A/N: Lily's thoughts are a little dark, so be forewarned. Also, I don't own Harry Potter. It belongs to J.K. Rowling, who consented to share these wonderful characters and places with us. Mild language for Regulus' thoughts at the end.
Chapter Seven- Coming to Terms
Lily Evans-Potter was not a stupid woman, though her past actions might suggest the contrary. Valedictorian of her class in Hogwarts, she was bright, beautiful and fiery in temper. She was an excellent student of Charms, Transfiguration and Potions, though she had no degree beyond Hogwarts. While her former best friend Severus Snape had his Potions Mastery, Sirius his Auror position and James was the second-highest ranked Auror in the MLE, she had stayed home.
When James had initially mentioned the idea of her staying home and not pursuing her education, she had protested vehemently. That had been early in James' Auror career, just previous to the mission he'd left on. Sirius had been sympathetic, understanding her need to do something besides just stay home. He had suggested she speak with her husband when he returned. That had been early in the evening, before a few glasses of wine had persuaded them both to be intimate with each other.
Angry with herself for betraying James, she had coolly asked him to leave before promptly banishing the sheets they'd shared somewhere. With the amount of power she'd put behind the spell, she wouldn't have been surprised if they'd appeared in the Sahara. She had warmly welcomed her husband home that day, firmly sitting on her guilt. Taking Sirius' discussion she had tried discussing her life with James again.
Staring at the wedding ring on her finger she reflected bitterly that maybe it hadn't been such a surprise to James when she'd told him a month later that she was expecting a child. Of course, James had been adamant that she not try pursuing any advancement in her career while pregnant. The announcement of twins in her 4th month of pregnancy had come as a shock, though a welcome one to her.
That feeling had vanished the moment she set eyes on her younger son. After the excruciating pain of bearing him, she'd come face to face with her previous guilt. The child cradled in the nurses' arms had her eyes and Sirius' fine-boned, aesthetically pleasing face. She'd thought James ignorant of it; he had been taken with his oldest, Zachary. Lily had reluctantly named the child Harry James and he'd been taken away from her.
When they'd been presenting the twins at 8 months of age she'd caught James looking oddly at Sirius, who was holding a quiet, alert Harry while she'd tried to soothe an irritable Zachary. She'd feared the expression on his face, something she'd seen rarely. Soothing her ruffled nerves she'd handed a finally quiet Zachary to his father and taken Harry in her own arms, refusing to look into the too-intelligent eyes of the baby.
One month later she'd been confronted by her husband in their own bedroom after an evening party. James had been glacially quiet that evening and she was scared. She'd been unbraiding her hair when he'd told her that he'd been to St. Mungo's earlier that day. The question he'd asked of one of the Healers was, 'Is it possible for two children with different fathers to be carried at the same time?' The answer, 'Yes'.
One of James' powerful hands had wrapped around her remaining braid at her nape as he'd placed a bloodline parchment in front of her. He'd held a tiny vial in front of her face and said, 'Harry's blood'. Precise movements dropped three drops of ruby liquid onto the parchment. She'd stared in fear at the paper as it spelled the name Sirius Rowan Salazar Black for Harry's father.
'So,' James had breathed against her trembling neck, 'you actually had the nerve to sleep with my former best friend and not tell me.'
She had sobbed incoherently with grief and guilt and had finally found the courage to say that it wouldn't happen again. The ringing 'CRACK' had registered before the fact that James had actually slapped her. He had stared at her trembling form with hard, angry eyes and said, 'Damn right it won't happen again.' That hadn't been the last time he'd laid a hand to her in anger.
When he'd left her sobbing on their bed afterwards he'd smiled cruelly and said, 'Don't worry, I won't be touching you again. You've already given me my heir and by marrying you I broke your friendship with Snivellus to pieces.'
That had indeed been the last time he'd touched her sexually. They might sleep in the same bed and she might be on his arm at Ministry functions and pureblood balls, but he'd never touched her with love in his hands again. He'd placed a Compulsion on her while Harry resided in their home, one that made it impossible for her to protest his treatment of the little boy. She'd tried, once, to suggest he let Sirius take the child. James had ignored her.
Worse, Zachary was becoming just as arrogant, selfish and proud as James had been in school, if not worse. The fame of being the Boy-Who-Lived had gone to his head; he had absolutely no common sense at all. All the while, the boy James called 'squibling' was becoming one of the most powerful wizards Lily had seen in her entire life. It had been a shock, seeing Har-Rial this summer. The boy was strikingly elegant and composed and she'd seen just in the booth at the Quidditch World Cup the small signs of how much Sirius loved his son.
Staring at the ring on her finger again she stood up from her chair and finished getting ready. It was October 3rd, and time for another meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. Another occasion for her to continue this little farce of a marriage and play dutiful wife, one who was ignorant of her husband's tabloid reporter mistress. Lily hated Rita Skeeter, hated the voluptuous curves and short skirts, hated her perfect skin, teeth and nails, hated every precious golden curl on the woman's head. Most of all she loathed the woman's freedom, her ability to do as she wished with her life, unbound to any man.
Her prison warden descended the stairs of her wood and silk cell, dressed to impress in a bronze satin shirt and tight dark brown suede pants. His ridiculously expensive silver watch on his left wrist made a mockery of the simple wedding band she'd chosen for him. Just as he made a mockery of her and her life. His cold brown gaze swept over her, evaluating her white silk blouse and golden brown A-line skirt. His gaze swept her fire-gold locks in distaste and he said, "Maybe you should think of coloring your hair, dearest," the last was said in a mocking tone.
"To what, blonde?" She snapped. "I'm not your mistress so it shouldn't matter if my appearance displeases you."
"Careful Lily-flower," he breathed dangerously, using his old school nickname for her. His lips were inches from her ear when he said, "There are always alternatives to a divorce that I might use."
Her green eyes widened a little and she resisted a shiver of fear. He couldn't mean what she thought he did. Nevertheless she numbly retrieved his jacket and helped him into it, sliding the leather jacket over broad shoulders that covered coiled muscles that could move like liquid steel. Next to him she was suddenly struck by her fragility. James had six inches on her and nearly 40 pounds, though most of that was muscle.
As she Apparated with him she pulled her face into an expressionless mask, one taught to her by her former best friend. Inside she sobbed, struck all at once by what she'd done with her life. I lost my best friend, my choice of career, my youngest child, all to my own stupidity and blindness. Will I lose my life to him as well? Is that my price? My atonement?
Regulus sat to the left of his brother, chatting quietly with their cousin Nymphadora Tonks. This was his first official meeting as a member of the Order of the Phoenix; he'd been approached by Percy Weasley just last week. To his right sat his precious older brother Sirius and to his direct right sat snarky Severus Snape. To Severus' right sat Remus Lupin, deep in discussion with Bill Weasley, a curse breaker for Gringotts. He couldn't resist a small grin as he looked at Sirius and Severus, in discussion about something that had to be mightily interesting.
"So when do you think Severus will stop being an idiot and confess to Sirius that he has a crush on him?" Nymphadora said in amusement.
"You've noticed it as well?" He asked his cousin with a chuckle.
"He's subtle but not that subtle," she retorted.
"Speaking of unsubtle how's your relationship with Bill progressing?" Regulus said, watching his cousin blush lightly pink in embarrassment, matching her hot pink hair.
"Great," she said with a shy smile. "He's very nice, funny and smart as well."
The door to Grimmauld's dining room opened again and James Potter walked inside with his wife Lily. Regulus felt his breath hitch. Sirius might be bi with a strong preference for men; he himself most definitely appreciated the qualities of the fairer sex. Lily was quite beautiful and, he noted with narrowed eyes, quite afraid of something. Her hands trembled slightly as she helped James out of his leather jacket.
James' body language spoke volumes as he locked his arm around her waist like a steel bar. Less experienced individuals might see it as a husband guiding his precious wife, Regulus' training with the Unspeakables and as a pureblood wizard saw there was nothing gentle about it. He pulled out a chair directly next to Molly Weasley and gestured. Lily sat, folding her hands in her lap.
A quick glance to his right saw that both Severus and Sirius had noticed it as well. Severus' near-black eyes narrowed momentarily and he shook his head minutely. She was blocking his Legilimency attempts. Lily was a talented Occlumens, a talented witch in general. Why she hadn't continued her schooling was a mystery to Regulus.
James sat down next to her, covering one of her hands with his larger one. It might have been a comforting gesture except for the fact that Regulus could have sworn he saw Lily flinch. The meeting was exceptionally dull, so he watched the pair across the table instead. Lily's dark green eyes that she'd passed to her younger son didn't sparkle with their usual inner fire. She seemed exceptionally tired.
James on the other hand was effusive and animated, accompanying his words to Dumbledore after the meeting with broad gestures with his hands. The pureblood was animatedly discussing the Ministry's latest meeting, one in which they were attempting to pass a bill for the reorganization of the MCD, or Magical Creatures Department.
He saw Remus Lupin stiffen as the words became more audible to their side of the table.
"If Cornelius pushes through this bill he intends to appoint Dolores as its new head. I fully agree, Dolores is well-suited for the position and her opinions on the priorities of the Magical Creatures Department have merits."
Remus' amber eyes flashed and he said in a soft, dangerous tone little less than a growl, "I'm amazed you think that, James. Umbridge is perhaps one of the least-tolerant toward magical creatures and races in the Ministry. But then," he added in a steely tone, "you helped pass through the latest of the Werewolf Edicts, so I shouldn't be surprised."
Lily's eyes widened as she looked at her husband. Apparently James had neglected to tell her about that little detail. James turned a cold gaze on his former best friend and said, "You know, Remus, the way the Ministry is run is of little concern to you. I suggest you leave politics to those who are more, suited for it."
Remus' eyes glittered a little and he chuckled. "I highly doubt you are more suited for it, James. Why don't you leave politics to the pureblood families that have been around a little longer than yours?"
Severus' eyes widened and he was clearly resisting a smirk. Regulus was hard-put to not echo Remus' chuckle. That was a well-aimed barb indeed; the Potters were not one of the older pureblood families. They were what both the magical and Muggle worlds called, 'new wealth'. The Blacks, Malfoys, Snape, Nott and other such bloodlines were the 'old blood' of the magical world.
"Oh yes," James spat, "put the magical world under control of the bigoted Death Eaters and their supporters," he said, flicking a deliberate gaze at Sirius, who snarled under his breath.
Regulus decided to break into the conversation. "You're the one who's proving himself a bigot, James. I mean really, are you implying that my family has gone Dark? There is little evidence to support that, none at all if you look at my nephew Rial."
James locked eyes with him and Regulus resisted a shudder. "Your squibling nephew Rial probably won't live through the war, Regulus Black. Come Lily," he addressed his wife sharply, "we can't be late for our dinner with the Minister, can we?"
They said goodbye to Dumbledore and swept out of Grimmauld Place as silently as they'd arrived. Just before she walked out of the room Lily's eyes caught his for a moment. The abject fear and despair in her eyes nearly sent him reeling.
James Potter has tasted power and it has broken him. He will never stop wanting more. What does that mean for Lily Evans? The prospects in his mind were not pleasant ones. The odds were quite high against Lily Evans-Potter unless she chose to act, and soon.
She slept with my brother and turned on him in fury afterwards. She's treated my nephew like less than dirt for the entirety of his life and done everything she can to flatter James and Zachary. So why in the HELL do I feel afraid for her?