A/N: Coffee is so good. Yummy, just the caffeine I needed to start writing. Hmm let's see what this one is going to be about, I haven't decided. Oh well let's just keep typing and see if I get any ideas for this fanfic for Skulduggery Pleasant (which I don't own)
Skulduggery: You know these beginnings are really annoying, just write the story already
Me: You should be nicer to me
Skulduggery: Why?
Me: I could've made this a Fletcher and Valkyrie fic
Skulduggery: …
Me: Yeah you better bow down (though I'd never write a Fletcher Valkyrie fic. I hate Fletcher)
Chapter 10 (wow chapter 10 already) Secrets of the Heart
"Skulduggery?"
"Yes dear?"
"Do you wear underpants?"
"What?"
"Do you wear underpants?" Valkyrie repeated looking into his empty sockets. They were on the bed like every evening (which they were catching bad guys), since Valkyrie had forced Skulduggery out of his perfectly comfortable chair which he would meditate in when there was nothing to do. Most nights he crept back to his chair once Valkyrie had fallen asleep and sat back on the spacious double bed before she awoke in the morning.
Still, after dating for a considerable long time there was going to be a few 'topics' that they hadn't covered- well every couple has it's secrets.
"Is that important?" Skulduggery asked his tone trying to drift to another topic.
"Well, I was just curious" Valkyrie answered, "We've known each other for ages and I've never really known. You never really seem to get dressed that much".
"Yes but is whether I wear underpants on or not really a relevant question for our relationship?"
"Don't change the subject to our relationship. It's a simple question Skulduggery. Do you or do you not wear underpants?" said Valkyrie sternly. Skulduggery paused looking quite dumbstruck (if skeletons can look that way). He stared at her for another moment as she awaited his answer and then turned back to the book he was reading.
"Its touchy subject" he said trying to concentrate on his book.
"Touchy?" said Valkyrie unbelieving.
"Yes" confirmed Skulduggery remembering the dear memories, "It's touchy".
"Well" Valkyrie started crawling closer to Skulduggery, "What's so touchy about it?"
"It… just bring back some memories. Can we talk about something else now?" asked Skulduggery, this was his last chance out of this conversation.
"No, no. I want to hear it… Oh come on Skulduggery, I've known you for ages and if the topic is so touchy maybe I can help a bit?" Valkyrie said when Skulduggery gave no reply. Skulduggery looked at her. She was doing the puppy eyes. No man on earth could resist her puppy eyes. Not even Chuck Norris who uses sandpaper to scratch his but.
"It was a long time ago…" said Skulduggery slowly giving in. She put her arm around his shoulders.
"And? Where you still your normal self back then? You know- flesh and blood?" said Valkyrie in a king understanding voice.
Skulduggery nodded sadly.
"What happened?"
Skulduggery bent his head down in remorse.
"I had this pair. Of big bloomers. Oh but you wouldn't understand" he stopped in a tragic way. Valkyrie ignored this. Skulduggery could be the happiest man on earth and still sound upset if it suited him.
"I'll understand" she said going along with his sadness, "I'm here for you". Then suddenly Skulduggery clutched her in his bony arms. Surprised Valkyrie patted his back soothingly.
"I loved those bloomers. They were the comfiest pair of bloomers the world could ever make. I would wear them for days without washing" he continued. Valkyrie though slightly disturbed heard his voice cracking and the deep sadness. Could this egotistical, cold, sarcastic and heartless man still feel sadness about something so irrational?
"What happened to them?" asked Valkyrie.
"Burned. With parts of my flesh when I died. To remain with me always" he finished and then started to sob though no tears could come out of those dry sockets.
"Oh the horror!" wailed Skulduggery. Valkyrie held him close. Nobody can resist Skulduggery Pleasant. Not even Chuck Norris who doesn't even cry when chopping onions (the onions cry when being chopped by Chuck Norris).
"It's alright, it's alright" repeated Valkyrie, "Couldn't you buy a new pair? By the same maker?"
"I did" sobbed Skulduggery, "But. Being bones… they fell straight off!"
Valkyrie even started to shed tears for this unknown pair of bloomers, whose ashes lay somewhere distant and far away.
So she clung onto the mass of bones in her arms and soothed lovingly until the sun rose.
…..The Next Day…..
"So Skulduggery" said Ghastly cutting a piece of pink fabric speckled with a floral design. It was going to be Tanith's birthday present, "Did you show how sensitive you were?"
"Yes I did" answered Skulduggery in a rather amused tone, "And you know what? She completely fell it"
Ghastly chuckled wickedly.
"I told you so. Now when ever she gets mad at you just bring it up and- instant sympathy" said Ghastly.
"Yes, yes. A wonderfully brilliant plan you came up with my friend" replied Skulduggery.
"What story did you make up anyway?" asked Ghastly. Skulduggery chuckled.
"I told her that I used to have a favorite pair of bloomers which got burnt and how I could get over them" said Skulduggery, Ghastly balled with laughter.
"And she believed you!?" said Ghastly at the thought of Valkyrie going soft at an underpants story.
"Well I am the greatest actor to walk the earth" said Skulduggery.
"You're a genius Skulduggery" said his friend.
"I know, I know" he concurred.
But as he looked out the window to the setting sun lying back on the buildings in the horizon he felt a deep sadness come upon him.
I'll always remember you my dear, dear bloomers. You are the secret of my heart. I will always remember you he thought as a bird flew past.
Always
And no one could feel the deep sadness or even comprehend the feelings he felt in those moments…
Not even Chuck Norris.
A/N: Chuck Norris rules kiddies! Next time you get a test paper write Chuck Norris as the answer because Chuck Norris is always right.
Haven't made the next chapter yet... need to work on that...