Not for the first time that night did Nav find herself the mediator between her captain and her second in command. After the meal and a shy but animated tale from Zach to the crew (he'd become an overnight mascot for the Hammersley) she'd realised that Kate had not been present for anything, not until Mike had left to put Zach to bed. Only then did she appear, picking at the food before her whilst rocking a dozing Emily in her arms. She'd let the crew have a hold of the child earlier, and the tired look of relief at letting the bundle go didn't go unnoticed, but her worried glances every few seconds towards the baby after the initial emotions had worn off had led to the undeniable feeling that there was a story that needed to be told, and Nav had made it her mission to find out what it was.
She pushed at the metal door of the cabin she shared with the XO tentatively, and was relieved, if not a little surprised, to see Kate sound asleep in her bunk, a slumbering Emily laying against her chest while a pink bunny rug lay over the pair.
As quietly as she could Nav climbed the ladder to her own bunk, wincing slightly as the bed creaked under the sudden weight of a human being. She hung her head over the edge to see if she had woken either of the people below her but the rise and fall of Kate's chest and a snuffle from Emily informed her that both were still asleep, and would not be waking anytime soon.
Content that everything had panned out okay as no disaster had occurred that she knew of, she allowed herself to lay back slowly, her head hitting the pillow just as the sounds of a small cry came from below. She bolted up in a seated position, wincing once more as the bed let out a heavy groan and another soft cry came from below. She had to strain her ears over the pounding of her heart to assure herself that she had heard it, that she was not hearing things go bump in the night.
"Emily" she breathed out in realisation moments later, reasoning that it was perfectly normal for a young child, especially a baby, to cry out at night. She was probably crying for her father sighed Nav softly, her heart going out to the two children who had been though so much. Mike had informed his crew of Zach and Emily's story after dinner, dropping in just after Kate had departed and Zach had been put down for the night. Everyone had been quite shocked by what had happened. In retrospect they'd seen this happen before, quite recently as well, but the father that had taken his two children hadn't done what Zach and Emily's mother had, plus those children had been older, more apt to handle the conditions on the water. If the Hammersley hadn't found the boat when it had there was no chance the small children would have survived the storm, it was amazing that they had survived as long as they did on the water anyway, with or without their mother.
Also, as pointed out by ET, there was definitely no Susan Graham aboard the sinking boat when they had boarded earlier, and a search party was set to canvas the area at sunrise. To the crews delight they would be joining said search after returning the children to their father, a notion which had delighted all the men who struggled to understand how such small children could be treated such a way.
Once again the Navigator lowered herself to her pillow, relishing the calming feeling of the waves hitting the boat, something which soothed her greatly after a hectic day above. She had almost drifted into a slumber when the cry sounded again, yet this time she knew that a) she wasn't hearing things and b) that it had not been Emily who was crying. This was a woman, someone in a deep sleep whose dreams weren't agreeing with them in the slightest, and who was currently starting to thrash about below.
Enabling some skill that she had picked up tree climbing as a child, Nav swung down the steps of the ladder in record speed, grabbing a waking Emily before she could join in the crying herself. She hushed the child, watching Kate's face distort in pain beside her before she screwed her eyes tight and cried out again, falling back against the pillow once more before the cycle started again. With her heart beating a song against her chest Nav was mildly surprised that Emily fell back to sleep so quickly, her mild disturbance nothing compared to what she had faced obviously.
With no where to place the child Nav negotiated her against her right shoulder, amazing herself at the ease in which she could balance the baby in one arm and shake Kate's own shoulder with the other, praying that the XO was not a heavy or violent sleeper. It took her two more cries of pain and a few mutters of annoyance to finally wake the sleeping woman, her face red and sweating against the sticky sheets.
As she awoke she threw her body forwards with such force it shocked both woman, scaring Nav and erupting a fit of coughs from Kate who was struggling for breathe as it was.
Nav laid a comforting hand against the XO's shoulder, a woman who she had once hated to be around yet now considered one of her closest friends.
"Kate"she called softly, watching the blonde headed woman turn towards her, green eyes starring wide and blank. Suddenly she drew in a deep breathe before collapsing in a heap of shuddering tears, her whole body moving with the force of the struggle to cry and breath at the same time.
"It's over" soothed Nav instinctively, shifting Emily once more so that she could sit on the bed next to Kate and keep her hand on the broken woman before her's shoulder.
Minutes past as the trio sat in silence, one sleeping, one crying and one comforting both.
Finally Kate drew in another great shudder of air, looking up to brush the hair from her face before looking in horror at Nav.
"I'm so sorry" she apologized quickly, jumping back slightly. She blinked a few times before yawning with exhaustion, the sheer terror of the nightmare and its aftermath had left her feeling more drained than the day had, quite a feet considering the emotional rollercoaster than she had endured for the past 10 hours.
"Don't worry about it" replied Nav with a smile, unable to think of anything more to say than that. She'd faced nightmares before, her own and that of her brothers, she'd even soothed people through them, though she'd never encountered one with a friend, especially one so private who tried to be so strong in front of others.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked finally, breaking the silence that had once again enveloped them. Kate looked towards her, anguish and exhaustion evident before her gaze drifted towards Emily slowly, her face softening slightly at the sight of the tiny bundle of pink.
"It has something to do with these children, doesn't it?" guessed Nav, not waiting for an acknowledgment to what she already knew to be true, rather wanting to get it into the open that she knew what was happening and wanted an explanation.
"Yes" nodded Kate finally, the slow motion preceding a sniffle and cough as she cleared her throat. "Not directly, but Zachary and Emily brought it to the surface for both of us" she informed, the cryptic message not going unnoticed by the Navigator.
"Both of you?" she questioned, lowering her voice so as not to disturb both Emily and anyone passing.
"Mike and I" replied Kate slowly, almost smiling as Nav's eyes widened in surprise. Not so much at the mention of their captain, she'd already guessed he was involved, but more the subconscious surprise at hearing Kate refer to him by his first name, something which had never happened before.
"I guess I should explain" sighed Kate before settling cross legged in the bed, spinning to face Nav and Emily who still lay sound asleep.
And so, by the small lamp of the girl's cabin the story was finally told, the full story, as only Kate knew. One that had been 5 years in the making and until now had never been heard.
Meanwhile Mike aimlessly wondered the hallways of his beloved ship, playing over in his mind every passageway and secret door he could remember, which was pretty much them all. He'd felt a sudden sense of longing upon going to bed, which he knew was a result of Zach's sudden appearance and his even sooner departure and he could already tell it was going to be painful watching the boy go; losing another child he had scarcely gotten to know.
This sense of goodbye had also led to the feeling of dread that was coming with the loss of his ship. It was well know throughout the Navy that he was married to his job, and the Hammersley had always been his baby. Suddenly the thought of giving her up seemed impossible, like he was giving away part of his soul with nothing in return but a harsh blow to the heart. What felt like half his life had happened on these decks, in the passageways he now wandered, the cabins and rooms he had occupied for years and for any person, giving up a part of their life was hard, but for a man with not much else it felt like the end of the world. What was awaiting him when his love was retired, another boat? Like a little kid who refuses to give anything different a try he felt like refusing the new Armidale models of Patrol Boat. He didn't want anything else but the Hammersley until the day he died, and though he knew that exhaustion, grief, pain and being stuck in the rain all day was the only reason he felt so strongly this way, and that in the end he would be a man and step up to his new challenges, from where he stood right now the only thing he felt like doing was curling in a ball; or stamping his feet very very loudly.
'It also meant Kate would be leaving' haunted a voice that he swore had not been present before five years ago. It had been silent for a while but ever since she had shown up it had been chattering into overdrive.
"Go away" he murmured in annoyance, not wanting to contemplate that thought just yet. He still wasn't done with being a child about his current situation, and had a few hours of felling sorry for himself left until the sun came up.
He found himself outside his cabin door once more, wandering briefly when his feet had moved to get him there before peeking his head in on Zachary to make sure he was still fast asleep. True to form the four year old had literally crashed at the sight of the bed, falling asleep before his head hit the pillow after a night of busy chattering.
He was still sound asleep hours later and though Mike knew he himself would not be sleeping anytime soon, his exhaustion hastened at the sight of the sleeping child.
"Sleep tight" he murmured quietly before closing the door again, leaning against the cool metal for a moment. His thoughts of dread and sorrow carried on through the night as he continued to wander the passageways, trying to rid himself of the thoughts of Kate leaving him again as he gave up the Hammersley. His whole life was dissolving around him and he could do nothing about it but wander, trying to soak in as much as he could before it all went crashing away.
"Oh my god" murmured Nav, shutting her mouth tightly after the moment of not thinking before glancing up at a grave Kate, her eyes wet with unshed tears at the part of the story she had just told.
"You didn't tell him?" questioned Nav, wondering how someone could keep something that big to themselves. She herself never could though, she reasoned, she'd never been placed in such a situation and therefore chose not to judge Kate, at least not tonight with all that was happening.
"I was 23" was all Kate could muster, words whispered from her mouth softly. It had been harder then she had expected to tell her story, but already she could feel the weight of her knowledge being shared by the woman in front of her.
"What happened after that?" asked Nav suddenly, realising for the first time that Kate had no child that she knew of now. She searched the woman's eyes for any sign of an answer, guilt, sorrow, or pride for a child she had now. But nothing came.
"I lost him" she choked out moments later, the tears finally spilling down her cheeks in great splashes that ricocheted of onto her lap below. They fell like spirals down her face as Nikki tried to understand what that meant, pulling a still sleeping Emily tighter against her subconsciously.
"I was three months pregnant, and I miscarried" explained Kate through tears, drawing in deep breathes as she tried to stop the great sobs racking her body.
Usually she would have been mortified to be crying in front of anybody, but she was so very much exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally, that she couldn't bring herself to care.
"Oh god" murmured Nikki, once more laying a comforting hand on Kate's shoulder though this time she could feel her own tears falling as well, joining the salty, clear droplets from the woman before her.
"Mike never knew?" she asked, though she could already guess the answer.
"No" confirmed Kate with a stern nod, tears still falling though she was felling a little stronger now. It was true that the truth made you stronger she thought bitterly.
"And he never will"