Lily Dwyer
The second day was worse in many ways.
As I recounted it all from my bed after the day was over, it didn't seem possible that it had all been as bad as it had been. But something told me that the misery had been as true as I remembered it to be, that things had really gone as wrong as I had suspected. The simple fact that I was lying on my bed that night, alone in the darkness, was proof enough. Practically everyone at Forks High had offered me some sort of plan for the night, ranging from a tour of Forks to dinner and a movie. I had refused them all.
The day began simply enough, but the issue of Peter and Ethan soon presented itself as quite a problem. Since the high school, not to mention the town, was so small, very few people were not filled with excitement at the prospect of an outsider. Most prominently seemed to be the popular kids, who seemed to take up a great deal of my time. Unfortunately, Peter and Ethan fell into this category. I did my best to avoid them for the most part, but they were all too often a part of the group that followed me around, judging me on my every move.
Problems with my newly acquired friends, if that is what you wish to call them, did not end there. They were beginning to annoy me more and more, and their constant cheery mood was already growing old in the forty-eight hours I had known them. It didn't seem as if any of them were going to be leaving me alone anytime soon, even if I did my best to ignore them. It could become quite an issue.
But the worst day of my day happened in the afternoon, specifically just after lunch. Ryan Hale was the worst part of my day. It should have been insanely uncomfortable around him after everything, and I should have resented the fact that he had seen me in such a state of weakness. That was what the old me would have thought. That was what I should have thought.
Unfortunately, the issue was not how much I disliked Ryan Hale, not how much I discomfort I felt around him. Instead of resenting what he had seen or fearing him for the power he had exhibited over the two boys I had been with a the time, I felt… attracted to him. The feelings were too strong to be normal, bigger than anything I was used to. Perhaps the fact that he had saved me had impacted this, but they still felt stronger than reality. I felt that I owed him more than I had any right to owe anyone.
My mind wandered back to Steve once again. I tried to recall the feelings that had passed through me when I had first felt the attraction to me, the first time I decided that I wanted to date him. My memory might not have been doing them justice, but I remembered nothing of true strength, nothing that could compare to me right now. I had found him attractive, perhaps, and he didn't seem like a half bad person. He was polite, and he would treat me well. His popularity hadn't hurt my desires, either. But those feelings, no matter what had driven them on… They were nothing like those things I felt for Ryan.
There was no real reason for me to like Ryan, no real explanation for the unbearable desire to kiss him in Math. He was nothing more than an outsider in Forks, even if the small town held little interest for me. I'd be better off dating Peter or Ethan, or perhaps a less violent version of one of them. Their popularity could actually do something for me. Both Peter and Ethan would be the type to shield me from the annoying little group of people that followed me around, to ward off the eyes of the ever-hopeful male population of Forks. Ryan would be the type to ignore them and make his feelings less known, giving them hope.
It was stupid to want him so badly, and yet… And yet it was all I could think of.