'Ed,' Scully cried to get his attention. He'd grabbed her arm in an aggressive manner and tried to kiss her when she attempted to look at his tattoo. Fighting him off, Scully whimpered, 'I'm so sorry, I can't. I thought I could, I thought I could step outside of myself and do this, be impulsive but I can't.'

Looking at her with confusion, noting his rough hold on her wrist, Ed let Dana go. 'Why?' he asked confused.

'You're not him,' Scully realised the moment the words exited. She wanted Mulder's arms around her in comfort after the abnormal blood and radiology results earlier this week.

At the start, this had been about attraction, feeling wanted, denying the inevitable. Mulder's phone call, scoffing at the idea she might be attractive to another man, that she needed his approval catapulted Scully into this date. Later it had morphed into feeling pleasure at connecting with another, someone else whose life might be as screwed up as hers. Scully wanted to do something reckless, breaking her current cycle. In her conversation with Ed, Mulder became set as the latest authoritative and controlling figure in her life. Scully more than liked Mulder she came to realise, she needed him and his approval. Somewhere along the way, Mulder had become her life. Now her time had come around. The tattoo, her impulsive reaction, should have been enough, but she'd decided to try more because Mulder had affected her more deeply than any other father figure from her past.

'I thought I could forget him for a while. Be normal with someone else, but your not him,' Scully turned away. Attempting to feel something for another man, even for just one night wouldn't work. Scully felt she'd betrayed Mulder, their work and her feelings without returning Ed's kiss. I'm such a mess, the realisation came belatedly.

'Who?' Ed asked, confused.

'My partner,' Scully sighed, understanding Jerse didn't perceive the way she used the word or what it truly meant to her. 'Your concern for me because of the storm, saying you'll take the couch, I could pretend for a while. He'd do the same. He did the same in the beginning.'

'But I'm not him,' understanding shone in his dark eyes, even if he didn't like it. He'd checked for rings, for an indentation where one might have rested once upon a time before asking her out. Ed Jerse didn't consider a partner, she didn't seem the type.

'No, your not,' Scully hung her head, disappointed with her inability to do this. 'I'm sorry.'

'I am and I'm not,' Ed commented, handing her a new shirt to sleep in. 'You haven't been disloyal to him physically, and you seem to be unable to mentally deceive yourself. You don't really want too. That takes a strong woman. I'll take the couch.'

Nodding, Scully entered the bedroom. Falling on the unmade sheets, she buried her face in the pillow and cried silent tears of frustration and fear. Tomorrow she needed to be back in D.C. for her first appointment with her oncologist. More tests, deeper, intricate scans would be needed before a final diagnosis could be made. Scully and her doctors knew it to be cancer. They'd want to narrow it down to the exact type before the word would fall from the medical fraternity. With her luck, she'd get the results at the same time Mulder returned from his holiday in Memphis.

It didn't quite work out that way. As her next of kin, Mulder had been called when Scully presented to the hospital in Philadelphia. On hearing Ed's story, he opened an X-file, also staring Dana Scully. Her oncologist took advantage of her stay and had several diagnostic scans added to her other investigation. Scully returned to D.C. without Mulder who stayed to continue the case on his own.

Dreading the return to the basement office, Mulder walked in behind her with THE case file in his hand. Being his usual self, he used sarcasm to needle her. Not taking the bait, Scully sat before his desk and stared blankly and, fittingly at the petrified rose petal. Picking it up, Scully felt more alone and isolated than ever before. Determined to be completely professional, self sufficient and untouchable, she ignored much of Mulder's criticism.

'All this because I didn't get you a desk,' he asked into the silence when he realised her attention focused elsewhere. For once their instantaneous communication failed. He couldn't make out her thoughts or even begin to guess at them. The walls she maintained had been fortified beyond their initial meeting. Five and a half years of friendship circled the drain and Mulder didn't know what to do or say to make it stop.

'Not everything is about you Mulder,' Scully perfected emotionless disinterest, 'this is my life.'

'Yes but it's…' faltering, he looked everywhere by at her.

Just where the anger came from, he didn't know. Imagining Scully, his Scully in the arms of another man, set his blood to boil. She'd become his only ally, the only person he trusted enough to discuss his crazy theories even if she did attempt to shoot them down with scientific rhetoric. Somewhere along the path, Scully became a friend. Her abduction terrorising him, once again he thought someone he loved had been taken from him.

And that, you stupid man, is the reason for your anger. How could she do this to me? I thought we moved from friends to something more, especially after my return from Tunguska. She covered my ass once again, spent time in jail, almost purgering herself, for me. How could I not love her? How could she not know I love her? Oh, boy, that truth hit him in a blinding flash.

Confused at the self realisation, Mulder lashed out verbally. 'If you just wanted to relieve your sexual frustrations, I could have provided,' Mulder turned on Scully in his very best sarcastic persona.

'If all I wanted was sex, Mulder, I would have slept with Ed Jerse,' Scully could have bitten off her tongue at that confession. His comment had angered her beyond the ability to cope. If only he knew that he'd been the reason she'd been unable to seal the deal.

'If it wasn't about the sex,' he came back, frustration still lacing his tone but fear underlaying it, 'then what was it about?'

'Me, Mulder,' Scully yelled. 'ME. I didn't want to follow the straight path. I didn't want to remain rational or logical. I didn't want to end up like this rose petal, a petrified husk of what I could have been, dead and dying.'

'You're scaring me, Scully,' the statement changed the atmosphere. Alert for the smallest clue in her voice, Mulder watched her partner's mobile expression like a circling hawk, waiting for its vulnerable prey to be in just the right situation before attacking. Moments ago their silent communication failed them, now just a look, a glance at her body language told Mulder everything he needed to know. She would never ask, but Scully needed him, wanted him. She'd become vital to his existence, as he had hers. Mulder could now express his need for her even if Scully hadn't reached the same point. He'd play her game and wait, because the prize would be worth waiting for.

'You think I'm not scared, terrified with this appoint …'

'What appointment? Scully does this have something to do with all those extra tests you had in Philadelphia?' while the voice might have been level, his face displayed the panic Mulder felt. He didn't miss much when investigating.

'Yes,' Scully hissed, knowing she'd never keep the truth from him very long.

'What's going on, Scully?' Mulder asked in a miserable voice. What ever troubled her, she'd already given up. Stoic to a fault, that strength failed her now.

'Mulder?' The word came out as a plea. Scully wanted to share with him, her night with Jerse taught her that but she couldn't, wouldn't ask. He had to offer himself.

'Where are we going and when,' Mulder asked softly, listening to the silent section of her communication. What ever she expected, it terrified her enough to drop her regimented professional exterior and openly display her irrational fear. He'd only see it a handful of times, most notably the Pfaster case.

'I have a final test tomorrow morning at Holy Cross Memorial Hospital, could you come and get me at about ten,' Scully pleaded, lowering her head at the need filling her voice.

Mulder rose from his chair, coming to settle on his hunches before her. Taking her hands in his, he lifted her chin so she'd look at him and asked, 'Why didn't you tell me?'

'I couldn't,' the confession became a sob.

'I'm here for you Scully, in what ever capacity you chose, but please don't lock me out. I care about you too much to watch you self destruct like this,' he pleaded, taking her in his arms. Fitting perfectly beneath his chin, Mulder placed a chastise kiss on her crown and prayed she let him in, let him take this journey with her. After all, Scully had stood by him and his determined pursuit of the truth for years. Now the piper called, Mulder knew his time to follow had come.