A/N: Sorry I have taken so long to update but alas I'll get there! I
don't own Skulduggery Pleasant but as soon as I change my name to
Chuck Norris I'll try and buy it.

Chapter 16 The Pain of a Wounded Ego

Skulduggery was in a bar, not his normal environment but his job at
the moment required him to be in a bar. Not a normal bar either but a
bar full of sorcerers and all sort of creature that the human world
were privy from. As he watched the bartender (who he thought was part
dwarf) go into the mysterious back door to get what he ordered another
sat into the chair next to him.

"Hey Skulduggery" said the newcomer. Skulduggery looked over as Narcis
Rice sat next to him. Now Narcis was China's new boyfriend. Ever since
Valkyrie and himself had married and basically everyone else paired up
as well China had feared to always live her life as a dreadfully
beautiful but altogether single and doomed to live as a spinster. Of
course as China could get any man she wanted she started to go through
boyfriends like dirty tissues.

Narcis had lasted three weeks now which was more than the average but
Skulduggery knew it wouldn't ever last. He was very handsome though,
tanned blonde and tall. Next to China you would think they were pieces
of artworks that had been sculpted into absolute beauty. They were a
matching couple there was no doubt about that but Narcis was just a
tad bit vain and wasn't much of a magic user either.

In conclusion Skulduggery didn't like him.

"Hello Rice" he said in returned, being as polite as he could bear.

"What brings you here. You don't normally drink" said Narcis as he
motioned the other bartender to get him a drink. However dumb the
question was Skulduggery decided to entertain him.

"Yes, well I'm here strictly on business"

"Ah the working man" said Narcis taking a sip of his drink, "That
makes sense now. After all you can't really drink can you? I've always
wondered how you have managed. I would miss too much of by actual
body. Unable to look handsome ever again, children and women looking
at you and feeling repulsed by a skeleton"

Skulduggery, a tad bit wounded now, changed to subject.

"How is China?" he asked knowing the conversation would drift from
his body image.

"Oh she's great, happy as can be. We were made for each other China
and I. I don't care what everyone says about her, saying that she'll
be over me in a week and move on to another handsome fellow. We will
last trust me. I mean. Just look at us we look as if we are suited for
each other don't we?"

Skulduggery nodded as he silently wished that bartender would come
back awfully soon.

"I've really outdone myself. Of course I can get any woman I take my
fancy on but China, is really on my level for once. Together I can
just see our future. We'll be married have beautiful children and
hopefully the world would be a more beautiful place" he said checking
his reflection in a pocket mirror, "No offense Skulduggery mate but
you aren't the looker"

Skulduggery felt his bones crack, slowly in pain as he continued.

"I mean you've done very well with Mrs. Pleasant. I was very surprised
by that but gee I don't think you'll ever be the same. You've got a
son right?"

"Yes, Nicky"

"Yeah well, imagine your child never looking at you in the same way.
You'll never be a normal father to him I guess and all those other
children will have actual, you know fathers"

Crack, Crack, Crack.

Went Skulduggery's bones and ego at the same time.

"And your wife too. Having a skeleton as a husband. Has it ever
occurred to you that your wife could maybe never think of you as
attractive, I guess it would be hard for her to get along with you.
Have you ever thought of that?"

"No"

"Yeah well, I'd be worried if I were you, honestly"

The bartender finally came back and handed a small box to Skulduggery.
Skulduggery put it in his jacket and stood up.

"Well it's been nice talking to you Rice" he said and left with all
that remained of his ego.

When Skulduggery came home that night Valkyrie could tell something
was absolutely wrong. He was quiet when he went through paper work, he
didn't complain at all about how Nicky was taking all of her attention
from him and he was already in bed without her asking him to be after
Nicky was put to bed.

He lay the motionless in bed looking at the ceiling and it wasn't
until Valkyrie had joined him in bed did he talk.

"Valkyrie?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"Do you find me attractive"

Valkyrie was gobsmacked.

"What?"

"You know, like good looking"

"Skulduggery Pleasant are you concerned about your body image?"

Valkyrie sat up and turned towards him in absolute amazement. He sat
up as well turning his body slightly.

"Well, you had a period of time when you thought bad of yourself"

"Yes Skulduggery, I was sixteen and PMSing, also we had just done a
mission which had left me smelling like birds for two weeks"

"Still, do you find me- you know- attractive?"

Valkyrie thought for a while.

"I guess, well. I don't know. I guess... I'm not sure" said Valkyrie
looking at the poor Skulduggery who seemed like he was going to melt
into pure calcium.

"It's alright, I'll just wait until you can't stand my hideousness
anymore and till my own son fears me"

Valkyrie broke sweat now.

"It never really mattered to me!" she said as a last minute resort.
Skulduggery looked at her for some ray of hope. Valkyrie felt her face
heat up and her heart race (after all these years he could still make
her do this).

"Well- um. I- I. Um. I guess I love you" she said. Skulduggery
motioned her to go on as she went as red as a beet.

"I love you, and I guess. I love you. Well a lot. I guess it was so
much. That um... it. Well it"

"Go on"

"This is embarrassing"

"Please" said Skulduggery. Valkyrie melted as she lent in closer.

"It never mattered"

Skulduggery put his arms around her.

"Go on please"

"I couldn't care less, if you were wrinkled or had warts. If you had a
shaggy beard or were bald with a tattoo"

"Wow, you do know you are repulsed by those sorts right?"

"I know, let me continue. Even if you were beautiful I couldn't care less"

Silence.

"Because" said Skulduggery.

"Because" restarted Valkyrie.

"I love you so much and I want to be with you so much that I couldn't
care what you looked like"

Skulduggery was silent as he pulled her in and gave her a kiss.

"Thank you" he whispered in her ear. She kissed him back and felt the
wonderful feeling of being so in love.

"And there is no way Nicky could fear you. Skulduggery he's always the
one freaking you out"

"True. We adopted a weird kid Valkyrie, can we trade him?"

"Skulduggery" she said in an amused and strict tone.

"I'm only kidding. I love Nicky even though he is trying to steal you
away from me"

"He's four Skulduggery"

"Four and crafty"

She laughed as they lay back in each other's arms.

"Why were you so concerned about this anyway?" she asked curious.

Skulduggery stayed silent for a moment.

"Narcis Rice"

Valkyrie groaned.

"How dare he make fun of my beloved husband"

"Yes how dare he"

Valkyrie kissed him again.

"Don't worry, you'll always be the most handsome man in the world to me"

"I know"

"And I'll make sure China breaks up with him. I think she's getting
sick of him already"

"Thank you"

"Your welcome"

"Valkyrie?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"I love you so much"

Valkyrie smiled as she closed her eyes and started to drift off.

"I love you too" she said and fell asleep contented with sleeping in the arms of the man she loves.

A/N: Wow, Skulduggery was ever so slightly out of character. But I
guess everyone has those times.

I might hate Narcis more than I hate Fletcher Renn. Nah that's not possible.

Anyone know where I got his name Narcis from?