A/N: I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant. But hell do I own bragging rights if Skulduggery and Valkyrie ever get together.
Chapter 20 Things That Are Better Left Unknown Should Remain That Way... definitely
"You look lovely tonight"
No answer.
"Hey I love you"
No answer
"Have I ever told you how scrumptious you look in this lighting?"
"Its dark Skulduggery, even you can't see a thing"
"Yes an answer- now as I was saying"
"No Skulduggery"
"No what?"
"No I will not play hooky with you tonight"
"I never said I wanted to do anything of sort"
"But you want to, don't you"
"Well if you're offering"
"No. I'm sleepy. Goodnight"
"Such a cold woman. Leaving me such an unsatisfied man. Sometimes I wonder if you could ever satisfy me"
"Oh I have satisfied you. On many accounts"
"Then why not appease me now"
His voice was a rough purr.
"OH MY GOD! MUM! DAD! I CAN HEAR YOU FOR PETE'S SAKE! HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW PAPER THIN THE WALLS ARE IN THIS GOD DAMNED HOUSE!"
"Sorry Nicky. You're mother and I were just having our pre-warm up talk"
"YEAH WELL PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN I'M NOT TRYING TO SLEEP WITHOUT ANY NIGHTMARES OF MY 80 YEAR OLD MOTHER AND MY SKELETON DAD GETTING FREAKY!"
They were both silent for a moment.
"I still think we should get it on"
"You heard him. Paper thin walls. What if the neighbours hear?"
"Oh I'm sure they've heard already. Seeing how loud I seem to make you-
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"
"See. And I don't think I want him or the neighbours hearing anything either. He's had enough mental scaring. That's final"
"But-"
"Goodnight"
Skulduggery went quiet as she rolled over her back towards him.
He thought for a moment and starting talking in a clear loud voice.
"You would've enjoyed it I had a whole new arrangement sorted out where I would put my-
"OH MY GOD I HAD A MENTAL IMAGE"
A/N: Put some pity on poor poor Nicky. Lol it rhymes.