A/N: dum Dum DUM! I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant but I do love pie

Chapter 21 Man Talk... again...again

Skulduggery walked into the kitchen the next morning to see his son sitting at the table quietly eating his cereal. For a moment he fondly pondered how the mature 13 year old sat in that 6 year old body obviously annoyed that he still needed to use a stool to reach the milk.

"Nicholas"

He didn't answer him.

Skulduggery pulled out a chair and sat down his head in his hands with elbows propped onto the table.

"You must have a few questions after the events of the last night" Skulduggery began. Nicky's eyes shot up.

"Dad. No. You gave me this talk already a year ago when I walked in on you two"

"I know you might feel a bit confused right now. You never thought of your parents this way-

"No shit Sherlock"

"But when a man and a woman love each other very much-

"- They have a kid, decide they don't want him and he ends up with a skeleton dad who looks like he came straight out of the Night before Christmas and a mother who suffers from necrophilia" he interrupted.

Skuldugery laughed. What -it was slightly true.

"Still Nicky. When you're older you'll understand"

"You mean in the next ten years where my body finally goes through puberty"

"Around that time yes"

Nicky rolled his eyes.

"Yes Dad. I know you and mum love each other. Yes I know you express it in a way that...isn't very platonic. But please, please do it while I'm not at home and I can hear you" he concluded.

Skulduggery nodded, "Alright. You have my word"

"Good" said Nicky and stood up. He took his bag from the bench and strapped himself in it.

"I enjoyed our little man talk" his father said but he ignored him.

"I'm going to school. See you" he said and then looked worriedly and the bedroom door of his parents before shaking his head and walking away.

Nicky slept that night peacefully- there wasn't even a whisper of noise from anywhere. Content he snuggled into his bed, wrapped himself in his covers and closed his eyes.

The next morning he woke, had his breakfast, nodded curtly at his father who sat at the table knowing he had kept their agreement and left as usual.

Just about as soon as he left his mother walked out of her bedroom rubbing her eyes. Skulduggery looked up from the paper to receive a kiss.

"Did you enjoy last night" he asked her, almost a whisper.

Valkyrie blushed while pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Did the sound wards around Nicky's room work?" she asked.

Skulduggery ruffled the newspaper.

"They worked wonderfully. He didn't know a thing" he answered.

Valkyrie nodded, taking her coffee and moving to sit on her husband's lap.

"You remembered to put the ones around the whole house so the neighbours wouldn't hear anything didn't you?" she said sipping her coffee.

Skulduggery was quiet.

"Oh" said Valkyrie and they remained silent.

That morning when Valkyrie left the house she was greeted with very awkward looks from the neighbours.

A/N: Skulduggery's word means nothing.