"Snap" yelled Zachary proudly, slapping his small hand on top of the growing pile of cards on Mike's lap.
"You're playing Go Fish silly" reminded Marcus gently, tickling his son who sat squirming on his lap. Mike grinned from his seat on the hospital bed, his left leg outstretched before him and enclosed in plaster. It had been two weeks since the accident and one since the operation on his knee, leaving him with a stiff and sore joint and numerous amounts of pain medication.
"Mike" whined the four year old, pouting slightly and throwing himself on the side of the bed. "Can we pretty please play snap?"
It had amazed the captain at how comfortable the little boy had become around him, even more so that when he had awoken for the first time that amongst the grinning faces of his crew sat a very animated Zachary on ET's lap.
"Only if you don't cheat" he informed the youngster, pointing knowingly at him with a smile "He beat me five times straight yesterday before I realised what was going on"
Marcus grinned in amusement, ruffling his child's hair affectionately so that the boy winced in annoyance. After deciding that to much of the past lay in Sydney, Marcus, whose family resided over seas, had decided to move to Darwin instead, the place where not only was he reunited with his children but had already made some good friends, one of which was currently being beaten hands down at Snap.
"You're a goner mate" he informed, whistling in amusement as Zachary won for the umpteenth time.
"He's looking better" smiled Nikki, watching from the doorway as Mike and Marcus laughed over something Zach had said.
"Hmm. Physically, definitely" agreed Josh. His left hand wandered unconsciously over to Nikki's left elbow, pushing it slightly as they entered the hospital room.
"How you feeling boss man?" asked ET happily, seating himself on the side of the chair Nav had grabbed.
"Better" nodded the captain. He turned to the side slightly so the pair could see the gash healing across his forehead, the pink tissue looking much better then the bruising they had seen days before.
"How's the crew?" he asked in return, hoping no amount of adventure had happened without him.
"Good" smiled Nikki. It had not escaped her notice that the captain wanted nothing more than to be back at sea.
"The X has been captaining diligently, though not as well as you do sir" slipped ET, only realising what he had said when Nav poked him harshly in the side.
"Good to know" Mike managed to say, breathing in deeply to swallow some of the emotion he felt rising.
Not even ET had failed to notice that Kate was the only one to not have visited the captain. Apart from the night of the accident, where Swain had requested her own private visit to his room, the XO had buried herself in work, hardly stopping to breathe whilst the rest of the crew worried about to two commanding officers they could see falling apart.
"You okay sir?" asked Nikki, noticing Mike wince slightly.
"Yeah" he huffed, adjusting his leg slightly, "Just my leg" he grinned wryly.
Marcus, noticing the shift in the atmosphere, announced that he would find the nurse, leaving Zach to stare at Mike as ET and Nav suggested a coffee break as well.
The little boy climbed slowly on to the bed, careful to avoid Mike's leg and other injuries.
"What's up Zach?" asked Mike, smiling forlornly at the frowning child.
"You look sad" replied Zach, burying his head in the blankets beside Mike's shoulder.
"Why haven't you held Emily yet?" he asked suddenly, glancing over at his sleeping sister. He felt Mike's arm stiffen slightly and turned to watch his face, eyeing the man with an innocent gaze of curiosity that would not be settled easily.
"Mate, come here" sighed Mike, pulling the boy as close to him as possible without any pain.
"She won't hurt you" informed Zach, just in case the adult was afraid of the little bundle. "I was afraid of her when she came home with daddy, but she's fine now" he added.
"I'm not afraid of Emily buddy" laughed Mike quietly, musing over the boy's choice of words. Actually he was quite afraid of her he realised, of what holding her would make him feel, just not afraid in the way the little boy meant.
"Zach, do you remember the lady that looked after Emily when we met?" he asked suddenly, wondering why on earth he was trying to explain to a four year old.
"On your boat?" asked the child for clarification. Mike nodded with a small smile "On my boat" he agreed.
"Yes, she hasn't visited you yet, has she" nodded the child.
"Well, I knew her a long time ago" breathed Mike slowly, ignoring the last part of Zach's sentence as he had Kate's lack of appearance as well.
"Kate and I loved each other" he began, trying to explain in a way the boy would understand and startling himself with the truth at the same time, "but she did something to me that hurt me very much" he continued, swallowing heavily. He glanced down at the boy to gauge whether he understood, eyes widening in surprise as the child nodded.
"Did she say sorry?" asked Zach simply.
Mike stayed silent as he watched Zach's head droop sleepily.
"Are you tired mate?" he asked, watching the little head drop. He heard a mumbled response and figuring the discussion was over sighed deeply, wandering why he had thought the little boy might have been able to help him sort out his feelings.
"If she's said sorry than you should forgive her" came a whispered voice from below, startling the captain
"Especially if she loves you"
Minutes later Marcus, ET and Nav returned to the hospital room, watching silently as the nurse adjusted Mike's medication. As she left she smiled at the trio, nodding towards the sleeping captain and boy "They're a very cute pair" she grinned, disappearing out the door.
"He's not doing as well as we'd like to think, is he?" asked ET, resuming the conversation from the hallway.
Marcus dropped his head in agreement, rubbing his own tiring eyes.
"He won't talk about the day or the accident" he agreed. He glanced over at the pair before sighing, deciding it was better to ask than regret it later on.
"This might be nothing, but I noticed he won't go near Emily, hasn't picked her up or anything though he's quite happy to sit with Zach all day"
To confirm his point he raised a hand towards the sleeping captain and the protective arm he had around the shoulders of the little boy.
Seconds past as the room remained silent, the open ended admission leaving ample room for the truth "I shouldn't be telling you this"
Both men turned in surprise towards Nikki, watching her face contort as she struggled between the truth and the promise she had silently made to Kate.
"He and Kate haven't quite been telling us the whole story"
---
"I'm not seeing a counsellor" deadpanned Mike a few days later, glancing around at the crew. He had been surprised to see the majority of the sailors spill through the door to his hospital room that morning, along with Marcus and the kids.
"Sir, with all due respect, we really think you should" pleaded Nikki, grasping her hands together before her.
"All you have to do is see them once or twice, talk through what happened and you'll be out of there before you know it" informed Swain, nodding along in the hopes the captain would agree.
"I'm fine" glared the older man in response, causing the group to sigh collectively.
"I got hit by a car, not a hostage taker or a murder, a car" he continued, building up memento as the annoyance of the last few days bubbled over. "Happens to people all the time and they move on easily. I was hurt physically, not mentally, and the doctor says I can go home any day now"
"What do you mean not mentally" exploded ET, starring hard at the captain whose eyes widened in response. The young man swallowed, realising suddenly that the captain could see straight through him to the truth of the matter.
"Who told you?" he all but growled, sitting up straighter to stare around the room. No on dared move as Mike's heavy breathing filled the small area, packed tightly with nervous bodies all searching for an excuse.
"Me" answered Nikki quietly, meeting the captain's gaze weakly. "She told me though sir"
Mike sat back suddenly, receding into an inner shell created long ago to ward of all thoughts of those months five years ago with her.
"But sir" interrupted Nikki, surprising the people seated around her and the man seated on the bed whose life was slowly unravelling before their eyes "I think it's hurting her just as much as you"
Ice cold eyes meet Nikki's softer gaze as she swallowed nervously, wandering where she was getting the courage to say what she had been thinking for the past few weeks but knowing that either way it had to be heard. Two lives that she held dear where falling apart around her and the only way she knew to save them was to make them realise that the other was dealing with it too.
"She lost the baby as well Mike, and she lost you"
Mike's minds whirled dizzily around inside as he gripped the white sheet tightly.
"She knew" he spat out, starring at the woman across from him. Suddenly the room felt a million miles away and it was just he and Nikki, floating away as his mind compounded with the thoughts she was bringing to the surface.
"She knew about the baby, and didn't say a word to me. No matter how much it may have hurt her to lose us both, she was the one with the choice and she choose not to tell me"
He could hear his heart beat furiously in his chest as his throat turned dry from trying not to yell; tears were blaring at the backs of his eyelids but he beat them back furiously, not daring to let himself fall apart like that in front of the people that were supposed to look to him for leadership.
"Kate may know what its like to lose the people she loves but she'll never know what its like to be betrayed by them"
---
"He's falling apart" sighed Swain, swinging slowly on the child's playground the crew had wandered to after leaving the hospital. Only Marcus, Nikki and Josh had known the truth behind Mike and Kate's past, the reason for their behaviour the day Zach and Emily had been found and the terrible fate of their unborn child. The rest had been shocked by the confession of the man now trembling with tears in his hospital bed.
"What do we do?" asked Buffer, blinking to try and rid himself of the image of the captain, back to the crew as he shut down again. They had left the room quietly after that, silencing a protesting Zach who had tried to climb over to Mike for a hug.
"Someone needs to speak to both of them" nodded Charge, thinking for the first time of the XO's involvement in the scenario.
The rest of the story had been filled in by Marcus, Nikki and ET as the group sat dazed on the grass, the hospital rising formidably to their left while the ocean lapped calmly against the sand to their right.
"Someone professional" agreed Marcus, sitting down on the bench after returning from the car. He glanced around quickly, scanning the group for his son and daughter.
"Where's Zach and Emily?" he asked quickly, voice filled with sudden worry.
His dreams had still been filled with the dread of losing the two once more and the thought of them becoming lost now scared him more then anything.
"They were with you" pointed out ET, standing quickly to scan the park.
"I thought they were with you" stated Marcus, already running around the play area.
"They can't have gone far" reasoned Nikki as the crew set out searching, calling both children's names and praying they had only wandered off, not been taken or worse, reclaimed by their mother.
Susan Graham had been found two days after Mike's accident, clinging to the oars of her dingy and threatening to run if she wasn't reunited with her children. Needless to say she had been taken in to custody and refused access to the kids; but each member of the Hammersley held a piece of the fear now gripping Marcus; that Susan had escaped.
"Wait" halted the man suddenly; slowing as his minds returned an ordered thought "He wanted to see Mike" he muttered, already sprinting towards the hospital.
"Mike" came a small voice from outside the door. The man slowly turned, drawing in a deep, shuddering breathe to calm the emotions raging inside his head.
"Zach" he whispered dryly in reply, scaring the young child.
"You sound hurt" sniffled the little boy, pushing the heavy pram in through the doorway.
"I am Zach" was the only reply he received.
The little boy dawdled at the bedside before unstrapping his sister expertly, struggling to lift her up though and turn towards Mike.
"Emily gives good hugs" he mumbled from between the baby's blanket, holding her as high as he could for Mike to see.
The man gasped slightly as he heard the distressed cry of the baby girl, her little face screwing up in annoyance as Zach struggled under her weight.
Without thinking Mike reached down and took her in his arms, gasping in pain as the sudden movement upset his healing ribs and leg.
His insides turned to jelly as Emily's soft head lay sleepily against the terrified mans chest, squirming slightly before yawning and fluttering her tiny eyelids closed, settling back to sleep as she had been before being rudely awoken by her brother.
Mike watched enchanted as her hand batted against the rough fabric of his shirt, each tiny finger gripping into her fist tightly. He slowly lifted his own gangly finger towards her, burrowing it into her grasp and smiling as she gripped his finger firmly, surprising him with her strength.
He leant back slowly and, gently prying his finger free rested one hand on the fabric of her shirt to rub her back slowly, instinctively lulling the baby back to sleep.
"She's cuddly" breathed out Zach, happy to see Mike's face relax once more.
The man could only nod in agreement, letting the smile he had shunned moments earlier grace his tired face naturally.
His body tingled with the warmth radiating from the small soul snug against him, the rise and fall of her chest barely pressing against his own.
He tried to feel some sort of anger, any feeling of resentment because he had never been given the chance to feel this with his own child, but no feeling came; instead he calmed, breathing in slowly and hugging Zach closer to him.
"Why'd it all go wrong" he mumbled, glancing towards the ceiling. "We could have had this Katie, but we missed out" he mused. For the first time in over five years he let his mind wander towards that of the scared 23 year old who had just found out she'd fallen pregnant to a man 10 years her senior in both age and rank. He remembered his own life at 23; or rather he isolated the few instances when he could have thought himself responsible enough to even contemplate having a child.
"You were so young" he sighed, brushing at Emily's hair subconsciously "we could have done it, but we would have driven each other away within months" he realised suddenly.
"Mike" came the small voice of Zach, startling the man who thought the boy was asleep.
"You still love her a little bit, don't you?" he asked.
Mike drew in a deep breathe, inhaling the warm scent of Zach and Emily.
He nodded.