Yay! I got some reviews thank you DaughterofDemeter123 and NiteDream for reviewing especially DaughterofDemeter123 since she pointed out how much Prussia needed to be more awesome.
I forgot to mention this on the first chapter but it has to be done. I do not owe Hetalia, If I did Prussia would get more screen time, Spain and Romano would be shown with a lot of fluff and the Bad touch trio would get drunk and storm into the meeting room to kick some ass.
Yeah, now on with the chapter.
Chapter – Prussia vs the farm
"Hey you awesome bitch, help the awesome me will you." Gilbert yelled out as a 2000 pound brown and shaggy buffalo chased after him.
Maria held her stomach as she laughed so hard, she almost couldn't breathe over the sheer awesomeness on how Prussia managed to piss of a buffalo.
You are probably wondering to yourself how he got into this mess, and for that I have to explain.
*flashback*
"So where exactly am?" Prussia asked as he watch Maria the dishes
"What do you mean the country, city, or state?" She asked
"All of the above" He replied
"Well you're currently residing in US of A, In the small farm town known as Chino in sunny California." Maria replied
"So the Awesome me is on a farm town?"
"Yup." was her answer.
"Figures that I would land in some stupid dump, this is all your fault you unawesome person."
"Hey respect you elders jerk, I'm older that you and your going to currently live under my roof so you have to obey my rulers." Maria glared at him as she put the last of the dishes into the cupboard.
"How much?" He asked
Maria was cut off guard by that. "Um… what?"
"How much of an age difference are we?" He asked boredly
"Well apparently the manual says you're 20, I however I'm 22 Years old." Maria turned around as she put away the milk carton. "Thoug- ack!"
Maria face turned red as she felt a pair of hands groping her chest, she quickly elbowed the person (Prussia)in the stomach before looking at him angrily. "Cabrón, qué estas pensando a tocarme asi, estupido pendejo."
Prussia grumbled as he rubbed his stomach. "I don't believe you're 22 years old with a chest like that, you know what?"
Maria glared at him. "What?"
"The awesome me is now calling you Miss B-cup from now on."
Maria face turned red that she resembled what Spain would call a tomato. "w-what? You jerk it only a two year age difference and I have a name and it's Maria."
"Naw, I think I'll stick to Miss B-cup."
Maria glared at him before taking a deep breath "alright, whatever call me whatever you feel like calling me you're still following the house rules."
"Screw the rules, the awesome me only follow the awesome rules that I make."
Maria sighed as she ignored him, "Anyway since you'll be staying with us, I won't let you live here freeloading so you have two options get a job or work here on the farm."
"The Awesome me is too awesome to work."
Maria grabbed Gilbert's ear and gave it a harsh tug "Is the word awesome the only vocabulary word you have to say in every sentence."
"Du hurensohn! let go of my ear!"
Maria only frowned "Come on 'oh great awesome one', I might as well introduce the work place here."
"Scheiβe."
Maria only ignored Gilbert as he continued to curse at her in German. Maria finally let go of Gilbert as she led them outside to the huge back yard. Gilbert grumbled as he rubbed his ear but then noticed how huge the land was from behind the house. There was a huge red barn to the left, ahead of them was some sort of a fairly large chicken coop, a few chickens were clucking away as they ate the vegetation nearby.
"It's pretty big..."
"that's an understatement." Prussia replied
"Well when I bought this house eight years ago it was a huge dump, most of the yard was covered in weeds, the barn house had a huge whole on the roof along with it being infested with termites. However I got this place running in about a month with some help."
"By who? Your parents?"
Maria eyes dulled when he asked that. "No, My parents were actually against me from living here, only reason I was able to live here was because my elder brother decided that he and I should live together."
"Your elder brother huh, so what's his name."
"Judas Hidalgo Juarez." She said softly.
"So why haven't I seen him?"
Maria suddenly rubbed her eyes before giving Prussia a warm smile. "You know what, I haven't shown you the chicken coop how about I show you what you're going to be doing."
She grabbed his hand again as she pulled further into the yard. Gilbert was surprised by the sudden change of mood; He frowned as he was dragged across the green field over to a yellow hen house. The two walked inside where a few chickens walked around. "This is the chicken coop, the hens usually lay their eggs here, but check underneath the floor because sometime they tend to roll away from the nest. If one of the chickens refuse to leave her nest, leave it alone it means she trying to hatch her eggs."
They looked down to see a dozen baby chicks start chirping in happiness as Maria grabbed a cup full of chicken feed and placed it in a small bin where they all started running towards it.
Prussia couldn't help but to smile "Hey the little guys are kinda cute."
Maria frowned "What do you mean kinda, they are cute. It my personal army of Gilbirds."
Gilbird who had been sitting on Prussia head the whole time jumped off his master head and headed towards the free food, where the other little chicks stared at him for a moment before cuddling him.
"Aw, look they like Gilbird"
"Of course they like Gilbird, he's as awesome as me."
As they baby chicks ate a mother hen came and started leading them back to the nest. The hen looked at Gilbird as he was still munching on chicken feed before picking him up from his tail feathers and setting him with the rest of the chicks before it nested on top of them.
Prussia blinked, "Hey! Your chicken took Gilbird."
"It probably thinks that Gilbird is part of hatchling there."
Gilbert stood in front of the chicken as he tried to reach to lift her up only to receive a peck on his hand. He winced as he pulled back. "Dumme Huhn, Give me back Gilbird!"
This repeated about a dozen time, Maria had to wonder if maybe she should check the manual, to see if stupidity was part of Gilbert's programing.
Gilbert looked at his hand as the chicken managed to make a hole on them. "Alright that's it, When I'm finished with you I'm making you into fried chicken."
He launched himself to tackle the chicken down but was taken by surprised when a huge rooster launched itself to his face making Gilbert fall.
Maria quickly grabbed the rooster before it made too much damage on Gilberts face.
Gilbert spat a few feathers that landed in his mouth as he got up. "What the heck is that thing?"
Maria gave the rooster a small pat on the head. "This Gilbert is Caramel, the rooster who Nene and I raised when he first hatched. He's very protective of all the chickens here, so I'd be careful about what you say in front of him."
"why? It's just a stupid bird."
"For one thing it understands you, since Caramel lived inside the house up until it was an adult. Also Caramel is a fighting breed, so it won't hesitate to take your eyes out."
"And you want me to feed these birds with the possibility of having my eyes gouged out?"
"Pretty much." Maria replied.
"I'm not doing it."
"Well there is something else and that's taking care of the cows, will can see them next if you want?" Maria suggested
Gilbert glared at the chicken. "First we get Gilbird."
Maria sighed "fine, here hold Caramel."
She gently handed Gilbert the rooster who immediately started struggling under his grasp, and started pecking at him. Maria gently lifted the hen from the nest and watched as Gilbird got out and jumped on her shoulder.
"Ow *peck* Scheiβe *peck* Are you do - *peck* Ow that hurt you stupid rooster."
The 22 year old put the hen back before grabbing the rooster who was trying to gorge Gilbert's eyes out. Gilbert quickly grabbed Gilbird and ran out, Maria followed soon after, she wondered if maybe Gilbert could handle the cows.
Maria and Gilbert stood in front of a large wooden fence on the other side at least three large cows and one calf were grazing the field. Maria jumped the fence; Gilbert followed her as they stood in front of the calf.
"Alright the only thing you have to do with these cows is make sure they have plenty of water and that they are fed, I'm not letting you milk them yet since they need to trust you in order to get near them." She gave the calf a rub on his head which made him moo happily. "This little guy is Nacho, don't ask me about the names of the other cows Nene named them and I can never pronounce their names."
"Isn't this a male cow." He asked
"Calf Gilbert and yes it is, however its very docile around people."
"Gilbert started laughing "kesesese…It's a sissy."
The white haired nation started pulling on the calf's tail, Nacho started to moo in distress trying to get whatever was pulling his tail to stop.
"Gilbert stop doing that, you're upsetting him."
"Hell no, this is fun and it will probably toughen him up." Gilbert pulled the tail again.
"No I mean it quit, picking on him."
"You're not the boss of the awesome me." He yelled
"Fine, don't say I didn't warn you." Maria started running across the field and got back to the safe side of the fence, Gilbird also followed.
"Hey how come you left, the fun is just getting started." Prussia didn't notice a huge shadow looming over him until Nacho started mooing happily. "Huh what's got you so happy, you finally realized that my awesomeness is helping you." He then noticed the huge shadow Gilbert turned around and was staring at the eyes of a brown and shaggy looking 3000 pound buffalo.
"Uh…hi?"
The Buffalo started charging at him, Gilbert did the wisest thing that anyone would do and that was run like hell."
And that's where we are now.
*end of flashback*
"Hey you unawesome brat, help the awesome me here!"
Maria only smiled sweetly before yelling out. "I would if I could Gilbert, but that Buffalo belongs to Nene, and only she can stop him."
"Then go get her." He yelled
"Sorry I can't" She yelled back
Gilbert jumped a few water barrels. "Can't or won't"
Maria stuck her tongue. "You decide."
"YOU SUCK!"
"Dugo!" A loud voice yelled
The buffalo immediately stop as it saw Nene near the fence with some alfalfa pellets, the hairy beast started charging towards the younger teen and stood in front of her before stopping and started eating the alfalfa pellets from her hand.
Gilbert huffed as he got himself on the safe side of the fence next to Maria, "Where the Hell did you guys get a buffalo?"
Maria smirked. "We found him in the middle of a deserted road one rainy night, Nene made me stop the car to rescue him. His name is Dugo, Nene though it was clever since it's in her native language."
"Wait I thought you were both Spanish?"
"I'm Mexican dumbass; Nene on the other hand is Pilipino."
"How is that possible, you both are related."
"Actually only half related, we're Half-siblings"
Prussia was getting confused, these weird chicks along with the animals that were trying to kill him was making him feel unawesome which was not awesome for him.
Nene looked at Maria boredly. "Hey Maria, can you give me a ride to the movies?"
"Well it depends why you need to go."
"I promise a few friends I'd go see the new Lion King Movie in 3d." Nene replied
"Are they girls?" Maria asked
"Yes" Nene said flatly
Maria smiled, "Good, because if it was a boy, I would have said no."
"Hey what about me?" Gilbert as he sat on the floor.
Maria took a good look at Gilbert, his navy blue Luftwaffe SS uniform was something that probably the locals would probably frowned upon and with his white hair and red eyes, some people might think he was some no good street punk, Which wasn't far from the truth…
"Alright Nene, we can leave as soon as we give Gilbert a change of clothes." She walked back inside the house.
Gilbert followed behind her. "What wrong with the clothes I'm wearing now?"
"One they're dirty, and two last time I check wearing that type of outfit in public would give you a bad rep and you don't really need to screw your so called awesome reputation."
Gilbert frowned for a moment, "tch…fine but you give me something awesome to wear."
"I think I have something in this closet that might fit you."
She pulled out a black t-shirt with a picture of a beer boot with the words 'Drinking beer and kicking ass since 1989.' and some black skinny jeans with some chains hanging by the sides.
"Here I believe this is awesome enough for you." She smirked
"keseseseseseseses… Awesome." He started taking off his jacket and shirt. Maria squeaked as she covered her blushing face "What the hell Prussia, go get changed in the bathroom."
"Come on you can't tell me you haven't seen another guy naked."
.
.
.
"Hey don't tell you're a virgin or something."
"…"
"kesese…This is just too funny."
Maria only turned around as she watched Nene walked by already dressed to go out. "I'll drop you off just let me grab my jacket alright." Maria ran up the stairs to her room, leaving Gilbert alone with Nene.
"Hey brat, what do you know about your older brother?"
"which one?" Nene asked
Prussia was taken by surprise. "Wait you have more than one brother?
"half-brothers actually, are you talking about Judas or Jesus?"
"The one that helped your sister get this house."
Nene looked at the wall. "Oh Judas, well it pretty sad, he and Maria were very close."
Gilbert finally put on the shirt. "So what happened to him, did he and Maria get into a huge fight or something.
"No, he died two years ago…" Nene said flatly
Gilbert looked at Nene in surprise she was able to say that so casually like as if she was ordering herself a cup of coffee.
"What did he exactly die from? He asked
"Leukemia" She answered.
"Oh and your other brother?"
Nene shrugged, "Don't know I've never met him."
"How can you have not met him"
"I was only a year old when Maria's Dad took him away, now shut up you ask too many questions." Nene said softly as she sat on the couch.
Gilbert would have yelled back, had he the mood in the room change that to the feeling of sadness, so he couldn't help but to feel a bit awkward however he didn't show it because he was too awesome for it.
Maria came back downstairs wearing a red jacket. "Alright guys lets go."
Gilbert grumbled as he looked from the back of an old pick-up truck that Maria owned. Somehow, he ended up sitting outside in the back when he insulted the German Shepard that had tackled him to the ground.
And this wasn't even his fault, how was he supposed to know that the crazy dog would jump him when he tried to grope Maria's butt when she had bend over to tie her shoelaces.
So Maria had banned him from sitting in the front and told him to think about what he did until she decided he was sorry. He tried listening to their conversation; however it was muffled by the sounds of the engine noise. He could only understand some of it, but decided it was best to ignore it.
Beside it gave him time to be all to his awesome (lonesome) self, He decide to pull out his journal and start writing about his awesome day.
Meanwhile with the two sisters were having a bit of an argument themselves.
"So are you going to be ok going out with your friends?"
Nene sighed. "yes Maria, we are just going out to see a movie."
"Alright, but remember, If I see you hanging out with anyone or talking to anyone that is of the opposite sex, I'm going to hunt them down and kill them."
"Dammit this is the reason why I don't let you meet some of my friends." Nene exclaimed.
"Well someone has to make sure your being protected." Maria cheekily replied
"So what are young going to do if i decided to go against your rules and date a guy and the knocked up." Nene asked.
Maria pressed her foot on the brakes as they stop abruptly on the road. In the back you could hear a loud thud and someone yelling and cursing in German about being lousy drive and being an unawesome person.
"When that happens I'll find that bastard make sure he suffers for knocking you up and then I plan your wedding." She started
"Oh yeah, what if after that conflict he decides he doesn't want to marry me." Nene asked again
Maria gave her a murderous smirk. "I'll make his life a living hell."
"And what if become a good husband and make sure to take care of me, will you cut him slack then."
Maria frowned, "Hell no, I'd tease him and torture the poor bastard for taking my sweet little sister from me, besides…"
Maria wrapped her arm around Nene's shoulders. "I love you too much to let you go right now."
Nene looked outside and saw the theater. "Well here's my stop." She gave Maria a peck on the cheek as she got off and raced to the front of the theater where a group of girls were waiting for her. Maria had a rather large smile, before she stuck her head outside and looked at back. "Hey Gilbert you can come into the front now."
Gilbert got out from the back and jumped into the passenger seat. "Finally, the awesome was getting tired, of being in the cold. "
"Yeah, whatever we have to go the store before we go back home, alright."
"Whatever." Prussia replied
As Maria drove, she couldn't help but to notice that Gilbert kept writing in his journal.
'I wonder what he's writing about.' She thought
Maria went through a rather large parkway as she slowly parked near a large building. She unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the truck, Gilbert left his journal on the front seat and got out as well.
"Alright, I need to pack in as much food as we can for the next two weeks so Nene, Gilbert and I won't starve. I wonder if they have any good deals today." Maria kept muttering loudly not noticing Gilbert running into the market.
"Let's see we need lots of fruit, some flour, maybe some steak, rice and beans definitely can't forget that."
A sudden loud scream was heard in the store, Maria snapped herself from her thoughts as she realized Gilbert had run off in front of her. She quickly started running towards the noise and found Gilbert corning a poor female employee.
"So pretty frau, wanna see my five meters." Prussia asked
Maria growled as she pulled Prussia by the ear. "Damn it Gilbert control yourself." She looked at the young woman. "I deeply sorry for whatever the hell my stupid friend did. He has a narcissistic disorder and A.D.D. and tends to act like this when no one is watching him."
"No I don't" Gilbert yelled
Maria only smiled as she pulled on his ear. "He's also a persistent liar, sorry to have caused you trouble."
The woman nodded before walking away, Maria did the same while still holding Gilberts ear.
"Hey! Let go of me already."
"Hell no, the moment I take my eyes off you, you start to harass anyone with a nice rack or a cute butt." She notices a few customers staring at them, great as if things couldn't get any worst.
"Leck mich am arsen! They have something to grope unlike you Miss B-cup."
Maria growled as she grabbed a cart and flipped him inside. "Listen here you self-centered prick, You are going to keep your big mouth shut while you're inside here, and you as so much as mutter a single syllable without me asking I will gladly cut out your innards and feed them to you for dinner ."
Prussia face turned white as he sunk into the cart, that crazy B-cup brat knew how to look scary for 5'6 height and he was taller than her, also how the hell did she manage to get him in the cart in the first place.
As Prussia was left there to ponder his thoughts on the mysterious power of this crazy Mexican chick, Maria was busy filling food inside the cart putting all the food on top of Gilbert. She usually didn't get so angry with people and she should have expected that comment from Gilbert.
Maria remembered someone else saying something similar to that, however she couldn't remember at the moment. As Maria kept filling the cart with food items, she had failed to notice that Gilbert was slowly running out of room.
She soon came to her sense when they got to the alcohol aisle. She looked at the cart and nearly gawked at the stuff she had toppled onto Gilbert. She scratched the tip of her nose in embarrassment, "um, Prussia, since you actually manage to stay quiet for so long how about I buy you some beer?"
Gilbert was strangely quiet, Maria wondered if she actually hurt his feelings, "Um…Gilbert I'm sorry for yelling at you, come on talk to me will you?"
No response,
Maria moved a packet of bread and notice that Gilbert had fallen asleep inside the cart; He was hugging a bag of potatoes and drooling over a can of peas.
'Oh god, he's so cute, never thought I would see something like this where is a camera when you need it?' she thought as she smiled stupidly. She grabbed a few cases of German beer and a few bottles of Tequila and set it on the bottom of the cart, after all he deserve a little reward for putting up with her.
Maria blinked as she looked at a black journal inside one of the grocery bags; she got home after a few hours of just driving around the town, while Gilbert snored away next to her. She had received a text message from Nene saying she was staying over at a friend's house, Maria only texted back telling her to be careful and a simple 'I love you.' After that she got home and manage to drag Gilbert from the car and onto the couch where he was currently laying on and had started putting away groceries when she noticed it.
Now here was a small temptation, 'to read or not to read' she thought, Maria shrugged as she set the journal next to her, however a sudden gust of wind opened the cover showing the writing on the first page.
xx/xx/xx
Hey! It's the King of Awesome!
So I finally met my owner today and Mein gott she's an ass. She called me Kaliningrad to get me out of the box and I looked at her, damn she's was in very skimpy clothing though there wasn't much her boobs are a bit small probably a b-cup at the most, and with her short hair I almost mistaken her for a cute boy. Well the brat refused my five meters…. I mean I'm the awesome Prussia what normal person wouldn't want my awesome five meters. After all I am awesome. Anyway the bitch smacked me uncouncious for about an hour and when I woke up she made me breakfast as an apology. Now she maybe unawesome, but her cooking is almost as awesome as me. Then I met her younger sister Nene she'd pretty cute if she wasn't into Russia also she has this weird ability to make animals like her she stopped a charging Buffalo from attack me, I also got pecked by unawesome chickens who tried to take Gilbird away. I couldn't let them take him away he's awesome-
Maria noticed that the 'e' in the word was off as the ink line had left the page, she turned the next page.
Scheiβe! That B-cup brat pressed the brakes on this stupid truck, ow… that hurt my awesome head... Yeah I don't know how the awesome me is going to manage here in this farm but I'm sure I can survive awesomely. Right now, I'm sitting next to her as we are heading to the store to buy food, hope she remembers to get me beer.
Sincerely, The King of Awesome Prussia.
Alright that hurt to read, Maria rubbed her head as she set Gilbert's Journal on the counter and put the rest of the groceries in the fridge. She then went into the living room and cover Gilbert in a blue blanket decorated with baby chicks and turned off the lights. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.
*poke*
*poke*
Maria groaned she turned covered her head with her blanket, It was too early to wake up, she just need five more minutes.
*poke*
That poking was getting really annoying, she opened her eyes to see a pair of red ones staring back at her. Maria yawned, "What do you want?" She asked Gilbert.
"Well not to alarm you, but your unawesome dog is attacking someone."
Maria groaned as she tore the covers away from her and grabbed herself a pair of pants. "Why the hell didn't you stop him."
"And get mauled by him myself, Hell no." Gilbert huffed
Maria frowned as she quickly got down stairs passing the huge mess in the kitchen, she'll deal with that later, as she open the front door and brought two fingers into her mouth and gave out a loud whistle.
"Shadow, back down!" She yelled
The brown haired German Shepard quickly stopped barking at the tree where our favorite delivery guy was currently holding onto.
Maria smiled as she crossed her arms. "Hey Carl, whatcha doing? Hang out."
"ha…ha… very funny you should keep that dog on leash or something."
"Naw, I think you just need to learn to not come into the yard, when you know you are going to get mauled by cute dog."
"Whatever, I'm here to deliver another unit."
Maria blinked. "You said I'd get another one in two days, it's only been one."
"Yeah, however we got this one today and company policy states we got to bring it to you when it gets here." Carl replied
Maria sighed "Fine just hand me that signature board." Carl gave it to her as she signed the damn thing before she handed him back to him while he place the large wooden box in the living room, before handing her the manual.
"You're going to need to be a little careful with this one, see ya later." He then got onto his flying mint bunny car van and left.
Maria blinked as she saw Prussia looking over her shoulder. "So who'd we get?" Maria shrugged as she open the envelope and turned white, while Gilbert started laughing in happiness as they both looked at the bold words on the manual.
FRANCIS BONNEFOIS: User Guide and Manual
FML…
Yeah there's chapter 2, took me a while to figure out how to write Prussia here, I love him so much, but really he's a hardass when it comes to writing him.
Word translation
German
Dumme Huhn – Stupid chicken
Leck mich am arsen –kiss my ass
Scheiβe – Shit
Frau- Woman
Spanish Words
"Cabrón,qué estabas pensando a tocarme asi, estupido pendejo."