A Kingdom with no King
Catch Me...
O
You are nothing without me and once the king who birthed them swallowed in his own pity, the sky had bled red…
The storm is screeching. The two resembling blondes are sitting hands and feet constrained. Shackled, in a dry mountainous desert, back to back. They are ignorant of the locality as there unbalanced eyes keep fastened from a previous dream.
The red air becomes strong. Stronger…Sending deep waves of sand raging in all directions.
Alexander awakens first, opening heavy lids to the indistinct dry world around him. Golden eyelashes flutter. The light of his eyes compares to the sun just along the horizon. He looks up and winces feeling nothing but bits of hard sand hitting against his restricted skin. He hisses, eyes stinging. He accidentally bumps the unconscious king leaning stiffly against him.
The king jerks awake exposing his dark eyes to the hard winds, and immediately throws his eyes back closed. "Where are we? Arabia?" he asks spitting out grains that lands inside his mouth.
"I don't know. If this is how Arabia looks I refuse to come here." Alexander says messing with the chains and fighting the wind and earth to keep back.
"Ha!" the king scowls. "Some conqueror you are."
"Spare me the speech. You are the reason why we are in this mess." Alexander grunts, struggles to stand but realizes the attempt is worthless as the winds force him back onto the grainy surface.
"Where is this force coming from? The gods?" Now the king attempts to stand and he realizes it's even harder with the shackles that connects ankle to ankle and wrist to wrist. "I fell like a slave to the earth." He growls and tries to take apart the chains. He pulls and tugs, tries and tries, but gives up.
"There's no point, don't waste your time and energy. We are done for. I'm losing what I don't deserve anyway." The luscious blondes of the cheerless man wraps unwillingly across his tan face. It hides his distressed sight.
The king drops his hands into his lap and glares at the distance ahead of them.
Alexander let's out a deep sigh. He becomes teary eyed.
"Are you going to cry on me? Dying in the desert doesn't sound bad. "
"Why did you have to ruin us, you infected mouthed swine?" Alexander shouts feeling angry and upset. His voice of failure echoes through the land. "I will get him back. I promise you that. You are not allowed to have him anymore."
"But that isn't up to you to decide. I will get him first." the king is confident.
They both look up in the sky. This is their punishment. They reminiscence through the blustery weather….the sands tell the time…the red earth darkens more with his lovers blood.
The man who put them there walks into there sun and across there shadows. He's draped in a loose-fitting red noble gown. Blue imperial eyes outlines in ash as black as night. Soft lustrous locks pulls back exposing charming features. He stands tall with a never seen beauty. But the monarch doesn't let them off that easy. "Awake…"
Both blondes expose they're eyes again to the light. Behold, they see a god sitting mightily on his radiant throne. Leg thrown over the arm rest, feeding himself a vine of grapes. Eyes lit and piercing sharply at them. Two growling raven blacked panthers lying lazily on both sides of his magnificence. The sorcerer blows a kiss at his king and friend.
They feel the earth booming beneath them. Thumping, vibrating like an army from Hades marching underground.
Down a line towards the god, two rows of slaves appear entranced to the sound of their own drums as they beat the heavy barrels. Making a hum, pleasing to the one who owns the throne.
"Who desires me most? Can you reach me?" The sorcerer elegantly speaks.
Corrupted by his beauty and desire the two blondes rise, standing besides the other looking the sorcerer's way.
"Will you be able to catch up with me?" The king scorns Alexander with a smirk of conceit.
The two eye each other challengingly.
His lesser self chuckles. "You might be able to run through fire, but I can run forever."
Ready? The gods enchanting voice echoes.
Beads of sweat fall from the chasers foreheads. It reunites with the sand. They bend and get in footing position.
The slaves stop the beating.
Slowly raising his head the sorcerer gets a good look at the two, burning ready like hurricane. His head high and eyes on the focal point. The beauty raises his hand high in the air. Go. The whisper slurs through the wasteland.
The two growl aggressively. They pull with all their strength at the cuffs constraining them. Their veins pumping powerfully.
The rhythm of the drums begin. Shattering, the chains detach and break apart by the force of their strength. The heavy shackles fall and sink into the golden desert.
The beautiful monarch conceals a graceful smile. He watches the two run like mad. He watches the two hungry lion's grape and fold back the ground as they race towards his heart.
But he still remains unsatisfied. He chuckles with mischief. He lifts a royal hand high and snaps with two graceful fingers. The shiny glistening sand begins to swirl and twist.
He watches as the two ravenous lion's struggle with all of their might and power against the majestic winds.
The sand churns beneath their feet and acts as hands. Pulling and tugging on their strongly ripped legs and arms keeping them from reaching the beauty at his throne. Alexander gets dragged down. The king follows after. They fight the quicksand like two mighty titans growling and swiping at each other.
The golden storm picks up. Heavier. The two competitors are blinded by the sandy pebbles. Being molested by the soil. Being wrapped and taken in the depths of the land.
The slaves play their hearts out. The two panthers roar in excitement. The ground still thrashing. The handsome immortalized sorcerer speaks as the lions sink more in the earth.
Their golden eyes swell in heat, fury, lust and love as they continue the race.
Catch me. He smiles with a trick. The undying beauty then runs away from his throne and towards the horizon.
Alexander fights the earth first and desperately pulls up. Nothing will hold him back. He continues to run towards his lover. The king's jealousy rises. He struggles but manages to pull himself out of the rushing sand and runs right after the shadow of himself through the sandstorm flogging their senses.
They run and run. The sorcerer stammers with the sight of the animals still racing at his mercy.
Alexander finds himself catching up. To his brave and strong soldier. His companion and lover. His Phai. He turns back and glances at the king miles behind him and he smiles. "I have you. I finally have you." He is now content. He reaches the god. He wraps his loving arms around him making sure to never let him go. He hears the beautiful laugh of his friend. The fondness of his scent. The soft skin. The brutal brown hair. He's never missed anything so much before.
The chase ends. The king loses and disappears in defeat along with the storm, as it calms.
Phai turns and looks to him. Alexander runs rough heavy fingers down his face. But he feels different. Not like from this world. Almost like a mirage…Alexander eyes had been tricked...and the god vanishes at his touch.
The sun finally drops. Alexander is left in the dark by himself. He thought he had him. He looks over at the quiet empty land and sighs. I had you.
Where has the time gone…"Where are you Phai?" He sat and looked back up in the peaceful sky towards the silver moon. He let sand fall from between his fingers and heard his lovers last whispers.
You thought I was down. You thought I was gone. You thought I was around. I thought I left you alone. Just look up in the sky and see that I'm everywhere, shining down on you...
O
Hephaistion seemed to be in a delighted mood going on his tenth mission in a week it seemed. Of course it was an exaggeration but if his king knew his friend at all, he knew that he enjoyed the busy life of sweat and hard work. The general was considered to many, handsome, even more handsome than himself and in many eyes it was no false lie but not one ever thought him capable a working man until he proved it otherwise or they saw it for themselves.
Alexander hated the feeling of missing his friend but was glad he had the chance to see him off, while not busy with his other duties. If he could relive his life over, he would just want to enjoy every second he had spent with his childhood friend. And never let him go.
The smiling general snatched his horse's reigns after giving some random orders to two pages and eased over towards where his king was seeing him off.
Alexander tried to smile as profoundly as he could; hiding his resentment that it was another mission apart. "You seem far confident about this mission Phai."
The general pouted teasingly trying to hold in a smile. "I hate to say goodbye like this."
Alexander nudged him playfully before scoffing. "You'll be back before you know it and as always I will be waiting for your return."
"There are never any promises that I will return from a mission Alexander." Hephaistion remarked.
"You'd have me worried?" The king laughed softly then proceeded with crossing his arms across his royal chest. "The only ones who would be suffering are the men. They wouldn't be able to stand nights with me alone, with no one to keep me consumed within a focused state." The blonde admitted.
Hephaistion chuckled lightly after he and Alexander took a quick glance at the generals.
The two laughed like they once did as children and then they became silent, one not knowing what else to say other than goodbye.
Then the general sighed along the earthy winds, his hair flapping in his face. "I will miss you Alexander."
The king frowned glancing towards heartfelt blue eyes. "You say that as if you are never coming back." Alexander tried to fake a smile hoping his friend wasn't being serious.
At the response the general only smiled and reached into a leather bag tied to his side armor. "I was going to bring this with me but I think you should have it."
Hephaistion held it in the king's hand and smiled gently.
"Phai this is the ring I bought you. You stole it from a shop. I remember you were caught."
"I know, after we ditched Aristotle's class, when he sent us on a hunt and we went to the town instead, I saw the ring and thought of you. You bought it for me that day and this is what I came back with to Aristotle's class, instead of a boar. We got in big trouble."
"I remember that.' The king smiled. "But don't give it to me. It's yours."
"Alexander, keep it for now. At least until I get back." The general replied softly kissing him briefly on the cheek until they heard the sound of the men moving out.
Hephaistion backed away slowly from Alexander whispering 'I love you' before Alexander watched him leave following after the group of soldiers. He smiled at his friend before looking at the ring in his hand, rubbing the old thing over with his thumb.
The world around him spinned slowly, the voices of the men and people cleared out and fainted into nowhere, and the busy surroundings disappeared… then something clicked in his head. The dark memory of haunting words.
The scuffling of the wild soldiers lessened. They couldn't believe what they had just heard.
None did. Not even himself.
A simple tear fell onto the ring cleaning it of it's old grime. He could see, hear and feel the scene take place around him as if he was in the middle of it.
He watched the clash between his two favorite generals. He saw himself storm into the middle of it scolding them both harshly but none more harshly than those words.
"You are nothing without me Hephaistion!"
"Alexander!"
He heard Hephaistion calling out to him and the scene dispersed immediately like nothing happened and it was all in his head. "Alex I forgot something."
Alexander looked up immediately to see his lover approaching him and he decided it was now or never. He needed to let him know what he never meant. But just one tiny step toward his lover the less he could hear him, the more he started to look transparent. Not again he thought. He tried running towards him before he had a chance to leave him again but another step, a strong wind blew by and the beautiful general faded before his eyes like a small grain of sand. Like he was never there.
Alexander did not want to accept it but right then and there he knew he had lost Hephaistion along time ago. So he just accepted that this was his reward for loving someone so much that he had to hurt him.
oooOooo
It's only love and pain that tells me that I am no god Hephaistion. Coming from me I might not be the best at explaining myself seeing as where words got me now.
The world will change now that I don't have you. It used to be so subtle when I was just a little prince. It used to be pure when I had you at my side through everything, with hardly any responsibilities. My only real responsibility was keeping you at my side. How have I repaid you? By pushing you more and more away.
How can I say this best? I have left everything behind to reach the ending of this massive earth. But what did I gain?
I am just a portrait made of nothing, a statue with no perpetual existence. I only have one way out and the same way in but where's the one way out to get back to the beginning. I guess you just now told me that there really is no way back, that's why you gave me this token of you. I want to say it is a token of your love but now I can't know for sure if love even remains between us. It's only fear of loss that I now fully understand.
Where has the time gone? I see your image in the air around me. Even though you didn't show it, I see you crying the day I told you what I never meant. I see your heart breaking apart and detaching from who you are, making you a free man. Finally free from me. You are so much greater than I. I can't believe it took that long to figure it out.
Will the sun still rise and fall the same every day. Will I be able to look at the moon the same way I've always seen you. Can I look up to the sky and believe that you are shining down on me? Will you ever look to the sun again? Will the horses react the same way during the next battle? Will the generals respect me more as a king now? Will I ever be able to live after this or will I crumble with my kingdom. Or will my kingdom crumble with me.
So many questions only you have ever been able to answer.
I never realized how long you have been away.
Alexander counted until he would completely lose himself in disgrace. He laughed knowing he deserved it. He pulled at his hair trying to gain control. He paced heavily back and forth. Light water came down his flushed cheeks and then he finally broke down. It could never be the same but he felt his skin being lit on fire. His eyes became lost in blurry torment. His throat became dry with left over pride. His body fell loose and then if it was actually possible his mighty heart finally stopped its long beating.
He once thought his heart would last. Longer than any man. Once he knew that wasn't true…It's only love that makes him human.
"Your highness what are you doing out here?" he heard the familiar voice of his friend Ptolemy.
"He's not coming back is he?" Alexander said helplessly. "I can understand why."
Ptolemy wondered what he was doing sitting outside on a chilly night. "Alex you are doing one of your sleep walks again." The general came and sat next to him and nudged him comfortingly knowing more and more things were bothering him. "You can't kill yourself over this. Hephaistion wouldn't want that."
"Yes I can. I'm king, I can do anything. It's a dream anyway. You're not here. I'm the only one who is so it really doesn't matter to me. I am stuck within dreams within other dreams and I can't seem to wake up. I don't know what he wants. I caught him Ptolemy. Like he wanted me too. Why am I still dreaming? I had him, I really did."
Ptolemy couldn't help but smile at how much he reminded him of the younger Alexander at the moment, getting deeply involved with such little things. "Alexander you're not dreaming anymore. It was a dream when you caught him, yes, but… you technically haven't caught him yet. He's out there still. He's still around. I suggest you get some rest old friend. I know I can't have a goodnights rest unless our king does."
"I'm not tired." Alexander replied.
"Alcohol will keep you buzzed. Maybe that's why Hephaistion wanted you to stay away from the cups? It messes with your head Alexander. It messes with us all." Ptolemy stated then stood.
Alexander had nothing to say.
"Come, mourning him like this isn't healthy." The general held out his hand.
Alexander nodded slightly and the general helped walk the king back to his tent. Ptolemy smirked at how fast the king passed out. Even if more dreams came to him he knew that was the only way he was going to learn. "Goodnight Alexander. I hope you find him soon."
You're so close.