Author's Note: Ahoy, readers! I am so excited about the number of reviews I'm getting! I know I've said this before, but I seriously thought this thing would get at most, like, three. Woot! To Frisky Muffin: Ew. I hate the black ones. They taste like deodorant. And not the good, nice-smelling kind. Why were you eating the black ones in the first place? To JohnnyDBabe: New reviewer! New reviewer! Yay! Thank you very much for your kindness. You are probably one of the only readers who doesn't object to Legolas being a fop. I love that word. Fop. Fop. Fop. To VagrantCandy: No more shrubberies? That's too bad. If you are suffering from bare-lawn-itis, you might consider garden gnomes. Although they do have a tendency to get a bit creepy sometimes when you arrange them a certain way and they change their position when your back is turned (shudder); or sometimes they just tend to leave randomly and promote labels like Travelocity (All rights reserved). To meowbooks: You'll find he is a whiz of a wiz of ever a wiz there was! If ever oh ever a wiz there was, the Wizard of Oz is one because, because because because because becaaaaaaause… because of the wonderful things he does! (Chord) You're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oooooooooo-pant, gasp- ooooooooooz! To shadowglove: I couldn't resist putting another drag reference in there. I even sketched out what they all might look like. Violet looked pretty good. Artemis looked sexy. And Van Helsing… um… I'd rather not talk about this anymore. To whereartthou: I'm sorry I confuzzled you. My advice- if you don't have the Wicked soundtrack, I would buy it immediately. Not only does it have great music and you'll understand that chapter better, but… uh… did I say it's awesome music? To Yazuka Princess: (sobs) I'll never get this! Can we just pretend he prefers the American junk we have over here and had it flown in? Please? PLEASE! Oh, and I'm glad you liked the Van Helsing/Galinda thing. Like I said before, I couldn't resist. To Cheorl: Yah, I was typing, and it just occurred to me, oh my giddy aunt! Tin Can is like Tin Man! And then I got this funny image in my head about a Campbell's soup (again, all rights reserved) can with his lid flapping open singing Boq stuff. Heheh. To Captain Arianna Trouble: Tellmetellmetellmetellme!To URworSTNiGhTMARe: one word, my friend: randomness. Sheer randomness. Wow. These Author's Notes are getting pretty long. Oh well. Let's get to Chapter 8!

Chapter Eight

"Artemis, can you hear me?" a voice said from above. Artemis groaned.

"Hey human, you in there?" another voice said in his ear.

"Fowl? Ru-unt? Elphie! Elphie, wake up!"

Artemis clutched his head, and rolled over. "It never ends…" he moaned, curling up in the fetal position. He opened his eyes to find Van Helsing and Legolas staring down at him.

"Hey! He's awake!" Van Helsing grinned, ruffling his hair.

"We worried about you for a minute," Legolas said, looking at his watch, "Okay, maybe a minute and a half-"

"We heard pounding down below the deck for a while, but then it suddenly stopped, and we knew something was wrong," said Violet, who was sitting by his side, dabbing his forehead with a wet cloth.

"And then we heard you singing," Legolas said. "It was only for a little while, though, then you went back into unconsciousness. The singing wasn't that bad," he smiled. "Something about western skies-"

"Where's Dr. Gantus?" Artemis asked quickly. He didn't want Van Helsing to start up again. Strangely, Van Helsing didn't say anything about the Oz-fest. (Another cheesy joke, readers.)

"He's up on deck experimenting with something and seawater. Sparrow's still at the wheel."

"Remind me to never ever try one of his experiments again."

"Don't worry. He's decided that he would rather try his whacked-out concoctions on himself; he feels that you pounding your head against walls will change the effects of the variable ingredients or some scientific blather like that." Van Helsing said, going up top again. Legolas looked to Violet, then Artemis, grinned evilly like he was plotting something, and bounded up behind his monster-assassin companion. Violet stayed, continuing to dab his forehead.

"I don't see why you don't sing more often. When you were unconscious you were very entertaining."

Artemis sat up, holding the damp rag to his head. "I might consider becoming one of those singing monks. The quiet seclusion of the church might save me a lot of embarrassment." Artemis paused, remembering Van Helsing sometimes talk about his funny little assistant who was a friar. He imagined having to tag along with Van Helsing on one of his vampire hunts. It must be excruciating.

Violet laughed. "Cheer up, Artemis. At least you're not emerald anymore," she handed him a piece of glass. He looked at his reflection. His complexion was beginning to turn back to normal. "And don't go beating your head against walls anymore. The next time you might not wake up again."

"I sometimes wonder if that's necessarily a bad thing."

Violet smiled at Artemis. Artemis returned her gaze. They just sat there for a moment, staring at each other. Artemis opened his mouth to speak, but Violet stood up, blushing, and said she had to go. She scuttled up the stairs, closing the door behind her. Artemis sat back, wondering what the bloody heck he had gotten himself into. Violet sat behind the door, wondering the same thing.

They sailed, and sailed, and sailed some more. Violet gazed at that clear ocean floor till her eyes were sore. Dr. Gantus was sick with his drugs, so he mostly stayed behind the cabin door. Van Helsing had read his brownie book to page three-ninety-four. After a while, Artemis found his sea legs and his health was no longer poor. Legolas had run out of berry lip balm and there was no place to get more, so he resorted to telling dreary lore full of gore about the War… of the Ring. That's when Jack started to snore. Have you noticed that I've rhymed almost every sentence in here with "ore", or am I just being a bore? Anyway, they sailed for a couple of days- tedious days. It was very lucky that they didn't run into any storms, and the wind blew mostly northwest. Altogether, they discovered how dreary sea life can be, as nothing really happened until a few days after when the water turned a little more shallow…

Jack had let Dr. Gantus sail that night, and had chosen to get some shut-eye. He was almost dead from sailing without rest for days. But it was all right. It made him feel very important to be the captain again- after being just an intoxicated scallywag for a week and a half. Or was it more? It felt like more. He was wondering where his crew and ship was at the moment, when he heard a shriek. He sat up immediately. Violet, of course.

"Dr. Gantus!"

"Monica! Oh, Monica, my love, how I've missed you!" said Gantus, taking hold of violet's waist. Violet pushed him away firmly.

"Dr. Gantus, you are not yourself. And I am certainly not who you think I am-"

"All those years of being alone without my little Scandinavian cutie don't matter any more. What matters is that you're with me now! Come, let's make love on a beach. No, let's make love in the mountains. No! Let's make love in your father's ketchup factory-"

Violet's eyes widened. "I don't want to make love with you! I'm going to ask you one more time to rethink your actions before-"

"Monica, Monica. Don't play coy. You know your darling Ophilius loves you. Now, come here!" he grabbed Violet by the waist, before getting a swift slap in the face, knocking him off balance.

Jack sat up, watching in vague amazement from afar. Legolas had slid down from his post at the mast, running to pull him off. Artemis was quicker. He pushed Violet aside with a horrid snarl on his face like the ones the vampire brides had that day on the mountain. Keeping a firm grasp on Violet, he growled, "Keep your distance, Gantus."

Gantus gasped. "Monica! You have been unfaithful to me with Hans the butcher?"

Violet jerked Artemis aside. "Why are you so blasted protective of me?" she snapped.

"Did you want him to go on like that with you?"

"No! Ew. But I could've handled it myself." She said. Jack took upon this moment to put Dr. Gantus in a headlock, ignoring the fact that the mad scientist was in a different reality. Legolas watched the argument in anticipation.

"It didn't look like you were handling it to me."

Violet stopped, her cheeks growing red. Her lip started to quiver. "You know, I got along just fine without you trying to save me before we got stuck on that island. I've escaped from even crazier people too many times to count. I'm not some helpless damsel who gets herself into trouble on a regular basis. I'm perfectly capable of getting myself out of messes."

"I know that," Artemis snapped.

"Then why-"

"Because I c…" Artemis stopped, stumbling over the word. "Because I c-c-c-c-c-c…"

"Oh, get it out, you ninny!" Legolas said, giving Artemis a sharp kick in the hindquarters.

"Care," said Artemis, glaring darkly at the elf, "I care about you, Violet. I can't help but sometimes be a little protective. If… if anything happened to you and I wasn't there to stop it, I… I don't think I could forgive myself." Artemis stared at his shoes.

Violet stared at Artemis, the redness spreading from her cheeks to her whole face. "Oh," she said quietly.

Legolas was grinning from ear to pointy ear, when he noticed something on the horizon from afar. He quickly climbed up the mast in his cool elf way, and peered closer sat what he saw. Van Helsing and Jack had now commenced in holding the kicking Gantus who was randomly shouting Monica, but other than that: silence. Violet and Artemis were both now keenly interested in the floor of the deck.

"Hate to break up the moment, sailors, but I see land!" Legolas shouted joyfully, pointing. "On the starboard side!"

Jack looked around. "My starboard side or your starboard side?"

"Mine, you idiot!"

"No need to insult, I see it. Land ho!" Jack shouted, leaving Gantus and turning the wheel to the rugged line on the horizon. They sailed speedily to the spot of land far away. As they got closer, they could see mountains, and faint little blotches of what appeared to be a village. Legolas used his "elf-vision" which "elves only have, of course, to help them better with battle and hunt, because they are so much more adaptable than humans," to take a good look at the village.

"Pretty decent-looking town. The buildings seemed to be made out of logs and mud and stuff. I see a few people out there. Not doing much. Ooh! One of them has this cute little tunic on that is just adorable-"

"But does it look friendly?" said Jack, irritated.

"Obviously. Let's pop in for a visit and ask for directions, and restock on food and supplies."

"Very well then, ships away! Next stop: uh… unidentified but most likely friendly island!"

They sailed on to where the water got extremely shallow. It was almost so shallow that they came close to running aground. Upon approaching the shore, a small little canoo-like boat approached the boat. It had a big man and several rowers in it. The big man had a very big smile on his face. Legolas grinned nervously back. He had a bad history with happy fat island men.

"Welcome," the man boomed with open arms, "to our island!"