A Kingdom with no King
He's the Hunter Who Strips Me Asleep...
O
I pretend I don't hear it. The sound of angry scowling erupts through my ears again and I shut tightly my eyes forcing my own sleep. I stay there and try my best not to move…make a sound. I know who's waiting at the door. I know who found me. He slurs my name. Cautiously and slowly I open my lids already knowing the reason for the interference.
The one storms through the door. I hear the hoarse breathing of my king who should be asleep. But he has been asleep…for too long. I can just never wake him up.
Things were supposed to change. It was something that had me perplexed ever since the king had pushed the men further, and after his drinking became undoable. But it shouldn't have been a surprise that things had gotten worst, more violent and more disturbing. It never used to be this bad but after the death of Cleitus, Alexander changed. Becoming unrecognizable before his men and before me.
I now hear the footsteps trailing across the floor and I slowly sink into the covers.
Blue eyes are petrified to stare up at his king. Every night I force myself to believe it would leisurely get better, but now that my king's days had been getting worse and more wine was involved, my eerie nights with interrupted sleep remain.
"Hephaistion." The command of his tone shudders through my spine.
But my blue eyes stay quiet.
The king raises his hand to my hair and takes the strings from my soft face. The smallest touch almost has me flinch. I have become terrified of him now, feeling like the only thing left to do is hide...but how. Noone could run from Alexander. Not Darius. Not the gods. Not me.
I am fully aware and my quivering body shuns against the silky fabric feeling the familiar but unfamiliar lips of my king up against my neck biting and sucking away like he thirsts for my blood. The hairs on my body stand upright amongst my goose bumped skin and I feel more and more violated and sucked in with nowhere to go.
My king's embrace has become stronger, more possesive. I've only ever wanted to escape the one touch of Alexander, even for just one night.
People always told me that I was the one with the blue eyes; with eyes like mine you can see anything, like emotions I hoped to keep deep within myself. But I have never been able to hide away from this man. This king. Never was I given the opportunity.
He sighs in exasperation as I jerk inches from him, telling him to go. "Shh, calm down Phai. I''m not here to hurt you." he tells me.
His body clashes once more against mine and I feel his sleeping heart hammer against my own chest.
I have always and always had been acceptant of Alexander and his ways, even accepting that my king's dream had finally came and settled. The dream that had been cupped for the world since the very beginning. But now I don't know what to do. How could I be frightened of the one I love most.
Just one step forward, one hand nearer, robs me of my life. My sanity as his gets worse.
His lips still wet my throat and his arm wraps constructively around my belly. I just want to scream and break my kings sleeping free. The one with the golden hair becomes hollow, less sentimental, towards my feelings. His mind full of lonely ambition, killing slowly his own heart out.
He hovers over me and lowers his weight trapping me between the sheets impatiently waiting to trespass the inner walls of my pleasure. Alexander then closes unaquainted eyes, running calloused hands slowly down and seizing my throat. "Obey me." he says against my struggles.
"Would you hurt me again?" I with the blue eyes ask, boldly.
"I've always cared for you. Why would I hurt you?" the king responds passively.
"You don't show it. You've stopped." I answer.
"You felt you were free forever. You will never be free from me." The king whispers warmly against my now parted lips. He forces his sex inside me. I feel the blue eyes he loves so much failing on me, draining. I feel the voice he loves, whimpering, calling out for him to stop.
I seldom lurk but often love but the king shows me no disgrace and no regret. The depths of his eyes become cracked and broken and his body shatters in possession and lust. He tightly restricts me. "Who am I Hephaistion. To you?"
Disgust and hate trace upon my strong features. "My king is vacant. He doesn't remember me, not one bit. My king is free now, free from my love and heart. My king is completely destroyed. The Alexander I want is always asleep when I need him most. To save me from you. Because you refuse to set him free. After this night he will remember nothing because it's not Alexander. Just the king he has become as he strips me asleep."
The king laughs. He strips me of all clothing, takes me predatorily, satisfying his own needs as I give up my tormented body lying firm. "Answer me this, who am I to you Alexander?" I ask curiously, salty tears coming slipping down my pale skin.
"You are nothing with out me!" The king repeats those words again after he is done with me and tosses me aside leaving me naked on the bed alone for another night...only to start the night all over again…
o
In the kingdom where a large stoned palace was centered, an enchanting star strode down the darkly gloomed corridor. The sheepish moon had blessed him with light and he paced silently by the sleeping king and went to go overlook the city from a steep terrace where the hall ends. He smiles at the world and turns and looks sadly at his fallen love. Alex…
The whisper emerged throughout the air like a fresh melody.
It's no longer the king and Alexander finally awakes from his long napping and calls for him.
"Phai!" The king shot open his disillusioned eyes from the nightmare. He panted as if starving for the air to circulate through his lungs. His heart hastened.
What was supposed to be a simple rest ended up escalating into something else. The words again…the words he hated as much as himself. He couldn't seem to get rid of them.
His hands met at the side of his head and he cringed, shutting his eyes tight, teeth gritted, like someone was shouting in his ear. His eyes were foggy and red from the tears, before he had fallen into a nights slumber. His throat was sore and his skin sweaty caused from heat and anxiety, damping his long messy locks as it stuck to his neck and face.
His hangover wasn't serving him well and apparently neither was his dreams, causing him all sorts of delusions.
He shivered against the cold air and chills sent down his body causing his skin to form little bumps. It took him less time to realize he was somewhere other than his tent than to adjust his focus from the wine still running through his blood.
He groaned in pain, his head aching feeling like someone was pounding his skull into little pieces. He should have been used to it considering his past with the anonymity of the strong substance but found him mentally and physically struggling, forcing his liquid filled body to rise. He pushed himself leaning up from the solid ground beneath him, hunching over grunting with an inner distaste ready to empty his stomach from the poision. Seeing as it never came as much as his stomach was boiling, he then checked his surroundings. He glanced around, mouth clenched, disbelieving his location.
He was sprawled centered in the middle of the corridor at his own palace in Babylon. A place he and his men were, last time he checked, miles and miles from. It was empty it seemed, the never before heard silence being his proof.
He wasn't fully clad in his royal garb he wore to bed. He wasn't nude either. He was actually looking and feeling quite unremarkable, unremarkable to the point that he was dressed in a plain chiton looking apart of the common people. He was detached of his imperial rich jewels gifted to him from the lower class and from his majestic crown.
He held out his hands, surveying himself, making sure he was actually real, still not understanding his own confusion.
But what was he doing there...Frustrated he slammed the cold surface, then darting his eyes, he gazed tranced down the hall. His grey eyes becoming alarmed.
Straight ahead he found his lover leaning on the balcony staring out towards the darkness of the sky. He appeared to be an angel of the night keeping quietly to himself.
"Hephaistion?" Alexander frowned in surprise. He gave a quick smile happy to see him, but no… it couldn't be him. He left. He watched him leave the king thought before making any moves. "Phai...have you come back?"
His lover is silent and the king called out to him again getting to his feet and anxiously taking a feeble step forward looking uncertain.
His lover finally turned towards his king and smiled adoringly, holding out a hand. "Come Alex! You've been asleep for too long now. It's time to get up. I need to show you something."
Alexander's breathing stops, watching the man of his dreams look upon him so sweetly. He is staring still undecided. He felt like he was in some weird fantasy as his lover laughed playfully and guides him with finger to follow. The happy brunette then disappears down another hall, into bitter fog.
The king felt his heart start up again and his breathing came unsteady as he watched unclearly his lover run from his eyesight. "Phai." Before he knew it he allowed himself to go after him running to catch up... running so that he didn't lose him again. He slowed down his pace turning the corner, looking down the hall where his lover was no longer seen due to the path blaring in shady mist. He took one long breath before stepping slowly through the murky corridor, seeing nothing, only following his lovers pure voice. He hated not being able to make out anything ahead of him and growls at the fog trying to swipe away the cool air so that he can see his lover. But it only came swirling slowly back. He began to run, getting impatient as he shouted out his lover's name again, desperately wanting to touch him. Rushing to get to him. Wanting to get a better look at him.
He finally reached the end of the blurring corridor and stumbled finding himself beyond the gates of the palace and in the outer surface, leading into the woods. He looks down hearing his steps crunching amongst the fallen leaves and twigs from the bare dead trees in the hollow forest. He becomes skittish. "Phai!" he shouts. He calls frustrated as he searches around for him. It's still slighty misty and the cold air tingles his senses. "Hephaistion! I'm not liking this game." his voice thunders through the empty woodland. Not a creature to be heard. Not a single bird in the trees. Alexander starts to lurk, slowly not making any sudden movements incase he was under attack.
Alexander...his ears perk and his name is all he hears echoing among the forest. The troubled king continues searching, now moving hastily through the wrestling trees towards the abrupting sound. He becomes the hunter. Hunting for him.
Something urges him forward and he continues looking for his friend, doing his best to fight the blurry night. But he finds himself walking in circles always starting the same way he came in. He grabs at his hair growing confused and lost in the moonlit world. There is no sign of his friend. Almost like he was simply a figment of his imagination. He dropped to his knees shouting in aggravation, pounding hard with angry fists at the soil. This was just another dream, so why can't he just wake up. Wake up Alexander. You just drank too much. This isn't real. Hephaistion hasn't returned. He won't return. He runs over and over...
Alexander what are you doing. Are you crying again?
The king wipes annoyed tears away and stands pointing angrily at his lover, finding him standing calmly next to a tree. Blue eyes innocent. "What game are you playing?" he accuses. "Tell me."
The king starts to strut his way towards him. "Hephaistion tell me!"
"I called out your name but you didn't come."
Before he can move any closer, the king now finds himself stuck in a black puddle of water, the liquid rising around his ankles, keeping him there. Out of reach from his lover. "I did come. I'm here. For you. Just come with me." he reached out to his friend while struggling to lift his legs but finds out he is trapped.
"Who am I too you Alexander?" Curious blue eyes falling with unemotional tears onto salty pale skin.
"You know that answer." Alexander replied regretful.
The brunette shakes his head. "No I don't. I want to know the truth."
Alexander tries to step out from the deep puddle again and to no avail does the hunter reach his friend as Hephaistion takes him and kisses him softly, then backs away from his view deeper through the wide woods, disappearing altogether.
"Phai, come back!" The king finds himself sinking in the black water and awaking in another nightmare.
oooOooo
Phai,
You might aswell be a fallen star. And I can't find you. You've landed at the end of the world waiting for me and I am sorry I can't make it. Not like this. Not when the light you shine is so bright. I've become blinded. How can I have you back if I can't touch you? If I can't see you? I've allowed myself to be hidden under the shadow of your heart and I am the reason for my own darkness.
It still hardens my soul thinking back at what I've done. Why? Because I just want you to understand what I go through every day of my life just loving you. Only a few understand… none actually completely, but I think you will understand me the most.
Why you? Because you are the only other person who knows me. I mean really, really knows me. Why you? Because you are the one who was hurt by me.
I should have kept my mouth as silent as a sleeping mother cradling her little baby in her arms.
You must be surprised. You must hate me. I'm as surprised as you. I didn't believe it was happening. I didn't believe it already did. It was as unexpected as the day I might be portrayed as ever rational..but still it couldn't be happening; terms pronounced so strong just don't slip like that from someone unless it was true. What was I thinking? I wasn't. I was just a lost man and you became my worthy rival. Hephaistion, you abandoned me and now I almost feel...A little human again.
Yes. Can you believe it, me human? I never thought of the day. No more dreaming of that day.
It hasn't even been a full day since I lost you. Since you lost me. And I am sure you remember those words. Of course you do, everyone was there. Everyone heard it. It was even more unpleasant to hear it on such a beautiful day, on what I thought was going to be a good day, with the burning sun high above the world, creating the crimson sky. The color of my glory. The color of your beauty. But no… all glory we share fades because of me. Now I am stuck in this twilight…your footprints are blown out…so what do I look to. what? If you tell me I might find hope. If you tell me, I might fall in love all over.
But I'm doing the hunting...I'm the hunter.