"Where are you going?" he asked softly, watching his blonde headed partner toss the clammy white sheets, stuck to their skin from the unbearable humidity, from her slim figure and walk softly towards the door. He'd had his back to her for the better part of the night, neither wanting the heat of the other's body adding to the stifling sweat of summer and he was sure she had believed he was still asleep when she had moved moments before. His thoughts were confirmed as she jumped a little, feet spinning on the cool floorboards of his apartment to make a squeak, as her body turned rigid with the shock of being caught. So surprised was she that he was reminded of the cat that ate to canary story that his mother used to tell and he had to call on all his will to stop the smile breaking across his face at the comparison.
"Home, for clothes" she informed slowly, turning towards him pensively. He could have sworn her voice was softer as she replied to his question, almost as if she was testing the words out to see if he would believe her meagre excuse. He didn't of course, lately he'd surprised himself at the familiarity at which the pair addressed each other; he could read her like a book, as could she to him. Plus she had at least half her wardrobe stuffed in the spare space of his apartment that he could never seem to fill.
Despite this he nodded in acceptance, deciding that she looked to fragile to pick an argument with. He was curious, even a little hurt, that she was keeping something from him, but he knew she wouldn't say a word if he approached it when she was in such a mood as now; the quiet, snappy, reserved manner she had adopted over the past few weeks.
Hours later he sat quietly in his car, listening to the dying notes of the radio echo against the tinted glass of the windows. Across from him an old fashioned wooden sign was swaying gently in the late morning breeze, its rusted hinges creaking in time with his awkward breathing. Dr. James Thomason yada, yada, yada it read. He hadn't been bothered to read the fine print, the title of doctor, the site of his blonde haired partner entering earlier and the offending piece of equipment that lay solitarily in his lap were enough to tell him what was happening.
"Is she going to tell me?" he wondered briefly, his mind still trying to comprehended the long term meaning of his newly found knowledge, instead it had been concentrating on the fact that he had not been informed of it earlier. It was quite possible that she was seeking confirmation for what the tiny object, now on his lap, had already told her, and he would come home tonight to a home cooked, candle lit dinner during which she would (through tears and laughter) tell him of their impending arrival. Yet he knew this would not be the case.
Kate never cooked anything that couldn't be done in the microwave or in less than ten minutes, and the idea of her laughing and crying at the same time while telling him the news was as alien a thought to him as colours where to a blind man.
She's only twenty three he reminded himself angrily, realising for the first time just what this must be doing to her, especially with her ambitions and past hesitations. Dear god how had he managed to get a twenty three year old into such a situation, especially with himself being ten years her senior!
'You're a bastard' he murmured 'You should have ended this when it started, it shouldn't even have started!'
If anyone found out that they were together, well, it wouldn't just be the end of his career and hers had barely begun.
'She won't want this' he thought suddenly, guilt gripping at his inside's like the sticky black tar on the cigarette commercials that made both of them squirm.
"Maybe that's the real reason she's there, to stop this before it begins' he thought with unexpected horror, and his stomach jumped towards his throat, breakfast threatening to make a revisit. Suddenly, sitting outside the doctor's surgery, the positive pregnancy test lying in his lap as Kate decides the fate of their unborn child became too much for him and he jumped at the wheel, spinning it ferociously as his car bolted into life. Before to long he was on the open road, headed towards his beach; the only place he was assured of peace and quiet in a world that had just taken a sudden u-turn; with no intention of heading back.
That fateful morning had proven to be the beginning of the end for the already shaky pair and as he half crouched, half collapsed against the metal railings of the Hammersley's deck for the third time that day he wondered briefly why he had ever let himself go in the first place, those five long years ago.
The storm had passed slightly, the worst of it having gone unnoticed as he tended to Zachary and attempted to clear his foggy mind. Now all that remained was the terrible swell, rolling waves and white tips that battered their way against the ship, slanting the patrol boat on a permanent angle which made the rise and fall of the waves feel all the more dreadful; especially when his stomach was threatening to join the swirling water below. It astounded and scared the hell out of him that this day was turning out to be a replica of the one five years earlier, though whether this one, the day he had learnt of Kate's pregnancy or the day it had all ended was the worst he could not decide. All had left him feeling like the world was closing in on him, and all three days had been a turning point in both he and Kate's lives.
'What unforseen horrors were still waiting for him', he though with dread, praying that (like the storm) the worst had passed. Then again he knew from experience that the aftermath of an event could be as painful as its worst point, and the nagging feeling that had tugged at his heart for the first few weeks of Kate's life aboard the Hammersley had returned, a sure sign that there was still pain to come.
He looked out across the water, night had come early because of the weather and all that could be seen were the reflections of the ships lights, distorted by the waves below. He turned so that his back was leaning solely against the railing, its cold metal supporting him as his tired mind began to slow for the night. He had a sudden desperate need to sleep, and contemplated retiring for the night, skipping the special meal he could smell Chefo cooking for Zachary, spaghetti and meatballs, which would also mean he wouldn't have to face Kate or the baby. He knew it made no sense, but seeing her hold the small child, so safe and warm in her arms, made him long for that feeling himself, the magical moment when he would have held their own child in his arms, looked down at the purpley red, screaming face that he was responsible for, the gorgeous child that he and Kate had created. Seeing this baby, Emily as he had been informed, reminded him of all he had lost and the emotions that stirred wrenched at his insides painfully.
"Sir" came a timid call from somewhere behind him, it was a soft voice, cautious of what was happening but still curious as to what was going on. A female voice, his mind registered and for a fleeting second he was afraid it was Kate, come to seek him out for an explanation. He turned slowly, dreading the consequences of what could eventuate before seeing the brown ponytail of his navigator and physically sighing. The woman before him raised a silent eyebrow in question but he shook the glance off, adopting a professional look of calm and praying it would hold for the next few minutes.
Noticing the shift in her captain once more, he and the second in command had been a swinging pendulum of emotions for the last few hours, Nav glanced down at her feet, suddenly wary of what could happen if he was in a bad mood this time round. His meeting with Kate had obviously left him drained, and she prayed that no tensions would be present between the two.
"The crew were wondering if you were joining us for dinner, Zach was getting a bit restless without you" she informed, watching the man before hers face light up with worry at the mention of the little boy.
"He's fine" she assured hurriedly, smiling to reassure him "I think he just wants a familiar face"
"I'm no more familiar then the rest of you" grimaced the captain, his voice catching in his throat after the struggle he'd had before to simply breathe. He coughed two ragged barks of air that did nothing if worsen the terrible itch as he talked, but at least made it look like he was okay. He'd quickly realised that he'd have to act as if nothing was happening if he was going to survive a meal with the entire crew and Kate, a task which would be made slightly easier now that his attention was on the boy.
"Yes, but you're the first one he connected with, the first face he saw so he associates you with safety" rambled Nav a moment later, her words stringing together in a jumble. A sense of déjà vu washed over her as the troubled look graced Mike's face again, making her nervous and jumpy. For lack of anything to say she turned on her heel, leading the wandering man to the galley where everyone had helped themselves to their meal.
Zach spotted Mike before he saw the boy's blonde tuffs of hair race across the crowded room, giving him barely enough time to react as the small body hurdled into his arms.
"Did you see Emily?" came the small whisper which was heard across the now silent room, each member of the crew focused on the interaction of their usually tough captain and the child in his arms.
"Yes, she's fine" he smiled at Zach before taking a seat in the galley, placing the boy on his lap to face him. The child's face broke into a relieved smile at the news that his little sister was well and a sudden thought brightened his already dancing eyes.
"Can we see her?" he asked excitedly, his quieter demeanour replaced with bouncing animation as he waved his hands about, already relaying a story to Mike that had nothing to do with his request and was barely intelligible to the group of men that were listening.
"Maybe" choked out Mike, his late reply causing a few heads to turn in confusion. "Maybe we can see Emily later" he explained slowly, his voice becoming lost as the usually sounds on the galley boiled over. For the rest of the crew, save Kate and a suspicious Nav, it was a normal night aboard the Hammersley, and nothing was getting in the way of their usual volume. For Mike his mind was a million miles away from the present, the voices echoed in the distance and he could only just make out the weight in his lap which was were Zach sat happily, telling an exciting tale to a grinning ET, Swain and Spider. He felt like he was floating, dreaming maybe, and would never make it back to the life he knew, not now that he had to face what had been hidden for years.
The sickly feeling began to bubble under the surface as he let his mind get the better of him, conjuring up a feeling of dread that wasn't entirely necessary but was still happening regardless.
Zach's red hands, dripping with tomato sauce, were the only thing that brought him back to reality as the boy tugged gently at his shirt, pointing to Buffer as he attention snapped back.
"Yes?" he asked hoarsely, eyeing the man before him with confusion.
"This just came in form NavCom sir" replied Buffer, holding out a warm piece of paper for the captain to read "RO sent me down with it, said it held important information on" he dropped his voice to a whisper as he eyed Zachary "You know who" he whispered.
"You mean the kids?" asked Mike, purposely destroying the cover as he didn't see the point in keeping secrets from children, especially when it could contain important information.
He scammed the page briefly, before sitting back in astonishment, looking towards the clueless four year old in his lap who was playing with a napkin, before reading the paper more thoroughly. In a nutshell it told of two children, Zachary Graham (4 years) and Emily Graham (9 months) who had been kidnapped late last week in Sydney from their father. He had held sole custody of them since their mother had left them locked in a car in the middle of summer outside Coles, this being the last in a string of negligence that had almost resulted in Emily's death. Apparently their mother, Susan Graham, had taken them from their Balmain home and caught the first flight to Darwin before setting of by boat, probably with the hopes of reaching Bali. Their father, Marcus Graham, had been on a mad hunt for the past week, the business man (who had left his wife before Emily's birth) loved his children dearly and the thought of what could happen to them on the open waters with their mother scared him to the bones.
"The father booked in on the last flight to Darwin after NavCom got in touch this evening, so he'll be there when we dock tomorrow" informed Buffer, noting the mixture of astonishment and disgust, tinged with sadness that washed over the captain's worn face.
"Thanks Buff" nodded Mike, looking distractedly down at Zach, the small child with such a story, in a new light. He pulled the little boy tighter to his chest, barely stirring the boy who was talking to ET happily, before grabbing a passing plate of spaghetti and settling down. His stomach finally felt like it could handle food, if only a little and he had a long night ahead of him.