Ryan Hale
I had never been angrier with myself.
Leaving school should have been so easy. Rosalie and Emmett, my brother and sister, were still out hunting, so I was going to go home alone. My car was much newer than any other in the parking lot, and even if it was less conspicuous than the red convertible or the huge jeep, I was still awkward sitting there alone, with all eyes on me. Thankfully, today there were fewer stares. There was a new student attending Forks High, and everyone in town seemed aware of the poor girl's arrival.
The day should have been uneventful. High school was beginning to bore me after being through it a few times, and so I watched the humans interact with the new student, Lily Dwyer. Each time she was approached, she flatly refused any attention. There was one time, just after lunch, when I saw her go off alone with one of the jocks. It shouldn't have surprised me, since very few people didn't desire the football players, but it did. She had been refusing others so often that it was shocking to see her actually accept attention for once. In reality, I should have wondered why Lily didn't seek out more attention.
When the long day finally drew to a close, I was planning on going straight to my car and driving home. Rose and Emmett weren't due back until later, so I would likely listen to some old music, something I had picked up from one of my other brothers. Hopefully Rosalie and Emmett would come back soon, and coax me out of my bored state. But until then, I'd just have to amuse myself. It was amazingly difficult to stray from depression when you were a vampire. Even if Emmett and Rosalie would only have eyes for each other when they got back, it would be nice for them to be there.
But when I came to pass the Math building, something caught my attention. Amplified hearing was certainly a curse at that moment, because I heard words exchanged between two stuck-up boys from my school. I would have passed by, ignoring the threat of the pointless fight, if not for the third human I smelled in the building. Lily Dwyer attracted my attention. Her scent was not particularly appealing to me, causing me to have a greater urge to kill the other two than her. But it was Lily who made me open the door, and Lily that made me enter the building.
I don't know why I did it. Emmett and Rosalie were experts on ignoring the humans and their bizarre emotions. But me? I was always absorbed in their affairs, eager to learn about the problems they had and the ways they were attempting to resolve them. It would have been much wiser to allow humans to resolve their own problems, to make sure that things would follow the natural course of things. But somehow, I could not resist the pull of the building, and before I really understood what was happening, my hand was on the door.
They were closer to a fighter then I had thought. Lily looked terrified, and I didn't know why, but I cared about it. Both of the boys froze when I entered the room, and to punish them, I decided to leave an impression on them. With a menacingly smile I revealed my sharp teeth, and narrowed my eyes with anger. I certainly hoped that I still appeared human, but it didn't matter very much. One of them looked ready to murder me—or at least try, because it would be impossible for a mere human to kill someone like me. But both left in their own turn, and I was left alone with the girl.
That was the moment that I realized what a mistake coming here had been. Because now I was in a small, enclosed place with a human. With prey. It was be so easy to kill her here and now, to break her neck silently and get rid of her body without anyone noticing. No one would ever know, no one would ever suspect me of doing such a thing. I might be an outsider, but I certainly didn't give the appearance of a cold-blooded killer. It would be so easy to escape, to allow her death to be blamed on someone else…
I was about to kill her. In one swift movement, I'd be upon her. I'd kill her before she knew a thing. Lily Dwyer would know nothing of her death. She would be alive one moment, and then she wouldn't be. But then… Then I caught the look in her eyes. There was fear, and the fear only made her look weaker, more defenceless. Should I have been another person, I might not have been as moved by the fear. It made her look easier to kill, but instead, it communicated to me that she should not be murdered. Instead, she was now a person. No longer faceless food.
"Are you all right?" I asked her after a few more moments had passed, allowing concern to leak into my eyes, hoping that she would see it and trust me. More and more, she was becoming a person to me. There was real fear in Lily's eyes, real worry for physical harm. It was something I was so accustomed to from my own experiences, but it was still strange to see it expressed in her eyes. In a strange way, the fear for what might have happened was actually preventing the possibility of a different event taking place with the same results.
Nearly a minute of silence passed. I was getting more and more worried about Lily, against my better judgement. Did her lack of response mean that she was not all right, that she was just not capable of answering no? Only fifteen years had passed since I left the human world, but it didn't matter. Emotions that average humans experienced were alien to me, and each and every thing they thought confused me. It was a miracle that people had yet to suspect me of being something other than a human.
Then, almost surprising me, Lily nodded. It was obvious that she was trying her best to hide the emotions that confused me so much, but it made no difference. Embarrassment coloured her face bright red, which assured me that she was all right. This was a sign that she had been immersed in something else, some inner thoughts that distracted her. Now, for the matter of returning her to safety. Getting myself out of the building was my first priority, but I still worried for her if one of the almost-fighters was still hanging out in the parking lot. My eyes were as black as coal, since almost two weeks had passed since my last hunting trip. It was becoming more and more tempting to kill her then and there.
Before I had time to think it through, I offered the worst idea I had ever thought of. "Do you want a ride home?" It was a stupid thing to ask of not only her, but of myself. Idiotic, even. Being alone with Lily in a large room like this was one thing, where there was plenty of room to breathe. But in a small, enclosed car? Her blood was smelling more and more appetizing by the moment, and in such a small place, it would be impossible to deny myself the pleasure. There would be no witnesses, no chance of getting caught. Nothing to make me want to stop.
But the question had already been asked, and Lily agreed immediately. Why, oh god why, did vampires have to have such beauty? It would be easy to hunt without it, with the speed and strength, with even our irresistible scent. But no, we just had to attract humans on every level, did we not? Having everyone who set their eyes on me instantly feel as if they love me, it caused so many problems. But this was where it hurt me the most, because this was what caused Lily to get into the car with me.
I brought her to the car quickly, eager to just get her into the car and then back out. On the way, I spotted one of the boys from the fight lounging near one of the buildings—I had yet to learn many of their names—with his eyes fixed intently on Lily. Carefully, I made sure to position myself between him and Lily, so that she wouldn't have to see him. As soon as I opened the passenger's door for her and closed it behind her, I began preparing myself.
I would have to stop breathing, which was possible. That would mean I would not be able to smell her, but I'd still be hyper-aware of how close she was, and that we were alone. The boy having seen us gave me a good reason not to kill her, but it would not protect her from his own impulsive temptation. If I murdered her, Emmett, Rosalie and I would have to move away from Forks. Apart from the inconvenience, I knew that it would hurt my two siblings. Murder by someone with such a memorable face meant not being able to return for many more years, and Emmett and Rosalie both had memories of this place because they had met their sister, Bella. If I slipped up here, I'd hurt them.
I climbed into the driver's seat hesitantly. When I couldn't smell it, her blood appealed less to me, but it didn't stop. My natural instincts still told me to kill her then and there, despite the lack of smell. Lily's scent was still burned into my mind, and I couldn't help but think of it. It was amazing that I hadn't killed the three of them in the Math building, but this was testing my limits much further. It would be a miracle if she made it out of the car alive.
"Where do you live?" I asked, having to risk a breath. The scent wasn't as bad as I had imagined it, but it was still ever so tempting. The fan was on, blowing warm air into the car. Even if it meant that her scent was moving around more now, it also meant that the best part of it was being blown away. This was probably a good test of my strength, and it seemed like I would be able to resist, at least for the time being. However, if I was ever going to do something stupid like this was yet to be decided.
Lily told me, sounding a bit nervous, though she didn't seem aware of it. I hoped that that would be where the conversation ended, and with the speed I was driving at, we'd soon be at her house. Hopefully she'd know enough not to try to strike up conversation with me, because every breath more that I took was putting her in more and more danger.
"So, where's the rest of your family?"
The question surprised me more than anything else, and for a moment I tensed. My family was a sensitive subject, since people snooping in my personal business could only be bad news. Such a question disturbed me, even if it shouldn't have. But in a split second, I realized that it was just paranoia. This was normal behaviour for humans, wasn't it?
"Oh, they're on a camping trip. Emm—Edmond is very fond of them, and Rachel decided that it might be nice to see what he liked so much about them. They're going to be back tonight." I was careful with my words, and cursed myself for almost revealing Emmett's true name. But it didn't seem to bother Lily, and she seemed content that I had answered her question.
"Oh." Lily replied with the sole word. It might have held a note of suspicion, but it was not enough to bother me. Conversing with humans was more difficult than I remembered. I talked to my family, but that was all. Having to explain myself to people who knew nothing about me was difficult to remember how to do, partly due to the fact that I lived with a girl who saw the future and a boy who could read my mind. I would have to become more accustomed to this again; else I'd reveal my true identity before long.
My parents live down in New York," I said, wanting to fill the gap of conversation. "Rachel got engaged to Edmond last year, and since she's over eighteen, she and Edmond decided to buy a little house in Forks and get married next year. I ended up going with them, because they knew my parents wouldn't have much time for me and I'd be all but alone. So I moved in here." I was careful with my words. The true story was much longer and more complicated, but Lily didn't need to know it. All she needed to know was what everyone else believed to be the truth.
"I wish that my parents not having time for me was the reason that I moved here," Lily replied in an instant, unexpectedly. I tried to look over at her eyes, to read her emotions, but they had dropped to the floor. Lily looked like she wanted to take back what she said, wishing that I wouldn't know what she was talking about, but it all made perfect sense. No one was unaware of the reason for Lily's arrival in Forks. The only thing that the residents of Forks seemed to be totally blind of was how much it had hurt Lily.
I stopped the car. Lily's house loomed over the car, but I didn't want her to leave. Lily's hand was on the door in only a few seconds, but I wanted desperately to make her feel better. It made absolutely no sense to me, but I wanted desperately to comfort her, to make sure that she felt better before I left her. I tried my best to smile, but it was difficult. Instead, I tried to comfort her with the only words I could think of. "I'm so sorry." And then she left.
Mindlessly I started the engine again, speeding back to my home. The road was of little importance to me, and I focused on what was going to happen tonight. Emmett and Rosalie would be back soon, and hopefully they would be able to cheer me up. Something about Lily's presence had done something to me. I felt intoxicated, in a way. Nothing had ever made me feel this numb since I'd been alive. Nothing had attracted me like this apart from human blood in so many years.
The house we were staying in was nothing like the house that had once been owned by the Cullens. Because it was only temporary, somewhere where Emmett and Rosalie could hide out away from the rest of the family and where I could continue to train myself in resisting the scent of humans, we hadn't bothered moving back into the large house that had once been called home to the others. Instead, we rented a little house on the edge of town. Somewhere to keep out of the general eye of the public, but still conveniently located.
My speeds were even faster than usual, and so I made it back to my home before ten minutes had passed. The large jeep was already waiting in the driveway, for which I was thankful. If Emmett and Rosalie were home, that meant that I would soon be distracted. They seemed hesitant to leave me alone, which usually bothered me, but did nothing to me now. It was true that I was not all that trustworthy when alone with humans. I had proven as much today, with how close I had come to killing the girl. If Emmett and Rosalie had been there, we would have walked right past the Math building. It might have been wise to listen to their advice.
As soon as I entered the house, I saw Emmett and Rosalie waiting. Each looked impatient, and I suspected that Emmett would have rather been visiting the rest of the Cullens, so that he could wrestle with Jasper. But Rosalie's expression was easier to read, the concern more pronounced. It confused me for only a moment.
Of course, I thought, feeling stupid. Alice would be watching my future, as she always did. Because Emmett and Rosalie had been out hunting with them, they would have known even before I did how close I'd come to killing Lily. And now that Alice was no longer present, they wouldn't have known that I hadn't killed her, after all. Alice rarely carried a cell phone when she went hunting.
"Did you…" Rosalie's voice was soft, understanding. She was someone who I expected least to be understanding, but she didn't look angry. Emmett's slip ups must have inspired her, for the others would have been angry, or annoyed at the very least. Unlike Rosalie's usual attitude, she didn't seem like she was going to be difficult about this. If I killed Lily, it seemed like she'd just pick up what was left of her life in Forks and leave.
"No," I told her. "She's fine."
This was going to be the beginning of a very long night.