Chapter 22:

Nicole POV

"No." I said firmly. "It's….inhumane. I can't just create a new spark out of nothing."

"You brought that puny silver mech back to life, girl."

I threw my hands up, exasperated. "At least I had something then! I knew who Jazz was, what his personality was! With this, I'd have to create a new personality, attitude, everything! This is starting from scratch!"Megatron leaned in closer, glaring at me. "I don't care if it has a personality or not. As long as it holds the powers you contain and follows orders I will be satisfied."

I felt sorry for the unsparked sparkling already. "That would be like….having a drone for a sparkling." Then I shook my head firmly. "No. I'm not bringing new life into this world just to suffer at the servos of you."

The Decepticon Leader sneered in my face. "You don't have a choice in the matter, girl. I won't hesitate to kill your traitor of a bondmate."

A light bulb went off in my head, and I smiled. "Do you think I'm stupid, Megatron? If you kill Barricade, you'll kill me. And, whoops, there goes the AllSpark power. Darn."

Instead of getting mad like I thought he would, Megatron laughed. "And I am not stupid either. There are others you care about that I could kill."

I glared at him. "The Autobots can defend themselves."

"I wasn't talking about the Autobots, though I wouldn't mind killing them all. I'm talking about your squishy friends."

Flashes of Taylor and Willow passed through my head, and I shook my head as if trying to clear the images. "I won't do it."

Apparently, the ticked Megatron off and he snarled. "You will do it, girl."

I looked back to the small frame of the sparkling. So small, vulnerable… I didn't want to create a spark just for serving Megatron. No, I wasn't going to sentence something so innocent to a life with that sole purpose. I opened my mouth to tell that to the warlord, but the AllSpark stopped me. Do it. Give the sparkling a personality. A purpose. A life.

And what about the AllSpark powers?

Replicate only a few of them.

So you're saying I should give this power to Megatron? Megatron?

No. Duplicate only a few of the powers. But make them unavailable until a certain age for the sparkling. That way it will be able to control the powers more easily.

I took a deep breath. I hope you know what you're doing.

Trust me, youngling. I do.

Well, that sounded like it was either arrogant or a creepy future prediction.

Again, I took a deep breath again, bracing myself for what I was about to do. I looked up to Megatron. "Fine. I'll do it. But it will take time. Put the protoform in here and leave me alone."

The silver mech looked ready to argue, but I held my hands up. "You want me to do this, I'll do it. But on my terms."

Megatron growled unhappily, but carefully picked up the protoform and reached up to the top of my cage. I heard a code be entered, and then a small part of the ceiling slid away. Megatron's servo dipped in my cage, depositing the protoform. I considered attacking his servo (viciously, I can assure you), but in the end decided that it wasn't worth my time.

When the panel had slid shut, Megatron leaned down to glare at me again. "If you do anything to that protoform, girl, I'll kill you, slowly and painfully."

"Good to know." I snapped. Before he could leave, I said, "And when it's done, I want it to stay with me. And I also want to name it."

"Fine." He snapped. "As long as you get it done." Megatron growled at me once more before leaving. As Soundwave trailed out behind him, tentacles waving, I flipped him off. 'Stay out of my head.' I snarled inside Soundwave's own helm.

I don't think I've ever seen the 'Con look so startled.

It was only when the door shut did I realize how scared I was.

That urge to curl up came back. Tears pricked my eyes. Sniffling, I wiped my eyes. I was alone. Isn't that what I wanted? No, I wanted Barricade. My heart clenched and my chest tightened. Barricade. What did he think of me right now? God, I was hurting right now. So bad. It hurt worst than the electrocution. I just wanted to cry.

I looked at the protoform. No, I couldn't afford to break down now. If the AllSpark was telling me to do this, then I needed to do it.

"Okay, little guy." I said to an empty room as I sat down with my legs crossed beside the protoform. "I hope you're ready for this."

It was obviously built to be a mech. The protoform was still a dull silver, since it didn't receive it's colors until it had a spark. The frame was loosely inspired by Megatron's, though I could tell it would transform into a jet, but it wasn't a Seeker frame. On it's helm were little horns, almost like Jazz's. It amazed me how loose, free, innocent it's faceplates were, and it wasn't even living yet.

I hoped I wasn't going to regret this.

Gee, how do you create a totally new personality? If only there was a book called Creating New Sparks From Scratch for Idiots.

I didn't want the sparkling to grow up a ruthless Decepticon like Megatron. No, if he wanted that, he should've done this himself. So…..gentle? Quiet? What? I groaned and put my head in my hands. "I don't know how to do this." I whispered.

Don't worry about the personality. Just form the spark. It will turn out right.

I paused, then said, So, basically I'm doing what Vector Sigma does?

Yes. Just form the spark. The personality with be in the spark.

"Okay," I muttered. "That's easy. Just form the spark. Just too fragging easy." I paused, then said, "Is this going to drain my life force again and add to this?" I pointed at the white streak in my hair, then realized the AllSpark wasn't in the room, which led to me wondering if the AllSpark could see me, and that's when I realized I really did have ADD.

No, the spark isn't big enough to need to draw from your life force. You will feel tired, but not pass out.

"Good." I sighed, then rubbed my hands together. "Well, here goes nothing." I touched the protoform's chasis and with a small hiss the chest plates split open to reveal the spark chamber, which also opened when I touched it. I held my hands out like I had when resurrecting Jazz and focused on forming the little spark. Fifteen seconds later, there was a small, itty bitty spark sitting in my hands that was slightly smaller than a tennis ball.

Annnnnnnnd my first thought was, Aww, it's so cute.

Again, my ADD.

I gave the sparkling only three powers. Electricity, force fields, and invisibility. I could lie about giving the sparkling all of my powers. Besides, I don't think Megatron could take over the universe with those.

I gently set the small spark in the spark chamber. I had to pull my hand back quickly because the chamber snapped shut quickly, and the chest plates soon followed. My nerves were at an all time high as I heard the first signs of life in the sparkling. Premature systems booted online, hydraulics hissing, and other sounds of first life.

And finally, the bright chilling red optics lit up.

Barricade POV

My first thought was, Dammit, that fragging medic drugged me!

Then I remembered why they sedated me.

I was up in a flash, ready to take out whoever stood in my way, just to find Nicole and make sure she was all right-

When I realized I wasn't in the Med Bay.

I was in the brig. They had stuck me in the fragging brig.

"Relax, 'Cade. You ain't goin' anywhere for awhile." Said a low voice. Through the bars, Jazz watched me with arms crossed and visor dim.

My systems still feeling sluggish, I stood up, leaning against the wall. "Frag you!" I hissed, then stupidly pushed off the wall at the glowing Energon bars, only to be zapped back. Holding my arm, I snapped, "Where is she? Where's Nicole?"

"We're not certain."

"What do you mean you're not 'certain'? She's still on base, isn't she?"

"Nicole left, 'Cade. We're not sure, but we think she went ta-" Jazz stopped abruptly, visor completely off. He vented deeply before saying, "We think she went ta the Decepticons."

My world suddenly felt even more unbalanced, and it wasn't because of the drugs still in my systems. "What? Why would she do that? Nicole's not stupid. This better not be a joke."

"No joke, 'Cade." The silver mech said hoarsely, like it hurt.

I heard a growl, then realized it was myself. My fists clenched involuntarily. "I don't believe you."

"Jus' read this." Jazz pulled a small white envelope and two cubes of Energon out of his subspace. He handed them to me through the bars. "Here."

My name was on the envelope in Nicole's handwriting. My tanks churned at the site of the letter. Trying to change focus, I studied the two sealed Energon cubes. One was regular mid-grade, the other was high grade. "This one's high grade." I said flatly, holding the cube up.

Jazz didn't meet my optics. Instead, he turned around and starting walking towards the exit of the brig. "I know. Trust me, yer gonna need it."

I watched him until the brig door closed and I was alone again. Then I looked back to the envelopes and Energon cubes, before walking to the back of my cell again and sitting down. After setting the objects down, cautiously, I nudged gently against Nicole's side of the bond. Still blocked out.

I sighed before opening the regular Energon cube. I took a sip, but it was tasteless. I didn't even have an appetite. Sighing again, I turned my holoform on to open the envelope. My holoform's hands were shaking as I took out the letter.

To my beautiful bondmate, Barricade,

If you're reading this, I'm probably already gone. And you're probably pissed as heck. I don't blame you. You have every right to be.

You deserve an explanation as to why I practically turned my back on you and the others. This isn't going to be easy to understand, or explain, especially since I'm giving you the short version. I've written the others letters as well to explain. I'm having a hard time just putting this into words.

After I'm done, I don't expect you to love me. I know I made you promise, but I broke yours, so I don't expect you to keep it.

Remember how the legend said I was going to have to decide the fate of the universe? Yeah, well, the AllSpark showed me what would happen if I made the wrong decision. It was horrible. Basically, everything was wiped out. Everyone died. There wasn't anyway to hide from it. And, as the legend also said, I would die either way. The only way to prevent it from happening was for me to die. I saw how I was going to die.

The AllSpark told me I was going to have to leave and find the Decepticons. I'm not going to tell you how I die, but in order for it to happen, I had to leave. That was the decision that I had to make. Leave or don't leave. I chose leave, because as much as I want to live out the rest of my life with you, we all would've died anyways if I had stayed. I'd rather it just be me to die than everyone else.

So I left to make sure this happens. I'm not going to even try telling you not to come after me, because I know you will no matter what. All I ask is that you please understand that I had to do this. I had to. If there had been any other way, trust me, I would have taken it.

I've known about this ever since that last battle. I wish I could've told you all this in person, but the AllSpark wouldn't let me. I know I shouldn't even have the right to ask you this, but please don't be mad. I told Jazz. I'm so, so sorry, Barricade. Please don't be mad at him. It's my fault. Everything just spilled out when I was in one of my weakest moments. He was only there because he was concerned about me.

Concerned about me. Right now, I wish so many bots and people didn't care about me. This is going to hurt so bad, all because you all care. Why do you have to fragging care so much?

I love you, Barricade. You don't know how much I do. When I tell you I love you, I don't say it out of habit. They're words, but they mean so much to me. I remember how you once told me you changed for me. That I saved you. You're wrong, Barricade. You saved me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

It hurts so badly to think that I'll never see you again, but I have to do this for you. For everyone.

Please, just do one thing for me. Promise me you'll keep living. Don't give up on life. You can hate me, curse me, or just erase me from your life completely, but please don't give up. I couldn't stand it if you just died because I did.

Someday we'll see each other again, in the Well of AllSparks. If I'm going there. Who knows.

We fought so hard to get to here. It was long and hard. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I fell in love with you somewhere along the way, Barricade. I'd have taken on the whole damn universe to be with you, and I would now, if that was possible. All I know is that I love you, and always will.

I love you, Barricade. Today, tomorrow, forever. Don't ever forget that.

With love,

Nicole

The letter fell from my hand. And all I could feel was…numb.

Nicole POV

The sparkling blinked almost sleepily, then looked at me.

And I felt something.

I gasped as I felt it again. Curiosity filtered through an open bond. Wait, bond? My bond with Barricade was still blocked, so that meant…..

The little still-gray sparkling struggled to sit up, and on instinct I helped him sit up. He stared at me curiously, then reached out cautiously and put a tiny servo on my face. I smiled and put my own hand over it. "Hello, little one."

He clicked softly, staring at my hand. Using his other hand, he poked me in the cheek with a small claw. Questioning filtered through our wide open bond.

Yes, our bond. Since I had created the sparkling, I'm guessing that made me his creator. His only creator. Now I shared a sibling/creator bond with him. This was my sparkling. And now I had to name him.

"What will your name be, little sparkling?" I asked quietly as he inspected my hand curiously. Obviously my organic skin interested him more than anything else at the moment. It was actually really cute.

I ran my free hand over his helm, and he instantly forgot about my hand as he started purring. Literally, purring. I continued to stroke his little helm, for a few moments forgetting everything but the little sparkling. My fingers accidentally brushed his horns, and he giggled, optics going dark for a few seconds.

I smiled again. Barricade had been right. I had lived to see my first sparkling. I just wished it was his own sparkling, too. My good mood disappeared as I thought about my sparkmate. By now they had probably found the letters. I would have to cut the bond soon.

The sparkling felt my sadness through the wide open bond and look up at me, concerned. "Uh?"

I smiled at him sadly. "It alright, sweetspark. Just had a really bad time lately."

He warbled sadly and crawled into my lap, trying to wrap his little arms around my waist. I stroked his helm, touched by his attempts at offering me comfort. "Thank you, little one." I pressed a kiss to his helm and felt a small shock. I laughed a little at the look on his faceplates.

I watched the sparkling for a few moments as he became more interested in his own body. He held out his servos, optics scrunched up in thought and concentration. After continuing to stare at his servos, I started to worry that something was wrong with his processor. "What-?"

I jumped a foot in the air as the sparklings servos transformed into long blades much like Sideswipe's.

For a moment, I just stared. Who the hell put swords on a sparkling?

Megatron, that's who. Sick bastard, I thought.

The sparkling clicked gleefully and waved his transformed servos around. I sucked in breath as one came within an inch of my face. "Um, sweetspark? How about using regular servos for now?" I gently grabbed his blades to try and keep him from beheading me, but with an indignant squeak he pulled his arms out of my grasp, effectively slicing both of my palms open.

We both stared at the bright red blood that started pooling in my hands. The sparkling looked from my hands to his swords, which had my blood along the edges, then back to my hands.

And proceeded to cry.

"Hey, now," I whispered, trying not to get the blood on him. "Don't cry. It doesn't even hurt." All I felt in my hands was the warmth of the blood and a tingling sensation. But that doesn't mean I wasn't going to bleed to death, so I took my jacket off. I had dressed really casual, just a t-shirt and some jeans with my faithful black converses and the black jacket. The poor little guy was so upset that he didn't notice me using one of his swords to cut the jacket into strips. ("Daaaaaammmn…These are sharp…")

I tied up my hands almost like a boxer would with the black strips and used what left of the jacket to clean up the blood on the floor and me.

By the time I was done, the sparkling had bright blue Energon tears streaming down his faceplates. "Please don't be upset." I said, frowning. I pulled him on my lap and started stroking his helm. The small sparkling buried his helm in my neck and I just barely registered the Energon tears burning through my shirt.

Instead, I grasped his arms and sent a command for the blades to retract. A small shock went through both of us, and the blades retracted.

He was so surprised he forgot to keep crying.

He looked at me with a look of bewilderment, as if asking, What the frag was that?

I laughed. "You need to be more careful next time. Promise me you won't do that again until you're older?"

Of course, he didn't understand me, so he didn't really reply.

His attention was drawn back to my now bandaged hands. As he inspected the black strips I had used, I got the rest of my jacket and wiped away his tears. When that was done, I laid back and he snuggled up next to me, clicking. "You're tired already?" I asked him.

A sleepy click was my answer.

I smiled. "Okay, then. You go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

He clicked again lowly, nuzzling up against me. I stroked his helm as he slipped into recharge, humming a song. What to name him… I went through several different names in my mind and still couldn't think of one.

So, I asked the AllSpark. What's his name?

His name is Stryker.

"Stryker." I whispered softly, tracing his faceplates gently. Newly named Stryker stirred, but didn't wake.

You still need to break the bond, girl.

I sighed. I've been putting it off. Well, I guess I'm ready.

No, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to give up my last connection to Barricade.

But it had to be done.

I took one last glance at Stryker. Should I tell Barricade about my new sparkling? What would he think?

So, with that nagging worry in the back of my mind, I opened the bond.

Prowl couldn't think. He didn't want to think.

All he wanted to do was bury him self in his work. Working distracted him. Gave him something to do. Took his mind off of - No, he wasn't going to go there. That thought process would take him back to the hurt, the pain, the betrayal.

Another datapad finished, he set it down just to pick up another one.

Perhaps he was just as sparkless as the new recruits said. After reading the letter, he had simply walked out of the room while the others reacted in their own way. Some anger, some disbelief, some grief, some were speechless. Taylor had fell to her knees, crying big, heaving sobs, and Willow joined her when realization hit. Ironhide, Sunstreaker, and Sideswipe had reacted in anger, shouting… Ratchet had asked if it was all a joke. Bumblebee panicked, and ran out of the room before Prowl could to do who knows what.

He hadn't stayed long enough to see anyone else's reactions.

Prowl wasn't sure how Jazz reacted. He didn't know where the silver mech was. He didn't know what he was doing. The tactician couldn't help but feel a bit hurt at the fact that his bondmate hadn't told him about what Nicole shared with him.

Nicole. The source behind the pain he was ignoring right now.

The screen on the datapad in Prowl's hand cracked, the light flickering before going off completely as the screen shattered and little shards cut into the wiring in his fingers.

It was ironic, Prowl mused, how different the circumstances were now from the time Nicole had sat on his desk all those weeks ago, and yet so similar. A few Energon tears trailed down his faceplates and his vents worked over time to try and cool his over heating frame. He was crying, there was a cut on his servo, he was missing another important figure in his life, he felt so helpless, and there was yet another piece of office equipment broke.

Only now he was alone. There was no Nicole to heal the cut on his finger. She wasn't there to comfort him. She couldn't bring back herself as she had done with Jazz.

Nicole was probably already dead.

Then…that spark of stubbornness in Prowl ignited.

No, he wouldn't give up. Not yet. Not now. Not when there was still a chance.

Prowl stood up, wiping away the bright blue Energon tears. No, no matter how much Nicole was convinced she was going to die, Prowl was going to do everything in his power to make sure she lived.

He had made the mistake of giving up on ever seeing his bondmate alive again. He was not going to make the same with his adopted creation.

The brig was eerily quiet as Prowl entered.

If there was one mech that needed to know of his plan, it was Barricade. The SIC wasn't sure if someone had already given the mech his letter from Nicole, but he could only imagine what Barricade must have been feeling if someone had. It made Prowl wonder if it was better to have some word of goodbye with your bondmate than none at all.

Prowl stopped cold. Bondmate. Barricade still shared the bond with Nicole. If Nicole was dead… Prowl sent one small prayer to Primus, hoping that he wouldn't have to call Ratchet when he found Barricade.

The black and white mech stopped abruptly in front of the cell.

The Mustang was hunched over in the corner, on his knees and his arms wrapped around himself. On the floor was the small letter, and two cubes of Energon, one mid grade and the other high grade. There was bright blue Energon tears on his faceplates. Barricade wasn't making a single sound.

"Barricade?" Prowl asked softly.

The mech didn't move or make a sound. Nothing. Prowl had heard of Transformers freezing in their present position when their bondmate died, and he couldn't help but wonder if that was what happened with the mech before him.

"Barricade?" Prowl repeated, louder.

Finally Barricade reacted. The mech flinched, before looking up slowly. The SIC had never seen his so open with his emotions. Pain was written clearly on his faceplates. Barricade's mouth moved, but all that came out was static. A growl sounded in his vocalizer, and the Mustang slowly stood up, almost as if it pained him. There was a glare on Barricade's faceplates. "You."

Prowl was unsure of what to say as the mech walked up to the Energon bars. "Where is he?"

Now confused, the tactician asked, "What?"

"Jazz, dammit! Where is he?" Barricade snarled.

Instantly Prowl's doorwings flared up in defense of his bondmate and he fixed Barricade with his most stern look. "Why?"

"Because he knew." The other mech said quietly, all anger and fight draining from him. "He knew about this. Nicole told him. And he did nothing to stop her. And now she's gone. I wasn't able to stop her from leaving, because I didn't know. Why didn't she tell me?"

Voice barely above a whisper, Barricade said, "I feel so helpless."

Prowl's doorwings lowered from their position as he couldn't help agreeing to the Mustang's last statement. Reminding himself of why he was here, he said, "Barricade, we know where the Decepticon base is. We can still save Nicole."

"No, we can't." Said a voice quietly.

Both Barricade and Prowl looked towards the entrance of the brig to see Jazz, visor dim. The silver mech looked up as he walked closer. "Nicole didn' want us ta save her. She said that if she didn' die, the universe would be destroyed. She made her decision ta leave so she could make sure that didn' happen. We should respect her choice."

Barricade snarled loudly, glaring at the saboteur. "She told you!" He shouted.

Jazz stared at the floor. "I know. Trust me, 'Cade, I would've told ya in a spark beat. But she told me not ta tell ya. I'm sorry."

"You should be!" The Mustang shouted, anger growing. "Now look at what's happened! She's gone! This is all your fault!"

Prowl stepped between his sparkmate and Barricade. "Calm down, Barricade. None of this is any of Jazz's fault as much as it is yours."

Barricade growled lowly and started pacing in his cell. After a few moments, he whirled around, optics blazing. "So what are we going to do, then? Let them kill her? Let Shockwave use her body to perform experiments?"

Both mechs outside the cell flinched, and the Mustang went on. "Don't deny it. He'll just use her body for some experiment. He'll- He'll-" Barricade grew frustrated and punched the wall with a snarl, leaving a good size dent. "They'll mutilate her body. I'm not going to let that happen. Let me out of this damn cell."

Prowl looked up and watched as Barricade started pacing his cell again. "Barricade, remember the spark bond. If they do kill Nicole, it will kill you, too."

"Don't you think I know that?" His voice was sharp and cold. "I'm glad. If they kill Nicole, I'll gladly welcome death."

Jazz stepped around Prowl. "Nicole's goin' ta break the bond."

"What?" Both Prowl and Barricade asked. Prowl sounded shocked, while Barricade sounded more scared.

The Mustang shook his helm. "No. She wouldn't do that to me. Nicole wouldn't do that. She loves me-"

"Which is why she's doin' it, 'Cade." Jazz interrupted quietly. "Nicole knows she's goin' ta die. She certain of it. She didn' want ya ta die with her."

"How do you know?"

"She told me ta watch out fer ya after she's gone."

Now Barricade looked more scared than angry. "No. She can't do that. She can't. I don't believe you-" The mech broke off suddenly, frozen.

After a few tense moments of silence, Prowl said, "Barricade?"

There was no response from the mech.

The SIC started to type in the code to shut the Energon bars off when Barricade gave a low keen and clutched at his chest, right above his spark chamber.

"Call Ratchet." Prowl said, deactivating the bars and walking in the cell. Jazz followed him in as the tactician bent down to the now kneeling Barricade. "Barricade, can you hear me? What's-"

Barricade suddenly curled in on himself even more. "No, no, no, no, no, please, Nicole! Don't leave me! No-" The mech went rigid for a moment, and then a choked scream came from him.

"Jazz, did you call Ratchet?" Prowl asked frantically over Barricade's scream

"Yeah, he said he was on his way-"

Before either mech could react, Barricade had pushed Prowl up against a wall, pressing him to it with one arm under his helm and pointing his cannon at Prowl's helm with the other with a growl.

Jazz reacted instantaneously, pressing his own cannon to Barricade's helm. "Calm down, Barricade. Jus' back away from Prowl."

Barricade ignored the smaller bot. In the mech's optics, Prowl could see that Barricade was having an internal struggle of some sort. He looked faraway, not all there. Off to the side, the tactician vaguely heard more bots arrive, but at the moment he was more concerned with the cannon shoved in his faceplates.

"Please, Nicole..." Barricade growled out. His optics became clouded, and, movements somewhat jerky, he slowly moved his cannon away from Prowl and backed away, releasing him. Then he went rigid again, and a soft keen escaped from Barricade's vocalizer. "Please, I love you... Don't do this to me." The last part was barely whispered before there was a small gasp. The Mustang keened as he put a servo over his spark chamber. "No, Nicole, please come back…"

Nicole POV

/Barricade./ I barely whispered across the bond.

There was shock first, then relief and concern projected through the bond. /Nicole? Are you alright?/

Primus, it felt good to hear Barricade's voice again. /Yes, I'm alright. Listen, Barricade-/

/Why'd you leave?/ Barricade sounded hurt. /Why didn't you tell me?/

/I couldn't, babe. I'm so sorry. I wanted to so badly./

/Then why didn't you?/

/I couldn't!/ Again, I felt helpless. Better to get this out all at once. /Barricade, I have to break the bond./

Shock hit me like a ton of bricks. /What? No, you can't!/

/I'm sorry, but I have to! I don't want you to die!/

/No, no, we'll attack the Decepticon base, save you. You won't have to die-/

I smiled to myself. /I do, Barricade. I have to die. I can't be saved./

/Don't say that!/ Barricade practically screamed across the bond.

/I'm so sorry, love. I love you and I always have. Please remember that and don't give up./

/No, no, no, no, no, please, Nicole! Don't leave me! No-/

I closed my eyes. Tears were streaming down the sides of my face. I suppressed the sob wanting to escape and braced myself for the emptiness. Loneliness.

Then I broke the bond.

It was as painful as I thought it would be, just not in the physical sense I thought. It was more of a mental thing. It's like that saying; you don't know what you have until it's gone. I felt so empty. That little part of Barricade in me was ripped away brutally, painfully, leaving me feeling more lonely than I had ever felt. Even more lonely than I had felt after my parents died.

Primus. It hurt. I hurt. I was hurting Barricade. Everything hurt.

Suddenly I felt a pull through the broken and fading bond, and I allowed myself to be pulled into Barricade's mind. I saw what he saw, heard what he heard, and could see what he was doing.

Which was pinning Prowl up against a wall with a cannon pressed against his helm.

In my mind, I screamed. /Barricade! Stop!/

I heard Barricade growl. "Please, Nicole…"

I was scared out of my wits at the moment, but I gently took control of Barricade's body. He wasn't making it easy. I forced Barricade to release Prowl and step back. When I was sure he wasn't going to attack Prowl again, I gave control back to Barricade.

The bond was fading fast. I barely heard my former spark mate's words. "Please, I love you… Don't do this to me."

/I'm sorry, Barricade. I've already done it. I love you./

The last thing I heard was, "No, Nicole, please come back…"

Then the bond was gone.

The sob I had been fighting escaped. Barricade, my beautiful, wonderful Barricade, was gone. Gone forever.

I turned away from the still sleeping Stryker and curled in on myself, crying freely now.

I wished I was dead already. I hated this. I hated myself for all the things I had done to Barricade. I just wanted to die.

Barricade was gone. I was alone.

The Med bay was quiet.

Any other time, Ratchet would have welcomed the silence. But now it was disturbing.

Barricade sat on one of the medical berths, servo still placed over his spark chamber. The mech hadn't said a thing. He hadn't acknowledged anything or anyone. He just…acted catatonic. Ratchet had seen bondmates after their mate had died. Barricade fit the description to a T. Except for the fact that he hadn't died also.

So the only other option was that Nicole had broken the bond.

And based on what Prowl and Jazz had said they heard the Mustang say, that was exactly what had happened.

Ratchet had read and reread Nicole's letter to himself so many times he had lost count. He wanted to be angry, but he couldn't bring himself to it. All he felt was the deep piercing pain of grief. And, like any other time he felt low, Ratchet got out his high grade stash.

Prowl and Jazz were in Prime's office, probably discussing their next move. Attempt a rescue or not.

Ratchet heard the Med Bay doors swoosh open from his office, and he stood up, swaying just a bit. "What do you want?" He snapped.

Prowl stood rigidly in the door way, gazing down at the floor. "Optimus has agreed to a rescue party."

The neon yellow medic grunted. "Good. I'm coming."

Prowl stared at Ratchet for a moment, before saying flatly, "You're over energized."

"And?"

"Ratchet, I do not think it is wise to attempt an attack on the Decepticon base over energized-"

"Mute it, Prowl. I've done surgery on you while over energized before. Are you dead?"

"…..No?" Prowl said, trying to get over Ratchet doing surgery while drunk.

"Okay then. If I can do surgery over energized, I'm sure I can shoot some 'Cons helms off over energized. Who else is coming?"

Prowl contemplated how to answer that before saying, "Jazz is gathering up volunteers right now."

"So basically anyone that volunteers."

"Yes."

"That'll be the whole damn base, Prowl."

"I know."

Ratchet sighed noisily. "The more the better."

"I'm coming." Said a quiet voice.

Both Ratchet and Prowl jumped at Barricade's voice. Ratchet recovered quicker and snapped, "What?"

Barricade glared at him with sharp cold optics. "I'm coming. I'm not going to stay here while I could be saving my sparkmate. Nicole may have broken the bond, but I still consider her my sparkmate. She may have given up, but I haven't."

The room was quiet for a few moments. Then Prowl said, "Are you sure, Barricade?"

"Try to stop me and I'll fragging kill you." Barricade snapped.

There was a pause before Ratchet said lightly, "He's sure."

Nicole POV

I had cried myself to sleep.

But this time I wasn't woken up by being electrocuted with the stupid fragging collar. No, this time I was woken up by some very unpleasant screeching, some pitiful and loud wails, and distress coming from the wide open of Stryker.

Instantly I was awake. Fatigue hit me hard, and the painfully loud absence of Barricade hit me harder. That nearly broke me down again, but I forced myself to sit up for Stryker. Blinking, I looked around. "What the frag is going on?"

I stared at the scene in front of me. Megs and Screamer were having a battle of wits, Starscream being the louder of the two, and I didn't need to be telepathic to feel the waves of anger coming off Megatron. Soundwave was holding Stryker with surprisingly gentle servos, looking like he was trying to calm the sparkling.

/Stryker, sweetspark, calm down, please./ I said over the bond, sending reassuring waves of comfort to him. I stood up so I could face the bots outside the cage. "Uh, hello? Grown mechs outside the cage acting like sparklings, can you look over here for a sec?"

Soundwave did, and so did Stryker. My little sparkling was starting to gain just the faintest of color. A dark slate gray with a few black accents to his armor. Said sparkling stopped crying when he saw me (Soundwave may have looked a tiny bit relieved) and reached out with a small pitiful whine. It was so cute and yet it made me angry that someone was keeping me from the little bitty sparkling.

So instead of wasting time trying to get Megatron's attention, I poked in Soundwave's helm. Despite what he showed on the outside, the Communications officer actually did have emotions. Soundwave's mind was calm, calmer than Jazz, and ordered. Something along the lines of worry flitted through his mind, mostly for Stryker's' welfare and the looming threat of a fight breaking out between Megatron and Starscream. Irritation at Starscream for opening his mouth lingered there, too. Delving a little bit deeper, I found the love that Soundwave held for his creations.

There was more than to the TIC than he let on. A lot more.

Soundwave? I asked inside his mind.

He showed no emotion, beside tilting his helm to the side a bit to acknowledge me.

I sighed out loud, but said, Can put Stryker back in here with me?

Request denied.

If I hadn't been mad at the comment, I would've laughed at how much he sounded like a computer saying, 'Access denied'. Please, Soundwave! Stryker needs me. Just…..please!

I could sense Soundwave weighing his options, and a few moments later he thought, Lord Megatron's orders: take care of sparkling.

Screw the fragger and his orders! I snapped. He said that I could keep Stryker in here! I guess it wasn't that surprising that Megatron had lied, but…that didn't mean I was any less angry about it.

Soundwave had made up his mind. Stryker wasn't going to be put back in the cage anytime soon. So the best I could do at the moment was comfort my sparkling through the bond while Megatron and Starscream had their cat fight.

After what had to be another fifteen minutes, I asked Soundwave, Does this happen regularly?

He didn't answer, but from what I gained from his mind, the answer was: yes.

Finally I got fed up. Whistling, I got the attention of Screamer and Megsy. "Girls, girls, you're both pretty. Now, can we get on with it?"

"Silence, fleshie!" Starscream snapped at me.

Megatron growled before promptly smacking Starscream over the helm. "I give orders here, Starscream. Not you." Then the Decepticon warlord turned to glare at me. "Silence, girl."

I resisted the urge to face palm and point out how stupid it was to repeat Starscream's words.

The Decepticon warlord turned back to glare at Starscream. "I don't care if you are Second in Command, Starscream, this protoform is going to be my predecessor."

Starscream was visibly getting frustrated. It was actually pretty funny to watch. He pointed a claw at Stryker, who seemed oblivious to the open debate that involved him. "But it is so weak! It cannot possibly lead the Decepticon army!"

"Of course it is weak, you dim-witted scrap pile! It's a sparkling. Strength will come to it as it grows with the proper training!"

"Excuse me, but 'it'," I said in a matter of fact tone, "is named Stryker."

I must've hit poor Megsy's last nerve, because he gave an angry roar and turned to point his fusion cannon at me.

It seemed like everyone in the room froze, waiting to see what would happen. Stryker's low whines and the heavy cycling of Megatron were the only sounds in the room.

Squashing down the nervousness and fear I felt, I shrugged with my hands on my hips. "So what? Shoot me. See what good it will do you. But if I was you, Megsy, I'd shoot him." I nodded at Starscream.

The look on Screamer's faceplates was worth it.

With a low growl, Megatron lowered his fusion cannon. There was something in his optics that made me uneasy as he watched me. A…questioning glint. Like I was being tested or examined. Something in my gut told me that it'd just be trouble for me later.

Without taking his optics off me, Megatron said, "Soundwave, take the sparkling to Hook to have it examined and fed. From now on, it is in your care." The Communications officer gave one nod. "Starscream, take the girl to Shockwave's lab and inform him that he can start preparing the cryogenic chamber."

While I froze at the mention of cryogenic chambers, Starscream got even bitchier than he was before. "What- No! Soundwave can do it, or some other bot-"

"It was an order."

"I have better things to do than cart around some organic fleshie-"

"Do it, Starscream, before I follow the girl's advice and do shoot you."

That shut Screamer up (amazingly). He walked closer to my cage, which was set on a table, and none-too-happily picked it up. The sudden change from flat surface to being carried by a giant robot made me fall over, prompting me to curse.

As Starscream walked out the sliding door, I heard Stryker start to cry. The sound was muffled, almost far away to me. It concerned me, but I was helpless to do anything.

Besides. I was focusing on how much time I had left. Now I was alone, so it was the only thing to look forward.

As soon as the door slid closed, the proverbial doomsday clock started ticking away in the back of my mind.

Tick, tick, tick…

Smart Me: I do not like angst. But this time in the story calls for it.

Creative Me: You think you got it bad. I have to write the stuff. You're just spokesperson.

Smart Me: It was Original Me's job, but she…ah, took a hike. *looks towards Abusive Me, who is grinning and sitting on a suspicious looking trunk that has muffled thumps coming from it*

Abusive Me: *suddenly scowls as all eyes turn towards her* What're you looking at?

Smart Me: *clears throat smartly and clasps hands behind her* Anyways, I have taken control and rounded up the rambunctious Me's, so everything is now neat and ordered. Only the Nice and Smart Me's remain.

Random Me: *shouts from inside closet, where she's locked in with every other Me* CONTROL FREAK!

Nice Me: *frowns* That wasn't very nice.

*silence in the room*

Abusive Me: *in a quiet voice* It's….quiet. And boring.

Smart Me: Isn't that what you wanted?

Abusive Me: *looks unsure* Yeah….

Normal Me: I like it. It's very normal.

Creative Me: That's because you're Normal, dumbass.

Nice Me: That wasn't very nice.

Smart Me: No it wasn't. Nice Me, would you kindly escort her to the closet?

Nice Me: Okay! *happily starts to drag Creative to the closet*

Creative Me: *glares at Smart* You're demented. And I'm taking my laptop.

Nice Me: *hands Creative laptop and shuts her in closet with every other me* Bye!

Smart Me: The reason this chap took so long was because we went on vacation, without our laptop, and we've been having trouble thinking of a name for Stryker.

Me: *from inside trunk* How'd you like the chap? Good? Great? Please review if you want to set me free!

Smart Me: What happened to the gag?

Me: I ate it. Review, kind readers!

Silverfire's Shadow: Thanks for the help with Stryker's name!

Artemis: The 'Walking Computer' is Soundwave.

All Reviewers: Thanks for all your wonderful support! We're almost there!