Any mistakes are that of mine and Word Perfect, because I still have no Beta for this story. The new chapter of WSBB will be up soon, as well as a one-shot for my fellow Tiva Luvers. ;)
This chapter will be the catalyst of the rest of this story. It was particularly hard to establish because it has such an in-detailed plot, and it's a lot to wrap one's mind around in a simple chapter...from the thoughts and feelings of the characters, to the meaning. Anyway, it's midnight here and I still have a one-shot to write, regardless of the fact my bedtime was hours ago. Hope Mom doesn't wake up! Lol. :)
-Livvy
Disclaimer: Don't own anything except this exact storyline and little Lily.
It had been a lovely day, before everything had gone horribly wrong.
The warm air of mid-August had been a comfort, because Jenny hated cold weather. The flowers Noemi had planted earlier that spring were still blooming, regardless of the heat. Lily had woken to the smell of bacon and eggs, then watched cartoons (because it was a Saturday and everyone knew the best ones were on then).
Jenny had braided her hair and helped her pick out a cute sun dress with green-blue flowers on it, because that was her favorite color. Lily watched some more cartoons, then, because Mommy had to take a few calls in the study, and she never went in there.
There hadn't been much dialogue, just smiles here and there.
Lily had been too immersed in the program to realize her mother had gone into her room and was packing a large pink tote full of her clothes.
Around three o'clock the redhead had commented that they could go to the local park, to which Lily readily agreed, because the park was her favorite place besides school. Gray concrete was hard against the soles of thin flip-flops. Jenny's hair was up in a loose bun because that's the style it had been in the day prior, and she was still too tired to take it down. The woman felt weak, and tired. Regretful.
Yet, she put on a big grin because her daughter's happiness superceded her own.
At least that's what she attempted to tell herself.
The mother and daughter stopped to get ice cream at the little side parlor, both getting strawberry. The sun cast a warm glow upon everything, and so here they sat upon a dark wooden bench just beneath a few pine trees.
Busy bustle in the local park had slowly deteriorated, and the sun was beginning to wane. Lily talked about wanting a puppy for her upcoming birthday. Jenny still smiled tightly and nodded, because, well, that's what she had to do.
Lately, Jenny had to support her actions with a reason because realism was her lifeline.
She had agreed to Morrow's offer because this is what she'd worked for her entire life. Jenny had never told Jethro about Lily because things couldn't get complicated in her world. Complications were obliterated because the happenings they could cause would make things unsafe...for everyone involved.
Lily was going to go far, far, away from her...because...she had to be safe.
That is how she tells herself she found herself in this position. The awkward one.
The one where you have to tell your daughter to 'finish up her ice cream, because you have a surprise for her.' That position.
Lily is done in a few minutes that seem like years because Jenny knows the inevitable words that will come next. They roll from her tongue like a lullaby, yet moisture pools in those emerald orbs because she knows this is the end.
"Lilly, we're going to go on a little trip..."
Lily's eyes were so trusting and blue. Jenny had chewed the inside of her cheek raw.
Their hands stayed intertwined, a small one encased inside a larger, matured one.
A shaking one.
Jenny had expected her daughter to be scared of the aircraft, because she'd never been on one before. But Lilly was always full of surprises, and didn't even flinch as the plane took off. She expected her daughter to have a room full of questions, and all she got was a little smile from the almost-five year old. A smile that made her heart clench a little.
The redhead doesn't think she needs to be telling the little girl what will take place in the next few hours, because she has worries of her own. Worries that include her team's whereabouts back in D.C. and how they will handle the constant case load without her. She doesn't think about the fact Noemi never got to say goodbye.
She doesn't think the latter at all because she continuously tells herself this is not a goodbye. Not forever.
Just until Christmas Break, which the Dean said she could prolong a few more weeks if she pleased. SecNav's children went to this place as well. He'd been the one to suggest it to her.
He'd said this would be the safest way.
Every true meaning of this doesn't exactly 'hit' Jenny until she feels hot breath on the bare skin of her arm and her head snaps to the right, where she sees her daughter has fallen into a peaceful slumber in the middle of an airplane ride.
She glances at the clock on the overhead, that states they have nearly eight more hours until they arrive in Europe.
Green eyes darken as she realizes she only has eight hours left with her little girl.
Suddenly, the constant sleep-deprivation she lives with tackles her with a vengeance. She pulls up the arm rest and lets Lily burrow into her just a bit more, falling back against the plush seat of First-Class. Jenny closes her eyes and doesn't let a single tear slip through because it's easier for everyone this way.
She strokes her daughter's auburn curls and continues to tell herself this; like a lullaby.
Jenny soon falls asleep.
Street lights cause shadows to filter throughout the cars leather-interior. A four year old girl is still fast asleep in the backseat, where her mother laid her just a few minutes prior. She sucks her thumb and snores a bit, which causes her mother to give a sullen smile.
Well-manicured hands grip the steering wheel as she reads the street signs that pass by, adjusting easily to the language she knew too well nearly six years ago. This place of love brings back too many memories.
Lily doesn't wake when she pulls into the large estate, or when she parks the car.
Lily doesn't wake when she hands the doorman her credentials and tells him her daughter is a new student. He looks tired too.
A woman with long brown hair meets Jenny at the first doors, glancing at the child in her arms and then to the suitcase by her feet. With a serious nod, she takes the luggage, beckoning the redhead to carry the child on into the building. School. Which ever.
Jenny brushes away the thought that this is the soundest her baby girl has ever slept before.
They go to a long corridor with dark blue-carpeted hallways and brightly decorated doors. It seems like the walk is forever, and finally they stop upon one with drawings sheets of cats in bright colors strewn across the wood.
Jenny tries to ignore the niggling thought that Lily hates cats, is allergic to them, in fact.
The woman has barely spoken a word to her until they are inside the room. There are two beds, one being occupied by a little girl who sleeps around a litter of stuffed animals, and the other bare.
"She knows French, yes?"
Jenny nods, shifting the little girl in her arms. Just then, her little eyelids flutter open, adjusting to the unfamiliar surroundings.
"Where are we?" She asks, curiosity apparent in her soft voice.
Jenny doesn't say anything at first, because she doesn't know how to phrase anything.
The woman with the brown hair steps like it was her who was asked.
"You silly girl, we are at school. It will be so much fun, and your roommate, Caroline, has been waiting so long to meet you," her accented voice speaks lowly, fervently, as not to wake the other little girl.
The redhead waits with bated breath for her daughter to respond. When she does, it's not anything she wants to hear.
"Mommy, when are we going home?"
Anne, the brunette, picks up on this tone, this attitude, quicker than anything Jenny's ever seen. While she's still frozen, (something she never is), Anne is quick to find logic.
To find reason.
"Ah, Lily, is it?"
The little girl nods, attention now on the woman.
"How would you like to meet someone very special?"
Thirty minutes later, Lily Shepard is asleep once again, this time a soft stuffed teddy bear tucked inside her grasp. She lies beneath the plain white bed sheets, and Jenny carefully drapes the comforter from her room upon her.
Anne stands at the doorway. Gauging the redhead, waiting for questions.
It's hesitant, when Jenny leaves. She never says goodbye, because it's not.
She kisses her daughter's forehead, though, because four months is so long.
"Jenny, yes?" A nod, a grim attempt at a smile.
"It will get easier."
Jenny suddenly likes this woman. She doesn't sugar coat things, or promise her Lily will love it here. She doesn't say this is a great opportunity for Lily, even though it is. This is the third best boarding school in the world. Jenny can only afford it because SecNav has already given her a bonus before she becomes official Director.
She gets into her car that night, and doesn't start the engine right away, because she doesn't have the energy to. She doesn't have the energy to do a lot of things, anymore.
Bright sunlight filters in through thin blinds, which wakes her up instantly. It doesn't smell like bacon and eggs, and her head hurts. She feels sick, and immediately wants to alert her mother. She calls for her, but there is no answer.
She twists on the bed, and then realizes that the mattress doesn't feel right either.
She kicks back the blankets, and a strangled gasp makes its way up her throat.
This is not her home.
The walls are too white. There are two beds instead of just hers. A girl sits on the bed across from her, and the girl snickers. Fear pumps deep inside her veins.
She wishes for it all to be a bad dream, then. She screams, loud, causing her throat to hurt, and the stupid snickering girl stops and covers her ears. It's a mercy, but not enough.
Usually, when she screams, Mommy wakes her up.
A woman comes in and soothes her, but she doesn't want to be soothed by some woman. The brown haired woman also speaks French, which she knows she only speaks just barely.
Finally, through the panic, the pure fear, comes tumbling words that don't make a lot of sense but feel natural flowing from her mouth.
"I don't like it here! I wanna go home!"
The there's the woman, who smells like perfume, but not the kind her mother wears.
"Why don't you like it here?" the little girl who sits on the other bed asks.
"Because...because..."
Suddenly, she doesn't know quite specifically why.
Suddenly, she feels very stupid, and betrayed, and abandoned.
Because that certain realization comes that her own mother is the one who put her in this place. Her own mother didn't want her.
Lily Shepard buries her face in a clean smelling pillow and sobs, because she doesn't know any reason anymore. The actions are unspeakable, unidentifiable.
For the first time in her life, the thought crosses her mind that maybe Mommy isn't as great as everyone thinks she is. It's a bitter pill to swallow.
To think, just yesterday it had been such a lovely day.