Author's Note: Wow. It's been a long time. Actually, it's only been a couple of weeks since I updated. I apologize for the inconvenience, my awesome readers, but the first couple of weeks I was waiting for suggestions and this previous week I have been at camp, so, uh… yeah. I want to thank you, firstly, for your wonderful reviews and gracious suggestions. They were all very creative, I must admit (especially meowbooks'- how on earth do you come up with your ideas ?) and I truly think I could've used them all somehow in the story, but I don't think it would help the story go where I think it should go. So, I think I might just go out on a limb and make my own character to help the five get off the island. Don't get me wrong, I love your ideas. I really liked the other two Baudelaire siblings idea however, I have a plan for Violet. Their time will come to enter the story…. mwahaha! And I don't think I could have any HP characters at the moment, again I have a plan. I just was lacking in that one connecting-piece to get the plan there. Pleeeeease don't be angry or anything with me. I wuv you all so much. I would grovel at your feet but I'm at a computer typing, so, sorry. Okay. I don't know if my idea will work, but we'll just see how it goes, won't me? Again, please bear with me.
Chapter Five
Artemis Fowl, Captain Jack Sparrow, and Gabriel Van Helsing stared in confusion at the two eyes behind the window of the shabby hut. The face was enveloped in darkness, but the eyes shone brightly behind what seemed like cracked glasses. All three were out of breath, but it seemed that everyone stopped heaving and gasping after the chase out of sheer shock.
Legolas joined them shortly, saying in a singsong voice, "Well, have all you humans kissed and made up? Why so sile-" but he stopped as well at the sight of the eyes. "In the name of Galandriel." He said, leaning forward. The eyes darted this way and that, and suddenly the silence was broken with an awkward mumbling.
"Ssyew."
"I'm sorry, could you speak up?" Legolas said, remembering his manners. Manners matter when one is meeting possibly crazy people.
"It's… it's you." The voice said, coming out of the shadows. The four men jerked back, and got a good look at the stranger. It was a man, with thick, cracked glasses and wild grey hair. He had an untamed beard, and liquid blue eyes. He was wearing what seemed like a scientific lab coat of some sort. His eyes now took on a wild joy.
"It's you! Civilized people! Well, not exactly civilized, quite odd actually. One looks like a pirate, another a girl, another a vampire of some sort, and… and…" he paused. "I know those markings and weapons. I've not seen them in a while. You must work for the church in Rome," he gestured to Van Helsing. "Monster hunter of some sort. But no matter! You're here! I knew someone would come and rescue me, I just knew it. But after four-or was it seven?- years of being on this island with no civilized people to talk to, just science and her mystery, four-or was it seven?- you get sort of desperate and begin to lose hope. But the good news is that I found my antidote. I have triumphed in that field. But I couldn't get off the island. I just couldn't. So I waited. I waited, and waited, and waited…" he drifted off, in silence, then snapped back to attention. "I'm sorry, who did you say you were?"
Van Helsing peered at the man. "No… you're not… Gantus, are you?"
"That's Doctor Ophilius Gantus. I have many degrees and masters and certificates in science, but they don't mean diddly-anything out here in the wild. In fact, no one's around to care about your inventions or anything. They just want to eat you-"
"Who's the loony?" Jack whispered to Van Hesling.
"Dr. Gantus. He's the scientist I was looking for before I crashed. What a strange coincidence I found him here. He's quite mad now, I believe." Van Helsing replied, staring at the ranting man.
"You know I found the cure to the fever. Right here in the jungle. A little blue flower. I call it the Lazarus flower. Cute little thing. I made up a song about it. Would you like to hear it?" he started to sing in a cracked voice, but stopped. "I'm sorry, who are you?"
"Dr. Gantus," Van Helsing said, "I am Gabriel Van Helsing. You are with friends. I've been searching for you to help me kill a monster I've been hunting."
"Good, good, good. I know how to kill lots of monsters. I even know how to cure diarrhea. Nasty business, though. How soon can we get off this blasted island?"
"Well, that's the problem." Legolas ventured. "We're kind of… stuck as well. We don't know how to get off."
Dr. Gantus stopped, horrid disappointment in his crazy blue eyes, and started murmuring to himself. "No, no, they can't be. They aren't. but now that there are more, we can build it. Yes, we can build it now. But how long will it take before the Tiki-tikis get here? They've probably already arrived. They could hide. Yes. Hide and then build. The Tikis will never know…"
"Excuse me, but who are the Tiki-tikis?" Legolas said.
"Island people who come to this island after every full moon to make a sacrifice to their Island god." Dr. Gantus said nonchalantly, going back to his mumbling.
"Why is it that we keep getting people on this island that are either uncivilized and/or insane?" Artemis asked, staring.
"You should be the one to talk," Jack snapped, checking to see that any sharp objects were at least five feet away from Artemis.
"I knew you would come. I found a flying contraption obviously crafted by the monks at the Roman church. Those old boys like to tinker a lot with dangerous things for holy men."
"Wait… you found my Scaper?" Van Helsing asked.
"What's a Scaper?" Jack asked.
"It's a flying machine that can go underwater and over it. Meant for overseas traveling, clearly." Van Helsing said, glancing around the hut. "Where is it?"
"I dragged it into the hut; I was afraid the Tikis might see it and think it was some sort of sign from their angry god. It's quite useless- the wings are dented and the engine has blown."
Van Helsing cursed. "We'll never get out of here."
"Well, come inside at least. The Tikis will be out and about looking for things to sacrifice," Gantus said, pushing them into the hut. He pulled a lever which caused a canopy to cover the whole area and make it look like a moss-covered rock.
Inside was almost as curious as the scientist himself. It was filled with lots of tubes made from leaves, trees, branches, and bits of broken glass. A strange blue concoction was bubbling in a stained glass beaker.
"My cure for the fever," Gantus said, gesturing. He led them to a pile of leaves covered and nailed down to the ground by a dirty sheet. He pushed them down, and pulled out various beakers, filling them with a steamy red liquid. "This will brighten your spirits. It's made from a juice of a certain berry that has almost an effect of alcohol, but it's not as hazardous. It sends you quite giddy. I drink it when I get depressed and lonely. Which is all the time."
"Give me that!" Jack said, grabbing the beaker and draining it. He smacked his lips. "Tastes like a strawberry daiquiri." He said, shaking the glass for the remaining drops.
Artemis sipped his casually. "So, you've never tried to build a boat or anything to get off this place?"
"I've tried," Gantus said, pulling out some crumpled papers, and tossing them to Artemis. They were blueprints of various boats made from trees and leaves and other materials of the rainforests. Artemis scanned them. They were quite accurate. "But it's very difficult building a big boat to sail for a while all by yourself and constantly trying to hide from tribal islanders." He sighed, looking out the window. "See there?" he pointed to the mountain. A billowing cloud of smoke was starting to rise into the sky. "That means they've found something to sacrifice. Normally the whole procedure takes all night."
Legolas peered out the window. Van Helsing glanced through the boat blueprints. Jack drank some more berry concoction. Artemis sat back and continued to sip, when all of a sudden his dark eyes lit up and he sat up. "Where's Violet?" he said, his voice low.
Everyone turned around excepting Gantus. "Who's Violet?" he said, staring dreamily out the window at the dark pillow of smoke.
"For Saint Barthabiusnessdeluthius' sake!" Van Helsing cried. "That girl seems to get into so much trouble!"
"She could be fine," Legolas said, pushing Gantus out of the way to see anybody up there. He didn't want to bother to ask who St. Bartha-whoever was.
"I doubt it." Van Helsing said.
"Well, Violet's a smart lass, she knows how to get herself out of trouble." Jack said, finishing up his second glass.
"She is smart, but I can't help but worry. We should go up the mountain just to see if she's not in harm." Artemis said, walking briskly to the door. Gantus jumped in his way.
"Are you mad?" he asked incredulously.
"Are you?" Jack interrupted.
"No," Gantus said quietly.
"The first step to insanity is denial," Jack said.
"You should know," Artemis shot.
"As I was saying," Gantus said, glaring, "Once the Tiki-tikis get to sacrificing things on the mountain, they get territorial, temperamental and much more violent then their usual behavior."
"Sounds like my mother having a hot flash," Artemis admitted to himself. Jack shuddered in fear.
"It is but folly to try to rescue someone up there. Firstly, you don't have any weapons other than those monster-hunting things, and there are only four of you. You need an army to get into there." Gantus said, shaking his head.
"No," Van Helsing said, "we need a disguise."
"What are you suggesting?" Jack asked, standing up.
"Indeed. Half of you look more like tribal woman than tribal men." Gantus said, looking Legolas up and down and stepping away from an evil-looking Artemis.
"Exactly," grinned Van Helsing, and grabbed a couple of sheets.