Author's Note: Hey there, readers! Sorry for the kind of long wait… and thank you for your heartwarming reviews. Please keep them coming, they are my muse, if you will, other than chocolate. Here's part one of chapter four. I'm almost finished with part two, but I want to see how the reviews come out for this first. I love dangling you all on a string… mwahahahaha!

Part One of Chapter Four

Many of you, dear readers, have probably heard of the show "Gilligan's Island". It's a show where several different people with several different characters get marooned on an island. The main character, Gilligan, is a complete idiot, and serves as the plucky yet knuckle-brained comical guy. Ginger is a rich diva-actress-singer-whatever-she-is lady. Also stranded on the island are a rich couple, a professor, a skipper, and a perky farm girl named Maryanne. The seven are marooned on an island, and have nothing better to do than to make fun of poor Gilligan and his klutzy ways of screwing everything up.

Way out in the middle of the South-Atlantic Ocean, five other characters found themselves in the same situation. Captain Jack Sparrow was the captain of the Black Pearl, a famous pirating ship. And while he likes to think of himself like the skipper, he really acts more like a scandalous version of Gilligan. Legolas Greenleaf was a retired diva-warrior who had served in the War of the Ring in Middle-Earth and was very much like Ginger. Gabriel Van Helsing was a monster hunter who had only just recently crashed on the island, who was, when compared with everyone else, like the brave skipper. Violet Baudelaire, a somewhat depressed young lady whose parents died in a tragic arsonist accident, was a very well-read inventor who would have liked to meet the professor very much due to the circumstances. There was one more in the five, a pale young man about Violet's age named Artemis Fowl. Artemis was a genius and was involved in a long line of crime. If you had ever met Artemis, you would say that for what he lacked in social nicities he made up for in money, so we will put him under the "Rich Millionaire" title.

However, as Violet woke early in the morning, she could probably deny that assumption that we had just made, and say that he this morning was acting very much like perky Miss Maryanne.

"Good morning!" Artemis beamed, "It's a very lovely day. I hope I didn't wake you, I just wanted to tell you that I made breakfast."

Violet sat up sleepily. "Wha-", she looked around. Sizzling on a rock over a small fire were two dead crabs stabbed through with a stick. An assortment of diced fruits like papayas, bananas, and orange slices lay on a large leaf, kissed with the morning's dew.

"I used Jack's knife to cut up the fruit. I hope he won't mind. He's such a lovely character." Artemis smiled sweetly, gazing at the other sleeping figures. Violet noticed his smile wasn't the creepy vampire smile this morning.

"Uh, I should… wake the others." Violet said, getting up. Artemis didn't notice. A little bird had perched on his finger and he was singing to it in a sweet tenor voice that sounded strangely like… well, that doesn't matter.

"Mmmm," Legolas said, rolling over, "Ewan McGregor… wait." He sat up, and sighed. "Once again, I'm prone to disappointment." He looked at Artemis. "What's up with him?"

"I don't know," Violet said uncertainly, "I just woke up and he was… like this."

Legolas got up, and sauntered over to Artemis. Artemis turned, smiling. "Good morning Legolas. I made breakfast. I thought that since it's such a lovely day we should just sit back and enjoy what we have. After all, life is so short, we should enjoy its simple pleasures. And there are so many pleasures to be enjoyed! The birds, the flowers, eternal love and mindless emotions-" he went on, and started to sing again. The bird looked pleased. Legolas edged away.

"He's finally lost it." Legolas said, shaking his head.

Van Helsing walked in at that moment, looking like a million dollars. "We should pack up and leave this place," he said shiftily, "I sense a great deal of evil optimism near by." He looked over to the singing Artemis and bird. "Oh."

Jack walked out of the bushes (conveniently). "Morning, crew." No one answered, except for Artemis, who gave a cheerful "Good morning!" and went off into a good morning song with the bird from the popular Broadway show, "Singing in the Rain". Jack passed Artemis, murmuring "Easy on the rum, boy."

"What wrong with him?" Van Helsing inquired.

"He's having a bit of a hangover," Jack said matter-of-factly. "Saw him drinking last night. It's probably messed with his head."

"What should we do?"

"Best thing to do is just let it wear off. Soon he'll be back to his old, creepy, pale, genius self again." Everyone was silent, contemplating whether or not this was a good thing.

"We need to get off this island," Violet said, "We can't stay like this forever. Soon we'll be singing Broadway tunes with maniacal poultry."

"Good mornin', good mooornin'-"

"Cheepchirpcheepchirpcheepcheep-"

"Good mornin', good mornin', to you!"

Van Helsing, Violet, Jack, and Legolas all shuddered.

"Dobby likes the vampire Muggle this way. And so do the other wizards. They like his singing popular show tunes."

"GAH!" Jack started to twitch. "Not… the… Dobby…"

"What's a Dobby?" Van Helsing was confused. "Is it a monster?"

"A Dobby is up here!" Dobby waved his arms, and jumped down. He was wearing lots of beaded necklaces in green, gold, and purple. "Happy Mardi Gras, she-Muggle. It's from the boys at Hogwarts." He dumped the pile of necklaces on her. Jack stopped twitching to stare giddily at her for a moment.

"What?" she asked.

Jack opened his mouth to tell her what you were supposed to do when that happened, but decided that he didn't want to get a slap on the face. Especially for something that he knew he wouldn't deserve. "What do you want, Dobby?"

"Dobby has an announcement." He cleared his throat, and said in a very deep, TV-announcer voice, "Presenting: his noble Hotness, descended from a long line of pure-blood wizards, seeker on the Slytherin Quidditch team, and who also has really nice hair… Draco Malfoy!"

"Shut it, Dobby. I can introduce myself." Said a cold voice from above. Violet looked up. Sitting on a broomstick above her was a teenage boy. He had a black cape on and a jumper that had little green snakes all over it. As he jumped off his broomstick, Violet got a good look at him. He looked just like Artemis, only with bleached blonde hair. It was kind of frightening.

"I'm here, my love, to take you away," said Draco in a posh British voice, "Away from this island and all these filthy brutes. You can come back with me to my mansion in England and make out with me in a jacuzzi."

Legolas gagged.

There was a strange bubbling sound, and a puff of green smoke. A boy with glasses dressed in a similar outfit as Draco's (only it had red lions on it) emerged coughing from the smoke. "Over my dead body!" he cried.

Draco turned. "Potter?" he cried. "How did you get here?"

"Floo powder," the boy said smugly. "I figured out where the coordinates were on a map, and borrowed some from Professor Dumbledore." He added, "Because I'm his favorite and Voldemort's coming to kill me. Again."

"You are not! And besides, I got here first. Finder's keepers. You can get Broadway boy and his pet bird."

"No, I get Violet." He turned to Violet. "Pick me because I'm a hero and a geek."

"No, pick me because I'm filthy rich and a geek!"

"Pick me!"

"Pick me!"

"She's not going to pick either of you," said Artemis, stepping in front of Violet. "Violet isn't some lass you can claim. She knowingly chooses to stay with us because she knows we're her friends." He said in a manly, powerful voice, "You're going to have to get through me to get her."

"And me," Jack added, stepping in front.

"And me," said Van Helsing, his hands on his weapons.

"And me, but please don't take away my Maybelline." Legolas stepped in front, hiding his mascara.

Violet pushed her way out. "You see, boys, I'd rather stay on this island with an evil genius, a fop warrior, a pirate scoundrel and a cute assassin than go away with you. So, you should just give up while you're ahead."

Harry and Draco looked at each other. "Fine. We can see when we're not wanted. We'll just take back the presents and the magic force field and leave you to survive on your own." They picked up their broomsticks, and Draco muttered, "I never really liked that Mudblood harlot anyway."

It was at that moment that Artemis stepped forward and socked Draco in the nose. Draco burst into tears. Jack stared at his rum. "What is in this stuff!"

The two wizards flew off; and Jack's weapons, Legolas' bow and arrows, and the pretty tropical trees disappeared. All that was left was a few fruit trees to tall to try to reach. Violet was grinning. "We're free!"

"Maybelline! Clinique!" Legolas sobbed. He glared at Artemis. "I hope you're happy."

Artemis was posed in a manly position. He stood there for a moment, before clutching his hand. "OW! What the bloody !#$&-" he drifted off into various curses in various languages, some which Jack doubted as human.

"Well, hangover's nearly over, I imagine," said Jack, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt, "I don't know a single Broadway show that has that word in it."

Violet's eyebrows were raised. "Heavens!" she said, "I've heard some words from malevolent villains, but not that many!"

"It's comes from being in crime," Legolas said, shaking his head, "He's like a cross of Al Pacino and Brad Pitt in that creepy vampire movie 'Interview with a Vampire…'"

"Vampires?" Van Helsing jumped, weapons at ready, "Where?"

"Still, it was a terribly gentlemanly thing to do," Violet smiled, approaching the pained Artemis. "Thank you for, you know, standing up for me. It was out of your character."

Artemis looked at her like she had asked him to take off his shirt for her. "What did I do?"

"Oh. Never mind, then."

"What?"

"Never mind, Fowl! Humans…"