Author's Note: Well, here's part two of day two. I still don't own anything- no wait! Yes I do! I own the ghost named Rummy that will appear in this chapter. HA! Beat that! (does a victory dance) Alright, I'll stop. Thank you for your reviews!
Artemis trudged through the jungle. His feet were aching from all the walking they had done that day. He wanted to be at home in the Fowl Manor, sitting in his private library reading up on the lifestyle of wildebeests in their habitats by a cozy fire. But instead, he found himself searching for any sort of living meat they could find.
"Well, if don't find any meat, we can always just drown our spirits in rum," Jack said happily.
Artemis sighed, and to jump over a large pile of mud before him. He jumped in vain, landing in the middle of it on his face. Legolas took the time to step on him over the mud, so as not to get himself muddy. (This was, of course, very stupid, because they were in the middle of a downpour in the jungle, and there was mud all over the place; but conclusions can be drawn that Legolas was just looking for a reason to make the sour adolescent's life more miserable.) Jack stopped to nag at Artemis. "Come on, Arty-miss! We don't have time to play in the mud!"
Artemis looked up from the mud. His eyes were burning and dark, and if he hadn't been covered in mud one would've thought it necessary to call an exorcist immediately because of the pure evil look he had on his face.
"You…you…you…" Artemis stood up, and advanced toward Jack and Legolas. Jack stepped back. He had started a fight with an Irishman before, and learned a valuable lesson from it. Readers, it is never nice to judge people by a stereotype. There are millions of blondes who are very smart, millions of Americans who are not obese and loud, and millions of Irish who do not have short tempers.
Artemis Fowl was not one of them.
You can imagine Artemis' temper like one of those games you try to beat at the carnival in slow-motion. When you pick up the giant hammer and force it down on the button, the little ringer shoots up to the bell. Only the strongest can really push the button hard enough to make the ringer go all the way up to the top and ring the bell, but if you push it just hard enough, the bell rings and you get a stuffed teddy bear as a prize, or in this case, Artemis explodes.
Artemis, who was normally one of the most composed Irish boys in all of the United Kingdom, had now reached his boiling point. He was stuck in the middle of a storm with two lunatics on a good-for-nothing island, and now he was covered in mud. He gave an angry roar, and lunged at the nearest idiot, which happened to be Legolas. Legolas shrieked, and fell over. Artemis forced Legolas' face in the mud, over and over.
"No-blub-not-blub-my-blub-hair-blub!" Legolas gasped. Artemis had another scary wolf-like grin on his face. Jack stood back and laughed heartily, but after a while, Legolas' writhing body slowed and the bubbles of air coming up from the mud stopped. Artemis continued to shove Legolas' pretty face in the mud.
"Uhh, mate?" Jack said, looking over Artemis' shoulder, "I think he gets the point now."
Artemis snapped back to attention. "Hmm? Oh, yes." He got off of Legolas' body, and stood up, proceeding to wipe the mud off his face. Jack picked the gasping Legolas up, and slumped him over his shoulder, continuing on. Artemis, now fully composed, followed him. He felt a lot better now that he had vented his anger, plus he got to half-strangle the elf. Life was good.
Violet sat in the cave, rubbing the pieces of flint together over some dry wood she had found. A spark caught, and a little fire started to grow. Violet looked around for more firewood, and her eyes fell upon the skeleton Legolas had used to prank Jack with. She thought, and shrugged. What harm could it do? No one would care, even though it was terribly morbid. She walked over to the bunch of bones, picked it up, and carried it over at arm's length to the little fire.
"Requiescat in pace," Violet said, dumping the skeleton on the fire.
Requiescat in pace is a phrase which here means, "Rest in peace," in Latin. Violet remembered a very long time ago one of her relatives died, and her parents had received the news by mail. Upon reading the letter, her mother sighed sadly, and said to herself, "requiescat in pace," and she wondered if their mother was going mad. Klaus, her younger brother, later told her that requiescat in pace meant, of course, rest in peace. The next time Klaus used that phrase was when discovering their parents had died in a terrible fire, and was walking through the charred remains of their house. Violet sadly remembered that had her parents not perished in a terrible fire forcing their children to use that gloomy phrase, she would not be trying to survive on an island with dubious characters.
Suddenly, an exploding sound was heard from the fire, and a large billow of smoke rose up. Violet jumped back in alarm. A figure rose out of the smoke, coughing and hacking.
"Cough…cough… what the bloody heck happened?! Where's that thieving captain! There's a shrine down here, dang it! I know there is! I seen it meself! Eh? What?"
The figure looked down at the cowering Violet. "Woo-hoo! Hey there, honey! How YOU doin?" he grinned. Violet was too scared to be insulted.
"Where am I?" He looked around, and then down at the cluster of burning bones. "Oh! I'm dead! I knew all those leftover beans would kill me. Well, it had to happen sometime…" He turned his attention back to Violet. "But I'm sorry YOU weren't there to ease my dying soul! What's yer name, luv?"
"V-V-V—" Violet stammered.
"V-V-V?" The smoky figure asked. "What, were your parents on something when they named you? Well, at least you've got looks…"
"Violet Baudelaire." Violet managed. "I'm Violet Baudelaire."
"Violet…" the figure, obviously a ghost, repeated. "Pretty name. Well, I'm Rummy. Well, at least I was Rummy. I am now pretty much a ghost. Ooooo…" he tried it out. "You know, I think people overestimate this whole haunting thing. I don't seem very scary. I seem drunk. And I probably am! Yes! You can get drunk after you're dead!" Rummy looked happy. "So, how'd a fine lass like you get in a wreck like this?"
"I… I don't know, exactly. I just woke up to find myself here, along with three other people…"
"Oh?" said Rummy, growing interested. "One of those people wouldn't happen to be the famed Captain Jack Sparrow, ruler of the high seas and lover of 500 women… or was it five… probably about ten, the lad was way too into himself to ever make a commitment… poor scoundrel…" He turned to Violet. "Well, would he?"
"Why, yes. He is."
"Well," growled Rummy in a menacing tone, "Maybe I'll stick around to haunt that little…" he went off into various curses, "captain just to get revenge for puttin' me on this blasted island…"
"I wouldn't," Violet said quickly. The last thing she needed was for a ghost to be scaring the living daylights out of her every five seconds, "I-I mean, you've been on this island long enough, haven't you? If you really want to get revenge on him, you'll leave him here on this island while you go off and enjoy the…uh… afterlife with a never-ending supply of….rum?" She did her best to make it sound appealing. Luckily, Rummy was the dumbest of all Jack's crew, and was also very gullible.
"Really? That sounds like a good idea! Yeah! Good thinking, Violet. I'll just leave. Although I wish I could get you off as well. There ain't no boats nor anything."
"I'll manage," Violet smiled.
"Yeah, I guess so. It's hard to have beauty and brains at the same time, I should know, and still be stuck on this island with that villain of a captain. Wouldn't want ye to get hurt." Rummy thought. "I know! There's a pond over on the other side of the mountain. It links directly to the ocean, and has a bunch of little fish and crabs and junk. There's a few fruit trees around there too, I imagine. You just go down there and you'll be fine. Beware of that Sparrow, though." He looked around. "Well, I better be a-goin'. You take care of yerself, Violet. You'll get off this place somehow."
"I appreciate your… concern." Violet said, smiling.
"Thanks for cremating me an' all so I could get off this island. Which way is out?"
"I think up."
"Oh, alright. See you, lass." He floated up into the roof, stopped, turned, and said, "Oh yeah. Tell Jack that it's under the big rock outside this cave." Then he disappeared out of sight. Violet stared after the ghostly creature, and shook her head. She drew two things from that encounter: one, that sometimes even the harshest of pirates can turn out to be the kindest and most helpful of people; and two, that one shouldn't burn a rotting corpse drenched in alcohol, for the effects might mess with one's head.
The three males soldiered on. Legolas, who was caked in mud and now in a grumpy mood. "Face it, Sparrow," Legolas called. "No living animal is out here in this weather. The rain hasn't stopped, and I think there's going to be lightning. My ears are pricking up."
Jack really didn't give a flying cow in space what Legolas' ears were doing. He stopped, and looked around.
"Dobby thinks you Muggles are lost," called that high evil voice from below. Jack's temples tensed. He looked down. Dobby had appeared out of nowhere, holding an umbrella.
"What…do…you…want…" Jack said tiredly. He wasn't in the mood to try to strangle the little demon.
"Dobby has decided to be patient with you Muggles. Dobby knows that you are very brute-like, and that you fail to understand things like we wizards do."
"Don't you have any hobbies?" Artemis said from behind.
"Dobby likes making you Muggles miserable," Dobby said. "But because you haven't tied to strangle Dobby, Dobby will give you a present that Dobby left behind."
Artemis sighed. He was getting tired of constantly hearing Dobby referring to himself in the third person.
Dobby snapped his fingers, and a pig wearing a bow appeared. "It's from Draco Malfoy. Draco attached this note to the pig." He handed Jack a parcel, and said, "It is for the she-Muggle. See that it gets to her." And with that, he disappeared.
Legolas picked up a stick. "Ooh, I've always wanted to do this," and approached the pig. "Suey!" he cried, and hit the pig on its butt. The pig squealed in outrage, and trampled him. "Why…" Legolas sighed, playing with the mud he had fallen in.
Jack untied the bow and used it as a leash to guide the pig up the mountain. The pig, however, proved to be willful, and dragged Jack up ahead. Artemis and Legolas walked alongside each other, silent.
"Why on earth would you want to hit a pig?" Artemis asked finally.
Artemis and Legolas arrived in the cave half an hour later. Violet was poking at the fire, using the wrapping paper from some of the presents to keep the fire going. She looked up, and had to laugh at the two mud-caked guys standing before her.
"It's not funny." Legolas said, turning to get some of the rain from outside to try to scrub the mud off his face.
Artemis looked around. "Where's the captain?"
"Wasn't he with you?" Violet asked.
"He was, but—"
Suddenly, a squeal was heard, and a familiar roar. "YOU LITTLE *insert word of choice here*! NO ONE EVER RAMS ME THERE!"
A gunshot was heard, and all fell silent. Jack entered the room with a limp pig. "This," he said to Violet, dropping the note Dobby gave him, "is for you."
Violet opened it, and skimmed through the letter. Her eyebrow raised, and she emitted a sardonic "feh."
"Ooh!" Legolas said, grabbing the letter. "More love letters!
'Dear Violet,
Even though you are a filthy mud-blood, I find you quite attractive. I have been informed that the no-good Muggle-loving-stupid-attention-craving-goody-two-shoes Harry Potter has tried to attain your attention as well. I scoff and chortle. Let me inform you that I am much higher in class, looks, and intelligence than he. He tries to impress you with cheap lingerie, but I know your real weakness. Look inside the bag of presents and you will see a bright green one. I know you will like it. Attached to the present is my photo. Try not to faint from excitement or anything; I know I'm dangerously handsome. Fear not, my love, once I find that stupid island out on the sea, I WILL rescue you.
Yours always,
Draco Malfoy.
(P.S. - Go Slitherin! We're gonna kick Griffindor's noble butts this year! W00t!)"
Legolas plucked out the picture of Draco attached to the back of the note. He tried not to laugh. "Hey look, he's almost as scary and pale as Art—"
"Who?" Artemis came up from behind him. The fire light created shadows across his face, and his eyes looked sunken in, making him look more like Count Dracula than ever. Legolas shrieked, scampering behind Violet. Artemis stared after him, picking up the letter. He grinned wolfishly. "My, Violet, you seem to be a magnet for moronic snobs."
Violet sighed. She really wished she were anywhere but here.
Legolas' eyes darted from Artemis to Violet. A thin smile crept across his pretty lips. He chuckled to himself, and shook his head.
Violet was trying to decide whether or not she wanted to open the bright green package she had found. It was large, and square. Violet imagined what it could be. With a hurried look to see if any of the obnoxious males were there, she quickly tore the wrapping apart, and peeked inside. Her eyes grew wide. "Oh," she said, a wide smile creeping across her face. She pulled out a large atlas, spanking new.
For those of you who don't know very much about Violet, she is not like most teenage girls. Other teenage girls enjoy slathering their faces with makeup, making themselves look pretty, and flirting with boys. I know I do; represent. Violet liked to spend her time either inventing or reading about inventing. Other than books about mechanics, Violet also had a weakness for atlases. Before her parents died in a tragic arsonist accident and her large well-kept house burned to the ground, Violet and her siblings used to love to look at their old atlas. She hadn't really taken time to appreciate atlases ever since.
Violet quickly put the book back in its box, and hid it in a corner. It was then Violet remembered about her strange encounter with the ghostly pirate, and his strange message to Jack. She looked over at the eccentric captain, who seemed to be recovering from the attack of the pig. Violet decided it probably wouldn't make any difference if she told him about it.
Jack looked up when he saw Violet walking over. "'Ello," he said in a high voice, then paused to clear his throat. Violet sat down next to him as he regained he robustly composure. "What can I do for ye, luv?"
"Captain," Violet started, unsure of how to say this, "while you were out, I found that old carcass Legolas had earlier, and burnt it. I probably was imagining it, but a ghost came up from the flames claiming to be one of your old crew mates—"
"Rummy," Jack said, almost to himself, "always wanted to be cremated."
"Uh… right," Violet continued, "and he told me that there was a safe place where we can get meat and probably some fruit. It's on the other side of the mountain, and he told me to tell you that… um, 'it's under the big rock outside this cave.'"
Jack's eyes widened. He jumped up, and ran outside. Violet sat in silence for a few seconds, before hearing a joyous yell.
"YYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSS!" Jack came in with an armful of bottles. "I knew that old boy would crack some day! Ha ha!"
Legolas looked up from trying to dry his hair. He rolled his eyes. "Oh, you mortals and your alcohol."
Jack was too happy to mention the night before when Legolas and he had gotten terribly drunk and had pranced around a roaring bonfire singing songs from popular rides in Disneyland.
Violet sat down at the other end of the cave. She leaned against the cave wall, thinking about that place on the other side of the mountain. What if it really was there? She supposed that it wasn't too far of a walk, considering that this cave was nearly at the top of the mountain. But she'd have to do it by herself. She wanted to prove that just because she was a girl she didn't have to sit around and poke at a fire all day. If there was anything down there, she wanted to find it first.
It wasn't too long before Violet could put her plan into action. The pork marinated in rum made everyone very sleepy. Violet had to slap herself a few times to keep awake. Artemis sat at the front of the cave with his arms crossed, watching the group. Legolas was telling a very loud, slurred rendition of the War of the Ring, and Jack was starting to yawn. Finally, he just lay down and started snoring. Legolas continued on for a few more seconds, before stopping and dropping to the ground. Violet watched Artemis. He continued to stare at Legolas and Jack, but slowly his eyelids drooped, and he rolled over. Violet smiled to herself. She stood up to leave, but stumbled over something. It was the atlas. Violet looked at the atlas, then at Artemis. She remembered his face earlier when he saw the presents.
Before walking out of the cave, Violet slid a big square box by Artemis' sleeping figure. She didn't see his right eye open and follow her out.
It was a harder walk up the mountain than Violet had expected. There were bluffs all over the place, and the frequent bushes tore Violet's clothes and scratched her skin. But she went on with grim determination. Finally, she reached the top, and looked out over the island. The moon was shining bright, and the dark ocean was sparkling. She could faintly hear the soft clap of the waves amongst the shore. Violet looked to the other side of the mountain for any sign of a pond leading to the ocean. There! It wasn't too far, and it looked safe. Violet climbed down the peak, and started down.
The rain from the afternoon's weather had made everything muddy. Violet stepped on a place where she thought the ground might be dry, but alas, it was not so. The mud was very slippery, so she slipped and slid all the way down.
There is a natural spring in Turkey where tired people go to sit in natural springs and cover themselves with mud. It is a very relaxing experience, and most people walk out refreshed. However, in Violet's case, going down a mudslide was very nerve-racking, and she tumbled out bruised and exhausted. Fortunately for her, she happened to tumble out near where the pond was located. Violet weakly stood up, and trudged towards the pond. She sat down by its edge, and looked around. The water was cool, but salty. She could make out some trees with what looked like fruit. Violet was too tired to try to explore the area. She decided she would stay here for the night and then in the morning take a look around.
"I wonder if everyone else will be worried that I'm gone," she said to herself.
"I'm sure they'll be so hung-over in the morning they won't notice," said a voice from behind. Violet jumped up. Standing with what looked like a casual smirk was Artemis. Violet sighed, and plopped back down to the ground. Artemis sat beside her.
"You know you really should've tried to avoid that mudslide. There were some rocks that lead down here right by it. A lot quicker and—" he looked her up and down, "—cleaner."
Violet ignored him. She picked up a handful of sand and let it sift through her fingers. "I thought you were asleep," she said quietly.
"When your family has a history of crime and money and many people are out to kill you, you sort of adopt the habit of sleeping with one eye open." Artemis said, fondly remembering his adventures with the Fairy People. "Besides, I felt like foiling your plans of sneaking out of shelter without your comrades."
"I was just going to—"
"I don't blame you. Having to share the same cave with those two is enough to send even the most genius of people to the asylum."
Violet smiled. "They are rather eccentric characters,"
"More like deranged," Artemis said, turning his head to look at her.
Violet laughed. It was a nice laugh, Artemis thought. Violet was fairly good company. In his teenage years, Artemis had met many characters that either were unstable and crime-related, and/or wanted to kill him. There very few people that were actually on the "good" side had he met that weren't entirely brainless. And if they were, they weren't as attractive as Violet Baudelaire. Artemis shifted uncomfortably where he was sitting. All was silent for a while. Violet looked around. "I'm going to stay here for the night. You can go up again if you want—"
"All the way up and down the mountain?" Artemis asked incredulously. "I haven't had to do that much work in years!" He settled into a comfortable position. "No, I think it's best if we stay down here. We can go back up there in the afternoon." Violet looked at him. "Besides, I really don't want to experience another one of Sparrow vs. Greenleaf's hangover episodes again."
Violet rolled over on her stomach and continued to watch Artemis. He sort of reminded her of her old friend, Quigley Quagmire. Four years ago, she had met him while searching for her parents. They had an exciting adventure together involving dastardly villains, a secret organization, and various romantic moments between Quigley and her. But then they were separated, and Violet never heard from him again. Violet and Quigley only hoped to defeat the villains so they could all just retire with their enormous fortunes and live happily. Violet sighed. It had been a long time since she had lived happily. Once she got off this island, she would try to live in peace with her siblings once more.
Another depressing fact unveiled itself as Violet remembered that she might not even get off this island, with the lunatic wizards controlling it and all. She turned over, to look up at the starry sky. She supposed she would have to make the best of this situation. After all, she was on an island in the tropics; why not treat it like a vacation? Then again, with Captain Sparrow near, one could only treat it like a nightmare. The somewhat depressing Baudelaire curled up next to the now fully sleeping Artemis, and drifted off into peaceful slumber; and 'twas there that she could only seek true peace of mind, untouched by the worries of tomorrow's adventures.