"Darkest Introspect"

Chapter 1:

Dr. Jonathan Crane sets a black leather briefcase upon the table and with a whisking sound of paper, pulls out a folder. He opens and examines the contents, which are, undoubtedly about me. I'm freezing in the grey sweatpants and white muscle shirt the asylum had provided for me. I won't shiver as not to expose my discomfort, let alone any traces of vulnerability. They made me take out my earrings, including my recently pierced nose. 'You own me forty bucks.' I sigh and curl my legs under myself in the stiff metal chair. His gaze flicks upward momentarily, the deep shadows of his brows contrasting with the bright blue of his eyes. 'Don't worry Doc, I have a feeling I'm not going anywhere.' After the quick assessment that I wasn't going to create trouble his eyes dart back down to the papers. It's my turn to observe him as he's filling his mind with my background. In this moment he reminds me vaguely of a schoolboy doing his homework. The image makes me smile. He looks far too young to be a doctor, mid to late-twenties at best. I recently turned twenty, yet I feel so adolescent in his presence.

'Damn you for that.'

I take this opportunity for a glimpse around the room, my head stationary as not to draw any more unwanted attention to myself. It is inescapably bleak. The floors are a dingy white while the walls are a few shades lighter than the typical green-blue of a nurse's smock. The table is entirely metal as are the cold chairs. I glance down at my black nail polish, French manicured with a sparkly pink. A last reminder of the freedom and individuality I once had. I look back up and he is staring at me. It's so hard for me to meet those too crisp blue eyes but I force my polar opposites to greet his in undermined defiance. I'm not weak but I am definitely on his territory.

"Miss Kyra Rhys, I understand you're having suicidal impulses as well as clinical depression." His voice is smooth and thick with the statement.

'As labeled on the papers before you,'

I fold my arms over my chest, "Seems to be a recent development."

His eyes darkened, twinkling not with humor. 'Awe, they didn't teach you humor at the academy?'

"What would give you these thoughts?" He's sitting up even straighter now.

'You're going to need a booster seat bud.'

"There's been a lot of death…"

'The thought of staying here…'

"And does death scare you?" His voice heightened slightly as if he had struck something profound and exhilarating.

I take a moment on this one. My green eyes scale the reflective surface of the table.

"No."

He begins to write on a clipboard that I hadn't noticed before.

'Take notes like a good boy, test will be Wednesday.'

"What does scare you Miss Rhys?"

I fold my arms over my chest. 'You plan on getting anywhere with this?'

"Driving a stick."

"Your current situation is a serious one, so I expect a serious response." He's getting pushy now.

'Bet you're not afraid of a stick…'

"Losing the ones I love."

He continues writing as I strain my eyes to get a peek at what he's writing. He notices this and props the clipboard onto his propped up knee.

'Smooth.'

"What are you afraid of Dr. Crane?"

'While we're on the subject'

"I believe I'm in position of asking the questions, as you are expected to answer accordingly."

I raise an eyebrow.

'Obviously superior'

"When was the last time something frightened you? What was it? And what was your initial reaction to it?"

"Why are you so interested in my fears Dr. Crane?" 'Couldn't resist'

He shows no sign of weathering at my unwillingness to respond.

"I believe that suicidal impulses are evoked by fear by understanding that fear could lead to a potential means to control thoughts and actions that are not conducive to your good health as well as mental and emotional state." He responds coolly.

'Spoken like a true shrink but what's the real reason?'

"I presume N/A wouldn't be an appropriate response to the latter then?" I lean back, the beginnings of annoyance.

He sits and stares unyielding at me for a good moment. The dancing of his blue eyes warns he's becoming increasingly aggravated. 'Good, let down your guard, I dare you.' I decide to throw a curve.

"A spider found its way into my room and onto my wall. It appeared to be a common house spider. I captured it in a jar and took it outside and released it. It was a moment of true strength but I managed to overcome my fear, freeing it as well as the little arachnid from my home and from my mind."

'Can ya dig it?'

"You have arachnophobia?" It was more of a direct insinuation than a question. He began writing. 'I'll be polite and wait until he's finished before I answer.' After a few moments his pen ceased its tapping.

"No." I stated blatantly. I held an unreadable expression but I could feel my eyes shimmer in silent mockery.

Dr. Crane stares at me for a good minute. He looks down and draws a loud line over the previously written sentences. He looks up, his glare assaulting me. If his expression could kill then I would have been murdered. Instinctively I shrink back.

"You think it's funny to play games with me." His voice was hostile and controlled but only barely.

'Again with the insinuating…'

"Do you not understand that as your doctor it is my duty as well as obligation to asses your current emotional state so I can accurately diagnose and treat you?"

'You stun me with your eloquence,'

"I'm sorry; I thought the report was right in front of you."

'I'm through talking today'

He takes off his glasses and leans across the table towards me. "You listen to me; as long as you are here you are to do as I say. No exceptions, no deviations, I can make it very uncomfortable for you here. I suggest you do not play mind games with me, you are way out of your league."

I'm taken aback by his sudden virulence. He's a slightly man with an intimidating presence and ill demeanor. I'm quite afraid of what he's capable of. I can tell he's going to make me answer at least one more question.

'Damn I hate conformity'

"Fine," I spit it at him.

He puts his specs back on.

'I think they make you look girly'

"Do I scare you?" The look it his eyes is challenging yet he exudes cool contentedness with the sudden shift of my compliance.

"I think you want me to fear you."

'But not in those glasses'

"You didn't answer my question."

'Yes, I'm aware of that.'

"Yes, I'm aware of that."