A/N A little shout out is in this chapter to some of my favorite folks. After having lost my inspiration to write and believing that there was no point in even trying, they handed me a match and proved him wrong. It made life worth living again.
He was restless during the night, and I ended up with him wrapped up in my arms, my ass half hanging off that narrow, hard, bed until some nurse on morning rounds knocked on the door at 5 am to take his vitals and remind him that he had his first appointment with the regular doc at 0800.
They are going to do a a good physical on you and make sure you are ready to go for all the testing they are going to do today. Do you want me to go with you or would you rather I waited here?
"You might as well come with, you need to know what all works and what doesn't."
I would say the vital areas work pretty damn good. I winced as I sat up and grinned at him. Get a little ass back in your pants and some endurance, and you will be as good as new.
"Says you! I'm down a nard. The fuckers crushed one of them and the docs said it was a close call on the other."
That made me cringe. I knew he had lost a testicle, but I thought it was because he had been stabbed, not because his bits had actually been crushed. Motherfucker! I swear I want to kill him.
"He will get his someday. Come on, they get a bit testy around here if you don't stick to their time schedule and if I'm not done with breakfast and waiting at the docs office by 0800, she will send the goon squad after me and that is not fun."
We hurried up and went down to breakfast where he managed to actually eat almost an entire bowl of oatmeal with toast and some swill they called coffee. I was pleased and hopeful that it was a sign he was gaining himself again.
The physical was…unpleasant. The doc needed to check to make sure the repairs had healed ,as well as he nagged him about the word carved into his back. Grafts had healed most of the cuts and bit marks on his back, but the word "Faggot" in large, capitol letters across his shoulders was something he had refused to lose.
"It will be important some day, its also a reminder to me, so leave it!" Jas growled at him from his face down position on the table. I walked up and held his hands, trying to soothe him while they finished what they needed to do. His back and buttocks were badly scarred. The grafts hid what they had done to him, except for the word carved into him and the faint outline of a couple bite marks that were so deep that they couldn't be easily grafted away. "I'm going to be getting tatts to cover up a bunch of the grafts and stuff. I am not too worried about looks at this point." the doc had him roll over and he started the exam on his bits. Jasper tensed and refused to look at the doc or at me.
"Is this really necessary? I can tell you that it functions just fine. I have had no complaints." the doc arched an eyebrow at me as he asked Jasper some very pointed questions about his erections and quality thereof and such. I just sat there playing dumb until it was over. The doc appeared pleased with what he found and he told us that Jasper was cleared to fully participate in PT and a training regimen that should help him to rebuild the muscle he had lost, but that building some mass back onto his body with some proper nutrition would be the most important issue he faced.
The PT people got ahold of him after that and it was over 2 hours before he was done with them, shaking and sweaty and cursing more than a little. I helped him almost fall into the wheel chair, and as I rolled him back to his room, he grumbled at me, "Guess they are trying to make up for the last few months all in one day." I laughed and reminded him that if had been cooperating, he wouldn't be in the situation he was in.
He had missed the early lunch call and by the time we got there, pickings were slim so I got him some fruit and a sandwich. He stayed in the wheelchair and ate his lunch, trying not to fall asleep as he did so. I felt bad for him, but it was partially his own damn fault for not doing what he was supposed to be doing the whole time. He had a lot of catching up to do and it appeared that it was going to take a while for him to do that.
The meeting with the psyche people wasn't until late afternoon, so he had time for a nap and it appeared he needed it. I helped him take a quick shower and then he laid down and was out before I could even finish picking the towels up off the floor.
He slept hard until it was close to time for him to go to his meeting. I hated to wake him for something that was going to piss him off anyway, but it had to be done. I had seen some of his issues, the temper that was much quicker than it used to be, the wariness around groups of people and the mood swings, that made him difficult to deal with. I didn't expect the would fix him right away, but giving him a neutral outlet to talk to might do as good as anything
He decided to try and walk to the meeting using just the cane. It was slow going with lots of stops to rest, but he made it and stood shaking and irritated outside their office door. With a minute to spare. "Well, where the hell are they? Lets get this show on the road." He reached up and rapped sharply on the office door and grumbled under his breath as we waited in the hall.
Hey Jas, do you want me to stay out here or do you want me in with you? He looked at me like he hadn't thought about it and said, " I guess it doesn't matter, you already know I am pretty fucked up, these people are just going to verify Im nuts as well."
The door opened before I could answer him and he was led inside to a fairly comfortable looking office. There wasn't any of the hippy crap I had expected, it was just comfortable chairs and books stacked everywhere. The docs introduced themselves and while the one man said he would like to talk to Jasper alone for a little while, the other, a taller guy that looked like he should be on a basketball court somewhere, asked if he could speak with me in the room next door. I got the go ahead from Jasper and followed the guy out.
Since Jas had made me his executor before the incident and I had made him mine, I was shown on his paperwork under his new name, as his next of kin and legal guardian due to his incapacity, the doc began explaining that there were things they were going to try to work with him on that went all the way back to his childhood. They expected him to resist and get angry as well as upset, but it was all part of the healing process. I got a crash course in dealing with PTSD and in particular being out in public with him tomorrow was likely to be a bit overwhelming and that I should expect his hyper vigilance to come into play as well as his anxiety over not being physically capable of protecting me.
That made me laugh. He doesn't need to protect me. I should be protecting him. The doc shook his head, "He has a strong protective drive and that may be what kept him going when he was so near death. He lost much of his sense of self and his dignity as a human when he was hurt in such a way and he is deeply fearful that you could be hurt, so he will drive himself hard to be able to protect you. That will be the key to his recovery, but could also be his undoing. If he grows to dependant upon your bond, and something were to happen, it could be disastrous for his recovery. You need to decide if you are committed to this and helping him to recover, because if not, you may need to back away slowly while we try to find him other ways to direct his energies and strengths.
I had a lot of thinking to do. I wanted to be with him. The little son of a bitch had gotten under my skin from the first day I met him and over the years he had become as vital to me as breath, but his life was in danger back home and I had no idea what kind of life we would have if it took a long time to gather the evidence to implicate Gunny. The sheriff had been implying he might retire at the end of the year and I had always wanted to run, so there was that to consider as well. I could clear out Gunny and his ilk if I were sheriff. I wasn't sure where I was going to go, but I knew for the moment the most important thing was to get Jas on the road to recovery as best I could and let the cards fall where they may after that.
The shrink gave me some suggestions for making our outing comfortable and enjoyable for Jasper and then we went back into the room. Jasper was glaring at the other doc, his eyes red rimmed and I could tell from his body language he was ready to fight, so I just walked over and started casually rubbing on his shoulder until I felt him relax a little.
Hey, you ready to go get some dinner and then some rest? Its going to be a busy day tomorrow and I need you rested. He snapped a quick, "Yeah" at me and I helped him up from the chair, keeping myself between him and the doc he had been talking to . I don't know what had been said, but he was fuming and we were nearly to the cafeteria before he spoke a word to me.
"That bastard said that if I didn't cooperate, they could say I was too much of a risk to go back into law enforcement, that if I didn't get some help I could even lose my rights to own guns! What the fuck kind of bullshit is this? My life gets turned upside down and fucked over in the worst way and the hits just keep coming?"
He was pissed, but I started explaining to him, Listen, they just want to make sure you don't go postal. All you have to do is talk to them. I know you aren't crazy, and if you talk to them about things, they will know you aren't crazy.
'That son of a bitch wants me in to see him 5 days a week and in some group session bullshit on Saturdays! What the fuck? Talking about myself almost every single day? I have never done that and you know how I feel about that kind of stuff."
Hey! Jas, listen. I know this is all a lot to take in, but its at most for the next 6 weeks. I talked to the doc overseeing your case today and he said that he didn't see any reason why you couldn't be released from here in about 6 weeks and the remainder for of your care transferred up to an outpatient place in Portland. You are over the worst of it, you just have to rebuild yourself so you can leave here and not fall apart. Now, c'mon, lets get you fed and tucked into bed so you will be able to drag around San Diego with me when I spring you from this place for 24hours.
He didn't look totally happy, but he wasn't as pissed as when I first went back into the room to get him. He was a funny guy, for being so small and delicate looking, he was about the most stubborn, macho, tough guy kinda guy I had ever known. He was like a vest pocket John Wayne, and while I loved him for it, I also knew it could really be a problem when it came to getting him to cooperating with what was needed to get him better.
He picked at his dinner, a good sul up going on. I eventually gave up trying to get him to get over his mad and just let him fume. I figured once I got him out tomorrow and got him a change of scenery, he would perk up. We went back to the room and tucked in for the night, and this time I wrapped him in my arms and held him until he finally relaxed and went to sleep.
He was in a little better spirit's the next morning when I woke him bright and early to get showered and dressed to leave. We didn't even bother with breakfast at the facility, we went to the hotel we were going to be staying at and I went ahead and got us checked in so that if he got too tired during the day, we could come back to the room for him to nap. He noticed a marquee on the way to the hotel that announced his favorite band was playing that evening, and he sighed deeply.
" Maybe ill catch one of their shows next year. I sure miss my music, but its nice to have my t-shirt back. Its always been kinda lucky for me."
Wearing my best poker face I told him that he would have plenty of time to catch them in the future, and I would look into ordering him a shirt off the bands website. It was going to take all my strength to not spill the beans before the show later in the evening.
Damn Jas! You are going to have to eat something and grow an ass all over again. I said that after he tried on a pair of jeans that might have fit me when I was 14. They fit him perfectly, so we ended up picking up a few pairs around the same size as well as boxers and shirts for him that all came from the young men's department, though he probably could have worn some from the children's. He refused to replace the ratty old boots that he had worn the soles off of and instead just added a pair of cross-training sneakers to wear to PT. Since he was so damned thin, he got chilled easier and knowing he was moving to a much cooler place, he decided to pick up a leather jacket that could be layered with other things to help him stay warm and dry.
He was using the cane the doc had insisted he try, and by the time we picked up him a cell phone and a laptop so he could Skype with me, he was starting to lean heavily on it and by lunch time I insisted on breaking out the wheel chair and pushing him wherever else he wanted to go. We finished up fairly quick and I suggested we go up to the room for a nap and to change clothes. He ended up sleeping until just before our dinner reservations, so I woke him up and got him to shower and dress in his new clothes for a, "Nice dinner out".
'Where are you taking me? Its not like I can eat anything too fancy."
I grinned at him, Oh, no place too fancy. I made reservations in the hotel restaurant, but I thought we would take in a show after we were done.
He leaned against the back of the elevator, looking very dapper in his new jeans and button down shirt with a simple black vest. He had his cane with him and he was leaning on it a little as we walked into the restaurant, so I put an arm around him to steady him. He looked at me in surprise, but then smiled and leaned against me. We were in a place where no one was going to look twice at a gay couple, so I figured I would we would be just that for the evening, a couple out on the town.
He had a beer with his dinner, and to his credit he attempted a small steak, but the beer brought out his smile. In 6 months of being hurt and with no ass in his pants, he also had no tolerance for alcohol and by midway though the second beer he had started to lean to the side and his grin had gotten bigger.
"So where are we going from here, Edwarrrd?" His drawl came more too and that made me smile. I leaned over and pushed him so he was sitting upright again, and I called for the check.
Jas, I had promised you a show and you will be getting a show tonight. Lets see if you can still walk and I will get us a cab. He grinned at me goofily and worked his way to his feet, chattering at me the entire time about how glad he was to be out of the hospital and how he had missed me, and what all he wanted to do when we got to Portland. Apparently his lack of ability to handle a couple of beers had also translated into loosening his tongue and turning him into a chatterbox.
He was leaned on his cane, doing his best to drape himself around me as we stood on the curb waiting for the cab. He was still talking away, not really paying attention as we pulled up in front of the venue. There was a good sized crowd of women of all shapes and sizes, who flat stared at him like he was a chunk of steak and they were sharks. I got a little worried, but he didn't even seem to notice where we were at until one of the bands people came out and yelled for all the VIP pass holders.
We slowly moved into the venue, him grinning like a loon as he realized where he was and what he was going to be seeing. The dozen or so girls around us either did a double-take when they noticed us, or they flat stared at Jas. I was starting to get pissed off at the rudeness of staring at a crippled up guy when all of the sudden I spotted the problem and then I did a little staring of my own because Jas apparently had a twin.
It was weird. They were pretty much dead ringers for each other, but when the guy came over to shake Jas's hand and thank him for his service and for being a fan, neither of them seemed to realize it. They wandered off together to talk guitar stuff and whatever and I stood there with my teeth in my head just staring at them. I was pretty much dumbstruck until a tall fella came over and stood next to me. We stood there arm in arm, watching them laugh and talk to each other, sometimes even mirroring each others gestures
I nudged the tall boy and said, Weird, huh? He looked at me and then back at the pair of them. "That's putting it mildly."
Jas and the lil rock star had to practically be drug apart and it got to be time for the show. They played us a few of their new songs as a warm up to the main show and then they signed things for the VIP'S. I stood back and watched as Jas and the lil rock star parted company, (Jas now wearing his hat),and I was left wondering what the hell was in the water in Texas?
The show was great. They had set aside a place near the front with a chair so Jas could sit down without being blocked or stepped on, and I spent the show standing behind him, making sure he felt safe. Once it was all over we waited til the crowd thinned down a little and then we went and about bought out the merchandise counter. He not only got a stack of t-shirts, but I bought him a hoodie with the logo on it to go with his leather jacket. He was leaning heavily on the cane again and limping pretty heavily by the time we reached the street, and I knew he was done with the nightlife so we headed back to the hotel where I planned to spend the rest of the evening soaking in the huge garden tub with him and just enjoying being together.
When we woke up the next morning, we took our time getting out of bed, enjoying being in each others arms without nearly falling off some tiny hard assed bed.
"I don't wanna go back. I wanna stay right here just hugged up against you."
We were laying there, skin to skin, just enjoying the feel of each other and getting reacquainted. He rolled over against me, obviously interested in more than just laying there. He pushed me onto my back and before I knew it, he was steadily working to show me just how badly he wanted to stay out of the hospital.
Jas, are you trying to seduce me? Because if you are, its working. A muttered, "Mmmhmm" was all I got out of him as he worked his way down and then caused my eyes to almost cross.
"I want you. One more time before I have to go back?" He was licking and nipping and touching all the right places, so all I could do was mutter back at him, "Uh huh!"
"Outstanding!" He rolled over and started digging though my bag beside the bed and emerged with the lotion I had packed.
His lack of endurance kept him from being able to be as in command as he liked to be, but when I rolled over on my stomach, he knew he was in charge and I relished the feel of him, focused and happy and with me. I was going to miss it very badly, but I wasn't going to be out to see him more than one more time before he left. I hated that and it made me want to go to Gunny and beat a confession out of him so I could bring my boy home.
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