready," she mimicked letting the sentence trail off on it's own.