Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

xoxoxinnocencexoxox

Half an hour later Olivia was awoken by a hand caressing her face.

"Livia," Elliot whispered, kneeling down beside the sofa. "Hey, Liv."

"Mmmm, hi baby," she murmured, releasing Lizzie and caressing his face. "What are you doing up?"

"Was about to ask you the same thing," he replied, kissing her head. "What's up?" he asked pointing to his sleeping daughter. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's good," Olivia replied, a sleepy smile on her lips.

"Are you okay?" he asked, brushing her hair from her face.

"Yeah, I'm good too," she replied, rubbing his chest.

"Then why are you both down here in the middle of the night?" he asked, still unconvinced all was truly well.

"Lizzie wanted to talk and …" Olivia began, her hand resting on his chest.

"And you couldn't do it in daylight?" he asked, leaning forward.

"Apparently not, you and Dickie were always around," she answered. "And she needed some girl talk."

"Girl talk? As in make up and hairstyles? How could that not happen at a reasonable hour?" he protested quietly.

"Girl talk as in boys and k…" she began but stopped when Lizzie stirred. "Hey, baby, you awake?" she asked gently as Lizzie's eyes began to flutter. "Lizzie?"

"Mmmmha," Lizzie mumbled, trying to turn over but finding no room.

"I think it's time you went to bed," Elliot said, gently shaking his daughter.

"Too tired," she muttered with a deep sigh.

Elliot stood before scooping her up and carrying her back upstairs.

"Daddy, do you love me?" she asked, as she rested her head on his chest.

"Very much so, baby," he replied, kissing her head.

"I love you too," she said before yawning. "I'm glad you're my dad."

"I'm glad I'm your dad too. Now, into bed with you," he said, pulling back her covers. He lowered her into bed before covering her up. "Sleep well, baby," he said, kissing her forehead.

"I will … you know I don't really have the nightmares anymore," she admitted as her eyes closed.

"That's great to hear," Elliot replied smiling.

"But I think Livvy still does," she yawned.

"What makes you say that?" he asked as he sat down on the bed next to her.

"Where's Liv now?" Lizzie checked, sitting up, not wanting her to overhear the conversation.

"She's just gone into the bedroom," Elliot answered as Lizzie wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest.

"Livvy doesn't sleep, dad, not for any real length of time," she said quietly. "And she never looks any more or less tired, so I figure it's something that's been going on a while."

"We've all had our share of sleepless nights, Liz, the job isn't easy," he offered in Olivia's defence.

"Oh, I know," she agreed. "But there hasn't been one night I've spent at Olivia's, where there's just been us, that she hasn't been up at some time during the night. One of the nights she was actually baking my favourite muffins."

"She doesn't usually get up when I'm around," he said quietly.

"That's because she probably doesn't want you to know she's not sleeping," Lizzie said with a yawn.

"And it's every night?" he queried.

"Yep, she's always up at some stage, usually around three. That's why I set my alarm for 2:30 because I knew she'd be awake," Lizzie confessed. Elliot picked up the clock and checked the set time, he shook his head.

"Why don't you get some sleep now, kiddo," he said, kissing her head. He wanted to go and see Olivia.

"No, dad, there's something else," she said and Elliot turned back to her.

"What is it?" he asked, starting to feel nervous.

"You know how I've done those sessions with Marci," she began, referring to her counsellor.

"Yeah, I do," he nodded.

"And you know how it's made me feel better about stuff," she continued, and watched him nod again. "It's also made me realise something about Livvy," she whispered.

"And what's that, baby?" he whispered in reply.

"I think I'm doing so well because of Livvy and you and mum and even Dickie, you guys all love me and it's made it easier," she said, holding her dad closer.

"And we love you very much," he replied kissing her head.

"I know, and you always have," she nodded. "But it got me thinking about Liv and all she's been through, not just Sealview but her whole life and she's never had that."

"Never had what, Liz?" he asked, seeking clarification.

"Love … oh, I know you love her now but when she was little and her mom was being horrible, or if she had a bad day at work there was never anyone at home who loved her," she answered.

"Her mom probably loved her the best she could," Elliot countered.

"Yeah, but it's not the same as what I had, was it?" she asked but continued before Elliot could reply. "And I know your job's not easy but when you had a tough case you got to come home to us…I remember that if I was asleep you'd wake me up and kiss me and tell me how much you loved me. And if I was still awake you'd beg mom to let us stay up for an extra twenty minutes, and she'd always let us, and you'd always hug and kiss us and tickle us and we'd go to bed laughing."

Elliot smiled, there were many days when he was desperate just to get home and away from the dirt of his job and hold his children.

"And at the time I didn't think anything of it," Lizzie continued, "I was too young." Elliot chuckled slightly at just how mature his fifteen year old daughter had become, she definitely wasn't his little girl anymore. "But after talking to Marci about it I figured it was all about having people who loved you and doing what you had to do to get through the bad stuff."

"Yeah, we all do what we have to do and we're lucky we have each other," Elliot agreed.

"But not Liv, dad," she said. "I've got all you guys and you have us, but when things have been really bad for Livvy, after a bad case and especially after Sealview, she went home to no one, she's never had anyone … I'm lucky I have you and mom but she really didn't have parents, did she? Or big sisters to hug her? Or a brother to watch out for her? Or someone who just loved her and made her feel safe. It's no wonder she doesn't sleep. Imagine having all that in your head."

When Elliot failed to reply, Lizzie looked up at him, surprised to see the tears on his cheeks.

"Dad?" she called. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I am," he replied, shaking his head. "Just thinking…"

"About Livvy?" she asked.

"Who else?" he answered, his mind swirling.

"Dad, I think you have to fix things," she said, moving away and snuggling back under the covers.

"How do you suggest I do that, baby girl?" he asked almost rhetorically as he fixed her quilt.

"Marry her," Lizzie mumbled.

"Marry her?" he echoed.

"Yeah, and I call being bridesmaid."

Xxx

When his tears had dried, Elliot opened his bedroom door and silently entered the room, closing the door behind him. Olivia had drifted off to sleep and he leant back on the door and watched her. His heart ballooning with his love for her and yet constricting at the pain she must have endured over the years. It left him feeling ill.

He couldn't believe his daughter had summed up Olivia's sleeplessness so easily. While it was true his own childhood wasn't perfect, even on the worst of days with his father he still had his mother. She'd showered love and affection on him, trying to make up for the actions of her husband. He had always had his brothers and sisters and even though they had endured the normal sibling conflicts, he knew he could turn to each one of them in times of crisis.

Before he'd left high school he had Kathy and was never left to truly deal with bad times alone. Then it was the Marine Corps and while no one there was willing to hug or kiss the bad times away it was a brotherhood, something which created lifelong bonds. Even as a cop he had partners, always someone who had his back, and when the case was bad he got to go home and see life in the eyes of his children. Even after his divorce he still had the kids and that comforted him in ways he could never explain.

And through it all Olivia had no one.

Even through the decade as her partner, he had to concede she was there for him far more often than he could reciprocate.

It was then that it struck him just how very hard it would have been for Olivia to ask him to move in; just how much courage it took for her to allow him into her life that way. She had never had anyone she could love and trust and who she let love her back. And although he knew she hadn't always been lonely, she had, for the most part, always been alone.

Now, she was wanting him to be a part of her life, finally trusting someone else with the most fragile thing she had, her heart.

That was when his tears started again.

He couldn't remember ever having been entrusted with something so precious, or remember ever being so scared he wasn't up to the task. It was this final thought which broke him and sent him to his knees praying to God that he'd be what's best for her, that he would be worthy of her, that he wouldn't fuck this up.

"Elliot!" Olivia cried, jumping out of bed and rushing to him. "What is it? What's wrong?" She dropped to her knees and flung her arms around him. "Baby, sssh," she soothed, "sssssh!"

Elliot's hands wrapped around her and pulled her close, not caring that he couldn't breathe. "Elliot, are you okay? Are you sick? What is it?" she pleaded trying to pull back against his vice like grip.

"I'm okay," he choked into her hair. "I love you, Liv."

"Love you too, baby," she replied, moving her hands to his face. "What happened? Please talk to me," she begged, her own tears falling at his distress.

In time, Elliot calmed enough but he couldn't find the words to explain the emotions which were still threatening to overwhelm him. Realising another twenty minutes kneeling on the floor wasn't going to be helpful, Olivia stood, pulling him up as she did.

"Come back to bed, baby," she soothed, walking backwards.

"I'm sorry," he apologised, gently caressing her cheek.

"For what?" she asked, her hand capturing his and kissing it.

"For being a basket-case at … shit, it's nearly five," he said, shaking his head.

"I don't care what time it is," Olivia said, kneeling up on the bed, and tugging him to come with her. "I just want to know what happened."

Elliot climbed into bed and before he could settle, Olivia lay on top of him; her elbows resting on the bed beside his neck, her hands cradling his head. She kissed him twice.

"What happened, El?" she asked gently. "Is it Liz?" He shook his head. "Is it you?" Another shake. "Me?"

Elliot was at a loss, it was her, all her, but he didn't think he could explain it to her in anyway that would make sense.

Unfortunately, Olivia took his silence to mean yes and to draw her own conclusions, however wrong they were.

"Look, I'm sorry," she said, clambering to get off him and out of bed. "I shouldn't have asked you to move in. I should have known that this was too good to be true…" She was grabbing her jeans before Elliot realised what was happening.

"No, no!" he cried, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards him.

"No, it's okay, Elliot, it is," she said, trying to break his grip. "I'm going to go and we can talk about this later." She ducked her head to hide her tears.

"No!" he said firmly, taking hold of her. "Let me explain…"

"You don't…" she started.

"Please!!" he begged and she nodded.

Elliot wrapped her in his arms and sat back in his bed. He kissed her head, her forehead, her shoulder, while his brain went into overdrive. He didn't know how he could let her know just how much he was feeling right now.

Taking her hand, he placed it over his heart.

"You're right," he began, his voice breaking. "It was about you … but not how you think," he reassured as she tried to move from his grasp. "Lizzie explained to me how you weren't sleeping … and how she was … and why she was … and why you weren't … and what she had … and what I had … and what you didn't have and don't have … and I …I… realised that you asking me to move in was huge and that while it was something I wanted … and want ….you have to believe me when I say I want to spend all my days and nights with you… that…" he stopped, gasping for breath.

"Take it easy, El," Olivia said gently. "Breathe, baby."

"But you have to know," he continued in desperation before Olivia placed her fingers over his lips.

"Breathe first. You need some oxygen and you need to slow down, baby. I'm having trouble understanding," she whispered, leaning her forehead on his.

Several deep breaths later, and with a new resolve, Elliot began again.

"Just to recap," he began with an embarrassed grin. "I want to spend my life with you…"

"I'm glad to hear it," Olivia replied, kissing his cheek.

"It's just that it hit me that you've never let anyone into your life like this before and…" he explained as he entwined his fingers with hers.

"And you felt a bit overwhelmed?" Olivia offered.

"Yeah, something like that," he replied, resting his head on her shoulder..

"We can put a hold on the moving in thing," she suggested. "It's only been three months…"

"Well, actually, it's been a decade, Livia," he mumbled into her neck. She smiled.

"Yeah, I guess it has," she agreed.

"So, I'm more than ready to live with you. It seems we've been together forever anyway," he admitted, though he was not willing to disclose just how long he had been in love with her for.

"So why the freak out?" she asked, pulling back to look at him.

He took a deep breath, and then another one.

"I love you very much, Olivia," he began. "I can't remember what my life was like before you and I certainly can't imagine a future which doesn't revolve around you…" He kissed her forehead. "But the thing is, you see," he continued and she could feel her stomach sink. She couldn't believe she'd gotten this close to having what she always wanted – him, only to lose it. All her life she had thought others saw her as damaged goods, as not the loving kind, and she knew Elliot was just about to confirm it. After all, nothing good came after a 'but'.

When she realised he was still talking, she shook her head, trying to concentrate.

"Huh?" she said, trying to figure out what she'd missed. "What did you say after 'but'?"

"I said, 'but the thing is I want to be sure that this is what you want, that I am the best thing for you. I'm scared as hell I'm going to fuck this up and it's the last thing I want to do…I just want the best for you… the very best…"

"Elliot, you're what's best for me," she replied, hooking her hands around his neck and drawing him to her. "You are what I want, what I need, what I desire. You! It's always been you. Okay?"

He nodded slowly. "Okay."

Reaching in, she kissed him slowly and deeply.

"Do you know how much I love you, Liv?" he whispered hoarsely as the kiss broke.

"Yeah, I do," she replied, quite breathless.

"And I promise to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy and telling you just how much…" he continued.

"El," she interrupted. "Right now, I'd rather you stopped telling me and started showing me."

His eyes widened, Olivia just smiled and nodded. Many times over their three months together their physical contact had moved beyond just kissing but never had it reached the point it was at now.

"I'm sure," she added, reading his mind. And she was, more than sure, more than ready.

"Really?" he checked.

"Yes, and it would also make me exceptionally happy," she grinned. "But only if you want to," she added, shuffling over to her side of the bed. "No pressure."

Elliot had never been surer of anything in his life; he moved over to her and smiled at the truly happy look on her face. Something he couldn't recall seeing before. He could only imagine just how happy, and beautiful, she'd look after they'd made love.

No pressure, indeed!

xoxoxinnocencexoxox

The last chapter was the least read and reviewed of them all, I'm not sure if this means it wasn't what was expected or whether it was something else...

Anyhow, it's been a crappy week, so I'll see what I can salvage from the weekend. Hope yours was much better!

love Nettie

xoxox