In the previous chapter
Kanda.Allen ran to Kanda to stop the Japanese exorcist from killing the akuma. He doesn't know why Kanda will die but everyone is shouting that Kanda should stop what he is doing. Allen ran as fast as he could but was too late. Kanda had slashed the akuma into two and it exploded. Allen walked in front of Kanda. "Kanda…" he whispered as he observed the Japanese exorcist. Kanda has no wounds so Allen wonders how Kanda will die.
"Moyashi," Kanda also whispered as he hugged Allen.
"The name is A— Kanda?" Allen fell on the floor, sitting, because Kanda suddenly became heavy. "Kanda?" Allen called again as he looked at Kanda's face. "Don't play dead Kanda," he said while shaking Kanda's body.
"Goodbye, Allen Walker," Earl said his goodbye with his very big smile as he, the akumas and other Noahs vanished quickly, indicating that their mission is done.
Lost (chapter 21) Yullen
Allen stopped shaking Kanda's body and watched as the unwanted visitor leave. He was hugging Kanda tightly. His body was trembling with fear. The exorcists and scientists were running to him, shouting and asking him how Kanda is. "Kanda, wake up…" Allen whispered as he hugged Kanda tighter. "Please…" he pleaded, still in a soft voice. His heart was beating so fast that it hurt him so badly.
"Allen, how is Kanda?" Komui asked as he kneeled in front of Allen.
Allen stared at Komui with teary eyes. He doesn't know how to utter the answer to Komui's question. He bowed his head lightly and exhaled heavily before deciding to speak. "Komui-san… why is he… not breathing?" he asked as tears fell down from his eyes.
Komui's eyes widened once he heard those words. "Allen, give Kanda to me. I'll check him," he said as he took Kanda from Allen.
Allen didn't make any move as he felt Kanda's body being removed from his. "Komui-san," he called, holding Kanda's hand to stop Komui from leaving. Komui looked at him and waited for what the boy has to say. "He won't die, will he?" Allen asked in a whisper.
Komui frowned painfully, hearing that question. "I… I'll do my best, Allen," he answered.
With the said words, Allen let go of Kanda's hand and let more of his tears fall from his eyes. He watched helplessly as Komui and the others left the room.
"Allen-niisan," Nathan called his brother.
Allen looked at Nathan and saw the boy lending his hand to him. Allen took it and stood up. "I'm sorry, Nathan… I shouldn't let you see me like this. But I just can't stop this… Kanda is—," Allen explained to the boy but was stopped when Nathan hugged him. "Nathan…" he whispered.
"Allen-niisan, don't cry," Nathan said as he gently rubbed Allen's back, comforting his brother. "Kanda-san told me that he loves you and will never leave you, so don't cry, Allen-niisan," he said while looking at his brother.
Allen hugged Nathan tighter. "Just… just a little more," he said as he bowed his head and continued crying. He's happy because Nathan is here for him, comforting him, but he just can't stop the sadness and pain he's feeling inside his heart.
"It's ok, Nii-san," Nathan comforted his brother once more.
Allen sat on the chair that was place near the bed were Kanda is lying. Kanda was confined here, in this room. His heart is now beating because of the machine. "Komui-san, I don't get it. Kanda has no wound… how come..?" Allen asked. He had already stopped crying, thanks to his little brother who was sleeping now.
"Kanda hasn't said anything to you about his past, has he?" Komui asked as he leaned his back to the door.
Allen looked at Komui as he tried to hide the pain in his eyes. "I asked him one time but he got mad at me. And when he decided to tell me… I refused, why?" he asked.
Komui looked at Allen seriously. It should be alright to tell Allen since Kanda decided to say it once. "Allen, the akuma Kanda was fighting a while ago is Alma, Kanda's first and only friend back then. When Kanda came here, Alma was the only kid; he has the same age as Kanda. These two kids were experimented everyday by the central because the number of exorcists was so few back then. That's why the central tried to find a way to increase their number by experimenting some exorcists. Kanda and Alma were just nine years old that time so we can't send them to missions because they'll just add trouble. And that was the reason why they were the persons used in the experiment. Because they didn't have anything to do. And somehow, for an unknown reason, the central ended up connecting the lives of those two. The tattoo on Kanda's chest, Alma also has that. That is also the proof of their connection. When one is wounded, it heals fast but both their tattoos spread little by little," Komui paused for a moment and sighed before continuing. "It is also theorize that when one of them dies, the other will die also," he informed the bean sprout.
Allen frowned as he looked away from Komui. Kanda was experimented at a very young age. That was so mean. Now, Allen understands why Kanda didn't want to tell his past before. "That's j-just a theory," he whispered with a painful smile.
"I know. Are you going to sleep here, Allen?" Komui asked the boy while trying to keep his cool.
"Yes," Allen answered, still in a low voice.
"Then, I'll take my leave now. Goodnight, Allen," Komui said as he opened the door.
"Goodnight," Allen said while watching the officer leave. He, then, looked at Kanda again and held his beloved's hand. Kanda, I won't cry anymore since you said you don't like it. But you should wake up soon Kanda. I have limits. Allen rested his head on his hands that was place on the bed. He closed his eyes slowly before drifting off to sleep.
Komui walked inside his room only to find Reever sitting on his bed. "Have you told him?" Reever asked Komui, not wasting any second.
Komui looked away from Reever before frowning sadly. "No," he answered. How can he tell Allen the truth when the boy shows him such a painful smile every time? He doesn't want to make the boy lonelier than he already is. Allen still has hopes… still has light in hiss heart. If he will tell Allen that Kanda has very little chance in living, then Allen will loose the only light that was left in his heart.
"Why?" Reever asked the Chief.
"I can't…" Komui whispered. He only shows his weakest side to Reever.
"We'll only hurt Allen more if we won't tell him sooner," Reever told Komui.
"I know," Komui said as he looked at Reever angrily. "Damn it, I know," he repeated face-palming himself. "I know… I just can't add pain to him today. He already received too much," he whispered as tears roll down on his cheeks.
Reever stood and walked near his beloved. He, then, hugged Komui and comforted him. "I'm sorry," he apologized.
The Next Night
Nathan just finished bringing dinner to his brother. He is now in front of Lavi's room, knocking endlessly on the door (because Lavi hasn't visited him since this morning). Well, he has been knocking for a while now but Lavi still hasn't opened it.
"Good evening, Nathan-kun," Lenalee greeted as she approached Nathan.
Nathan turned to look at the girl and greeted her. "Good evening, Lenalee-san. Have you seen Lavi-san?" he asked. Well, of course, maybe Lavi went out that's why no one is opening his door.
"Oh, you don't know? He is in the hospital room (in the Order, I don't know other term) because of the wound last night. It has poison," Lenalee told the little bean sprout.
"Where?" Nathan asked politely while looking at Lenalee with worried eyes.
Lenalee smiled. "Don't worry, he's okay now. Bookman cured him. You know where Kanda is confined, right?" Lenalee asked.
"Yes."
"Just eight doors to the left from that room," the female exorcist informed the boy with a smile. (She knows that Lavi and Nathan are together)
"Thank you, Lenalee-san," Nathan thanked as he dashed away. He quickly ran to where Lavi is. Once he got there, he knocked on the door twice and he received a response quickly.
"Who's there?" Bookman asked from inside.
Nathan was surprised when he heard Bookman's voice instead of Lavi's. He suddenly got nervous and hesitated to answer but he decided to anyway because he really wants to see and apologize to Lavi now. "N-Nathan," he answered. A simple visit would be fine, right?
"Come in," Bookman said.
Nathan smiled before opening the door quietly. He closed it again and looked at Lavi. Lavi is still sleeping.
"Nathan, I thought I told you to distance yourself?" Bookman stated, catching Nathan's attention.
Nathan looked at Bookman with fear. He couldn't move from the spot where he is standing. He couldn't go near Lavi because it seems that Bookman will surely be mad at him. "I did distance myself…" he whispered with a shaking voice.
"If you did distance yourself, Lavi shouldn't have saved you from that akuma. He shouldn't have that wound," Bookman told the kid.
"Bookman, I…" Nathan whispered as he bowed his head.
"Don't you think your being a burden to Lavi? He couldn't concentrate on the books I want him to read. He couldn't understand what I want him to understand. And now, he's lying here on this bed because of you. What if someday he'll die because of you?" Bookman asked the boy.
Lavi-san, wake up… please wake up now. Please help me… Bookman is…
"You're weak and can't save yourself from an attack of akuma. Do you want Lavi to die someday because of you?" Bookman asked again.
Nathan's eyes widened because of what Bookman said. It's because he is weak that caused Lavi to have that wound. And he doesn't want Lavi to die because of him. It hurts him so much just by that thought.
"Distance yourself, Nathan if you don't want Lavi to die because of you."
Nathan's tears fall from his eyes. "I'm sorry, Bookman, I'll definitely distance myself," he whispered as he opened the door and went out of the room. I'll distance myself. I'll stay away from Lavi-san… I don't want to be a burden to Lavi-san anymore… I'll leave him. Nathan walked sadly to the room where Kanda is confined, to see his older brother so he can have some comfort. He stood front of the door and attempted to knock on it but a thought stopped him from doing so. His brother is also lonely and Nathan doesn't want to add more problems to Allen. He bowed his head and continued crying. Just by thinking of a day without Lavi breaks his heart into pieces. He was about to walk away but the door suddenly opened. He looked at the person who opened it, still with tears in his eyes. "Allen-niisan…" he whispered.
Allen looked at Nathan with surprise. He opened the door because he could hear sobs inside but he never assumed that it would be Nathan. "Nathan, why are you crying?" he asked while he dragged Nathan inside.
"Nii-san…" Nathan sobbed as he bowed his head.
Allen hugged Nathan gently, seeing the painful expression on his little brother's face. "Tell me, Nathan," he said as he sat on the sofa near the wall. He also dragged Nathan to sit beside him.
"I'm… I'm a burden to Lavi-san, so I'll stay away from him… I'll leave him, Allen-niisan." Nathan whispered. His head was bowed, hiding his tears, and his hands were fidgeting with fear.
Allen frowned angrily, hearing those words. "Did Lavi tell you that?" he asked his little brother. He's very lonely now, but he'll never let anyone hurt his little brother.
"No…"Nathan answered while shaking his head. "Bookman told me that," he corrected his brother.
"Then, why are you crying? Lavi didn't say that. It was Bookman. You should believe in your lover's words," Allen told the boy.
"But Allen-niisan, it has proof. Lavi-san got poisoned last night because of me," Nathan said as he looked at Allen directly in the eyes. "I'm a burden to him," he sobbed as more tears fell down from his eyes.
"Shhh… don't cry," Allen said while patting his little brother's head. "Lavi loves you. He'll never think that way. Believe me," he told the boy.
Nathan didn't utter any word after that. He just sat on the sofa and stopped crying but the pain is still felt by his heart.
FF
Allen covered Nathan's body with a blanket. His little brother fell asleep on the sofa after the talk. It's already late in the night, after all. Allen sighed as he sat on the chair again. He is really feeling down now. His brother is brokenhearted and Kanda still hasn't woken up. Allen held his beloved's hand again and looked at Kanda's face.
Kanda, you're so annoying… really, really annoying. How can you make me feel this way if you love me? You're really a sadist… so mean. It hurts so much already so please, wake up now. Please… it really hurts.
The Next Day
Lavi finally opened his eyes. He sat on the bed and looked for his beloved, Nathan. He frowned sadly when he didn't see the boy. He was actually expecting that Nathan would be here, waiting for him to wake up.
"Looking for that kid already?" Bookman asked Lavi as he closed the book he was reading.
Lavi just laughed and rubbed the back of his head at the same time. "Did he visit me already? How long have I been sleeping?" he asked while looking at Bookman.
"Since the other night," Bookman only answered the second question. "Aren't you just confused with your feelings for him?" he asked his student frankly. Well, when he was curing Lavi's wound the other night, the boy had told him his feelings for Nathan but wasn't able to explain properly.
Flashback:
"Old Panda, I don't want to be a bookman anymore— ouch! Hey!" Lavi told Bookman.
Bookman didn't mean to be rough in curing Lavi's wound but the boy just said something surprising. "What are you saying?" he asked as he became gentle again.
Lavi sighed. "I love Nathan and I don't want to leave him in the future," he answered seriously.
"You're just confused with your feelings," Bookman informed Lavi.
"Ugh. This poison is making me feel sleepy. I'll just explain later."
End of Flashback
And that's how the story ended. Lavi wasn't able to properly explain to Bookman. Bookman didn't also mean to make Nathan cry. He just wanted to test if the boy really loves this student of his and surely, he passed. The only person to test now is Lavi.
"I'm not," Lavi answered as he lied on the bed again. "I've learned so many things from you. And I know, this isn't confusion," he told his grandfather.
"Are you sure with that?" Bookman asked.
"Yes."
Bookman sighed. "He visited you last night but I told him to stay away from you," he said calmly as he opened the book again.
"What? !" Lavi suddenly sat up on bed. "D-Did he cry?" he asked.
"Yes," Bookman answered with a calm voice. But deep inside, he really wanted to laugh (he is being mean to Lavi).
"Waahhh! Allen is going to kill me," Lavi said as he stood up from bed.
"That's just how a brother should be, idiot," Bookman told the boy.
"So mean. How is Kanda?" Lavi asked as he wore his boots.
"Still sleeping," Bookman answered.
"Where is he?"
FF
"Allen," Lavi said as he opened the door of the room where Kanda is confined. He walked inside and saw Kanda lying on the bed with Allen sitting just beside him.
"Lavi," Allen whispered as he saw the Bookman Jr. "I'm sorry, I wasn't able to visit you," he apologized.
"No, it's fine," Lavi said with a smile. "Don't worry, Yuu will surely wake up," he said when he saw the sadness that was hiding in Allen's eyes.
"I know," Allen smiled and looked at Lavi seriously. "Lavi, Nathan cried last night," he informed the Bookman Jr.
Lavi was surprised because Allen isn't aggravated about that. But he soon understood why. It's because of Kanda. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," Lavi apologized to the white-haired exorcist.
"I know, that's why I'm not killing you," Allen told Lavi. "Nathan will be here soon so just wait for him and just sit on that sofa. Be sure to explain properly to him," he said.
"I will, thanks," Lavi thanked with a smile as he sat on the sofa.
Not long after that, Nathan came in with Allen's lunch. "Allen-niisan, I brought you some lunch," he said while giving Allen the food (he didn't notice Lavi's presence).
"Thank you. I told you, you don't have to do this. I can get it myself," Allen told his brother.
"But I want to help Allen-niisan," Nathan pouted at his brother.
"Nathan," Allen spoke as he looked at Nathan directly in the eyes. "Lavi is here, geez…" he informed the boy. He was actually waiting for Nathan to notice Lavi but the boy was taking so long.
"Huh?" Nathan averted his eyes from his brother and looked around the room to see Lavi. Lavi was sitting on the sofa. "L-Lavi-san…" he whispered.
"Nathan," Lavi called the boy as he stood up with a smile.
Nathan took a step back before trying to run away but his elder brother stopped him by grabbing his hand. "Nathan, where are you going?" Allen asked as he stood up also.
"Allen-niisan, I'll leave Lavi-san," Nathan answered as he looked up at his brother.
"You won't do that, Nathan," Lavi said while walking near them.
Nathan looked at Lavi as he felt his brother let go of his hand. Allen sat on the chair again and shut his own mouth. "Lavi-san, Bookman—."
"I already explained everything to him so you don't need to worry anymore. He already agreed to our relationship so you don't need to distance yourself anymore," Lavi said as he held Nathan's one hand.
"But I don't want to be a burden to you," Nathan said to the older exorcist while trying to free his hand. "I don't want Lavi-san to die because of me. I have to leave you," he whispered, bowing his head.
"Look, Nathan, I don't know what crap Bookman had told you but don't say things like that. He told me that he was just testing you so stop saying you'll leave me. You love me, right?" Lavi asked.
Nathan looked at Lavi's eyes as he thought deeply. He really loves Lavi… Why would he leave his beloved? Kanda told him that if you love someone, you'll never leave him… "I… I love Lavi-san…" Nathan whispered. "I love you," he repeated as he hugged Lavi tightly.
Lavi hugged the little boy back. "Then why are you saying you'll leave me?" he asked Nathan.
Nathan buried his face on Lavi's chest. "I'm sorry Lavi-san. I didn't mean it," he said as his tears fell down subconsciously. "I won't say it again, I'm sorry."
"Oi, don't cry," Lavi said as he cupped Nathan's cheeks. "Your brother will kill me if you don't stop," he informed the boy with a smile.
"I'm… I'm sorry," Nathan apologized again while wiping his tears with both hands.
"Baka Lavi," Allen said with a smile as he tried not to look at those two or else, he will just be jealous.
Lenalee walked inside the room where Kanda is confined. Komui told her to bring some coffee to Allen even though it's late at night. "Good evening, Allen-kun," Lenalee greeted as he went near the bean sprout.
"Good evening, Lenalee," Allen greeted back.
"Onii-san told me to bring you some coffee because he said it will help you stay up late," Lenalee said as she gave Allen the cup of coffee. At the same time, she looked around and smiled when she saw Lavi sleeping on the sofa with Nathan on top of him, making him Nathan's bed (well, they can't leave Allen alone here). Then, she looked at Allen again. "But Allen-kun, I think you should take proper sleep. You should take care of your health. Kanda will surely scold you if he wakes up," she told Allen with a smile.
Allen smiled back at Lenalee. "Thank you," he thanked as he took the cup from Lenalee's hand but he accidentally dropped it and it broke. "Ah, I'm sorry, Lenalee. I didn't mean it," he said as he kneeled and tried to clean it using his bare hands but the girl stopped him by holding his hand.
"You'll hurt yourself, Allen-kun," Lenalee said while holding Allen's hand. She stared at Allen's face. His face was flushed a little and his hand has cold sweat. "You're sick, Allen-kun," she whispered.
"I'm not…" Allen said as he looked away from the female exorcist. He also freed his hand from Lenalee's touch.
Lenalee looked at Allen with worried eyes. "Allen-kun…" she whispered.
Allen bowed his head to hide his face… to hide the tears that were aching to fall from his eyes. "Damn it, I'm going to kill Kanda if he doesn't wake up soon…" he whispered angrily as he tried hard not to cry.
Lenalee hugged Allen gently to comfort him. "I'm sorry, I can't help you, I'm really sorry," she apologized. Lenalee could feel the sadness Allen is feeling. It really hurts her to know that she couldn't do anything to help her friend.
"It's fine, Lenalee. Kanda just likes playing this game," Allen told the girl.
After few days?
Allen sat on the bed while General Froi Tiedoll sat on the chair. General is here to visit his student and child. He is also here to have a simple, little chat with Allen.
"Good evening, General," Allen greeted politely.
"Good evening," the General greeted back. "I see that Yuu hasn't woken up yet," he said with a smile.
"Yes," Allen whispered while frowning sadly. He looked away from the General to hide his face.
"It's alright," Tiedoll said, still with a smile, when he saw Allen's action. "Life is always hard, Allen. It was never easy," he informed Allen as he patted the bean sprout's head.
Allen looked at Tiedoll with confusion because the General seems to know what is going on in his mind.
"You never now when challenges will come and end. You never know how to avoid taking it," Tiedoll said. "There is no challenge that you can't handle. Because God never gives challenges that you can't take," he told the boy as he stood up. "Allen, it's ok to be sad. Everyone experiences that. Don't hide your sorrows. It will only hurt you more. I'll take my leave now. Take care of Yuu, Allen. Work hard," he advised the boy before taking his step out.
"T-Thank you, General," Allen thanked as he watched the General leave. Then he looked at Kanda's face. He suddenly found the time to reminisce the times when he and Kanda were together.
Flashbacks in Allen's mind
(Chapter 5) "Oi, Moyashi," Kanda called turning his head to see me, still walking.
"Hmp," I looked away from Kanda. I am really mad.
Kanda tch-ed then grabbed me wrist. He dragged me in an empty room/place/area where no one would see us.
"What the hell, baKanda? This isn't the interrogation room," I said when Kanda stopped walking.
"What the fuck is your problem, Moyashi?" Kanda asked pushing me to the wall behind me.
"I told you already! The problem is you!" I answered irritated. "I told you, I want you to be sweet to me! I want you to be romantic towards me!" I shouted at Kanda, making sure that the taller man heard every single word I said.
Kanda smirked at me. "Do you really think I'd do something as weird as that? Why don't you just go to Lavi instead?" he asked in sarcasm.
I was taken aback at the said words. "Those aren't weird! And why the hell did you bring Lavi up? Are you jealous?" I asked frankly.
Kanda looked at me fiercely. I just said the right thing. "Tch, you irritate me, Moyashi," he stated.
I was hurt because of what Kanda said. Now that I think about it, Kanda hadn't said a thing about loving me since that day up to now. And he I was, telling Kanda he's jealous. "If you're irritated, then go to your Lenalee. Since she's way better than me! I'm just a bean sprout for you, anyway!" I shouted pushing Kanda out of the way. I walked away quickly. Tears started to form in my eyes. 'Baka Kanda. Always hurting me like this'. I thought as I wiped his tears away.
"Moyashi," Kanda called grabbing my right hand, stopping me from walking. He looked at me and was surprised when he saw tears. "You're… crying," he said.
"Of course! Do you think I'm numb to not feel a thing?" I asked angrily.
"Tch," Kanda removed the strands of hair that covered my face before kissing the my tears away.
"K-Kanda? What are you doing?" I asked in surprise.
Kanda ignored the question and continued kissing my face. As he does this, he pushed me lightly on the wall. As soon as the tears were gone, he hugged me tightly.
"What are you doing?" I repeated his question.
'Baka Moyashi'.Kanda frowned because of the question. 'Isn't it obvious?'"Being romantic to you, idiot," he answered.
I smiled. "You know Kanda, adding idiot to your words doesn't make anything romantic, moron," I informed. "Tell me you love me," I demanded out of the blue.
Kanda pulled away. "Who the hell would say such things?" he almost shouted.
"Just say it," I demanded strongly.
Silence. There was a long moment of silence. I looked at Kanda, frowning. "Just say it, you idiot!" I yelled.
"Who would?" Kanda retorted.
I frowned painfully at Kanda. "You… y-you don't?" I asked in a whisper, bowing my head lightly.
'He's hurt'.Kanda lifted my chin up, making me look at him directly. Tears form behind my eyes but I do not cry. "You should have told me earlier. I-"
"I love you," Kanda stated fast, looking directly in my eyes.
Tears in my eyes vanished quickly. I stared at Kanda with my eyes fully opened. "R-Really?" I asked still surprised.
Kanda looked away from me. A light shade of pink was visible on his cheeks. "You sure change your mood fast, Moyashi," he commented, still blushing. 'Why did I say that really?'
"I love you too," I said jumping happily to Kanda, hugging him tightly. Kanda smiled at my reaction, he hugged me back. "I really do," I said seriously, smiling.
"Tch, cut the shit, Moyashi," Kanda replied. I just kept saying embarrassing words to him.
(Chapter 9) I grinned happily. "Does it taste good, Kanda?" I asked.
"No," Kanda answered bluntly.
I looked at Kanda, wide-eyed. I was ready to talk back but chose not to do it for it will lead us nowhere. I looked back to my food and continued eating. I cooked this with love, baKanda…
I had inserted food in my mouth when I felt Kanda cupped my cheek, making me look at the Japanese man.
The samurai moved his head closer to mine and kissed me passionately, tasting the food in my mouth. He inserted his tongue in my mouth and took the food before pulling away from the kiss. He, then, swallowed the food. "That tastes better," Kanda said, smirking at me.
(Chapter 15) "What did I misunderstand? You lied to me when you said you went to the comfort room. You don't want me to know that you and Lenalee talked," I said.
Kanda let go of me and sat on the bench near the wall with his arms crossed against his chest. He didn't want to explain while standing. He got tired of searching for me also so he had to sit. "I lied to you because I didn't want you to know about Lenalee's feelings. I—"
"Why didn't you want me to know?" I asked, interrupting Kanda's serious explanation. I looked at Kanda only to see my lover looking at me with annoyance. "What?"
"Shut up and just listen. Sit beside me," Kanda commanded as he pulled me by the hand so that I sat closely beside him.
I felt my heart suddenly beat fast. I was fidgeting nervously, afraid of the words that will come out from the Japanese man's mouth.
"Lenalee loves you," the older exorcist informed me straightforwardly.
My eyes widened as I looked at Kanda with surprise. "You're mistaken, Kanda, Lenalee loves y—"
Kanda covered my small mouth with his one hand. His brows were twitching with anger because of my talkativeness. "I told you to shut up," he said, frowning at me. "She loves you and she wants to take you away from me," he informed, still covering my talkative mouth. "I didn't want you to be aware of her feelings because you might get confused with your feelings and you'll let her take you away," he explained clearly.
I stared at the Japanese man with confusion. I took and held Kanda's hand that was covering my mouth. My mind is currently processing all the scenes I saw and Kanda's explanations together, realizing that I really misunderstood Kanda's and Lenalee's actions. "T-Then, the one you really love is me?" I asked, still unsure of everything.
"Only you," Kanda answered directly. He knows that simple answers wouldn't make my mind and heart at ease.
(Chapter 17) "Why do you love me, Kanda?" I unexpectedly asked. I suddenly wanted to know why Kanda loves me.
Kanda stared at me though he could only see the top of my head. He thought of what he would answer but nothing came in his mind. "Tch," he said, looking away.
I moved in front of him (who was still holding my hand). "I want to know, Kanda, tell me," I said excitedly, looking up at Kanda with my big eyes. I really want to know why Kanda loves me.
Kanda looked at me again.
"Please?" I pleaded with such dazzling eyes.
Kanda embraced me gently with his one hand (the other was still not letting go of my hand) and sighed heavily in his mind.
I, on the other hand, blushed darkly at the man's sudden action as I felt shivers went down my spine. I suddenly felt anxious, knowing that Kanda is about to say the words why the man loves me.
"I don't know why the hell I fell for you, Moyashi. I hate naïve people and cursed ones like you. I hate people who couldn't keep their mouths shut— like you. I hate people who put their life for others— like you. In short, Moyashi, I hate people like you but…" Kanda thought of a word to say. "You're an exception. Moyashi, you're the one who made me feel this way so you should know the answer."
End of Flashbacks
Allen looked away from Kanda and bowed his head with a sad smile as he tried hard not to cry. Even if General Tiedoll told him not to hide his sorrows… that it is ok to cry, he can't do that, especially when Kanda said that he didn't like to see the boy cry. "Damn Kanda, I really want to cry now. Wake up already or else, I'll break up with you," Allen whispered sadly. "I'll really break up with you…" he repeated angrily.
"Don't you dare, baka Moyashi."
Allen's eyes widened when he heard those voice. "Eh?" he looked again at Kanda still with his eyes widely opened.
"What the fuck are these?" Kanda asked as he sat on bed. He was removing all the craps (intravenous) that were put on his body. Once done, he looked at the bean sprout. "Come here, Moyashi," he commanded as he signaled the boy to straddle his lap. Well, he missed his bean sprout. He knows that he had been sleeping for a long time.
Allen quickly straddled Kanda's lap and hugged the Japanese exorcist tightly. He buried his face on Kanda's shoulder. "So mean…" he whispered as he let his tears fall though he's happy because Kanda is now awake.
Kanda was surprised at Allen's sudden action but he quickly hugged the boy back. "I'm sorry. Don't cry," he said while rubbing the back of the bean sprout's head, comforting him.
"T-Tiedoll-san said it's ok to cry," Allen whispered against Kanda's chest.
Kanda felt that Allen's body is warmer than usual. He pulled away from the hug and cupped Allen's cheeks with both hands to observe the boy's face. Allen looked back at him with his big, teary eyes. "Why are you sick, Moyashi?" Kanda asked with a deep voice.
Allen stopped crying but there were still tears on his face. He looked away from Kanda and blushed lightly. "Maybe, because I wasn't sleeping well," he whispered.
Hearing the said words, Kanda suddenly pushed Allen on the bed, pinning the boy's hands on either side of his head. He looked at the bean sprout intensely. "Why weren't you sleeping well?" he asked the boy. He is mad because he had just slept and Allen already abused himself. (Kanda cares about Allen's health, remember? Chapter 14)
Allen looked at Kanda, wide-eyed again. Kanda was the reason why he wasn't able to sleep and the Japanese exorcist doesn't have any idea at all. Allen opened his mouth to talk but the door suddenly opened and the two turned their heads to see the person who came.
"Allen-niisan, I brought you your—," Nathan spoke but paused when he saw Kanda on top of his brother. Allen has tears on his cheeks and his hands were pinned by Kanda. Nathan quickly put down Allen's dinner and ran to the bed. He pushed Kanda away from his brother and then, he glared at the Japanese exorcist cutely. "What are you doing to Allen-niisan? Why are you hurting him?" he asked as he helped his brother sit on the bed. He won't let anyone hurt his brother. Allen and Kanda just looked at him. "Nii-san was taking care of you these past few days. He doesn't even have the time to sleep, Kanda-san. And he was so lonely because everyone was telling him that you'll die. How could you hurt Onii-san now? He has so much faith in you!" he informed Kanda. He is mad— really, really mad. He doesn't want his brother to be in pain anymore.
Kanda looked at Nathan as a sweat dropped on the side of his cheek. "You're mis—."
"Why are you making my brother cry when you know that he loves you so much? !" Nathan asked angrily while glaring at Kanda cutely. His fists were clenched on his sides tightly.
Geez. These two bean sprouts really like jumping to conclusions. "You're mistaken. Damn it," Kanda cursed with irritation in his voice. "Oi, Moyashi, explain to him," he commanded as he looked at Allen again.
Allen chuckled cutely first before looking at his little brother. He explained clearly to Nathan everything that happened.
When Nathan finally understood what really happened, he looked at Kanda again shyly. "I'm sorry Kanda-san," he whispered with a blush on his face.
Kanda just looked at Nathan with annoyance. "Tch. It's okay. Where is Lavi?" he asked the boy.
"Ah, he's being lectured again by Bookman because Lavi-san is naughty. I'll go call him, Kanda-san," Nathan said then quickly ran out of the room to find his lover.
Kanda smirked and looked at his beloved again. "Come here," he said as he signaled Allen to straddle his lap again. Allen did what he was told to do and was surprised when Kanda hugged him gently. "Sleep, Moyashi. I'll take care of you if you can't do that to yourself," he told the bean sprout.
Allen smiled against Kanda's shoulder. "You're an idiot, Kanda. I love you," he said. His head really hurts now. "Good night," he whispered before drifting off to sleep.