Dear Journal,
Sorry for not writing in a couple days.
Only a few days after the Umibozu concert and Koizumi's in a bad mood again, and it's apparently my fault. What did I do this time, huh?! Sheesh...
Anyway, I'm well again, so looking at my entries from when I was in a fog made me laugh. I'm glad I don't always sound that stupid.
I looked and saw that on one of them, I said I didn't want to be caught making a "Late-night journal"! Ha! Whatever that means. I think I meant "Late-night entry". I had a 'durr' moment. That's what I like to call it. Durr moments are just when I say or do stupid stuff. That's how I describe it. Just remember that it's code, because I use it a lot...not that it applies to me all the time though! Only sometimes it does...only sometimes...like my 'pickled radishes can't turn into crabs' statement...I didn't explain that earlier, but I don't care. I'm too lazy to explain, because sadly, even I can't really explain that though it was my own words.
Anyway, you know...I feel like nobody even knows how hard I'm trying to be Koizumi's friend, and I still want to be there for her...just not as her boyfriend...
It's not like it's impossible that I could start to develop feelings for her in the future. It could happen...but not yet. These things take time...I'm not really sure of how I feel.
I'm trying to come up with a way to explain my reasoning, but I guess I'm still not making any sense...sigh.
Oh well...
At this point, I've just gotta do what I feel in my gut that I should do...I guess I should just continue to be her friend...
This problem is because of what I believe.
I do like Koizumi. But...it's only a very small crush.
I don't think a relationship can go all that well unless the two love each other...and all I've got is this minor crush...so I don't know if it's such a good idea.
The height complex isn't...too much of a problem. I wouldn't care what people thought.
But the problem is...me.
Heheh, I really changed the topic and rambled on, didn't I?
I kinda had a bit of a 'Durr' moment just now, because I don't think anybody even understands what I'm getting at.
Oh well. I'm really tired. I'm gonna end it here. 'Night.
- Atsushi Otani (Yes! I finished my signature! Oh yeah~ oh yeah~ I said Otani~ and not Ota~ oh yeah~ go me~ go m
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Dear Journal,
Daaaw, man...I was so close to finishing last night. I finished my name, sure, but not my sentence. Durr moment...
I guess in reality, I do have a lot of those durr moments...eheh. But whatever, I guess everyone has thsoe. Just like right now. I spelled 'those' like 'thsoe' by accident...and this is permanent pen. I knew I should have used a penclil! I mean...pencil. I'm having problems...but oh well, I'm only human. Or am I...? Maybe I'm an alien from the 100th century traveling in time! Who's, uh, also half-cyborg! With cool sunglasses! Oh wait, that has nothing to do with anything, I'll just get to the point now.
To put this whole day shortly...
Koizumi's still mad at me for whatever reason, then she met this Maitake(or MAITY as she calls him, but I think that nickname's gross.) guy who's disgusting, she likes him now though I don't see why, that made me angry, he's a creep, he's subsituting as a basketball coach for our team, he outplayed me, I moped, and oh forget it I'm going to sleep. 'Night.
- Atsushi Otani
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Dear Journal,
Maitake continues to outplay me, and it's really getting to me...how is this happening? I'm not really at my best right now, I guess.
Today...Koizumi really got angry at me. At first, she went balistic because I said there was rice in her hair when she came over, then...she said something like..."That grain of rice wasn't what you took, what you took from me was my first kiss"...but I don't understand...she's hallucinating...that must be it.
So then she starts crying again...
But then...
Out of nowhere, she grabbed me. Then, before I knew it...
She had kissed me by force.
I couldn't believe it.
I asked "What did you do that for?!" and then, her exact words were...
"I'm through with loving you!" With that, she ran out the door.
I wondered if I had heard her right. I thought over her words and everything she could have said that I could have mistaken that for...
But then I knew that it was what she had really said. No doubt about it.
Then I felt as if I didn't want her to give up...
Then, I considered the fact that this had completely ruined our friendship.
I wouldn't allow that. Koizumi really is very important. Without that friendship, things wouldn't seem right.
So then I thought..."I'm going to tell her, Koizumi, you're really important to me. Couldn't we still be friends? Then maybe all will be forgiven...because things can't go on like this."
So that's what I decided I would do.
I ran as fast as I could to the door, threw it open and called her name...
And I looked around the corner...
She was in the embrace of Maity himself, crying on his shoulder. His hand was on her head. I wanted to say something...but I froze there. Then, I just decided there was nothing I could do. She is really in love with Maitake now. I have to watch my friend be swept up in a crush on a guy that's way older than her that will only set her up for dissapointment...but I guess I had set her up for dissapointment too in the end. I have a feeling things won't work out for her again, and all I can do is watch. By now...I'm probably completely out of Koizumi's life.
And I can't help but wonder if I should have done something.
What good would it have done if I did interfere, though? Just make Koizumi angrier at me, probably.
I guess all I could do was let it go...
- Atsushi Otani