A/N: Guess who's back bros and bras?

Chapter 18 (should be called at long last Chapter 18 but its called) The Principles Office

Skulduggery Pleasant sat on the most uncomfortable seats known to man. In the most hideous room he'd ever seen, in front of the desk where an old man sat with a badge saying 'Best Principle' on his jacket. Oh and there was that brat of a son who was trying to steal his wife from him on the chair beside him too.

"Now Mr. Pleasant" started the Principle. Oh God he had an annoying voice too thought Skulduggery.

"I appreciate that you've come here today on such notice-"

"Oh don't worry, coming here reminds me of my own days as a child"

"Normally I'd ask the missus to call in but I think you'd be more suitable for this event" continued the Principle without faltering.

He reminds me of my old principle thought Skulduggery, annoying and uptight. Let's see if Nicky sets fire to his office as well.

"It's about Nicky" said Mr. Principle.

"I guessed" said Mr. Pleasant, "Though I had some help with that guesstimation when I got a call to come in to talk about Nicky"

"Well Mr. Pleasant, your wife and I have already talked about the matter a number of times, I'm sure you and her have confided in each other about the subject-

Oh please Valkyrie won't let me touch a strand of his school life since I tried to board him off to Spain.

"but specifically this time where Nicholas has bullied other students he referred to you"

"Me?" said Skulduggery surprised.

Chip off the old block he thought.

"Yes. You. His teacher, Mrs Pendlebury stated that he threaten her saying that if he didn't get his way you were going to come and kill her"

"Oh"

"He also mentioned that you were going to teach him how to make fire and he was going to burn the school down straight after you did"

Skulduggery decided to play good parent with the unfortunate son.

"Nicky is this true!" he conjured with all sorts of dramatic influence.

"The old hag deserved it" Nicky answered with dark eyes.

"What have I told you about calling people that!" continued Skulduggery.

"What you always call mum that behind her back" replied the six year old.

There was silence.

Skulduggery stopped in mid sentence of his dramatic monologue.

The Principle started mouth opened.

Nicky smiled and sat back in his seat as if the wretched thing was a cloud from heaven.

"Mr. Principle I can explain..." began Skulduggery. Well if the good parent act didn't work he could always use the guilty one. He dropped his head down.

"I'm an awful parent I can't live with myself anymore" he cried out in anguish.

"It's true" Nicky told the Principle, "Living with him is awful, ask me or my mum".

"WHY HAVE I FAILED AT PARENTHOOD! WHERE DID I GO WRONG"

"Where did he go wrong" Nicky echoed.

"I- hiccup- TRIED- SO HAAAAARRRD"

"He tried to haaaaaaaard..."

"I'm sorry son" Skulduggery said as he turned to Nicky. Nicky stared back with bored eyes.

"I don't deserve to be your father" he said and put his head on Nicky's shoulder sobbing. Nicky looked at the Principle with his expressionless face and patted his father on the back.

"There There"

The Principle at this point was so confused. So distressed by the loud wailings that he stood up, hands out.

"It's alright Mr. Pleasant. It's alright. Please don't cry. I shouldn't have brought you in. Here. Why don't you and Nicky go now? Settle things between yourselves"

Skulduggery shot up, shook the Principle's hand then Nicky's and started to walk out.

"Thank you Mr. Principle for inviting me" he said and walked out leaving the man's gobsmacked face.

He and Nicky walked a while.

"I thought went quite well" Skulduggery told his son picking him up to carry him over his shoulders.

"This is why I ask mum to come not you"

"Don't say that Nicky. Daddy wuvs yoooouuuu-"

"And Daddy I may look like I'm six year old but remember- I'm 13"

"That's what you for learning magic since you were three"

"Screw you"

"Manners"

"Fu-

Skulduggery clamped his hand over his son's mouth as concerned teachers past them. Nicky looked over his shoulder and made sure they were out of ear shot.

"So do I get to burn the school down now?" asked Nicky, "You've seen what it's like"

"Burn it" said Skulduggery, his eyes glittered with memories of his own school burning to ashes.

Skulduggery smiled (though he always did).

"Burn it to the ground"

A/N: I shall do a somersault from the moon into the Bermuda Triangle in a bowing pose to make up for this.

NO I did not leave this story.

NO I did not stop writing

YES I did forget my passwords for both email and fanfiction account.

But now I'm back and alls forgiven... right? (worried look) Right? Guys? Hey what are those pitchforks for- (runs) I SAID I WAS SORRY!

I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant even after the period of a year where I haven't written for this story. But yes I still hate Fletcher. Dam do I hate Fletcher