Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.
xoxoxinnocencexoxox
They had exchanged one deep, very passionate kiss before Elliot's hand ventured under her top, moving as far as her breast. He caressed her tenderly before pulling back and checking she was alright.
She spoke before he did. "I promise you I'm good with this," she whispered.
"You sure?" he whispered in reply.
"Yeah, more than anything," she smiled but concern was still in his eyes. "I will also promise you that if, at any time, I'm not good with it, I will let you know. Okay?"
"Okay," he agreed. While it was true he wanted this more than anything he had to be absolutely sure Olivia wanted it too. "Do we need a safety word?"
"What exactly do you plan to do, El, something exceptionally adventurous?" she quipped before breaking out in a grin.
"Well, no, I just thought…you know, in case you wanted me to stop…that you weren't okay …" he all but apologised.
"That's very sweet of you," Olivia replied kissing him once more and although she knew she wouldn't need it, she would agree to put his mind at ease. "What word do you want to use?"
"It's up to you," Elliot responded. "After all, it's for you."
"And what if you're the one who wants to stop?" she questioned raising an eyebrow.
"On my life, Liv, I would never want to stop, not with you, never." He kissed her nose.
Olivia thought for a moment. "Cragen."
"You want our safety word to be 'Cragen'?" he asked in disbelief. She nodded. "Liv, I'm not sure I could deal with you calling out his name as we made love."
"Well, it would get your attention," she smiled, pulling him closer to her.
"Yes it would," he nodded. "Okay, Cragen it is." He shook his head; he had said it was up to her.
Having deftly removed Olivia's top by unbuttoning it before she realised, Elliot threw it to the bottom of the bed; revelling in the silky touch of her bare breasts upon his now bare chest. As his hands caressed her spine, he rolled onto his back, bringing her to lie on top of him.
Olivia cradled his head as she kissed him, her body moving in a way that had Elliot's whole body humming. Just as he reached his hands down and under the waist band of her pyjama bottoms, there was a banging on the door.
"Hey dad," Dickie called and Olivia groaned, rolling off him and pulling up the covers.
"Yeah?" Elliot called back, trying his best to sound sleepy rather than incredibly turned on.
"I'm gonna have a shower, I'll be ready to go in fifteen ... okay?" he replied before heading off to the bathroom.
"The joys of kids," he muttered as he turned to Olivia. "Now, where were we?" he asked as his hands slid back to her butt.
"You, Elliot, are about to get out of bed so you can take your son over to Mark Hobson's uncle's…" she replied, as her lips covered his.
"And why am I doing that at seven in the morning," he mumbled as her tongue danced along his lips.
"Because Mark's uncle is taking the boys to…" she began.
"Yeah, I remember something about that now," he sighed. "I'd rather stay here though."
"Want me to take him?" Olivia offered, sitting up to grab her top.
"Well, if you took him there'd be no reason for me to stay, now would there?" he smiled and kissed her gently. "You don't move … I shall return."
"Yes, Doug," she grinned as he climbed out of bed. "Don't be long."
At the halfway mark to their destination, Elliot turned down the radio and looked over to his son who was dozing in the passenger's seat.
"Hey, Dickie," he called, shaking him.
"What?" he replied with a grunt.
"I don't actually remember giving you permission for today," Elliot said, as he took a left hand turn.
"Mom did," Dickie yawned.
"When? She didn't say anything about it yesterday when I phoned her," he replied surprised. He had specifically asked if the twins had anything on in the coming days.
Dickie looked at his father momentarily confused. "Oh," he started, realising his error. "I meant Liv said yes, not mom."
"Liv gave you permission for this?" Elliot asked. "When?"
"When you were in the shower last night," Dickie explained. "Mark phoned and needed an answer there and then. Liv spoke to his uncle, asked about fifty more questions than mom ever would and then said yes. Is that a problem? I mean I did tell you about it when you got out of the shower…"
"No, no. No problem," Elliot answered, a strange sense of comfort descending on him. Olivia had made a parental decision for his son, and it felt right. And what's more, his son had just mistakenly called her mom. When this struck him, he had to swerve to correct his steering.
"You alright there, dad?" Dickie asked concerned.
"You called Liv mom," he replied, glancing at the boy.
"Yeah, about five minutes ago… guess the brain does slow down in old age," he chided.
"Hey, enough of that," Elliot warned. "Or I'll drop you off here and you can walk the rest of the way."
"Alright." Dickie threw his hands up in surrender.
Elliot said nothing for a minute as he waited for the lights to change to his favour.
"So, you called Liv mom," he repeated. "Anything you want to say?"
"Nope," Dickie replied. "It was a mistake… I guess…"
"You guess?" Elliot pounced.
"Well, she is, isn't she? Our step mom. I mean I know you're not married or anything but that's who she is to us, isn't she?" he questioned.
"Yeah, I guess she is," Elliot nodded.
"You guess?" Dickie pounced in return.
"She is," he said with greater confidence. "Have you been talking to Liz, by any chance?"
"About?" Dickie questioned.
"Your sister told me last night, or rather at some ungodly hour this morning, that I should marry Liv," Elliot explained.
"What did Liv say?" he asked, turning in his seat to watch his father.
"I haven't said anything to her," he replied quickly.
"She'd say yes if you asked her, you know," Dickie advised. "Girls love that type of thing."
"How did you become an expert?" Elliot asked, looking at his son. "Anything to do with Jessica Wright?"
"This is the house!" Dickie called; glad he didn't have to answer.
Elliot pulled over to the kerb and turned in his seat, pulling out his wallet.
"How much do you need?" he asked.
"This, this and this," Dickie replied, pulling the notes from their former home.
"You'll send me broke," Elliot laughed as his son went to get out of the car.
"Dad," he started, sitting back in and turning to him. "If you want to marry Liv, it's okay with me."
"Thanks, son," Elliot smiled, patting him on the back. "Thanks!"
When Elliot returned home nearly an hour later, he knew the chances of resuming things were nil as Lizzie would be around. But that didn't stop him heading straight to the bedroom when he arrived.
"Liv?" he called, opening the bedroom door.
"Right here," she replied, grabbing him from behind.
"I was hoping you'd still be in there," he nodded, turning in her arms.
"Well," she said, pushing him back into the room. "I am now."
He reached and shut the door behind her as she continued manoeuvring him towards the bed.
"This what you were hoping for?" she asked as she pushed him back onto the bed and climbed over the top of him.
"Yep," he grinned. "Except you'd be naked instead of clothed."
"Well, that I can't fix right now, Liz and I are about to go out," she sighed, leaning down to kiss him.
"Out," he mumbled. "Why? Where? How long?"
"Gonna wait for an answer, Stabler?" she asked, bracing herself on her arms.
"Sorry," he replied, pulling her back to him.
Olivia settled herself once more before speaking.
"Kathy was supposed to take Liz shopping this morning to buy a baby present for her niece, for this afternoon's baby shower they're attending, but she got called into work in the early hours so she can't do it. I said I'd take Liz and get the gift and Kathy's going to meet us at the house at 11:00. Then Liz will spend the day with her, after the shower they'll have dinner and go for a movie. So we won't see her back til very late."
"And Dickie won't be home til at least nine," Elliot chimed in.
"So, I figure we'll still have plenty of time to finish what we started, don't you?" she questioned, kissing him.
"I do," he nodded, smiling at his own choice of words.
One more kiss was all they could manage before Lizzie knocked on the door. "Bathroom's free, Livvy," she called.
"Thanks!" Olivia called back. "Guess I should go shower," she sighed rolling off him.
"Can I come wash your back?" he asked, grinning.
"Maybe later," she winked as she headed out the door.
Well after his favourite girls had bid him farewell, Elliot made himself a coffee and sat on the sofa, picking up the silver framed photo of himself and Olivia taken a month earlier at Kathleen's birthday. He kissed his finger before placing it tenderly on Olivia's face, smiling at the memory of how beautiful she looked that night. She had been so nervous about attending because she was now Elliot's partner and the word 'work' had disappeared from the title. In a surprising twist of events, it had been Kathy who persuaded her to come.
It had been a great night, as evidenced by the genuine smile on both their faces. Smiles which gave no indication of the painful tears that would flow in the very early hours of the following morning when Olivia woke in fright. Elliot sat back, nursing his coffee and it all came flooding back.
It had been a great evening and Olivia had been happy and comfortable the whole time. Elliot had watched her intently for any signs she didn't want to be there but it never came. She had chatted brightly the whole way home and had fallen asleep quickly, something she rarely did. Elliot had snuggled in behind her and Olivia had sighed contentedly as his arm surrounded her.
Less than an hour later Olivia was screaming blue murder and hitting and kicking out at him desperate to be free of his touch.
Elliot had hit the floor hard, hurting his arm, before he even realised what was happening. Quickly, he got to his feet as Olivia continued to thrash around in distress, the bed clothes tangling tightly around her.
"Liv! Olivia!" he shouted, trying to wake her without touching her for fear of causing more harm. His attempts failed. This time he called again, reaching out to grab her arm which was flailing in the air. "Wake up, Olivia!' he commanded. He grabbed her other hand after it connected with his face and restrained it. Her resistance to him causing shooting pains up his injured arm. "Please, wake up!" he pleaded in desperation.
Suddenly, Olivia awoke, bolting upright and headbutting him in the process.
"It's okay, Liv," he soothed, "It's okay. You had a nightmare. You're safe now, baby, you're safe." Her breathing was sharp and ragged as she tried to focus on his voice. "You're safe, Livvy, just breathe. It was a bad dream." He continued to talk as he waited for her to calm.
"I'm okay," she finally said, looking up to him. "Bad dream."
"Yeah, baby, it was a bad dream," he agreed, sitting down on the bedside, pulling the tangled sheets from around her.
"I'm safe," she continued. "Just a dream."
"That's right, Liv, you're okay." When he pulled away the last of the restrictive sheet Olivia climbed onto his lap.
"Don't let me go," she whispered into his neck as she gripped him fiercely.
"Never, Liv, I'll never let you go."
They sat that way for a long time until Olivia decided she needed a shower and to rid herself of her sweat stained nightwear. Elliot was going to protest that it was nearly three in the morning but thought better of it. He was just grateful there was no one else in the house.
By the time Olivia had returned to the bedroom, Elliot had stripped and remade the bed in fresh sheets and changed his own boxers and beater, not wanting to leave any trace of the incident. He was sitting up in bed flexing his very sore wrist when Olivia reappeared.
"What's wrong with your arm?" she asked, sliding into bed beside him.
"Nothing," he replied turning to face her.
"Your face!" she exclaimed. "Did I hit you?"
"Yeah," he nodded, he knew better than to lie to her, especially at times like this.
"And your wrist? Was that me too?" she asked, gently taking his arm in her hand.
"Well, no so much you, but landing on the floor," he said quietly as she trailed kisses from his fingertips to elbow.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, before reaching up and kissing the red hand print on his left cheek. "So sorry."
"I know, baby. It's okay, no real damage done," he smiled, kissing her head.
"When's it all going to stop?" she asked as she nestled herself into his side. "It was bad enough when it happened, does it need to keep invading my nights?"
"It will stop in time, Livia," he tried to reassure her, kissing her head. He still didn't know everything that had happened; she'd never been able to bring herself to tell him. But he had vowed he would never push her, after all, it had taken him a lifetime to talk to her about his father, he could give her all the time she needed, regardless of how much it pained him.
Olivia swung her legs over his and huddled as close as she possibly could, burying her head in his chest.
"El, can I tell you about it?" she asked quietly.
"Of course you can," he replied, holding her tighter.
It had taken her twenty minutes to retell the events in that basement. She told him of being handcuffed, of the stained mattress on the floor. She told him of the fear she had experienced and the horror she felt when she realised she wouldn't be able to escape. She told him how she had screamed and kicked out in a desperate attempt to gain attention and get free. She told him how she had been forced to stop screaming as he had her cornered and had lowered his zip, freeing himself. She told him how screaming was then impossible as he tried desperately to get her lips around his stiffened dick. She told him how she had never felt so alone or dirty as when she realised she was going to be raped and how relieved she felt when Fin burst in. Finally she told him how sickened she had been by the whole thing and how it had left her feeling worthless and useless.
Through it all Elliot said nothing; his hand had caressed her arm the entire time, his head had rested on hers as she spoke. Never once had she looked up, never once had she questioned his silence.
It was only once she'd finished and had taken a few moments to compose herself, she finally found the strength to face him. Slowly, she reclined back in his arms, her hand caressing his face as she raised it before wiping away his tears.
"I love you so much, Olivia Benson," were his first words. "Nothing will ever change that."
She smiled, through her own tears. "You sure you still do? After all that?"
"If it was at all possible, I'd love you even more," he reassured, kissing her forehead. "I am so sorry you had to go through it."
"Me too," she agreed.
"It was never your fault, you know that, right?" he asked, tilting his head to gain eye contact.
"Yeah, I do now," she nodded as he wiped her tears.
"And you weren't then and will never be worthless or useless," he continued, two attributes he was very familiar with.
"And neither are you," she whispered, kissing his forehead.
"And you'll never be alone either, you'll always have me. You had me then too; you do know that, don't you? You've always had me," he whispered, a sob threatening to steal his voice completely.
"I knew but I … " her voice left her.
"But you didn't want me knowing… for all the reasons we've already talked about?" he offered and she nodded.
Although Olivia had fallen asleep about half an hour later, Elliot cradled her in his arms until dawn filtered through the curtains, it was only then he laid her down beside him and let himself sleep; daylight finally chasing the night terrors away..
Elliot shook his head and wiped away the tears on his cheeks as he replaced the photograph. He never knew loving one person could be the most joyous and painful experience of his life.
xoxoxinnocencexoxox
Thanks for your support of this story - 512 reviews and going strong.
A special thanks to those who've sent lovely and supportive messages this week, they were much appreciated... and needed.
love Nettie
xoxox