A Kingdom with no King
The Devils Kiss
O
Found in another hallucination, Alexander jolted from his sleep again fighting for air. He thought he was drenched in water but it was only sticky sweat from his fever. He found himself back in his tent where it all started and was relieved for a minute. The empty wine chalice he must have let fall from his hands was lying next to the side of his bed.
He sprung up quickly and moved towards the tent flap peeking out. All his men must be asleep. The camp fire had been put out and it was as silent as a grave. There was no sign of Bagoas and or any guards just the way he left it. He paced back in and began removing his clothing, and washing off. He wanted to take a walk and make sure everything was as it seemed. Real. He didn't care even if it was way after dark.
The last thing he remembered was drowning in deep water reaching for the moon, his Phai, looking sadly through the waters, waving goodbye to him, watching him fight the demons of the underworld, laughing mockingly while pulling him under. He sighed.
He sniffed already feeling a sickness coming in, then dabbed his face with a cloth.
He thought the dream was over but couldn't make himself believe it actually was even though it felt it. There were many ways he could look at it but even if he was this great thinker, this praised tactician, he feared he couldn't get his way out of this one…He really didn't know what reality was anymore.
He got himself ready and turned to leave but stopped.
Someone was watching him from the entry of his tent, as a dark and shadowed silhouette and he sensed it, taking his sword from the side of his bed and aiming it towards the intruder.
All he could do was stay put and listen to his own heart beat within his chest. He wasn't scared though, no matter how well he can betray himself in the dark. "Who are you? Show yourself?" he demanded, holding his blade tight within his grasp.
"Put the sword away Alex." The shadow emerged from the position. "You know me. I'm the one you are blaming for all your problems."
Alexander couldn't believe his eyes when the man exposed himself to the light. "No, why?" He frowned. Things were just getting worse. He knew this man. He knew this devil. "Get out. Or I will call my guards."
"My, my, you are delusional little brat. Remember you sent them away, you weren't to be disturbed. I remember, well because technically we are the same people."
Alexander scoffed and cursed the god who put him to sleep in the first place. "Now even the gods hate me." He uttered then began pacing around his tent in circles trying his best to ignore the uncanny presence of himself. "This isn't happening. Go away!" he commanded again this time more miserably.
He noticed the ground beneath his feet was rough and uneven just like the instability of his own actions and couldn't get himself to face the king in him.
King Alexandros stepped peering in with his unwelcome company laughing a little to himself pretending to admire the inside of the tent. Alexander looked back to him cautiously and the king looked right back at him. They dangerously shared the same stare almost like they were mocking the other.
"We resemble each other pretty well I must say, even if we are complete opposites."
Alexander clung on tight to his robe fidgeting nervously with the thin fabric. "This isn't real, so what am I worried about."
Consciously they both began to move under their own steam in the dark.
"Oh come on little prince. You are shaking under your skin. You are as confused as one can get. But I can help you if you let me."
"You did this to us."
"I did nothing. If you want to awaken from this dream you need to move on. Get over Hephaistion."
Alexander covered his ears trying to destroy all the noises in his head. "Wake up, wake up. He is not here. Get over it. Get over those words."
He started to try and reflect back passively on something else, even if that meant to turn around and walk back in the direction of his home. His original home. Not Asia. Not India. And no more of Phai's heart. For there was no room left for him.
But he didn't find himself leaving the tent. He stayed. Of course he stayed. He was locked in a dream. Every where he was haunted.
"Look at you. You want to run so bad. You want to get your life back but you realize you can't because you are stuck in regret. We all know you can't run, anywhere else because like me you do not have the ability to slow down and turn away from everything we've earned together. That means losing it all."
"Get out of my head. I am going to get him back. I don't care what you say otherwise."
"How can you recognize your own decision? I can read right through you. You don't want him back." Alexandros smirks and cocks his head when his other self glares despise at him. Then the two begin to saunter like predators surrounding the dark tent they used to share together, always with their lover.
The only light shining are from the rich vibrant torches before the small tent entrance.
"It doesn't have to be this dark." He smoothly spoke. "Share some light with me Alexander."
"I need it dark, the way I prefer it when I am in such a wretched state, all because of you. You ruined me and for good this time."
"Face it. We were right to let him go. He is nothing without us. Our men know it and you do. Why can't you accept that?"
His dark thoughts chant and become hidden deep within Alexander's head, tempting him. Let him go. Alexandros broke the solid emerging silence. "Tell me, do you want to spend your life without me?"
The words fell from him like a river singing. As beautiful as rivers were Alexander only saw his treacherous whites smile, his glowering dazzling eyes and his edged lit blonde curls. Everything else upon his once magnificent face is shed in deep shadows. "I can no longer compare myself with you. You're making me sick." He knew he was talking mostly about himself. He knew he was caught up his own ass when he said the words. Truth was he was careless. "I should have expected you to say something so careless. How could you?" he redirects to himself.
"We are one in the same. We're careless people. If Hephaistion can't accept that then the little flower doesn't deserve us." He shrugged.
"I see what you are trying to do. You're making it his fault." Alexander smirked. "You can't trick me. Like you said, we are the same."
"You can't hate the truth."
Alexander wanted it all to just end. "There is no truth." He growled. "The truth was I put on a scene, if I could have even called it that. You and I should know most of all how he felt because we know him best."
"Cry me a river. He used us for everything he got."
"What is going on in your over indulged skull to actually believe that. He left with nothing, no money, food. He took nothing of me."
"He took our heart."
"It's my problem. I didn't want people to believe that I couldn't control my own men. My own army. Even Hephaistion. But what I said is what is going to destroy me forever. Not him."
So far there was just enough damage caused to his shame as the despicable king painted on a glaring smile upon the wickedly strained face. "You are even weaker than I imagine."
"Don't patronize me!" He shouts twisting in all anger as his other self antagonizes him. "This is another test."
They stop in their steps and reverse. They begin to walk the other way within their little match. "Okay goldilocks, I hope you learn from this test."
"I am." He tells him daringly. "Now please leave me. I have much to think about."
"Why such a vile look little Alexander?" He focuses on the raging eyes and spits the name. "I am your king."
"My name shall no longer aloud to be spoken due to it being abused in dishonor."
"Do you despise me that much."
"I remember getting angry and coming to my own tent. I fell asleep, I woke up. Now you enter without my permission. Do I have not the right to be angry at your kingliness? Can I not despise you for a day? What more can I say. I do not like you right now. I wish to be alone with my thoughts!"
"Temper, temper. Hephaistion doesn't care about us. He walked away from you. How does that make you feel?"
"How am I supposed to feel, he's the one who was humiliated?"
The king eyed Alexander like a man possessed by something more than just a god. They both took another sly step closer and a silly smile plastered upon his mug.
"It sounds like you hate me Why? After everything I do for you." He hissed.
"What do you do for me? You do nothing but ruin me and embarrass me in front of everybody. You always tell me I am weak."
He laughs wildly "Because you are. Just like your father."
Alexander said nothing letting the anger destruct, lurching at the king wrapping impenetrable hands around his throat and hoping to the gods he murdered him clean and quick. Alexandros threw the first blow and Alexander threw the second, taking each other down until they hit the ground of the tent.
They wrestled and fought like angry savages, but Alexander was restrained, the king in him, grasping him tight. "So we fight again until we make all things right? Isn't it such a pity nothing ever goes the way you want it as long as I'm around. I am greater than you and stronger. You love who you became. Admit it."
"No."
"You are in love with me. You are in love with yourself."
"No!"
"A kiss says it all."
Alexander stopped squirming beneath the king and they faced each other, participating in a little game of hide and seek in the midst of their defiant absorbing eyes. Alexandros leaned in and kissed Alexander on the lips leaving behind a wicked taste. "See all better."
When a sweet silent whistling sound came from outside the tent the king released his hand around Alexander's throat and backed breaking away from the kiss. They turned to see the man they were fighting over standing at the access, head slanted looking to them weirdly. The man whistling the beautiful noise, stopped. "Are you two fighting again?"
"Hephaistion." Alexander shoved the king from him and stood. "Come with me. Let's go, we will make this better." His lover looked as pale as ghost and it was cold to even look at him.
"No listen to me Alexander, you've lost him. He's the one who broke your heart, so be who you are!." The king holds out his hand and appearing in it comes a red chalice of black poisoned wine. "Drink Alexander. I'm sure your bad luck will come to an end. Very soon. Fall back asleep and don't wake up." Alexandros whispers into his right ear.
Hephaistion shakes his head. "Don't Alexander."
Alexander hesitantly took the cup and stared deep within the black wine. Thick feared eyes flickered, searching for his soul but found his own desolation.
"It's okay love. Put the drink down." Hephaistion whispered lovingly into his other ear. "You will get another chance with me I promise. All you have to do is say it."
Whispers telling him to drink up are screaming in his head. He takes the wine to his lips and the king leans closer caressing the blonde locks with his evil lips. "Remember my litltle prince, he is nothing with out you."
Hephaistion leans in and smiles against Alexander's cheek making him shiver. "Remember my Achilles, You are nothing without me."
Alexander suddenly felt hopeless. He lets the wine slip from his hand, watching it slowly spill, watching the wine sink into the ground, watching it disappear, like his lover at his left and the king at his right.
You're not ready for me yet Alexander. You haven't caught me.
Alexander looks up and stares towards nothing.
oooOooo
Everything is a mess, I have come to confess. I sold out all my beliefs; I'm a liar and a cheat…Searched my soul in despair, callused heart is rubbed bare. How I wish to believe, in your innocent dreams…
Delicate love, precious and pale, tempted and torn, broken and failed, don't leave me here, don't leave me alone... I am the one, The devil you know…
I'm your man on the cross, I'm the soul you have lost, I'm the choice you regret, one you wish to forget...
Lover broken and sad, Lost the dreams that you had, how I wish I could be everything that you need...
My beautiful Phai, don't leave me here. Don't leave me alone…
Inspired by The devil you know by Econoline Crush (second favorite band behind 30stm ^_^)-Stranger